The Thread of inappropriate Adds

[sheepdog]

Thread of inappropriate adds
Fellow Wbers I have looked at the response to Backpacker Magazine’s request for help and I am shocked. SHOCKED. The elitism put forth by this noble website is, shall I say shocking???
In order to bring us back to earth I am offering this thread. Tahdaaaaaah!!! The thread of inappropriate adds. Since we will no longer be better than anyone, we can become the true hiker trash we all aspire to be. I start this thread with and add for the White Blaze shelter generator.

The WB Shelter Generator is 15hp, 8600 watts. Forget about gram weenie stoves. You can carry an electric fry pan. This puppy can fire up 3 fry pans, 2 mister coffees, and a microwave oven. Scared of bears. No need the roar of its unmufflered engine will keep the boldest wild creatures away. Skeeters bother you, HA!! The billowing clouds of blue smoke will keep the little buggers away. It has wheels, roll it right over the trail.
With all the modern conveniences no longer will the elite hiker say, “shelters suck.” Buy one today. Tell your friends.
http://image.bizrate.com/resize?sq=60&uid=546088644&mid=106111 (http://www.bizrate.com/rd?t=http%3A%2F%2Fstore.yahoo.com%2Fcgi-bin%2Fclink%3Ftylertool%2BQ8GZWA%2B%2Fportercable1 7.html&mid=106111&cat_id=25000600&prod_id=&pos=0&b_id=17&token_id=7S&lg=0&bamt=8e6fc9110ff780c3&ppr=64ab8d87d7b25367&oid=546088644&atom=8736&sc=&bid_type=0)

[Lone Wolf]

1 d in ads

[sheepdog]

inappropriate was the word that I was concentrating on. know won is purfect, ddamn

[Frolicking Dinosaurs]

Dino's ultimate gram weenie laws:
Hike nekked - it saves grams
Workout before hiking because you need to have the bod in great shape to do suggestion one
Carry no shelter - many will decide to leave the shelter when you hike up all nakie and start setting up :confused:
Rain gear is for weenies - not gram weenies
Shoes must not weigh more than 240 grams - going barefoot is better
Carry only candy bars as food - no stove, pots or pans needed
Since you are already all nakie, use a vapor barrier and an ultralight sleeping bag.
Pad are for weenies. If you must have one - a 3/4 length that is 1/4" thick only and cut it to your shape.

[sheepdog]

Place your inappropriate ads here.
Hurt youself on the trail? Hostile hostels? Terrible hammock accident? Sue them!! Our team of lawyers will get you what you deserve...and then take half.
Call: Dewey Cheatham and Howwe
Lawyers for the real hikers. (although we will take pack sniffers too)

[Mags]

(This thread has the potential to be the best one ever. :) )

[Nearly Normal]

Watch out for the brambles and posion Ivy Dino.

[paradoxb3]

not on topic, but the orig. post is extremely hilarious if you imagine that Rush Limbaugh is saying it.... for some reason i cant explain, that is how i read it. :D

[sheepdog]

(This thread has the potential to be the best one ever. :) )
We need some photo shop guru's. WB dirtbikes, chainsaws....let your imaginations flow

[Dances with Mice]

At work? At home? On the road? Missing the Trail? Now you can feel like you're back in the middle of the forest with...

FLOATEES! Yep, those little bits of leaves, stems, and, and yes, salamander parts that somehow wind up in your water bottle even when you filter! You know you miss them. Now you can enjoy them again with DWM Inane Products Corporation's FLOATEES (TM) water additive.

Just one squirt of FLOATEES into your restaurant water glass and you'll imagine you're scooping water out of a nearly dry mountain creek.

Missing the CDT? Be sure to try our new COW FLOATEES line of water additives.

[Two Speed]

At work? At home? On the road? Missing the Trail? Now you can feel like you're back in the middle of the forest with...

FLOATEES! Yep, those little bits of leaves, stems, and, and yes, salamander parts that somehow wind up in your water bottle even when you filter! You know you miss them. Now you can enjoy them again with DWM Inane Products Corporation's FLOATEES (TM) water additive.

Just one squirt of FLOATEES into your restaurant water glass and you'll imagine you're scooping water out of a nearly dry mountain creek.

Missing the CDT? Be sure to try our new COW FLOATEES line of water additives.Don't ever buy anything from this low rent scum sucking lyin' sack 'o' crap. He promised me a free trial bottle of "Hiker Funk" to go with my order of FLOATEES and FLOATEES (CDT) and never delivered. :mad:

[envirodiver]

The Do it Yourself White Blazer kit.

"Are you tired of the crowds on the AT? Well you can help control them by marking your own white Blazes. Yes, just step off of the trail in any direction, preferably where there is an indication of something that may be a trail (ideas and instructions are included). Just use the included template and white paint and paint your own white blazes to lead them down the path in the oppposite direction. Cover the real white blazes with the included matching tree bark paint and there you have it. The AT all to yourself." Comes complete with rectangular template, 1 can of marking paint and 1 can of tree bark paint."

"You are probably saying this is great but, it has to cost a fortune. Wrong if you order in the next 10 minutes you can get this fabulous offer for the low, low price of $19.95 plus Shipping and Handling ($19.95). That's not all we love hikers so much that if you order in the next 5 minutes we will throw in, at no additional charge, a second can of white marking paint and a can of blue paint (that will show those blue blazers who's their Daddy). We'll also throw in a package of Mouse be Gone to get rid of those pesky mice in all of those empty shelters you will be staying in. You ask is that all...no of course not, we'll also throw in a package of handy paint removal wipes, don't want the evidence all over your hands."

