View Full Version : What to do, what to do...
I feel guilty for burdening everyone with my questions about dealing with family. (I asked earlier about dealing with family when trying to convince them to allow me to walk the AT--and "no" I'm not a minor.)
So--an update--I just recently told my mom and she quickly agreed to let me go. I bought every single item of gear I needed, even buying the food. Now, she's just watched America's Most Wanted, and I'm no longer allowed to go.
I've told her that I realize there are risks, but where aren't there risks?
That I'm doing everything I can to be as safe as I can.
That I'd like to get out and do something.
Any suggestions for better presenting my case to her?
Once again, sorry for ranting. Thanks for any advice beforehand.
If you're not a minor then how can your Mother tell you not to go?
If you want to go and are not dependent on your Mother financially, then this is more your Mother's problem than yours.
4eyedbuzzard
05-17-2008, 22:46
I feel guilty for burdening everyone with my questions about dealing with family. (I asked earlier about dealing with family when trying to convince them to allow me to walk the AT--and "no" I'm not a minor.)...
You say you're not a minor. If so, you are free to make your own decisions in life. You don't need anyone's permission. Nobody needs to "allow" you to do anything. It sounds as though what you want is your family's "blessing"/approval, which simply may not happen. Whatever you decide, you must live with the all the consequences of your decision. Good luck. Have a good hike if you choose to go.
are you taalking about a thru hike, or shorter weekend/week long hikes? How old are you? Why do you need permission?
The first thing you need to do is break your mom’s TV…
I live in Washington, DC and I get asked often "Aren't you afraid of the crime?" Since most of the crime is drug-related and in southeast DC, as long as I stay out of southeast and don't buy drugs I don't have much to worry about.
Guess what...you will most likely be safer walking the AT than you would be staying home, driving in traffic and going to work or school.
The person who killed Meredith is in jail. The man responsible for two separate incidents of murder is dead.
CrumbSnatcher
05-17-2008, 23:35
I feel guilty for burdening everyone with my questions about dealing with family. (I asked earlier about dealing with family when trying to convince them to allow me to walk the AT--and "no" I'm not a minor.)
So--an update--I just recently told my mom and she quickly agreed to let me go. I bought every single item of gear I needed, even buying the food. Now, she's just watched America's Most Wanted, and I'm no longer allowed to go.
I've told her that I realize there are risks, but where aren't there risks?
That I'm doing everything I can to be as safe as I can.
That I'd like to get out and do something.
Any suggestions for better presenting my case to her?
Once again, sorry for ranting. Thanks for any advice beforehand.
TAKE HER WITH YOU...
I live in Washington, DC and I get asked often "Aren't you afraid of the crime?" Since most of the crime is drug-related and in southeast DC, as long as I stay out of southeast and don't buy drugs I don't have much to worry about.
I beg to differ with you, most crime in DC is committed by politicians.
I beg to differ with you, most crime in DC is committed by politicians.
Can't argue with that! LOL
take-a-knee
05-17-2008, 23:47
I beg to differ with you, most crime in DC is committed by politicians.
A most astute observation. Congressmen have a higher rate of felony convictions than does the general public.
are you taalking about a thru hike, or shorter weekend/week long hikes? How old are you? Why do you need permission?
Yes, I'm talking about a thru-hike. I am not a minor. Permission because I'm my mother's daughter no matter how old I am.
A most astute observation. Congressmen have a higher rate of felony convictions than does the general public.
I am guessing you have never been south or east of the Capital Building in D.C.
4eyedbuzzard
05-18-2008, 00:11
Yes, I'm talking about a thru-hike. I am not a minor. Permission because I'm my mother's daughter no matter how old I am.
We all want the approval of those close to us. The flip side is that we all need to support the people we care about in doing what's important to them, even if we may find the perceived risk greater than they do. We should explain why we think something has risks, but support them none-the-less in their desire. The trail is relatively safe, and from a common sense standpoint probably about the same as the places it passes through.
