View Full Version : How do you convince family not to worry
ATX-Hiker
12-20-2008, 14:03
With the Christmas next week, I'll be seeing most of my extended family next week. Ever since I told them about my upcoming hike they have been bombarding me with, what ifs. How do you politely tell people not to stress out too much while you are gone? They have probably thought up just about every worst case scenario possible. Help they are going to drive me insane.
Jack Tarlin
12-20-2008, 14:13
Well, I guess it's better than their NOT caring about you.
But seriously, you're gonna get this a lot. Just tell them you know what you're doing, you're properly prepared, you've studied up on the Trail, you've talked to lots of hikers.
And let them know that even tho they won't believe it, you're safer on the Trail than in a school, workplace, even in your own home. Your chances of getting hurt or killed in your own bathroom are about 1000 times greater than
something horrible happening to you on the A.T.
Tell 'em THAT when they're heading into the can. :D
Lone Wolf
12-20-2008, 14:15
tell them it's either hiking the AT or joining the Marine Corps infantry where you'll surely get sent to war. they may back off
ATX-Hiker
12-20-2008, 14:18
I've actually been robbed twice, once the dude had gun, the other time the dude had some commando looking knife. I've been hiking since I was 13 or so, never been threatened while hiking. They seem to have forgotten the armed robberies, maybe I should jog their memory.
Get some glossy motorcycle brochures.
Let the insanity flow over you. It's their job.
Tell your family that the most dangerous thing "out there" is right outside the door in town: other people.
It must be true that criminals are, for the most part, lazy, since most of the problems which happen on the trail are close to road crossings or other intrusions of "civilization" (not much "civilized" about it ;)).
As far as people go, you'll be surrounded by some of the nicest people on the planet! :)
But seriously, you're gonna get this a lot. Just tell them you know what you're doing, you're properly prepared, you've studied up on the Trail, you've talked to lots of hikers.Yep, just have a boilerplate answer ready and let it blow by you.
Toolshed
12-20-2008, 14:46
With the Christmas next week, I'll be seeing most of my extended family next week. Ever since I told them about my upcoming hike they have been bombarding me with, what ifs. How do you politely tell people not to stress out too much while you are gone? They have probably thought up just about every worst case scenario possible. Help they are going to drive me insane.
You're 28-almost middle aged. Go. They'll adjust just fine. ;)
Pacific Tortuga
12-20-2008, 14:57
Get them involved some how with your hike.
Give them maps to follow along with your progress.
Designate mail drops for them to send you stuff, nothing too bulky.
e-mail them at towns where you can (like most all of them) to update them and share stories.
If you do not bring a cell phone let them know most other hikers seem to have one, for what it's worth.
There will always be those that cannot and will never understand, that is there problem.
"Follow your dreams, live the life you've imagined" H. D Thoreau
"Join the Marine Corps infantry" L. Wolf
Two Speed
12-20-2008, 15:27
I'm voting for the "join the Marines AND get a motorcycle" schtick. Let 'em blow a fuse, settle down, and then let them convince you to do something more sensible . . . oh, say . . . mmmmm . . . like . . . hike the AT!
I'd vote for the reasonable stuff, but I've had waaaaaaay too many long, boring and stupid conversations with friends and co-workers.* Frankly, the "blow their mind, then let them talk you into what you had in mind in the first place" routine is probably a whole lot faster, is guaranteed to be much less grief and will convince them that while you have a wild streak they can "save" you from yourself.
And there is the "gigantic snicker up you sleeve" aspect. :)
* My family gave up on me a long time ago.
....just lie and say you are doing a research project in Europe. :banana
Slo-go'en
12-20-2008, 15:36
Tell them you changed your mind and aren't going - then go and don't tell them!
Two Speed
12-20-2008, 16:09
Gonna relate my limited experience.
In '03 I convinced my employer that I was loosing my ever lovin' mind and really, really needed some time to unwind, like, oh say, a month to go hiking.
Convinced (conned?) the Division Manager that this was a good idea, over the objections of my immediate supervisor, and started planning. Like every other newb I proceeded to over plan the whole thing. Even had a couple of resupplies set up, using family that would be dropping off and picking up the ex-wife for part of the trip.
Had some of the most amazing and stupid conversations with my co-workers and friends about what I was going to do.