"That's right have shelters to yourself and your dog. Play jokes on your friends and enemies alike. Then sit back, relax, play dumb if anyone asks, and enjoy solitude. Order now, operators are standing by."

[Alligator]

Huge discounts on premeasured GORP. Prepackaged in ziplocks, various weights and blends.

Plain oatmeal by the pound. Ten packs of assorted flavored oatmeal, flavors vary. Sorry, no choice.

Rice, RICE, RICE! Get your rice here!

Pennies on the dollar Ramens.

Mystery dehydrated meals. (Not good for FBC).

Appalachian Butter*-A blend of select PB from the best of the best hiker boxes.
*Does contain peanuts.

These delicious products come from only the finest hostels on the trail. We charge for S&H.

[doggiebag]

Unemployed? Retired? Desperate for attention or approval? Right out of college? Ex-military? Maybe you’re just a card carrying sociopath with too much time on your hands.
Join Whiteblaze NOW! The leading site for Appalachian Trail Enthusiasts. At Whiteblaze you will learn the fine art of flaming, shouting ideas down and the subtle art of passive aggression. It’s all FREE! Find your favorite trail legend and stroke some egos. Create a second account that you could use as your alter ego to launch personal attacks!
Sign up now – it’s all FREE! At Whiteblaze you can be who you want to be – let people know what you really think. Donating members will have the ability to edit their posts for a limited duration. This is a great feature which allows you to change your posts depending on the tide of general opinion. Sign up NOW!

http://gdpit.com/avatars_pictures/animated/gdpit_com_38300598_66.gif

[sheepdog]

http://www.letsloseweightamerica.com/richard_simmons1A.jpg
Richard Simmons hiking with the oldies (no not the frolicking dinos) were talking music here. Hike the AT with you favorite 50's tunes. Limited supply buy now!!!!

[Frolicking Dinosaurs]

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b47/lowcarbscoop/Packloincloth.jpghttp://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b47/lowcarbscoop/Packloincloth2.jpg

[doggiebag]

Are you tired of not getting rides? Maybe you look dangerous. Doing the trail with the dog? At a certain point you will need to get a ride from a random stranger. Studies have shown that a good set of meat puppets increase the likelihood of getting picked up for a ride into town. It doesn’t matter if you’re male or female – strap on these ultra light synthetic double whammies and your odds for a ride instantly shoot up. These Bikini stuffers look authentic under all weather conditions. Buy these snuggle pups today and you won’t get stranded at the side of the road. CALL NOW: 1-800-BRA-BUDD
http://www.whiteblaze.net/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=4281&d=1213286560

[The Cheat]

The Do it Yourself White Blazer kit.

"Are you tired of the crowds on the AT? Well you can help control them by marking your own white Blazes. Yes, just step off of the trail in any direction, preferably where there is an indication of something that may be a trail (ideas and instructions are included). Just use the included template and white paint and paint your own white blazes to lead them down the path in the oppposite direction. "

Make sure you only paint one side of the tree, and lead them back where they came from. Do this just north and just south of the section you are on and you will have a peaceful hike.

[envirodiver]

Make sure you only paint one side of the tree, and lead them back where they came from. Do this just north and just south of the section you are on and you will have a peaceful hike.

Covered in the iedas and instructions book. But, yes that is an important point. For entertainment you could paint the white blazes in a big circle, hide and see how many times they passed you before they caught on that they were walking in a circle (also in the ideas and instructions book).

[The Cheat]

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b47/lowcarbscoop/Packloincloth.jpghttp://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b47/lowcarbscoop/Packloincloth2.jpg

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner. :D

[doggiebag]

Got some major issues? Are you in debt? Maybe you need to lose those stubborn extra pounds? Need to kick a habit?
Are you privileged - had it too easy? Need to get treated like crap?

Well we have the answer for you! The Appalachian foot trail is 2,175 miles of adventure and self-improvement. It’s not just the Great American pilgrimage anymore. Think of it as a self-imposed fat camp or rehab. Say goodbye to that flab or the monkey on your back. It’s all FREE! Do it now! Hike solo – hike with a group. Lose yourself … lose your life: It’s all about how much you’re willing to risk. Act now – before it’s too late. Learn valuable skills in recognizing dangerous situations; meet interesting folks just like you. Get treated like a hobo. Act now and you’ll get the chance to experience life on the other side of the tracks. The time is right - the season ends soon.

http://www.whiteblaze.net/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=4282&d=1213291805
The AT – turning homelessness into an extreme sport for over 70 plus years.

4282

[sheepdog]

http://www.lynchhummer.com/Lynch.logos/LH.imagestrip_12_06.120.jpg
For sale Hummers!!! Yeah baby..worried about a carbon footprint? These babies give you a carbon highway. Worried about global warming, hey they've got AC. Drive through creeks and swamps, be all you can be. Tear up the countryside just because you can.

[Darwin again]

1 d in ads

Two Ss in ass.

