View Full Version : Whats the Proper Way to **** in the Woods?
I know the is a book titled How to **** in the woods, but being young I can't afford it. My local libraries have it, but its usually checked out. So what is the proper way to go in the woods? How much toilet paper should be brought for a week in the woods, on average? Would it be better to use leaves and burn or bury them?:-? Anyone have any tips, tricks, advice?
pop it lock it drop it ;)
Gray Blazer
02-10-2009, 15:27
The book is called "Does a Bear S**t in the Woods/Is the Pope Catholic?"
Make sure there is not a s**thouse nearby. One night I parked at Sam's Gap late. I went and did my thing in the bushes and when I woke up there were 2 porta-potties right there.:o
I remember doing trail magic south of Max Patch and I ran into a guy named ****fire. I asked how he got his name and he said he would burn his toilet paper after he was done and one time he caught the woods on fire. I dont burn mine but I do bury it and put two sticks marking a X where I have pooed that way no one will poop at the same place.
traildust
02-10-2009, 15:30
But seriously folks. Most shelters on the A.T. have a privy, a toliet, a crapper. How much T.P? Wow! No idea. If stuck, head into the woods away from water sources, take your boot and dig a cat hole and do your thing and cover. NO BURNING! See the headlines now, "hiker arrested after setting fire to own crap."
Some will tell you here to pack out the TP. I would encourage a diet that helps prevent sudden unexpected urges inbetween shelters. Then again to each his own.
1. Walk 200' off the trail, making sure you are 200' away from water too.
2. Dig a hole, 6" deep, and a couple of inches across.
3. Drop your load in the hole.
4. Wipe your arse.
5. Place the TP in the hole.
6. Bury it completely.
7. Sanitize your hands.
8. Have a nice day.
Slo-go'en
02-10-2009, 15:44
1. Walk off the trail into the woods. Even if you haven't seen anyone on the trail all day, dropping your pants too close to the trail is the best way to have someone wander up right then.
2. Make sure there isn't any water around, like springs, ponds or streams
3. Kick a hole in the ground with the heel of your shoe. 6" is recommeded, but sometimes thats hard to do.
4. Squat and poop over the hole.
5. Wipe. Don't use leaves, it just smears it around your butt. In the north, the inner layers of Birch bark works well though. Just don't peel it off a live tree.
6. I burn my TP, but be carefull if you do! Make sure there isn't anything which can catch fire like dry leaves there.
7.Cover up your mess.
8.Pull up your pants and get back on the trail.
How much TP you need depends on the kind of food you eat and how messy your stools are. The first morning out of town after eating a lot of greasy stuff is usually the worst.
max patch
02-10-2009, 15:47
1. Walk 200' off the trail, making sure you are 200' away from water too.
Not trying to be a wiseazz, but seriously, I wonder how many people actually walk 70 yards off trail? I've heard 300' also, and again, does anyone walk the distance of a football field? Doubt it.
daddytwosticks
02-10-2009, 15:52
So YOU were the one Snowhoe! Saw an "X" on the ground marked with sticks...everyone knows that means burried treasure. Started digging and all I found were turd nuggets, NOT booty! :(
Now thats funny. Glad to see you found what came from my booty!
There's a different program above treeline in New England and I don't believe it would be appreciated were someone to trample 200 feet of alpine tundra to answer Nature's call. Be right back with BSP's answer (http://www.baxterstateparkauthority.com/natural/lnt.html) to the question.
That's a bit different from what I remember reading before, but it's current as of when the information was last modified.
Pedaling Fool
02-10-2009, 16:27
After you get accustomed to crapping in the woods you don't want to use them privies. I can't count how many privies I passed up for a small plot of real estate.
Just take a whole roll for your week-long trip, will be more than you need, but better to have too much than too little.
Don't pack out TP, it's just plain stupid and unsanitary and gross.
Don't pack out TP, it's just plain stupid and unsanitary and gross.
There are places you will be expected to do precisely that and if you don't like it, go somewhere else! There are few places on the A.T. where it would be expected. It's considered appropriate to bury TP in a cathole most places by most people. I use leaves when I can.
bigmac_in
02-10-2009, 16:38
Had a vietnam vet tell me he was issued one square of TP when he was stationed there. He asked what he was supposed to do with it, and was told the following.
After you do your business, use your finger to wipe your arse, then use the one square to wipe your finger.
There's a different program above treeline in New England and I don't believe it would be appreciated were someone to trample 200 feet of alpine tundra to answer Nature's call. Be right back with BSP's answer (http://www.baxterstateparkauthority.com/natural/lnt.html) to the question.
That's a bit different from what I remember reading before, but it's current as of when the information was last modified.
There is very little reason to **** above treeline on the AT. I suppose nature could call there, but aside from Franconia Ridge and in the Presidential Range, there is very little trail for any continuous distance above treeline.
bigmac in I thought you poked your finger thru the middle of the square and then wiped with your finger and then so on..... Same thing I think?
Pedaling Fool
02-10-2009, 16:49
One other little tip. When your in an area, such as the Smokies, and there are no privies; they have designated "Toliet Areas". Do not use those areas, avoid those areas like you would an area covered in landmines. Just walk away from the shelter (down the trail) and then go into the woods.
Pedaling Fool
02-10-2009, 16:50
bigmac in I thought you poked your finger thru the middle of the square and then wiped with your finger and then so on..... Same thing I think?
That's the proper procedure:D
One other little tip. When your in an area, such as the Smokies, and there are no privies; they have designated "Toliet Areas". Do not use those areas, avoid those areas like you would an area covered in landmines. Just walk away from the shelter (down the trail) and then go into the woods.