Q: Where will you sleep?
A: On a flat, horizontal surface, just like at home, only not there.
Q: Yeah, you're a smart ass, aren't you?
Q: What will you do if you can't hike enough one day?
A: Obviously whatever I've hiked that day was enough.
Q: Yeah, you're a smart ass, aren't you?
Q: Aren't you going to carry a gun?
A: No, thought about it and decided not to.
Q: What about bear?
A: (Long drawn out response about the precautions I might take, the actual threat of bear attack vs. being killed in an automobile accident, etc.)
Q: Yeah, you're a smart ass, aren't you?
Q: Won't you die of thirst?
A: No, in some parts of the world water flows out of the ground. These areas are known as "springs."
Q: But what will you do if you run out of water between "springs?"
A: Dope slap myself and keep walking until I find more water.
Q: Yeah, you're a smart ass, aren't you?
Q: What will you do if you don't have enough money?
A: Come home and tell the (now ex) wife I'm broke.
Q: Yeah, you're a smart ass, aren't you?
Anyone starting to see a pattern here? There is no earthly way to explain to these people that what keeps them home is fear, and what takes you walking is a little piece of adventure in your gut.
Go with the adventure. The day you're dying one day on the trail will mean way more than any number of days in front of the TV.
superman
12-20-2008, 16:10
At 28 I figure you're a grown man. By the time a man is your age I'd expect you to just say "I'm going for a hike." You're not talking about doing anything with a high risk factor...instead your going to do something that's good for you. I have trouble understanding the problem.
ATX-Hiker
12-20-2008, 16:47
.... I have trouble understanding the problem.
The problem is the majority of my family is pretty domesticated, and they watch too much TV. I'm glad they care about me, but I get a call once a day or so from an aunt or other relative, and they've got some story they heard or asking what about bears, or whatever. I just a nice way to tell them to chill the heck out.
I swear, the first question everyone asks me when I tell them I'm thru-hiking is if I'm going by myself. The second question is, "Are you bringing a gun?" I didn't even think of bringing a gun until they brought it up.
ATX-Hiker
12-20-2008, 17:53
I get the you're going by yourself more than any of them. Is Yes too hard to understand.
johnnybgood
12-20-2008, 17:56
Tell them politely how important this to you and that their support in your decision would make you feel better and less stressed. If they are really bugged out , make out a Christmas wish list that will make them feel better about the whole thing. Lets see....a GPS Cell Phone for starters, a pocket weather meter with instant weather alerts and the Spot Satellite Messenger in case something were to happen. Have a great adventure and enjoy every minute.
ATX-Hiker
12-20-2008, 18:02
I've thought about getting one of those SPOT messenger for their sake, I'd rather not carry the extra weight. Has anybody carried one of those for people back home to check in on you? Did it work? I've read tons of good and bad reviews about them if it's not gonna work I don't want to carry it.
Tuombe247
12-20-2008, 18:10
There is no earthly way to explain to these people that what keeps them home is fear, and what takes you walking is a little piece of adventure in your gut.
Go with the adventure. The day you're dying one day on the trail will mean way more than any number of days in front of the TV.
Smartest thing I've seen anyone say on WB so far. I can relate because I've told some of my family about me doing a thru in a couple years... My sister thinks I'm crazy my dad no comment, and my mom doesn't even think I can pay for something like it...
Frito was OK with it since she had already done it herself. I had to take a cell phone to keep my ancient mother happy - so if she croked while I was out I could get to the funeral. Told everyone else that I had donated the body to science, if anyone could find it.
atraildreamer
12-20-2008, 19:06
If they throw you a going-away party, and forget to invite you to it, :eek: you're covered! :D :banana
Furlough
12-20-2008, 19:55
You don't. Families worry. Just do what you need to do, be responsible about it and address their concerns as rationally as you can.
With the Christmas next week, I'll be seeing most of my extended family next week. Ever since I told them about my upcoming hike they have been bombarding me with, what ifs. How do you politely tell people not to stress out too much while you are gone? They have probably thought up just about every worst case scenario possible. Help they are going to drive me insane.
In such situations, I find it best to revert to the truth.
Weary
You don't. Families worry. Just do what you need to do, be responsible about it and address their concerns as rationally as you can.