[kanga]

Two Ss in ass.

hahahaha! sorry wolf, but that ****'s funny:eek:

[sheepdog]

http://img1.photographersdirect.com/img/11899/pd958951_s.jpg (http://www.photographersdirect.com/buyers/stockphoto.asp?imageid=958951)
Free to good home. Three headed hiker dog. Answers to fido, spot, and fluffy. Loves to hike, The middle one (spot), will accept a collar. Takes turns sleeping so you always have a watch dog awake at night. Loves to poo on the trail and lay in springs. You always have shelter room because one of them will hate most anyone and growl uncontrollably.

[Mags]

http://img1.photographersdirect.com/img/11899/pd958951_s.jpg (http://www.photographersdirect.com/buyers/stockphoto.asp?imageid=958951)
Free to good home. Three headed hiker dog. Answers to fido, spot, and fluffy. Loves to hike, The middle one (spot), will accept a collar. Takes turns sleeping so you always have a watch dog awake at night. Loves to poo on the trail and lay in springs. You always have shelter room because one of them will hate most anyone and growl uncontrollably.

I hear this dog is often spotted on the River Styx. A bit friendlier than the more well known inhabitant?

[MOWGLI]

http://www.lynchhummer.com/Lynch.logos/LH.imagestrip_12_06.120.jpg
For sale Hummers!!! Yeah baby..worried about a carbon footprint? These babies give you a carbon highway. Worried about global warming, hey they've got AC. Drive through creeks and swamps, be all you can be. Tear up the countryside just because you can.


You left out the part about compensating for your teenie weenie. That is VERY important, as it's the #1 reason why men buy a Hummer. :p

[sheepdog]

I hear this dog is often spotted on the River Styx. A bit friendlier than the more well known inhabitant?
At times, but he does have multiple personalities. And at the River Styx taking the ferry is not an option.

[sheepdog]

http://www.whiteblaze.net/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=4282&d=1213291805
The AT – turning homelessness into an extreme sport for over 70 plus years.

4282
:D:D:D......Some pretty funny (and tasteless) ads here. Sweet

[Chance09]

The AT – turning homelessness into an extreme sport for over 70 plus years.


This made me laugh so much I had to write it down.:D

[sonic]

You left out the part about compensating for your teenie weenie. That is VERY important, as it's the #1 reason why men buy a Hummer. :p
http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/basic/rofl.gif (http://www.freesmileys.org)
I'm glad I'm not the only one that thinks that!

[sheepdog]

http://ts3.images.live.com/images/thumbnail.aspx?q=1603858995562&id=b7f181be7dacbfbde6733be75da15189
Are you afraid to go into the woods? Does the thought of a bear on the trail want to make you wet your Columbia hiking shorts with the zipper legs? No need to fear, try the new amazing bear whistle. Scientists have developed a whistle that when sounded causes all bears (black and grizzly) to sit. You can simply stroll by and pat the pesky bruin on the noggin. No guns, no pepper spray, it’s the whistle. Buy one today.

[envirodiver]

You left out the part about compensating for your teenie weenie. That is VERY important, as it's the #1 reason why men buy a Hummer. :p

Trying not to post an inappropriate post, hands want to type words linking the last post to prostitution, trying not to, trying very hard not too...arrgh

[envirodiver]

http://ts3.images.live.com/images/thumbnail.aspx?q=1603858995562&id=b7f181be7dacbfbde6733be75da15189
Are you afraid to go into the woods? Does the thought of a bear on the trail want to make you wet your Columbia hiking shorts with the zipper legs? No need to fear, try the new amazing bear whistle. Scientists have developed a whistle that when sounded causes all bears (black and grizzly) to sit. You can simply stroll by and pat the pesky bruin on the noggin. No guns, no pepper spray, it’s the whistle. Buy one today.

That sounds great...where can I get one?

[sheepdog]

That sounds great...where can I get one?
They should be on the shelves of REI as we speak. Very new and cutting edge. Impress your friends and hiking companions.

[envirodiver]

They should be on the shelves of REI as we speak. Very new and cutting edge. Impress your friends and hiking companions.

I'll check it out. Then head out to the Smokies. Probably will need to lay some food out to attract them and then whistle em right down. Maybe get em to jump through hoops and stuff too.I'll report back and let everyone know how it works.

Thanks

[leeki pole]

Sherpa Slackers

Why carry a pack when you can hire our Sherpas to carry it for you? They will touch all the white blazes, so you don't have to. An experienced chef will prepare three gourmet meals each day for your culinary experience. Who says your wilderness experience must be so extreme?

We will provide a "walking shelter" that will protect you from the elements. No need to fear the occasional rainstorm, we'll keep you dry. Two of our highly trained staff will carry this as well. In addition, a trained weed eater and chain saw sherpa will make sure your trail is clear of any obstructions.

In addition, a mule will be available (at a small extra charge) to help you through those really rugged areas. Sorry, not available in all areas of the trail due to local restrictions.

We are committed to helping you earn that 2,000 miler distinction. Please call us at 1-800-slacker or visit our website at slackersrule.com for more information.

[kanga]

umm, i think you're a day late and a dollar short. i think another company already provides this service. unless you can beat his, i mean THEIR, price?...:-?


Sherpa Slackers

Why carry a pack when you can hire our Sherpas to carry it for you? They will touch all the white blazes, so you don't have to. An experienced chef will prepare three gourmet meals each day for your culinary experience. Who says your wilderness experience must be so extreme?

We will provide a "walking shelter" that will protect you from the elements. No need to fear the occasional rainstorm, we'll keep you dry. Two of our highly trained staff will carry this as well. In addition, a trained weed eater and chain saw sherpa will make sure your trail is clear of any obstructions.

