View Full Version : Sad/Angry/Frustrated with hiking partners
oreotragus
07-11-2008, 15:54
Hey ladies (and guys).
I returned this morning from a 5-day camping/field trip with my fellow Wildlife students (I go to ABAC in GA for Wildlife Management). This trip was to Lake Burton in north GA, where we help out the DNR personnel there with stream shocking, stream restoration, and bear census routes. I was assigned to 2 bear routes on Wednesday and Thursday. The first route was on the AT, from Hogpen to Unicoi Gap (so if you see orange marking tape on a tree, don't remove it, it's there to tell the rangers where their stations are along the trail).
Anyway. The second route was about 7 miles... with no trail. Complete bushwhacking straight up and straight down mountains... the ranger guide we were with had never done that route before, so we got lost for about 2 hours and finally managed to find our way to a logging road to be picked up. I stepped on 2 nails not long ago and my foot is still healing up, so I was going slower than the rest of the group (4 guys, 2 girls). I was having a pretty hard time (the ranger had no idea of the difficulty of the route) and some of the descents were steep enough to terrify me into picking my way down very slowly.
One of the guys, Adam, was very helpful to me and made sure I got along ok because he knew I was having a harder time than the rest. I praised him the rest of the day. Then that night I overheard Adam talking to another student by his tent, about 30 feet away from mine. He was talking about how slow and weak I was on the trip, how scared I was of falling, and how he was glad I came along because it let him take more breaks. I quote, "I mean, this is the f***ing Wildlife program!" After he said that, I called him name and yelled that I was hearing him. I said nothing else to him the rest of the night or today on the 5 hour ride home.
I have been crying a lot over it. I think that's really ****ty to act like my friend the whole week and help me on the route, then talk about me later. What hurts me is that I was trying my hardest out there. I wasn't slacking. I have a bad foot. I was having a great trip in the mountains until that.
Any thoughts? :(
adam is a very insecure person
Hey ladies (and guys).
I returned this morning from a 5-day camping/field trip with my fellow Wildlife students (I go to ABAC in GA for Wildlife Management). This trip was to Lake Burton in north GA, where we help out the DNR personnel there with stream shocking, stream restoration, and bear census routes. I was assigned to 2 bear routes on Wednesday and Thursday. The first route was on the AT, from Hogpen to Unicoi Gap (so if you see orange marking tape on a tree, don't remove it, it's there to tell the rangers where their stations are along the trail).
Anyway. The second route was about 7 miles... with no trail. Complete bushwhacking straight up and straight down mountains... the ranger guide we were with had never done that route before, so we got lost for about 2 hours and finally managed to find our way to a logging road to be picked up. I stepped on 2 nails not long ago and my foot is still healing up, so I was going slower than the rest of the group (4 guys, 2 girls). I was having a pretty hard time (the ranger had no idea of the difficulty of the route) and some of the descents were steep enough to terrify me into picking my way down very slowly.
One of the guys, Adam, was very helpful to me and made sure I got along ok because he knew I was having a harder time than the rest. I praised him the rest of the day. Then that night I overheard Adam talking to another student by his tent, about 30 feet away from mine. He was talking about how slow and weak I was on the trip, how scared I was of falling, and how he was glad I came along because it let him take more breaks. I quote, "I mean, this is the f***ing Wildlife program!" After he said that, I called him name and yelled that I was hearing him. I said nothing else to him the rest of the night or today on the 5 hour ride home.
I have been crying a lot over it. I think that's really ****ty to act like my friend the whole week and help me on the route, then talk about me later. What hurts me is that I was trying my hardest out there. I wasn't slacking. I have a bad foot. I was having a great trip in the mountains until that.
Any thoughts? :(
oh, girl. men can be foolish, foolish creatures sometimes. the reality of the situation is probably this:
he was also having a difficult time and while using you as an excuse to not keep the pace of the other guys, he was also having quite a good time helping out a damsel in (minor) distress, both of which allowed him to still feel quite the man.
however, back at the "locker room", he could not appear the puss, and so he put you down to make himself look better in front of others, essentially using you as the excuse for his own inadequacies (sp?).
i know that it hurt your feelings and i'm sorry that it did, but really you shouldn't brood about it. he sounds like an immature ass. consider your own achievements (hiking difficult terrain with a FOOT injury of all things) and be proud of what you did, regardless of how childish your partner decided to be.
don't worry, in 10 years when you're faced with a situation such as this, you'll laugh at the guy and maybe bonk him in the head with a soda bottle.