Yuppers, that's the way it will be. But you can do your best to make them feel a little more comfortable...answer their questions the best you can, and as calmly and patiently as you can. Let them know you've researched a lot, and you're getting great info on whiteblaze.
And you're a scout who's done Philmont multiple times, right? You're going to be fine.
My parents/family/coworkers were the same way (and seriously, I completed my thru and STILL get all the questions). I answered their questions (and looked up answers I wasn't sure about), I would update them on info I learned. I know you're not close to the AT, but I took my parents out to a shelter close to the road on the AT and showed them what that looked like. It helped that my uncle is a backpacker and a big planner, like me, and could help them feel a little better. Some people, although they didn't espress it to me until afterwards, never came close to understanding until they read my online journal (fed via my mom) how friendly people are, how close you are to towns/roads, etc...
I agree with those who said to involve your worrying friends as much as possible, in the planning and the execution...email them a link to a site where they can purchase a $5 AT map and follow along with your progess. Call home/email a mass email whenever possible if you want. Let them send you cookies or something along the way.
If all else fails, pm me and we can set up a phone call with my mom, who is quiet a worrier, and now, after going through it, might be able to help. :) :)
Some people are determined to worry.
I'd break family and friends into three categories:
1) They think it's a great idea.
2) It seems vaguely dangerous.
3) They really, really don't want you to do it, because they either think you should be doing something else with your life, or because they don't want you to be away from them/out of touch with them. Telling you they'll worry about you is a technique for trying to manipulate you into doing what they want you to do. It's an attempt to control you.
Category 1 people will be fascinated if you share details of your planning process.
Category 2 people can be educated with factual information. (If it's cold, I'll do such and such.)
Category 3 people will not be dissuaded from worrying by facts or any other means. The best you can do is be relentlessly upbeat, do not be drawn into emotional arguments, and promise to send pictures, postcards, etc. Present the same facts that you give to everyone else, but don't be surprised if this person/these people are not at all swayed by the information. So change the subject. If they insist on continuing to discuss The Hike, start talking about the fascinating flora and fauna you will see (avoid bringing up bears and snakes), the marvelous rock formations and sunrises and sunsets, etc. Talk about how fit and healthy you will become.
Serial 07
12-21-2008, 13:25
let them worry...tell them that your biggest fear is starving (and home baked items deprevation)...provide a list of mail drop places that are easy to get to (on the trail, not too far off trail) and let them know they can send all the food they'd like...providing mass email to the masses will also keep worries as much as possible down...after a couple months, they'll cope...while you score home baked items from time to time...:D
Pedaling Fool
12-21-2008, 13:34
let them worry...tell them that your biggest fear is starving (and home baked items deprevation)...provide a list of mail drop places that are easy to get to (on the trail, not too far off trail) and let them know they can send all the food they'd like...providing mass email to the masses will also keep worries as much as possible down...after a couple months, they'll cope...while you score home baked items from time to time...:D
This is great advice. Only one problem, it has the potential of illuminating how little your family really cares about you.
Carry an PLB (Personal Locater Beacon) for emergency use. My wife gave me one to carry whenever I go off-road. Keeps her happy and me safe.
This was from a ad a few years ago, I think it was Nike:
You could get mauled by a bear & Die.
You could get bit by a snake & Die.
You could fall off a cliff & Die.
You could get struck by lightning & Die.
Or, you could stay home, sit on the couch, eat potato chips, & Die.
Probably wont make your family / firends any more secure feeling, but it may help get your point across. After 12 years of sectioning, my family/friends (who were just like yours when I started) now say "Hey, when you giong hiking again? I sure wish I could go too!" I strongly susspect yours will come around too.
garlic08
12-23-2008, 09:33
This doesn't answer the question at all, but I love this sentiment from another thread:
http://www.whiteblaze.net/forum/showpost.php?p=744306&postcount=6
flemdawg1
12-23-2008, 11:41
This was from a ad a few years ago, I think it was Nike:
You could get mauled by a bear & Die.
You could get bit by a snake & Die.
You could fall off a cliff & Die.
You could get struck by lightning & Die.
Or, you could stay home, sit on the couch, eat potato chips, & Die.