In addition, a mule will be available (at a small extra charge) to help you through those really rugged areas. Sorry, not available in all areas of the trail due to local restrictions.

We are committed to helping you earn that 2,000 miler distinction. Please call us at 1-800-slacker or visit our website at slackersrule.com for more information.

[sheepdog]

Sherpa Slackers

Why carry a pack when you can hire our Sherpas to carry it for you? They will touch all the white blazes, so you don't have to. An experienced chef will prepare three gourmet meals each day for your culinary experience. Who says your wilderness experience must be so extreme?

We will provide a "walking shelter" that will protect you from the elements. No need to fear the occasional rainstorm, we'll keep you dry. Two of our highly trained staff will carry this as well. In addition, a trained weed eater and chain saw sherpa will make sure your trail is clear of any obstructions.

In addition, a mule will be available (at a small extra charge) to help you through those really rugged areas. Sorry, not available in all areas of the trail due to local restrictions.

We are committed to helping you earn that 2,000 miler distinction. Please call us at 1-800-slacker or visit our website at slackersrule.com for more information.
Now we're talking. Can I get sherpas that leave no trace? We must think green you know.

[doggiebag]

Running low on provisions? Maybe you’ve been looking forward to that last piece of peanut brittle to get you through the next 5 miles. What if your hiking partner was too lazy to pack his own snacks? Should you share? NO - YOU SHOULDNT! But do you have what it takes to thoroughly enjoy your snack while your mooching partner starts throwing you some not so casual hints that he wants a little taste. “Hmmm that sure looks good...” Most folks will cave in and give their partner a little. But barring a life or death situation – this is perhaps the worst thing you can do. All you’re doing is enabling a mooch which can probably out hike you due to his lighter pack. Our seminar will address this and other sensitive situations in which the long forgotten art of “watching out for NUMERO UNO” has been replaced by the guilt complex. ACT NOW! We’ll show you the mental tricks to effectively enjoy a snack in front of a sniveling, crying, shell of a man. Sleep well regardless if someone is getting eaten alive by mosquitoes and you’re down to the last splashes of DEET - ENROLL TODAY and we’ll show you other self-preservation techniques as: Ensuring you’re the first one onboard a cramped shuttle. Use your partner as a guinea pig for questionable water supplies or to gauge the friendliness of a biker bar. Act today and we’ll throw in our hand book of field-expedient weapons easily made from the contents of any long-distance backpack. Sign up today. Seats are limited. Call 1-800-ME-FIRST

http://www.whiteblaze.net/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=4287&d=1213373002

4287

[sheepdog]

http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTcwMzI0NDMxM15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwNTczMzYy._V1._ CR209,0,1491,1491_SS90_.jpg (http://www.imdb.com/rg/photos-name/summary/media/rm3208155392/nm0468379)
When a man tries to take your gorp he is the enemy. The enemy deserves no mercy. Is this your teacher doggiebag?
http://us.imdb.com/rg/photos-name/summary/media/rm3208155392/nm0468379

[doggiebag]

http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTcwMzI0NDMxM15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwNTczMzYy._V1._ CR209,0,1491,1491_SS90_.jpg (http://www.imdb.com/rg/photos-name/summary/media/rm3208155392/nm0468379)
When a man tries to take your gorp he is the enemy. The enemy deserves no mercy. Is this your teacher doggiebag?
http://us.imdb.com/rg/photos-name/summary/media/rm3208155392/nm0468379

All philosophy goes out the window after 4 weeks on the trail. It's all down to hobo survival after a spell. Put me in for an order of the "Sit boo boo bear whistle" - please. And I'll send you a copy of the Seminar tapes.

[sheepdog]

All philosophy goes out the window after 4 weeks on the trail. It's all down to hobo survival after a spell. Put me in for an order of the "Sit boo boo bear whistle" - please. And I'll send you a copy of the Seminar tapes.
It sounds like a deal. There is a slight back order on the whistles, it seems they also work on the Chicago Bears. Detroit Lions fans have ordered thousands.:sun

[envirodiver]

It sounds like a deal. There is a slight back order on the whistles, it seems they also work on the Chicago Bears. Detroit Lions fans have ordered thousands.:sun

May work on UCLA also. Probably be a bunch of them at next years NCAA basketball tournament

[Alligator]

Our premium hiking sticks are culled from organically grown Appalachian hardwood forests. We leave the bark intact for that "natural" look. Sized to fit*. As an added bonus, buy two the second is 50% off. Call now at 1-800-SHAFTED.

*cutting fee applies.

[kanga]

Our premium hiking sticks are culled from organically grown Appalachian hardwood forests. We leave the bark intact for that "natural" look. Sized to fit*. As an added bonus, buy two the second is 50% off. Call now at 1-800-SHAFTED.

*cutting fee applies.


haha. you said shafted.

[Rain Man]

You left out the part about compensating for your teenie weenie. That is VERY important, as it's the #1 reason why men buy a Hummer. :p

And ... women?

Rain:sunMan

.

[kanga]

And ... women?

Rain:sunMan

.

are smart enough not to buy hummers.

[envirodiver]

are smart enough not to buy hummers.

Not so my dear Kanga. See them in Brentwood a bunch. It may be a teenie weenie bit of a case of teenie weenie envy.