Toolshed
07-11-2008, 16:16
If my foot was still healing up, I probably would have passed on the 7 mile 'whack.
envirodiver
07-11-2008, 16:18
What Kanga said. I think she nailed him. Guys that age are very insecurew for the most part. So many act big and tough to overshadow that insecurity.
Focus on the good part of the week. Sounds like you did some real cool stuff and maybe even use it for motivation to get back out and hike, get over fears (which we all have), etc.
If you want to hike you can find oodles of people on here that will go w/ you.
Overall let it roll off your back.
gold bond
07-11-2008, 16:26
"The sun don't shine up the same dogs but all the time".... That being said, don't let it bother you. I've been there! I have had my share of bad days on trail and if everyone is honest they would say the same thing. I wish I could hike full steam ahead everytime I go out but it ain't a gonna happen. Just know this.....the next time you guys go out and I ain't wishing bad on no one, you will probably do better than him! Just don't let him take your mind out of the game!
Old Hillwalker
07-11-2008, 16:37
All men are a$$holes. I know I'm one too.
auburnbreeze
07-11-2008, 16:43
A male friend once told me "all men are pigs, at different times and to different degrees but essentually all men are pigs."
Don't sweat it. Don't cry anymore. Its not worth it! You had a great time and you can't let what someone else said or thinks ruin your hike.
too bad i wasn't there, I would have been the slow one. 7 miles bushwaking. damn. you did good.
clodhopper
07-11-2008, 17:30
You might find it useful to use this person's asinine comments for motivation. Once your foot heals, maybe try to spend more time in the woods or working on those skills and abilities that you will need for wildlife management.
Just a thought.
leeki pole
07-11-2008, 17:55
Don't sweat it. You did better than 99.9% of Americans could do and injured at that. I'll agree, men (if you could call him that) can be real jerks sometimes, I know I have been. You done good.
Blissful
07-11-2008, 19:47
Hats off for giving it your all. But like the other poster mentioned, I might have waited until your foot did heal so you don't do more damage to it. So take it easy for now, heal up, and get ready to go out there again to hike your own hike! :)
Doesn't sound like much of a man to me if he has to push off his own insecurities on someone who is injured. Why would you ever waste tears on some jerk like that? I'm sure I'll get censored if I use a more appropriate word for him. Pretty much a standard case of someone being two-faced and not worth your time.
Just heal up and make a fool of him the next time you're out.
oreotragus
07-11-2008, 20:27
Thanks for everyone's replies. As for skipping the route, not really an option since it was a school trip, and plus the ranger AND my professor (who attended our group) had no idea of the difficulty. It was a first-time route for both of them (hence getting lost for 2 hours).
Christus Cowboy
07-11-2008, 20:36
I find this post to be quite saddening. So often I find that many of my younger counterparts (and some older men) have no concept when it comes to the tenets of being a gentleman and the time honored conventions of chivilary. Fair or not, an act of kindness which turns out to be nothing more than a cheap cover for betrayal diminishes the view that many women have of men on the trail. The only comfort that I could extend in such cases is to inform Oreo that such actions are better attributable to a boy who thinks that authenticate manhood is achieved at the expense of others. What I find so unfortunate is that Oreo's next encounter with kindness from a young man will be justifiably stained with suspicion and skepticism. While I wish I could convey my sentiments directly to this misdirected youth, I guess this post will have to suffice.
Dances with Mice
07-11-2008, 20:39
Wow, Sly, 10000+ posts. That's really impressive. You must spend a whoooooooooole lot of time here posting meaningful, helpful, insightful comments like that. Sky, you're kind of missing Sly's point. Oreo wasn't hurt because it was a guy who said what he said, she was hurt because she was betrayed by someone she thought was a friend. Oreo would have hurt just as much if those words had come from the mouth of another girl.
Betrayal sucks.
Sky, you're kind of missing Sly's point.
Thanks DWM. Most people do.
oldfivetango
07-12-2008, 08:31
Did that jerk realize you had an injury?
If so,he is a bigger jerk than one originally think.
Don't get angry-get even.
Maybe next outing you can show him up?
One thing to always remember is that you should simply
ignore hurtful comments from people who are nothing special
to you.Old saying"you only hurt the ones you love" has a flip
side that "you are only hurt by the ones you love."
It makes the skin alot tougher.
Oldfivetango
Odd Thomas
07-12-2008, 08:34
Illegitimi non carborundum :sun
WalkingStick75
07-12-2008, 08:48
why all the male bashing?
I agree, EVERYONE, male or female does or says stupid things.