Your mother needs to let go of her adult daughter from a control standpoint. And just because she is your mother does not mean that you must seek her approval on your decisions in life. You are an adult. Tell your mother your decision, ask her to support you or not, and go on your hike.
Yes, I'm talking about a thru-hike. I am not a minor. Permission because I'm my mother's daughter no matter how old I am.
That ain't permission, that would be approval. Just go.
Don't take this the wrong way, but if you regularly attract attention because of your looks, you may want to hide some of that, particularly near road crossings. Take other, normal precautions and you should be fine.
4eyedbuzzard
05-18-2008, 00:13
I am guessing you have never been south or east of the Capital Building in D.C.
LOL. Yeah, not exactly Georgetown or Woodley Park.
Permission because I'm my mother's daughter no matter how old I am.
I don't mean to be harsh, but you don't need your Mother's permission to do this...what you are wanting is approval, which is different.
Don't let your Mother, or anyone else, take your dreams from you.
Don't let your Mother, or anyone else, take your dreams from you.
Yep, at least until you get married. :D
Yep, at least until you get married. :D
Hopefully when you get married you are not killing your dream, but rather sharing them.
Hopefully when you get married you are not killing your dream, but rather sharing them.
Life changes, stuff happens, people who don't grow together, grow apart, yada yada. Just don't snivel.
Don't take this the wrong way, but if you regularly attract attention because of your looks, you may want to hide some of that, particularly near road crossings. Take other, normal precautions and you should be fine.
Don't worry. Looks are not a problem.
Don't worry. Looks are not a problem.
Aww, don't say that. I knew the comment was a no win. Just be careful out there. If your sixth sense tells you something is creepy, it probably is. Be prepared for what you would do just in case.
River Runner
05-18-2008, 01:17
The first thing you need to do is break your mom’s TV…
LOL. There's a lot of truth in that...
It's really difficult to persuade some people that you are safer in the woods than going to the local mall. Perhaps you could buy her some good books written by female thru hikers. It might help her see what a great adventure this could be, and that the risk is very minimal as long as you play it smart.
Bare Bear
05-18-2008, 04:48
Go hike.You will very quickly meet people along the Trail that you like and can hike with them for safety. Take a phone card if you do not have a cell phone. If you have a cell phone take it and a home charger as you will find ample palces to recharge it. Keep it OFF except for a check in to alleviate some of your mom's fears. Several times I have been asked by young women to hike with them for a while so they could dodge guys that made them leery. It must be that Dad look I guess.
Sallie, I answered your other thread on the female forum. Tell your mom I hike solo a lot and have never had a problem. I have always met up with other hikers right away and formed friendships and partnerships on the trail. If you start your hike where the NOBO's are, you'll also hook up quickly with people. Maybe take some mace along to help your mom's peace of mind.
And all three incidents that have happened lately on the trail, the perps were caught. I feel the trail is even safer now.
Waterfall
05-18-2008, 12:30
I am very close to my family and a big part of me would have loved to have their approval when I started planning my thru-hike. But my family? No. I don't think they ever would have approved of such an undertaking for me. They are not outdoor people, and I was a soft-spoken, part-deaf, petite and fragile-looking young woman who had never backpacked in my life at the time. But I saved up the money, I did the research, I bought the gear, I went on a bunch of practice hikes, I set up all the maildrops, etc. When my mom saw me keeping spreadsheets of income, mileage, food requirements, etc., she knew I was serious and agreed to be my maildrop person. She still didn't approve--not by a long shot--but I guess she decided to take the "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" approach.
They were not happy or approving of me thru-hiking, but they really couldn't do anything about it because I was determined. Not because I was being rebellious or "bad" or trying to disrepect them, but because this was something I needed to do, regardless of their opinion. And they understood (I think) that I still loved them and that thru-hiking wasn't some sort of rejection of their love.