[kanga]

Not so my dear Kanga. See them in Brentwood a bunch. It may be a teenie weenie bit of a case of teenie weenie envy.
that's so sad. it makes me want to go run over a hummer with my truck.

[RadioFreq]

I'll check it out. Then head out to the Smokies. Probably will need to lay some food out to attract them and then whistle em right down. Maybe get em to jump through hoops and stuff too.I'll report back and let everyone know how it works.

Thanks

Give it a real test....smear your body with butter or lard first. If you survive it would make a great testimonial.

[sheepdog]

that's so sad. it makes me want to go run over a hummer with my truck.
Is your truck a big truck???:-?

[doggiebag]

With nearly 17,000 members in Whiteblaze who should I associate with or plan that weekend adventure? Should I respond to certain individuals postings and ignore others? Studies have shown that if you start interacting with known trolls or asshats you will be ostracized. What’s a newbie to do? We have the solution! Save time! Create a bullet proof ignore list. Avoid really screwed up weekend trips.

Our team of psychologists and ex-FBI profilers have been scanning the posts over the last several years to compile an easy to read report outlining the distinct personality traits that we gleaned based on user postings, photographic evidence and interviews in the field.

We organized the report in groups for easy reference. Is the member you’re planning that weekend trip a: Hippie, Ex-military, Biker reject, Family types, loners, employed/unemployable, crazy ass-hats, dog lovers/haters, vegans/carnivores, hillbillies/yuppies, cyber hikers, still operators, trail-angels, sociopaths, ex-strippers, survivalists, conservatives, animists, atheists, ultra lighters, ultra heavy, hot babes, dogs, GED recipients/MBA graduates, cops, CEOs, felons – it’s all here!

We’ve done all the hard work! No longer will you have to throttle that loud snorer and no longer will you have to worry about getting into altercations due to a socially retarded hiking companion. Avoid that hiker that recently decided to learn how to play the guitar on the trail! If you like to drink – why settle for a whino when you can find a bootlegger! The first 100 callers get a free shower at the Dahlgreen campgrounds north of Harpers Ferry.
ACT NOW!!! Call 1-800-HOT-LIST today.
Offer not available in Canada.

[envirodiver]

Give it a real test....smear your body with butter or lard first. If you survive it would make a great testimonial.

Peanut butter should work

[envirodiver]

that's so sad. it makes me want to go run over a hummer with my truck.

I understand, I think you should do that. Kind of a monster truck sort of thing. Let me know, cause I'd be interested in seeing that.

I saw a bumbersticker on a big dually truck at a trailhead once that said "Silly cowboys...trucks are for girls" was that your's?

[sheepdog]

Nothin like a hiker woman with a monster truck.

[Rockhound]

With all the wonderful advances in digital photography you too can now prove to your friends and family that you hiked the entire AT without ever having to actually set foot on the trail. Just visit wannabe photography and ask for the AT package. You will be shown at the summits of Springer and Kathadin as well as every other peak, gap, shelter, overlook and hostel on the trail. Considering it costs anywhere from $4000 to $10,000 to actually hike the trail, at $1,995.95 the wannabe photography AT package is quite a bargain. Not to mention the $1,000 to $3000 you'll save on gear. It saves time as well. Imagine being able to accomplish in one afternoon what it takes others 4 to 6 months to do. So visit wannabe photography today and ask about our AT/Everest combo.

[sheepdog]

With all the wonderful advances in digital photography you too can now prove to your friends and family that you hiked the entire AT without ever having to actually set foot on the trail. Just visit wannabe photography and ask for the AT package. You will be shown at the summits of Springer and Kathadin as well as every other peak, gap, shelter, overlook and hostel on the trail. Considering it costs anywhere from $4000 to $10,000 to actually hike the trail, at $1,995.95 the wannabe photography AT package is quite a bargain. Not to mention the $1,000 to $3000 you'll save on gear. It saves time as well. Imagine being able to accomplish in one afternoon what it takes others 4 to 6 months to do. So visit wannabe photography today and ask about our AT/Everest combo.
Could you add a pack sniffer option that includes a fake journal on trailjournals?

[Dances with Mice]

Dr. Mice, DWM, specializes in toenail transplants. Call today for a free consultation.

[Jim Adams]

TRAIL TUBBIES
Pack too heavy? Back starting to cramp? Knock that 30 lbs right off your back with the new A.T. Wheelbarrow! Enough options to fit everybody.
adjustable Leki handles.
tub sizes ranging from 2,000ci to 8,000ci.
light weight model comes with silnylon tub, doubles as a hammock.
3 wheel sizes available: 16" "Georgia" size, 12" "Mid Atlantic" size, 26" "Whites and Beyond" size.
NEW "Titanium" model for the gram weenies comes in at an unbelievable 8lbs for just $11,652.00
Order today and get the "TRI STATE DISCOUNT" of $40 in the next 24 hours.

* New SLACKER model comes with it's own pusher!



I got this idea after my neighbor told me that we all had to be crazy to walk that far carrying equipment...he would take a wheelbarrow!

geek

[sheepdog]

Try the latest in high energy, dehydrated dinners; Dolphin and Noodles. The Japanese have long known of the energy and healing properties found in dolphin meat. Since the new dolphin safe tuna, there is a lot more dolphins for us to use. Also for a quick energy snack try dolphin jerky. You’ll flip over flipper snacks, in small bite sized pieces.
Coming soon spotted owl in a pouch. Your friends will wonder whooooo made this great dinner.
Our slogan; If God didn’t want you to eat them, why did he make em out of meat?
Get some today.