Oreotragus, don't worry about it. Everyone hikes at there own pace and within there own limits you only get hurt when you try to go faster then what you are comfortable with. When I hiked with my wife and kids I was always the last in line on the trail so we hiked at the slowest persons pace. IMO, the ranger should have been bringing up the rear also.
I think she put this on the female forum for a reason... but then again when has that ever stopped the guys??
As for the subject at hand. Adam was probably talking crap because he was feeling weak himself. He was helping you because he wasn't doing that much better. If he too is in his early twenties he is probably insecure and needs to feed the ego. Don't sweat it and for heaven's sake don't cry over it!!
You will learn that life is too short to cry over men that don't care a bit about you. Buck up and be strong girl!! I know it hurt and was probably embarassing but you did your best and that's all you can do. Take care of your foot and let it get completely well before going out again.
Good luck with your program.
Lillianp
07-12-2008, 10:35
Good for you for giving it your all! Really, all the replies before me say it all, but, even if it was required, it took guts to really keep going with that injury! :-D
Most young men don't have a strong sense of who they are and what they stand for, to be able to navigate between the locker room and their softer side. Unfortunately, that usually occurs after the bald spot starts developing, graying beard, and the addition of the front porch.
Next time, take him aside privately and calmly tell him you heard what he said and that you didn't appreciate the knife in the back. I think you may have a better outcome.
For now the only thing you can do is; suck it up, heal up, then work out like mad, and next time spank his butt.
Nothing is better then a tiny dish of payback.
It’s hard to not take this as a personal attack, but it’s likely this person would find fault with a lot of people and thus complain to others in almost any setting and about anyone he interacts with.
The only thing you can do is to not go out with him again. We never really know others till they are put to a test (everyone is nice when things are all pleasant and sunny) and this guy failed the test of what a friend should be. The fault is with him, not you. I’m sure he would have complained about me if I hiked with him as I go slower. I was in a motorcycle accident years ago and broke both knees, I hike slower watching my step more then most people.
Sorry for posting here (I’m a guy) I did not see that it’s a ladies only post till after I posted my post above. It does say “Hey ladies (and guys)” in the first post. I won’t be bothered at all if my post is removed.
Sorry, didn't notice that this was the womens forum.
I plead temporary insanity.......
Christus Cowboy
07-12-2008, 13:14
Sorry for posting here (I’m a guy) I did not see that it’s a ladies only post till after I posted my post above. It does say “Hey ladies (and guys)” in the first post. I won’t be bothered at all if my post is removed.
I would like to also offer my apologies for posting here as well (I'm a guy). I didn't realize that I was on a thread where I didn't belong but I felt compelled to post without realizing where I was at. You may delete my post if you find it necessary.
Sleeps_With_Skunks
07-22-2008, 17:38
Being a slow hiker is nothing to be ashamed or discouraged about. Let them talk about me. I hike my hike at my pace. And if someone wants to make fun of helping me later.....their loss. I have other friends that aren't like that. I tell my hubby (Bearpaw) if he doesn't like my pace walk ahead of me. Which he does and if I have a problem or I lose sight of him I hike faster until I can see him or I attempt to toot on the emergency whistle. As I tell him...I'll get there sooner or later. My average pace is about 2 mph without bushwacking or climbing (level walking)....we won't even discuss the pace up or down "hills".
dixicritter
07-22-2008, 18:07
I'm a pretty slow hiker too. I know I drive Rock nuts because he has to REALLY cut his pace to keep from killing me when we go out together...LOL. Sometimes he'll take off with Creekhopper and let Deadman Walking hang back with me just so he can really cut loose and actually hike normally. Hey whatever works I say. :)
take-a-knee
07-22-2008, 18:14
This should help:
www.crossfit.com (http://www.crossfit.com)
Don't be intimidated by the workouts, no one can do them at first. MMA fighters are trashed by them for several months when they start, they are still trashing me, but I get stronger and faster every month.
Go to the FAQ and read through them, take note of the Brand X scaled workouts. This time next year you won't have any trouble keeping up and you'll likely be able to do more pullups than most guys you know.
This should help:
www.crossfit.com (http://www.crossfit.com)
Don't be intimidated by the workouts, no one can do them at first. MMA fighters are trashed by them for several months when they start, they are still trashing me, but I get stronger and faster every month.
Go to the FAQ and read through them, take note of the Brand X scaled workouts. This time next year you won't have any trouble keeping up and you'll likely be able to do more pullups than most guys you know.
Do you work for this outfit or something?? How many times do we need to see these posts about Crossfit??