By the time I'd made it a few hundred miles on the AT, my parents were still concerned for my health and safety ... but the disapproval had diminished substantially. A couple hundred miles more, and they were both bragging on me--how impressive it was that their petite little 30-year-old daughter was hiking the whole AT from Maine to Georgia. And now, eight years later, they are still proud of me and both agree that thru-hiking the AT was one of the most important things I've ever done for myself, particularly since it led to so many other good things (increased self-esteem and confidence, greater willingness to challenge myself, a hairy bearded hiker husband, helping found the La. Hiking Club, writing and publishing opportunities, wonderful friends ... I could go on ...).
And yes, they were worried that I'd get raped, killed, etc. Or that I would fall off a mountain to my death. But you take risks no matter what you do or where you go. The trail is no different.
I must admit that the recent trail horror stories have caused me some concern. But like others have said, there will be horror stories no matter where you go or what you do. And there are a lot more murders taking place in DC and other populated areas than on the trail.
It may be a hard step to take--to do something your mom doesn't approve of--but this probably won't be the first time that will happen in your adult life. Might as well start learning to do things for yourself now. Sometimes you really are the one who knows what's best for you--not your mom.
Good luck!
paradoxb3
05-18-2008, 12:34
Not to be crude, but sometimes pissing your parents off is just part of it. My dad is strongly against me taking a leave from my job when i hike my thru in 2010. He thinks my life choices are a mistake because they dont fit into his category of "normal." Thats ok though, because i havent been dependent on him for almost 7 years, and i'll be going with or without his support or approval. I do hate that, but i'm not going to let his fear ruin my trip. I think once he realizes what a great thing it is for me, he'll calm down. He's already calmed down some since i've hiked the GA section twice.
glacier48
05-18-2008, 14:53
Are you financially dependent on your Mom or are you doing this trip with no financial assistance from her? That makes her disapproval a unworkable item. It is a very big factor as to whether you listen to her opinion or not.
This weekend I had a good talk with a friend of mine who doesn't want me to leave on my hike, she thinks I will get hurt or die out there. I told her that there were more murders in my home town in one year than in all the history of the AT and then I asked her if she felt ok walking down the side walk with me in my town. She said yes and that turned on a light for her. I also asked her why she wanted to have children. She said she didn't know but it was something that she had always wanted to do and couldn't think of life without them. I explained that this was my opinion of my hike, it was just something I had to do and I couldn't explain why. I told her I wouldn't try to talk her into not having children because it was her dream and I understood the need.I told her that my hike was a need I had and like breathing I had to fill that void that could only be filed by the trail.
I don't know your Mom but I am sure that she loves you. If her love for you is unconditional which it should be, she will love you despite any decision you make. She may not like your decision to hike but hopefully her love for you can overcome her fear. If she is having trouble accepting your hike and trouble supporting you then perhaps she will only understand when you pursue your dreams and she sees how happy it makes you. If you are financially independent and feel you are doing the best thing for yourself by hiking then I say go. Your Mom will either stand by you or you will outgrow her and her opinions. Adults (Moms) aren't always right and they don't always understand. I hope she can understand that your happiness and fulfillment of your dreams is more important than her control issues.
Glacier
Bear Cables
05-19-2008, 10:54
Life changes, stuff happens, people who don't grow together, grow apart, yada yada. Just don't snivel.
First comment...invite mom to meet you at lodgings along the way so she can check you out and see that all is fine as well as share in your adventure. I do understand the mom thing . I worried for a week about my sons as they hike a section of the AT a few summers ago. Totally unfounded I know as they were 20 and 23 as well as Eagle Scount with lots of backpacking experience! Still I'm a MOM.
Second comment... Just because a spouse doesn't "Get" the hiking bug doesn't mean they are unsupportive. My husband tried it but really doesn't like backpacking. Yet he understands my need for it and it totally in support when I go. I think he's proud of me.