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http://trailjournals.com/entry.cfm?id=260161
Enjoy.
Kirby
budforester
01-14-2009, 00:40
Hang in there Kirby, you'll work it out. It might help to talk it out with someone: Dad, coach, teacher, pastor. You're dealing with more than just returning to civilization. You changed into an adult on the trail.
Cool AT Breeze
01-14-2009, 00:50
Only a person who has been out there on the trail like us, can understand what it's like to be out there on the trail. Hang tough.
HikerRanky
01-14-2009, 08:22
Kirby,
In life things like this happen... However, it has been my experience that at a later point in the lives of people, they re-evaluate the situation and come back around.
Simply hang on, and like you said on your journal, it really is about staying in touch with those we consider to be our friends...
Randy
jersey joe
01-14-2009, 10:12
I have found that it is important to find a good balance in life. In the case of a thru hike, the normal balance of life is interrupted and it is hard to get that balance back.
Lone Wolf
01-14-2009, 10:29
the link won't open. what's all the fuss?
Just a couple of things to consider Kirby:
- I rarely, if ever discuss my hiking with my family. They have seldom expressed a keen interest. The exceptions were my nephews, especially one, who is also an avid outdoors person. He is not interested in a long hike, but has some understanding. This is just something you must accept and find others who do understand this aspect of your life. That is one of the GREAT purposes of Whiteblaze and similar sites.
- My folks were very supportive of my long-distance hiking, but I was substantially older than you were.
- Have you discussed with your Dad why he feels the way he does? How did he think the trip would affect you? What were his expectations of allowing you to go? I think you need to do this before this goes too much further. Does he have any valid reasons, maybe there are simple things you can do to make him feel better.
- Have you, in your newly developed independence made him to feel less important. Have you inadvertently communicated to him that his opinion no longer matters, or that you no longer acknowledge any authority he has over you? This is a tough one for parents to handle, especially if it comes quickly. You may feel that five months hiking was not all that quick, but your Dad is simply comparing the pre-hike Kirby to the post-hike Kirby - pretty quick in his eyes.
Hang in there, find and associate with hiking buddies, join a trail club of some kind, stay connected with others who share your passion. Accept that your family may not share this aspect of your life - so be it. That is fairly normal and surmountable. Be honest with your folks about how you feel, listen to how they feel.
You are still becoming a man - it's tough, don't discount everything your Dad tells you - you will probably decide he was right about a lot of things a few years from now.
Most dads want what best for their kids. Your young, My dad got a whole lot smarter, the older I got.
budforester
01-14-2009, 10:52
the link won't open. what's all the fuss?
It will be OK, Kirby's smart and strong; just takes time to acclimate back in The World. Kirby had mentioned difficulties previously, and now posted about it on his trail journal
Maybe also try the lower link, in his signature, then go to his last post. Or go to Trail Journals site and open Kirby's TJ from there.
envirodiver
01-14-2009, 11:53
Kirby, I can sort of identify with your Dad on where he may be coming from. I know nothing about your relationship prior to your hike, so I may be way off base.
But, from my experience: My youngest daughter went to college this past fall. She's a soccer player and since she was 8 years old we have spent a great deal of time together on the soccer field or traveling to tournaments. We had a good close relationship and she depended on me for a number of things.
When she went to school she established her own independence and entered the world of college athletics, which does not involve parents to much of an extent. Her working to become independent left me feeling a bit left out. She doesn't communicate with me nearly as much and I have struggled a little with this. It's tough to let your children go and become the adults that you have worked so hard to develop all of these years.
So maybe he is having a tough time "letting you go" to live with the independence that you had to develop over those months on the trail. I recommend that you find a good time to sit down with your parents and discuss this issue, recognizing a bit where they may be coming from. Let them know that you still love them and need them, but that you have found your own way more than before.
Lone Wolf
01-14-2009, 11:58
the link won't open. what's all the fuss?
ok. i read it. welcome to the club. lots of parents could care less about their sons/daughters taking off for 5 months backpacking. they feel it's a waste of time that could have been spent working or going to school. in the big picture it's no big deal.
hootyhoo
01-14-2009, 12:00
The older I get the less I know. Its been a long time since I knew everything.