Probably wont make your family / firends any more secure feeling, but it may help get your point across. After 12 years of sectioning, my family/friends (who were just like yours when I started) now say "Hey, when you giong hiking again? I sure wish I could go too!" I strongly susspect yours will come around too.
Actually a t-shirt from The Dayhiker store in Gatlinburg, yep, I bought it. :)
Anyone starting to see a pattern here? There is no earthly way to explain to these people that what keeps them home is fear, and what takes you walking is a little piece of adventure in your gut.
Go with the adventure. The day you're dying one day on the trail will mean way more than any number of days in front of the TV.
Yes, these are wise, wise words. I did the AT when I was 19, and it freaked the heck out of my parents, but I eventually got them to understand pretty must just what you said, Two Speed, and now they really do understand. I don't get anything from them anymore, and they are really supportive (and fascinated, even - my mom wants to thru the AT in 2012..).
Also, whoever made the comment about getting people involved with maps, etc., is totally right; my parents have maps up all over the house from the hikes I've done, and they go through and put little pins in etc, and it makes them feel like they're kind of connected, in a sense. They've also given maps to my grandparents, which they apparently love and obsess over, even though they also "worry themselves sick" over me.
There is a bit of adventure in everyone, even the most cowardly of people. If you can elicit it, even just a bit, they start to understand, almost intuitively.
My wife worries when I go on weeklong hikes, which I think is a little funny because I'm a fulltime firefighter and she doesn't worry about that anymore and that's WAAAAY more likely to kill me than hiking is(but still not very likely). I DVR'ed the Les Stroud infomercial on the SPOT satellite messenger and told her that if it would make her feel better I'd carry it, but she's gotta buy it. I don't worry enough to spend $200 personally. Haven't got it yet but the ball is in her court.
Some of what I'm going to say is going to sound cruel, harsh, unapprecative, uncaring, unloving, and hurtful. Sometimes truth hurts! YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR, OR THE CAUSE OF, ANOTHER INDIVIDUAL'S WORRY! WORRY IS FEAR AND DOUBT BASED. It is not based in, and should not be confused with, love, caring, knowledge, wisdom, faith, and trust. Independent of how you behave, your family is ultimately responsible if, THEY DECIDE to worry. Fear is contagious. I've seen it happen so many times that one individual's worry leads to more worrying; in other words you start to worry about them worrying. Don't let it invade this area of your life too. Don't let the love you have for your family and friends to be mixed with fear or become fear based. What your family and/or friends are probably fearful about is change and the unknown. And, the AT, represents alot of change and unknowns for most people. Ironically, those are often the same qualities that lead many people to want to hike the AT.
So, you are probably asking yourself, "what am I going to do about this?" As I once was the worrisome type and also have had family and friends relate their worry for me I'll tell U what I do; U can take from it what you decide. I let my family and friends know: I've prepared myself the best I know how, but that I will also encounter some unknows; I explain that facing unknowns was one of the driving factors that attracted me to this adventure. I love them and I understand they also love me. I share my hikes with them, either by getting them directly involved(have them mail resupplies, gear,etc.) or by sharing how hiking is enhancing my life and making me better; this essentially helps eliminate some of the unknowns for them. I also make sure I am not also bound up in fear when I share my hiking adventures. It will not ease your loved one's minds by telling them of the big bad bear that rumaged through your campsite or that you were afraid of because it got too close to you while being in the valley far below. Remember, fear and worry are contagious. If you are also in fear/worry you will have the tendency to increase your loved one's fear/worry. If you project an air of confidence, respect for nature, knowledge, and trust it comes off. And lastly, I point the way to faith and wisdom by sharing with them, "humble yourselves, therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety upon Him, becuse He cares for you." I ask them to cast their cares(worry,anxiety) for me upon God. I let them know that's what I've done. I let them know they can choose to act in fear or trust, but it's ultimately up to them what they decide. If I've acted in love, wisdom, and faith I let them know I'm not responsible if they decide to worry. Then, I go hike with clear conscience.
Montana Mac
12-24-2008, 08:10
Here is some info:
John Viehman, executive director of Backpacker in an article stated that there is one crime for every 800,000 users and that you are 190 times more likely to get killed in a car accident driving to the trail head. Also there have only been seven people killed in the last fifty years.