Maybe some people are okay with being slow. I liked being forced to slow down sometimes. It reminds that I'm out there to observe and enjoy nature. If I'm interested in speed, I'll go for a trail run.
take-a-knee
07-23-2008, 08:18
Do you work for this outfit or something?? How many times do we need to see these posts about Crossfit??
Maybe some people are okay with being slow. I liked being forced to slow down sometimes. It reminds that I'm out there to observe and enjoy nature. If I'm interested in speed, I'll go for a trail run.
No, I don't work for Crossfit, I've found out that not only does it work, it is far less time consuming that your normal BS workout routine that most (or at least most who exercise, most dont', including WB'ers). What reason do most give for not exercising?
Oreo obviously is a young college student who has chosen a career path that she may encounter a lot of physical difficulty accomplishing. This need not be the case.
I really don't give a rat's a$$ how fast you like to hike Luci, if you have the option to slow down, that means you have the fitness to burn up the trail if you like, I'd like for Oreo to have that option. Fat/lazy people are like drunks, they want you to join them in their misery. Who's side are you on?
Lillianp
07-23-2008, 08:51
3rd time's the charm! (I accidentally quit out of explorer twice.) In any case, Oreotragus, I agree with Dixicritter-without an injury, I'm usually the last of the group. When I'm hiking with family one of my parents usually hikes with me while the rest of them hike faster than I do. When I backpack with friends, I'm usually 100-200 feet behind or out of sight but not out of hearing range.
I'd hate having a guy stay back with me and then do that to me later. I'd rather hike on my own than deal with that. So I'm sorry it had to happen!
dixicritter
07-23-2008, 10:20
Take-a-knee, this is the female forum... how about moving along elsewhere with the rude comments please.
Hello all, I apologize for the brief intrusion, but I think one of the best articles about fitness and physical prep in terms of hiking is found right here on WB:
http://www.whiteblaze.net/forum/showthread.php?p=184425#post184425
Well worth looking at.
I'm leaving now. :)
dixicritter
07-23-2008, 11:27
Hello all, I apologize for the brief intrusion, but I think one of the best articles about fitness and physical prep in terms of hiking is found right here on WB:
http://www.whiteblaze.net/forum/showthread.php?p=184425#post184425
Well worth looking at.
I'm leaving now. :)
That's good advice... Thanks for the link Mags! :)
take-a-knee
07-23-2008, 11:33
Take-a-knee, this is the female forum... how about moving along elsewhere with the rude comments please.
You know, I think that is the best advice I've received in a while.
I've got to say I only met 4 men who were jerks on the entire trail. One guy walked up to my daughter and I and said: Don't expect me to help you with your gear: WHAT? Did I ask for help? Then he told us we had to set up our tents 100 yards from the shelter. Well I put it up where it was flat and later when he went for his evening pee we shamelessly put m&m's and peanuts around his tent. Hope he slept well. :-)
I've got to say I only met 4 men who were jerks on the entire trail. One guy walked up to my daughter and I and said: Don't expect me to help you with your gear: WHAT? Did I ask for help? Then he told us we had to set up our tents 100 yards from the shelter. Well I put it up where it was flat and later when he went for his evening pee we shamelessly put m&m's and peanuts around his tent. Hope he slept well. :-)
:eek::eek::eek: TOO FUNNY
Homer&Marje
08-03-2008, 09:43
I have been crying a lot over it. I think that's really ****ty to act like my friend the whole week and help me on the route, then talk about me later. What hurts me is that I was trying my hardest out there. I wasn't slacking. I have a bad foot. I was having a great trip in the mountains until that.
Any thoughts? :(
Hey that is a pretty crappy way for him to treat you after spending all day trying to help you. Myself and the wife just got back from Franconia and on day 2 she blew out one of her knees real bad. She had the option to turn around but wanted to continue, she did some of the harder climbs in the White mountains over the next 3 days and myself and her little brother made a lot of accommodations to help her out... we changed the whole trip to avoid Franconia Ridge, we took a day off in the middle ( no easy task if anyone knows the climb down to Guyot campsite) and she use my hiking stick most of the time for support leaving me walking backwards to help her down even small steps sometimes. Then she climbed down South Twin http://whiteblaze.net/forum/vbg/showimage.php?i=26690&catid=member&orderby=dateline&direction=DESC&imageuser=17846&cutoffdate=-1 but the fact is that she toughed it out (just like you did) but instead of demeaning her for not being able to do the planned trip or going slow or anything else that went wrong, we praised her for the strength to continue. When you walk into camp at night crying and biting your lip because your legs want to fall off there is nothing you can do. But great job bushwacking and tell the other guy Homer said if he wants to learn a little bit about chivalry to come and talk to me... i'll teach him a few things.