Kirby,
You are at the age when human nature seems to alienate children from their parents. Cheer up. It will improve. Parents want to teach and guide their children. When the children are pretty well formed, it's time for parents to give up the job. Some handle this better than others. Your time on the trail seems to have pretty well finished the job. Dad may not have accepted that.
Here's a quote to help
Mark Twain: "When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."
Grinder
ok. i read it. welcome to the club. lots of parents could care less about their sons/daughters taking off for 5 months backpacking. they feel it's a waste of time that could have been spent working or going to school. in the big picture it's no big deal.Well said. That's what I was thinking and hoping, but you met the Kirbster so I figured you would know what to say. I don't know the Kirbster but I think he has the makings of a very good writer and adventurer. Of course he's going to suffer some along the way. Wonder what he's reading these days?
Kafka?
Lone Wolf
01-14-2009, 12:24
he's an extremely mature young man. he'll go far in life. his dad will come around. if not, it's dad's loss
leeki pole
01-14-2009, 12:29
Being a father of two daughters, 25 and 18, I find it dismaying that someone would post on the internet and a forum to get advice. It's a family matter and this thread is out of bounds, IMHO.
Being a father of two daughters, 25 and 18, I find it dismaying that someone would post on the internet and a forum to get advice. It's a family matter and this thread is out of bounds, IMHO.
Totally disagree. Some parents seem to think their kids are their property and no one should interfere. Not so, they are individuals who can seek advice and council wherever they choose. Some kids would be totally up a creek early on in life if "outsiders" didn't step in. No one here has undermined Kirby's Dad in any way.
Spirit Walker
01-14-2009, 12:58
Kirby - you really aren't alone. As others have said, no one can understand what you have experienced who hasn't been through it. I have a supportive family, but even so, they don't want to talk about our adventures. Not more than the simple five minute explanation. I don't even try anymore. They don't look at the photos or read the journals because it is so far outside their ken. We hear "I'm glad you had a nice vacation" with no understanding of how much more than a vacation we experienced. They don't understand why backpacking is an essential part of my happiness or why I would go back again and again to hike long trails. It used to hurt, but now I just accept that, just as I don't understand my brother's fascination with chasing a white ball around the grass, he doesn't have to understand my fascination with waking up at dawn to hike all day and get hot and tired and dirty.
That's why I go to hiker functions like the Gathering or the Rucks and read the forums, as frustrating as they are. At least here in the community there are people who do understand a little - who GET IT when you bring up memories and thoughts about the experience and about your reactions to it.
As to what your Dad said about the changes he saw in you - what do you think about the changes you see in yourself? Do you think you changed for the better or worse?
When I thruhiked, I felt proud of my accomplishment, liberated from the limits I had previously placed on myself. I had a new sense of serenity and self-awareness. I had a much better trust in God and in the kindness of strangers. Some of the changes were really good. OTOH, I was always an introvert but I became much more so after a couple of hikes. I was never particularly ambitious, but, after thruhiking, job and career and money became utterly unimportant. Work was just a means of making enough money to go travel again. I can see that many parents would have a problem with that attitude. My parents always said they only wanted me to be happy - but I think they would have preferred it if my happiness took a more normal path.
I imagine your parents want the same for you. They are afraid that you will not be able to settle for mundane life again. They may be right. Like the old WWI song, "How can you keep them down at the farm now that they've seen Paree?"
Don't sweat it man, dads say the wrong thing too sometimes, and often without a thought to their effect. Let it roll off, he doesn't get it, that's cool. c'est la vie. He didn't *really* mean it the way you took it but specifically in his eyes, you're uncommunicative and withdrawn, that's a change for the worse. That may really be thoughtful and introspective, and with time he will get that.
He misses his little boy, you've taken a vision quest he can't follow. The little boy will never be back, and he'll get over it eventually as he comes to know and respect the man you have become.
Oh, and I hope you didn't hang up on him like it sounds. There's no faster way to lose someone's respect than to disrespect them like that and it will do bad things for his perception of your maturity.
Being a father of two daughters, 25 and 18, I find it dismaying that someone would post on the internet and a forum to get advice. It's a family matter and this thread is out of bounds, IMHO.
I have made no comment on the matter in this thread, and I am free to post what I want within the journal to a reasonable extent. If you don't like it, don't read it. I was simply informing everyone a new entry had been added because there were some on this site who followed my journal.