Here is link to the above info:
http://books.google.com/books?id=LgCIaZ2zn9QC&pg=PA134&lpg=PA134&dq=%22crime+statistics+for+the+appalachin+trail%22&source=web&ots=H9y6UDD59C&sig=7C8rxafnASGenrGfL4EChAn-yFE&hl=en&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=9&ct=result
Compare that to Austin, Texas.
Crime Statistics for Austin Texas in 2005
The population of Austin Texas in 2005 was approximately 693019 people. Of the offenses known to law enforcement officers in 2005, 3393 were violent crimes and 41668 were property crimes. Violent crimes in 2005 included 26 cases of murder and nonnegligent manslaughter, 312 cases of forcible rape, 1182 cases of robbery and 1873 cases of aggravated assault. Property crimes in 2005 included 7285 cases of burglary, 31835 cases of larceny or theft and 2548 cases of motor vehicle theft.
If you divide these numbers out for comparison with other communities, there were 4.9 violent crimes per every 1000 people and there were 60.1 property crimes per 1000 people in 2005.
Here is the link for the above Austin info:
http://www.crimenumbers.com/2005/2005_crime_Austin_Texas.html
And like someone else said you are 28 years old. By the time my son was that old he had already done two tours in the Gulf. He also has done over a year in Afghanistan and is now in Iraq. You sure as hell can bet I rather have him hiking the AT!
superman
12-24-2008, 08:32
Post 35 and 36 make sense but if that doesn't work promise to take the duct tape off their mouths and let them out of the closet if they relax about your hike.:D
Rockhound
12-24-2008, 11:30
some people feel the need to worry. its in their nature. Anything you say wont change this. reassure them as best you can. Provide them with info, but if they are naturally worrywarts they will think about the handful of people who have died on the trail and not the tens of thousands of people that had safe enjoyable hikes. Just keep in touch with them once a week or so
Rockhound
12-24-2008, 11:38
O Where Are You Going?
W. H. Auden
"O where are you going?" said reader to rider,
"That valley is fatal when furnaces burn,
Yonder's the midden whose odors will madden,
That gap is the grave where the tall return."
"O do you imagine," said fearer to farer,
"That dusk will delay on your path to the pass,
Your diligent looking discover the lacking
Your footsteps feel from granite to grass?"
"O what was that bird," said horror to hearer,
"Did you see that shape in the twisted trees?
Behind you swiftly the figure comes softly,
The spot on your skin is a shocking disease."
"Out of this house" -- said rider to reader,
"Yours never will" -- said farer to fearer,
"They're looking for you" -- said hearer to horror,
As he left them there, as he left them there.
With the Christmas next week, I'll be seeing most of my extended family next week. Ever since I told them about my upcoming hike they have been bombarding me with, what ifs. How do you politely tell people not to stress out too much while you are gone? They have probably thought up just about every worst case scenario possible. Help they are going to drive me insane.
From my friends / family (& Yep, I know all caps is yelling) Wife & kids not included, they are cool with me hiking:
F/F: You are hiking ALONE, BY YOURSELF!
Me: Yep, alone usually means by yourself.
F/F: what if you get HURT?
Me: Ill likely be in pain till someone comes along.
F/F: What if you Fall off a CLIFF.
Me: Well, if its a far enough fall, I'll probably die,,,, horribly! Your point? For some reason this did NOT cheer up my friends/family one bit.
F/F: Arn't you afraid of BEARS?
Me: Nope! Why?
F/F: Well you are at least carrying a gun arn't you?
Me: Nope! Why?
F/F: for the bears & criminals & stuff!
Me: Lions & tigers & bears oh my! Lions & tigers & bears oh my! Lions&tigers&bearsohmy! This also didn't make my family/friends happy, I think they realized I was making fun of them by now. :p
F/F: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ARN'T CARRYING A GUN???
Me: Well, simply "I am not carrying a gun" means: I am not carrying a gun! Why does that confuse you?
F/F: Also question what I would eat, how would I get water, etc. Thinking I would starve to death & / or die of thirst.
All in all I found it funny, but F/F did not,,, Do not. :D
I suppose we all go thru this, after about the 3rd trip they accepted that I would likely not die, or at least that I was not going to stop hiking, so I no longer get quite as much grief.