[vonfrick]

At times, but he does have multiple personalities. And at the River Styx taking the ferry is not an option.

i plan on fording the Styx

[sheepdog]

i plan on fording the Styx
You will probably walk on the water.

[doggiebag]

Try the latest in high energy, dehydrated dinners; Dolphin and Noodles. The Japanese have long known of the energy and healing properties found in dolphin meat. Since the new dolphin safe tuna, there is a lot more dolphins for us to use. Also for a quick energy snack try dolphin jerky. You’ll flip over flipper snacks, in small bite sized pieces.
Coming soon spotted owl in a pouch. Your friends will wonder whooooo made this great dinner.
Our slogan; If God didn’t want you to eat them, why did he make em out of meat?
Get some today.

I heard the fillet of panda is pretty tasty.

[Jim Adams]

Try the latest in high energy, dehydrated dinners; Dolphin and Noodles. The Japanese have long known of the energy and healing properties found in dolphin meat. Since the new dolphin safe tuna, there is a lot more dolphins for us to use. Also for a quick energy snack try dolphin jerky. You’ll flip over flipper snacks, in small bite sized pieces.
Coming soon spotted owl in a pouch. Your friends will wonder whooooo made this great dinner.
Our slogan; If God didn’t want you to eat them, why did he make em out of meat?
Get some today.

The jerky is INCREDIBLE!....tastes just like Bald Eagle!

geek

[minnesotasmith]

"Tired of getting to a Trail shelter, setting up for the night, and later having a horde of lesser-than-you other "hikers" come intrude upon your rightful solitude (sometimes arriving after dark, even?) Silently and effortlessly convince them to quickly "move on" in their own best interest with our line of legal intruder-repelling gear!

Our product line includes:

1) Labels reading "Guaranteed 100% Beans" in sizes to cover every conceivable food envelope. Just start going through your food in front of other would-be shelter users, and watch the shelter empty back out...

2) Stickers to put on the outside of your backpack that read "Ask me about my grandbabies/kitties/horses", "Pack will be unattended in case of rapture", "DEA 20-year service award", "No no-smoking", "Beer of the Week Club", "Vegan and proud of it", "Vegetarians -- they're what's for dinner", "Democrat/Republican and proud of it", "Lifetime N.O.W. member", "Peace through superior firepower", "On parole", and more!

3) You know those cookstoves that everybody complains about being so noisy? Well, we've taken some of those, and made them even LOUDER! Yep, when the family with young children dares comes into YOUR shelter at 6:00 P.M., and you fire up the RAMJET 9000, you'll soon be all alone, just the way you intended it. (Earplugs sold separately.)

4) Flatulence-in-a-can (self-explanatory).

5) Fake bear tracks/scratches maker. For best results, make sure to point them out to anyone that comes by. When they ask why you're not scared too, just whip out your fake but real-looking Rambo (tm) knife! (sold separately in 10", 14", and the new 19" sizes!)"

Anyone want to see the store at Amicalola start carrying this stuff? :eek:;)

[FFTorched]

Cold, wet nights will no longer be a bummer. Lack of fire starting skills will no longer be a problem with the Camp Fire Starter 8000. This solid piece of government technology will never fail you. Just point collect some wood and put it in a fire pit and point the CFS 8000 and pull the trigger. The government proved their worth in Vietnam at incinerating grass and wood hooches and now you can benefit from it as your personal fire starter. Impress your girlfriend/boyfriend by writing their name in a field. Rid outhouses of wasps with just one spray. Drunk and bored do a fire light show by spraying patterns of flames into air. Get yours now for only 8 easy payments of $19.95.

[doggiebag]

Need to clear out that camp site of pesky boy scouts? Too many hippies getting trippy? Maybe you’re just getting tired of hearing about that beautiful sunset from someone waxing poetic. These little annoyances used to be something you needed to tolerate. Not anymore!

Nothing says outdoor fun than letting loose a pack of our genetically engineered war dogs to secure an area for you and your friends from a safe distance. Our breeders have been working tirelessly with the following hybrids: hyena, wolf, dingo and all the popular “man stopper” breeds to bring you the latest in canine war systems.

No more re-supply issues. Simply release the hounds when you start getting close to a shelter, wait until the screaming dies down and collect your booty. It’s that easy. Take over a shelter! Take over a small village! Work with others to take over entire regions that have a poor communications network to the outside world. The possibilities are endless. No need for shelter etiquette or cleaning up after your dog because there will be no one to complain!

If you ACT NOW – we will send you a complimentary copy of WAR DOG FANCY Magazine.
4291

Caution: Any sign of weakness on your part could have severe consequences when hiking with our products. All war dogs are constantly testing for weakness within the pack structure. All owners should be prepared to sleep at least 12 feet off the ground at all times.

[Rockhound]

Is the dolphin tuna safe?

[Rockhound]

Try the latest in high energy, dehydrated dinners; Dolphin and Noodles. The Japanese have long known of the energy and healing properties found in dolphin meat. Since the new dolphin safe tuna, there is a lot more dolphins for us to use. Also for a quick energy snack try dolphin jerky. You’ll flip over flipper snacks, in small bite sized pieces.
Coming soon spotted owl in a pouch. Your friends will wonder whooooo made this great dinner.
Our slogan; If God didn’t want you to eat them, why did he make em out of meat?
Get some today.
Is the dolphin tuna safe?