Kirby
Being a father of two daughters, 25 and 18, I find it dismaying that someone would post on the internet and a forum to get advice. It's a family matter and this thread is out of bounds, IMHO.
Ha, yeah, cause your daughters can always discuss everything with you and would never think of talking of your relationship with anyone outside the family.
What color is the sky in that world you live in?
Ladytrekker
01-14-2009, 13:44
http://trailjournals.com/entry.cfm?id=260161
Enjoy.
Kirby
You cannot change what others think or feel, you can just change how you feel. You have encountered an experience that has had a profound experience in your life. Do not mourn it, revel in it. Your father may not ever understand and it may also be some jealously that you had a dream and fulfilled it and he possibly could be feeling that you are stronger than him.
Your father's attitude about your adventures should not affect your moods, just continue being you.
But I think you need to focus on what you are going to do next, whether it is going after your dream job, your next adventure, or school. Focus on the positives and not the negatives. You will work it out just keeping marching forward.
Let's not go beating people up just because we all like Kirby.
Some of us know Kirby better than others, but we all mean well, even those that haven't met him.
On the internet, and in our minds, there is no sky for any of us,
but in our real world, when the sun is out, the sky is blue for all of us.
buff_jeff
01-14-2009, 14:26
That's really just the way it goes. My dad has hiked with me a lot and that is basically all we talk about, but we had a good relationship before that. My mom is at least tacitly supportive of my hikes and will listen to an occasional story, but not much beyond that. Whose to blame her? Do I really want to listen to her stories about yoga lessons, or how she went shopping for 5 hours? I think other peoples' insipid enthusiasm for hiking is analogous to this. Why should they care? I don't really care about my roommates going on a 5 day ski trip. I mean, I'll listen and try my best to ask questions, but I don't find it that interesting in the end.
Different people have different interests, and while hiking might mean the world to us, to most people it's nothing.
My best advice would be to try your best to have an interest in what your dad is doing as well. Also, perhaps asking HIM what he SEEs would be a good first step.
buff_jeff
01-14-2009, 14:34
The point is, ask yourself: Do I express interest in anything my dad is doing? Do I care about his interests, or do I just obsess over my hike? Would you want to talk about the cubicle (hypothetical) with your dad all day if that's what he wants to talk about? The thought might be appalling and boring to you, but the same thing might be said of hiking if the situation is reversed.
http://trailjournals.com/entry.cfm?id=260161
Enjoy.
Kirby
I think it is a very good thing to let go like you did, just like you wrote it. That is why you see me on here talking about my thinking, I am able to think more clearly and plus I get the feedback that I need to hear.
So hear this Kirby, your father loves you. Yes it hurt you deeply what he had to say but I would almost bet it hurt him even worse. If he truly believed what he said to you then you guys would not even be talking. My father believed that same thing about me for awhile but the truth is I was living in a bad way and we never talked for almost ten years.
Kirby you have what it takes to impress others, you have done a good job of it in the past year. Believe me when I tell you this, your father has got to be proud of you in ways that you will never be able to comprehend.
Another thing Kirby you will never be able to be at his level of seeing things the way he sees them between the two of you, that is until you become his age and have by that time raised a very good and respectable young man like yourself. Sure he is going to atempt to control your thinking, that is what fathers do.
I just saw a commercial last night that put into light the way our parents view us, it was an insurance commercial. This little girl was asking her father for the use of the car, she was about ten years old. He dad finally relented after lecturing her. As she walked out the door she had turned into a very lovely young lady of nineteen or so. In the next scene his nine year old son was grabbing his jacket and heading out the door and the father said "Where are you headed?" The son replied "Going to work."
I don't care how old you get your father is always going to view you as his little boy. My father is seventy something and he still looks at me as his little innocent boy that he needs to protect and steer in the right direction. And believe me when I say this, he still tells me the way he sees it but today he is a bit more quicker at accepting my decisions and accepting me as I have become.
Kirby, all I can say, is "good on you mate and hang in there". Ok, not the only thing...
I haven't hiked the AT yet, hope to this year. I'm a father of 2 22yr old girls and one of the hardest things ever in my life has been watching them turn from girls into women (you want them to stay "baby's" for ever). This may have something to do with your fathers feelings because no matter what you think, you were a boy when you entered the trail but a man when you left and that's a sudden change for a parent over 5-6 months.
SawnieRobertson
01-14-2009, 16:51
Kirby, You have received many $1000s worth of excellent advice since you made this post yesterday. Please know that I do not have one single friend or family member who truly accepts or understands the challenge or love of the trail that I KNEW the moment I first heard about it in the late 1950s. That is the unspoken rationale for our common understanding and acceptance of one another regardless of age or physical condition. No matter how much we broadcast it, the trail is still our little secret held in common.
~~~~~~~~
And those people who ask how was it? Well, they want to hear about the mosquitoes, the snakes, the tumbles off the mountaintops, the lions, the tigers, the elephant with a toothache, and the bears.
~~~~~~~~
Those of us who have been parents know the obstacle course that your father faces.
As a high school English teacher, I was privy to many thoughts of my students. I did a lot of soul searching in trying to help them. That is, I'd figure a rationale for showing a film that dealt with parent-teenager communication, show it, and then have them do creative writing from it. Both they AND I benefited from it.
The one thing that I learned for sure was that when arguing, the two of you should face each other, hold each other's hands, and in every way deliver the "I love you" message along with the message about whatever the problem is.
But what "real man" would do that? Well, being the real man that you are, I'll bet that you would. Not so sure about your dad, but who knows?
I myself take all sorts of "parental-type pride" in your prep for the AT and your walk of it, including your naughty fall from "grace" in the Shenandoahs. I am ecstatic about your going to American University. And I practically get delirious when I think about your presentation at the Gathering this fall.
There is just one thing. When I asked, when you, Cookie, Hard Bound, and I were having lunch at Macados in Marion, if you were on a swim team, you said that you weren't. You denied all team sports. Is swimming something you took up after the trail?--Kinnickinic
leeki pole
01-14-2009, 16:56
Ha, yeah, cause your daughters can always discuss everything with you and would never think of talking of your relationship with anyone outside the family.
What color is the sky in that world you live in?
Last time I checked it was blue, Tommie.
Still planning to hike down south this spring Kirby?
volleypc
01-14-2009, 17:20
I do not know your age anything about the relationship with your father, but I expect the relationship with my father is very simular. I would say 10-15 years ago.. heck maybe even as soon as 5 years ago my father wouldnt have cared either. When I recently decided to go ahead and do it this year because the timing was right, I expected him to have every reason in the world why I shouldn't do it.. but he didnt. I had almost decided I would wait and do it later in life and I had a dream of my father in the hospital dying.. and him telling me to take off work and do it. I also couldn't believe it last night when he picked up one of my books about the app. trail and started reading it. Things have changed... I dont know why. Whether it was me moving off for work or just him getting older.. I really dont know. But I do know now that without him saying it, this is something he wants me to do.
My only advice is this. Relationships are three dimensional. It isn't always about what happens now, what you think now, how someone feels now... in time things are likely to be different. That is why it is so important to be patient, to not say things we do not mean, and why it is important that we are always there for people when they needs us.
Do not let the grass grow under your feet.
The only way that my dad fully understood why i am so crazy about this thing was by taking him out for three weeks on the trail.
TrippinBTM
01-14-2009, 18:54
I feel for ya Kirby, at least in the readjustment part of it. I'm not fitting in with my friends and family like I did before. I just feel very different, and it's like they don't "get" me. And it doesn't help that I don't really want to do anything except go hiking, haha! Not a good thing when you're trying to get back into civilization. Though, maybe civilization isn't a good thing to want to get back into.... hmm...
And hell, my dad's all about hiking, long distance bicycling, and outdoors stuff. He still doesn't get it. Any time I mention it, he'll usually manage to say something about "all that suffering you went through". Despite being proud of me for finishing, that's all he sees, negetivity; doesn't matter how much I try to mention the positives of it, which vastly outweighed the pain and difficulty. Mom's the same way, and to some degree most of my friends; every time I come up with some adventure (cross country bike trip, AT thruhike, and now, a PCT thruhike), all I get is negetivity about it. "Dude, you're crazy" or "what if [insert: you're eaten by a bear, you fall off a cliff, you get hit by a car...]
I generally try not to talk about it anymore, with anyone who hasn't hiked the AT. They just don't get it. It's a whole other culture.