[sheepdog]

Is the dolphin tuna safe?
No tunas were harmed while harvesting the dolphins.:)

[sheepdog]

Need to clear out that camp of those pesky boy scouts? Hippies getting trippy? Maybe you’re just getting tired of hearing about that beautiful sunset. These used to be something that you had to tolerate. Not anymore!


If you ACT NOW – we will send you a complimentary copy of WAR DOG FANCY Magazine.
4291

Caution: Any sign of weakness on your part could have severe consequences when hiking with our products. All war dogs are constantly testing for weakness within the pack structure. All owners should be prepared to sleep at least 12 feet off the ground at all times.
I'll take two, as long as the bear whistle makes them sit down.

[kayak karl]

So you purchased a Satellite Personal gl "O" bal Tracker. You got it to give your family piece of mind, let them know where you are and you are OK. Well that is a great thought, but we know what you are thinking. How can I slip into town for a night or two of FUN:D?

That's where we come in. SPOT-NOT For a small fee we will meet you at a location on the trail, take your SPOT an continue your hike. If you get lost often, so will we. If you break often , so will we. After your FUN meet your "drone tracker" up the trail and nobody will be the wiser.

Call us at 24/7 @ 1-800-SPOTNOT

And remember our moto, "What happens on the AT, Stays on the AT"

P.S. We have job openings for DRONES. (Trolls need not apply)

[doggiebag]

So you purchased a Satellite Personal gl "O" bal Tracker. You got it to give your family piece of mind, let them know where you are and you are OK. Well that is a great thought, but we know what you are thinking. How can I slip into town for a night or two of FUN:D?

That's where we come in. SPOT-NOT For a small fee we will meet you at a location on the trail, take your SPOT an continue your hike. If you get lost often, so will we. If you break often , so will we. After your FUN meet your "drone tracker" up the trail and nobody will be the wiser.

Call us at 24/7 @ 1-800-SPOTNOT

And remember our moto, "What happens on the AT, Stays on the AT"

P.S. We have job openings for DRONES. (Trolls need not apply)


Nice business model Kayak ... though it has holes. It seems like your primary product is maintaining the "client's image". In a perfect scenario - the client has a good time, meets up with the hiking drone to pick up the spot device and everyone goes on their merry way. What about contingency issues? What if your client get's arrested in town doing unspeakable things involving a carnival worker and a gerbil? How do you clean up that mess?

[veteran]

Is your truck a big truck???:-?

A Big Truck to carry gear:

[RadioFreq]

Tired of all these fake WB ads that start out asking you if you're tired with something?
Well, then.....Oh, wait........

[kayak karl]

What if your client get's arrested in town doing unspeakable things involving a carnival worker and a gerbil? How do you clean up that mess?
Rarely would you get arrested with Carnies' . you just wake up broke, naked, tied to the bleachers saying "NO" to Krusty the Clown.

BUT, we get the money up front, if you no show we throw the SPOT on the first turnip truck that goes by. UNLESS you signed up for the delux service. It's not Cheap:eek:

P.S. Was it one of our LoJack'ed Gerbils? We also do divorce cases.:D

[StarLyte]

Sheepdog......it's good to know that your drinking water comes from Lake Michigan, which spills into Lake Erie, which means ANY FRIGGIN MINUTE NOW I'm going to be drinking what YOU'RE DRINKING !!! Yeah!!!!!:banana

[sheepdog]

Sheepdog......it's good to know that your drinking water comes from Lake Michigan, which spills into Lake Erie, which means ANY FRIGGIN MINUTE NOW I'm going to be drinking what YOU'RE DRINKING !!! Yeah!!!!!:banana
Watch out for the tidal waves. We are flooding big time. Rain Rain and more rain...bigtime water heading south.

[Feral Bill]

I heard the fillet of panda is pretty tasty.
Get it here!
http://www.pandaexpress.com/

[doggiebag]

Speaking about Pandas - I found a link to a Panda exhibit that didn't turn out too well. It was poorly planned by the Chicago Shedd Aquarium. (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/42372)

[kanga]

Is your truck a big truck???:-?
a very big truck:eek:

[kanga]

I understand, I think you should do that. Kind of a monster truck sort of thing. Let me know, cause I'd be interested in seeing that.

I saw a bumbersticker on a big dually truck at a trailhead once that said "Silly cowboys...trucks are for girls" was that your's?

no but that's funny. i want a sticker like that.

[Jim Adams]

no but that's funny. i want a sticker like that.

Kanga,
I have a friend with the same sticker on her truck....I'll find out where she got it.

geek

[sheepdog]

Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.

Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.

Great Dames for sale.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

We build bodies that last a lifetime.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Man, honest. Will take anything.

Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.

UsedCars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

[IceAge]

"Tired of getting to a Trail shelter, setting up for the night, and later having a horde of lesser-than-you other "hikers" come intrude upon your rightful solitude (sometimes arriving after dark, even?) Silently and effortlessly convince them to quickly "move on" in their own best interest with our line of legal intruder-repelling gear!

Our product line includes:

1) Labels reading "Guaranteed 100% Beans" in sizes to cover every conceivable food envelope. Just start going through your food in front of other would-be shelter users, and watch the shelter empty back out...