TrippinBTM
01-14-2009, 19:00
On the internet, and in our minds, there is no sky for any of us,
but in our real world, when the sun is out, the sky is blue for all of us.
man, that's freakin' gold. Can I quote that?
Kirby, You have received many $1000s worth of excellent advice since you made this post yesterday. Please know that I do not have one single friend or family member who truly accepts or understands the challenge or love of the trail that I KNEW the moment I first heard about it in the late 1950s. That is the unspoken rationale for our common understanding and acceptance of one another regardless of age or physical condition. No matter how much we broadcast it, the trail is still our little secret held in common.
~~~~~~~~
And those people who ask how was it? Well, they want to hear about the mosquitoes, the snakes, the tumbles off the mountaintops, the lions, the tigers, the elephant with a toothache, and the bears.
~~~~~~~~
Those of us who have been parents know the obstacle course that your father faces.
As a high school English teacher, I was privy to many thoughts of my students. I did a lot of soul searching in trying to help them. That is, I'd figure a rationale for showing a film that dealt with parent-teenager communication, show it, and then have them do creative writing from it. Both they AND I benefited from it.
The one thing that I learned for sure was that when arguing, the two of you should face each other, hold each other's hands, and in every way deliver the "I love you" message along with the message about whatever the problem is.
But what "real man" would do that? Well, being the real man that you are, I'll bet that you would. Not so sure about your dad, but who knows?
I myself take all sorts of "parental-type pride" in your prep for the AT and your walk of it, including your naughty fall from "grace" in the Shenandoahs. I am ecstatic about your going to American University. And I practically get delirious when I think about your presentation at the Gathering this fall.
There is just one thing. When I asked, when you, Cookie, Hard Bound, and I were having lunch at Macados in Marion, if you were on a swim team, you said that you weren't. You denied all team sports. Is swimming something you took up after the trail?--Kinnickinic
Yeah, I wanted to stay in shape, so I joined a swim club and a High School swim team.
As for the Gathering, not quite sure. I promised a local Organization called Teens to Trails that I'd present at their event during the second weekend in October, which I believe also collides with the Gathering. If I don't go to te T3 event, then I'll go to the gathering.
Still planning to hike down south this spring Kirby?
Not sure if I will have time, I might go SOBO into Trail Days, or I might just go down for the weekend.
I'm gonna bike to DC in early August to start school. I figured that would get me off on the right foot. Gonna be sweet.
Kirby
T Some kids would be totally up a creek early on in life if "outsiders" didn't step in. No one here has undermined Kirby's Dad in any way.
I wish I had someone to talk to other than my family when I was Kirby's age.
Getting advice from the community that you consider your tribe ain't a bad way to go...
Kirby,
I am a 47 year old father of two great boys,ages 19 and 21.
We have a great relationship,honest and open.
I love them dearly. At times I forget that and act like a total jerk. I say things I do not mean,not sure why that crap even comes out of my mouth. I am sure they will never forget hearing it,just like I will never forget them telling me to shut the heck up. Things happen between fathers and sons,just like any relationship. The love will always conquer and get you through the rocky times. This deal with your dad might take some time,but I am sure you two will figure it out. Be patient Kirby,there can be way more to this than you realize at this time. Hopefully the two of you will look back and say...wow,what the heck was that about.
Late and I am rambling...but my 80 year old dad still lets me know that he does not approve of how I live my life. I just tell him ...I love you anyways !
Hope this ramble makes sense Kirby.
Dad's often say things they did not mean and wish they had not. I know, I've done it too many times to count.
Hi Kirby. I've only been here on WB for a little bit, but it sounds like you're in the same boat I was when I was a teen.
I didn't go away for 5 months on a through hike, but my Dad worked nights for almost 5 years in stressful job. I had a really tough time in middle school because I was the new kid in a rural community and a bit of a nerd. I changed pretty dramatically from 12 to 16 as lots of teens do, but my dad was really just not around to see it. He switched to days and pretty much overnight we began to have problems. He still wanted to treat me like I was 12. I had my own interests, styles, and options none of which he respected. It all came to a head the summer of my junior year. Long story short why I was an excellent student overall, my junior year wasn't stellar. After a heated discussion he told me I was a failure and that he was ashamed of me.
We pretty much didn't talk for the next 4 years. I didn't talk to any of my family very much. It took a while, but gradually I gained some perspective, which made me realize that it hadn't been totally his fault. He was still out of line, but I can see his side of it. As I came to realize this he began to regain my respect. He's still not very interested in lots of the things I do, but he respects them as my own choices. I realized I was the same way and don't care for some of the way he lives his life. But we have a mutual respect now.
My Mom summed it up best I think. She said "sometimes it's hard for dads to go from protecting and teaching their children to treating them as equals." Your Dad probably feels like that in the 5 months you were gone, he lost his little boy, and here is this new man and he doesn't know how to deal with that.
Give it time, and be easy on him. You'll feel better about it in the long run.
theinfamousj
01-15-2009, 01:26
Hey Kirby. I know neither you nor your dad. However, I've gone through a re-establishment of a relationship with both of my parents. I moved out at 16 to go to boarding school.
From what you wrote, it sounds like your dad is trying really hard to continue a relationship with you.
When parents say the wrong things, and not in an emotionally abusive way (which from your writing this is clearly not), then it is usually a sign that they are so wrapped up with trying to fix things and make things work that they aren't engaging their self-edit. Self-edit requires a bit of detachment. This is, oddly enough, a good sign.
Only your dad really knows what he meant by what he said. But file this away as a positive sign. :)
When parents re-accept you as an adult, just remember that they go through the stages of grief (they are saying goodbye to child-you).
And when you accept your parent as just another human being without any special training for being a parent, you will go through the same stages because you are saying goodbye to super-dad.
:)
leeki pole
01-15-2009, 10:28
Remember, a thru-hike is in itself a selfish act. Take a look inside before you are too quick to criticize others and their reactions. It is a sacrifice for those left behind. Please consider everyone before you pass judgement on any particular individual. Deep breath, everybody.
Remember, a thru-hike is in itself a selfish act. Take a look inside before you are too quick to criticize others and their reactions. It is a sacrifice for those left behind. Please consider everyone before you pass judgement on any particular individual. Deep breath, everybody.
Good point, worth remembering.
Kid posts a journal entry. Next thing you know, everyone morphs into Dr. Phil. Too funny.
Lone Wolf
01-15-2009, 10:40
this IS WB
I have learned so much from this thread. Thanks everyone! I'm a better person for it!, seriously.
Kirb, may I call you that. It's kinda personal because we haven't met even though I was walking the A.T. last year same time as you. So, I feel we are at least partially acquainted because we, and the others who have posted on this thread are. We are because we all have some things in common that 98% of the rest of the world does not. And that in it's self breeds contraversey. It causes communication problems. Yours is with your dad. Mine is with my wife. She doesn't want to hear about my experiences on the trail. All she knows is that I "abondoned" her for several months to fulfill a selfish dream. She may be right. We've only been married for 38.75 years.
Never met your dad but I bet I can tell you where he's coming from because I am a dad of 3 boys. One is 34, the other two are 32 (twins). We all have 4 different interest. That's just the way it is. People are different. You and I cannot change that. At first I had a hard time letting them do their own thing best it didn't align with the way I thought it should. That was my immaturity. Sounds stupid doesn't it? And it is. We all have to live our own lives. We can't live others for them. You can't make your dad see things your way and he's probably too old to change. As one gets older, they become more inflexible in their thinking. You'll be there some day and that's when you'll realize how smart older folks really are. Wisdom comes with age and experiences, sometimes.
Anyway, not to belabor the point because several other have given you some very, very good advice that I can in no way improve upon. Thanks again guys/girls. Let me just say a couple of things that you may chew on if you are open to suggestions, and I know you didn't create this thread looking for advice.