NEW! From the makers of "100% Beans", an expanded line-up of frightening stickers to place on the outside of your freeze-dried meals!

In addition to "100% Beans", you may now choose from labels that read
- "Dehydrated Sauerkraut"
- "Limburger and Lutefisk Casserole"
- "Triple-Garlic Broccoli and Beans"
- and "Kimchi Surprise"!

Leave a couple of Mountain House packages with our special lookalike labels next to your pack and enjoy a peaceful evening alone!

*Note - We are not responsible for any trail names you may acquire

[tlbj6142]

Avoid that hiker that recently decided to learn how to play the guitar on the trail!Funny! Nothin' worst then listen to some idiot play guitar in the woods. Especially if they try to sing along while playing.

[sheepdog]

Funny! Nothin' worst then listen to some idiot play guitar in the woods. Especially if they try to sing along while playing.
For sale, Nearly new guitar, only thrown out of the shelter a few times. Packs well and doubles as a hiking staff.

[Wise Old Owl]

SheepDog way way ....way too much time on your hands ...when do you hike????

[atraildreamer]

Watch out for the brambles and posion Ivy Dino.

...and don't fry bacon...:eek:

[minnesotasmith]

Ice Age's #86 is one of the funniest humor posts I've ever seen on WhiteBlaze.

Another idea...

"Don't want to have to get off the AT for more supplies? We'll airdrop them to you! Either we can drop them for you at predetermined points and times, or for an extra fee, our daring pilots (former Alaska bush pilots) will buzz the Trail at low altitudes looking for you! We'll even drop you water (in too-heavy-to carry nonbiodegradable metal or glass containers) so you don't have to go fetch and treat your own! Cold beer by the case also optional! 10% off for drops in the GSNP, Whites, 100 Mile Wilderness, and at Gov. Clement/Applehouse Shelters!"

[minnesotasmith]

New supermarket opens near the AT...
"It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder
and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing
and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of
charcoal grilled steaks with onions.

When you approach the egg case, you hear
hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with
the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalizing aroma
of fresh baked bread and cookies.

Don't forget to check out our toilet paper aisle!" :eek:;)

[Wise Old Owl]

NEW! From the makers of "100% Beans", an expanded line-up of frightening stickers to place on the outside of your freeze-dried meals!

In addition to "100% Beans", you may now choose from labels that read
- "Dehydrated Sauerkraut"
- "Limburger and Lutefisk Casserole"
- "Triple-Garlic Broccoli and Beans"
- and "Kimchi Surprise"!

Leave a couple of Mountain House packages with our special lookalike labels next to your pack and enjoy a peaceful evening alone!

*Note - We are not responsible for any trail names you may acquire


I cocur MS ... That is one of the well thought out best post on WB!

[sheepdog]

SheepDog way way ....way too much time on your hands ...when do you hike????
There is now no need to hike...contact hikermagic dot com. Just send us a couple digital photos of yourself and we do the rest. We will put your face in senic photos, sign your trail name in trail logs (along with quotes from John Muir), make false trail journals, we do it all. No longer will you have to put up with being called a pack sniffer. You will now have proof of all your bogus hikes.

[Captn]

Act now you AT hiking studs ... supplies are limited.

For a short time only Packsniffer AT outfitters tm. are offering a genuine pair of AT trail town made, 100% authentic Wisconsin worsted wool, handmade Indian hiking thongs.

Be the first on the trail this season to "Sun your Buns" while protecting those sensitive areas from bugs and trail nasties.

The male version has an extended pouch to contain those extra large male parts that one needs to provide the testosterone to hike the AT.

The female version is cut slightly lower to show off that AT trail town bikini wax that is so popular with the hiking ladies out there this year.

How much would you pay for something so stylish, so functional, and so practical? $100? $200, or even $300?

No .... if you act now you can buy your pair of Genuine wool hiker thongs for only $19.95.

But wait, there's more .... if you order within the next 5 minutes you'll receive your very own supply of anti-chafing lotion specially formulated to add that special shine to your new thong.

So act quickly ... supplies are limited.

Call 1-800-sucka, operators are standing by.

[sheepdog]

OK so all of your alcohol stove experiments haven't gone so well. Tired of your spouse complaining about a few burn marks on the counter top? Tired of your so called friends mocking your burns and missing eyebrow? No longer!!!

It's the oops eraser. The complete kit to handle all of your flammable stovie mistakes. It comes with:
Oops ointment able to treat up to 3rd degree burns.
Oops eyebrow pencil to replace that lost eyebrow, half mustache, or embarassing bald batch in your beard.
Oops foundation to hide facial burns(comes in all skin tones from cocoa brown to critically caucasion).
Oops counter top restorer.
Oops ceramic touch up paint for the range top.
Oops air freshener (hides the smell of burned hair and skin)
Oops opthomology eye wash (get all those aluminum scraps out of your eye).
All ointments, creams and sprays come in aluminum cans suitable to make more stoves.
Don't let the mispelling and gramatical errors fool you. This is a quality product. $19.95 order now.
The Oops Eraser is not currently endorsed by the AMA or oops56

[Bare Bear]

You asked for it....we did it!
The Ultimate Trail Chainsaw. Six inches long, 2800 rpm, roars like the Big Stihls the men use. Weighs less than your filter.
Think of the excitement when you crank this baby up at the shelter, especially if you are coming in late at night. Especially if you catch Lone Wolf anywhere near a shelter!