1. You may have grown up some on the trail, but it sounds like you still got some growning up to do. But that's ok. We do not learn every thing overnight or in 6 months on the trail. You need to Learn NOT to take too serious what others say about your passions. They do not understand and will not understand, unless they share them. Period. So, develop a "thick" skin so unwelcome, negative comments can't penetrate. I was drafted into the Army in January 18th, 1966. I was 19. Me and mom thought my life was about over and we cried a bucket of tears upon my departing. Dad? Well he gave me hug and went to work as usual. He is/was a WW II naval veteran with permanent injuries rendering him 70% disable. He was hard to impress. Two years later I came home changed for ever. Couldn't communicate with anyone! Had nothing in common with anyone!! I had a really hard time adjusting. Sort of like returning from an A.T. thru-hike at 20 years of age. All my high schools buddies were still stuck in adolescence. I found new, more mature friends. You may need to go away for awhile. That's what I did, after spending a night in the legandary TN sheriff Buford Pusser's jail and having the living hell beat out of me by his deputy, the one shown in the first movie (Walking Tall) made in the 1970's. I'm not talking about the movie that the Rock starred in a couple of years ago. That was just a bunch of made up Hollywood stuff.
I got off the track. Sorry.
2. Be sure that you're making a contribution around home. If you are still eating Dad's groceries, then you owe something for them. You are technically and biologically grown. There are no free rides, even at home. This may be part of where your Dad's coming from. Eveyone owes something.
3. Remember that people react the way you act. If you come on strong, they usually respond in a like manner because you have put them on the defensive. If you hang up on them because they didn't say what you wanted to hear, they won't the next time either. So nothing gets resolved.
4. Kirb, you sound like a guy that I would like to know because you have a caring attitude. That's good. Time will probably take care of the rest.
I know I've run on too long. One of my flaws. Let's go hiking!!!
Take Care. :sun
man, that's freakin' gold. Can I quote that?Only if you tell me what it means, 'cause I haven't a clue. :D
Only if you tell me what it means, 'cause I haven't a clue. :D
friggin' layup post if there ever was one.
I'll be nice.
Lone Wolf
01-15-2009, 13:13
'cause I haven't a clue. :D
no kiddin'?
Highpointbound
01-15-2009, 22:06
Hey Kirby,
Everyone has already given you advice about dealing with your dad and everything. So I wont go there. It would be redundant.
What I would like to say is that I am 42 years old, and not too far from you in MA. I've mostly done day hiking over the years. I am more of a "peakbagger" type of hiker, and plan on getting out a lot this year, because I had slacked off the last couple of years.
I just sat here tonight and read through your journal from start to finish. You, a teenager, have inspired me to really get out there and just DO what I always sit around and think about doing. I must say I am truly impressed by the goal you set for yourself, and what you went through to accomplish it. I find it truly impressive to see such discipline in a teen.
Not everyone may understand how you feel about what you did, but I do. And thank you for inspiring me to get out there and accomplish the goals I have.
Denise
DuctTape
01-16-2009, 02:44
Neither of my folks cared much for my hiking, and they still don't.
In my experience it's one of those things where you just gotta get over it, ain't nuthin' else to do.
Oh and be careful about letting your trail experience get in the way of your college experience - you don't want all the girls to think you're a weirdo now do ya
nitewalker
01-16-2009, 08:00
Kirby,
I am a 47 year old father of two great boys,ages 19 and 21.
We have a great relationship,honest and open.
I love them dearly. At times I forget that and act like a total jerk. I say things I do not mean,not sure why that crap even comes out of my mouth. I am sure they will never forget hearing it,just like I will never forget them telling me to shut the heck up. Things happen between fathers and sons,just like any relationship. The love will always conquer and get you through the rocky times. This deal with your dad might take some time,but I am sure you two will figure it out. Be patient Kirby,there can be way more to this than you realize at this time. Hopefully the two of you will look back and say...wow,what the heck was that about.
Late and I am rambling...but my 80 year old dad still lets me know that he does not approve of how I live my life. I just tell him ...I love you anyways !
Hope this ramble makes sense Kirby.
great post about dads. i am often guilty of saying the wrong things as a parent but in the grand scheme of parenting this is how it sometimes ends up. i love my children and i am sure they love me. my dad passed away in 1999 just as he and i were starting to see things in the same lite. it only took me till the age of 33 to acomplish a good relationship with him.
kirby you need to brush off some of the coments your dad has made and remember you only have one dad and he could be gone at any moments time. so you need to try and deal with all the issues that come with being a son and make the best of the situation. my dad was 61 when he died on a golf course back in 99 and boy do i wish we had done more before that happened. there has not been one day that has not gone by where he is not in my thoughts. remember it is better to have 1 dad that nags you than to have no dad at all....peace out , nitewalker
Know what else I got to say on this subject Kirby?
Not a darn thing...............:D