Just curious why?:-?
Lone Wolf
02-10-2009, 17:10
Just curious why?:-?
cuz the "toilet areas" are littered with unburied piles of ****
I suppose nature could call there, but aside from Franconia Ridge and in the Presidential Range, there is very little trail for any continuous distance above treeline.
I once heard about the virtues of rock crevices as a place for depositing certain biodegradable wastes better kept out of sight.
WILLIAM HAYES
02-10-2009, 17:47
dig a cathole near a tree drop your shorts grab the tree with both hands after you squat do your business then wipe bury the paper in the hole and cover use germ X alcohol gel on your hands --buy the blue shop paper rolls at one of the car parts places and use them they are stronger and more durable than regular TP
superman
02-10-2009, 17:57
stealth camp, stealth poo, then up, up and away.:)
I once heard about the virtues of rock crevices as a place for depositing certain biodegradable wastes better kept out of sight.
seems like a good way to get snakebit on the rear, to me, but its theoritically sound good
When I hiked Mt Sherman which is a 14teer I had to poop so bad when I got to the top had no tp no place to dig a hole so I just pulled back a couple rocks and let it go the bad part was I had to use some small rocks to wipe with because I only had one pair of socks and they need to last until the next day. No I didnt have a pack just a watter bottle and maps.
Seems like a good way to get snakebit on the rear ...
I would only resort to such a strategy in the location mentioned because it would be preferable to the open ground. The population density of snakes there is low and there are no venomous snakes for what that's worth. A good spot might afford some privacy and also shelter from the wind.
Ordinarily my preference would be a cathole and green leaves of deciduous trees or shrubs. Larger maple, oak and hobblebush leaves are quite satisfactory, but those aren't available in alpine zones.
buckwheat
02-10-2009, 19:01
... e littered with unburied piles of ****
Also known as "land mines."
Anyone use baby wipes, tissues, etc? How did it work?
Pacific Tortuga
02-10-2009, 23:26
OK, now that you have followed all the guidelines go out in 20 degree weather, wind blowing at about 20 mph. and try it.
It's hard to practice for that in CA., and then to top it off, you shove a frozen didgit in the old hole due to a broken square, the rest of the roll goes flying off and you fall chasing it down the hill with your pants around your ankles.
I can only imagine, that didn't happen to me, naturally. :mad: :o
Jaybird62
02-10-2009, 23:32
OK, now that you have followed all the guidelines go out in 20 degree weather, wind blowing at about 20 mph. and try it.
It's hard to practice for that in CA., and then to top it off, you shove a frozen didgit in the old hole due to a broken square, the rest of the roll goes flying off and you fall chasing it down the hill with your pants around your ankles.
I can only imagine, that didn't happen to me, naturally. :mad: :o
Ummmmm.......ok:o:o:D:sun
i was disappointed with the whites... i wanted to try out the procedure from the book... 'frost a rock'
karoberts
02-11-2009, 02:06
Can you explain more about these places in the Smokies with no privies?
Is there a sign to indicate the allowed pooping place? Do multiple people wander over and poop together? What if you go into the designated pooping area and disrupt someone's private poop time? What if you dig a hole and accidentally dig up someone's poop from yesterday? I mean, how large is this area?
Hikes in Rain
02-11-2009, 07:43
Generally a sign indicates the "toilet area". I didn't notice the multiple partner poop, but it was in November and there weren't that many hikers. Hope that doesn't happen; it's hard enough waiting for the privy to be free in a crowded shelter. To avoid digging up a previously used area, some hikers leave "flags" of toilet paper waving in the breeze. :rolleyes: Russel Field area is huge, and quite aromatic in the summer, I've been told.
Next to a tree, if there's no privy, otherwise someone might decide to plant a stake right in the middle of your cat hole (ugh - been there). Use a stick to push the paper into your poo so it breaks down faster and keeps animals from digging it out and playing with it - yuck!
Pee in the woods whenever possible. Privy bugs don't like the ammonia in your pee, in fact, too much ammonia kills them.
Can you explain more about these places in the Smokies with no privies?
Is there a sign to indicate the allowed pooping place? Do multiple people wander over and poop together? What if you go into the designated pooping area and disrupt someone's private poop time? What if you dig a hole and accidentally dig up someone's poop from yesterday? I mean, how large is this area?
Honestly, reading this post, I can not think of any reason not to hike the Benton MacKaye Trail through the Smokies instead of the AT.
when temps are below 0 the proper way is prepare everything lay out the paper and make it QUIK !
Homer&Marje
02-11-2009, 18:12
I'd say out the back side. But do it however you want.
Serial 07
02-11-2009, 22:44
poop...stick...leaf...
The Weasel
02-18-2009, 16:48
The book is actually called, "How to S h i t In the Woods." (Since it's a legitimate book, and well regarded in a lot of the outdoor community, I'm printing the name fully.) It is written by a woman who is an experienced Grand Canyon guide, and basically preaches how to 'pack it in and pack it out'. This is a requirement on the Colorado River in the Grand Canyon.
She provides a number of ways to home-make pack-out solutions, and more are available on line. I've used them, and they are effective and not particularly gross. Other parks require them now, and in an older thread (search for it if interested) there was a long and very animated discussion about the topic. With some very good reason, she strongly encourages 'smearing' over catholes, if one is not going to 'pack out'.
If the thread-starter is sincerely interested in 'pack out' methods, send me a PM with your address and I'll mail you my copy (on loan).
TW
sheepdog
02-18-2009, 16:57
Hi Rusty
boarstone
02-18-2009, 17:16
Preferably where no one can--see ya, hear ya or smell ya...
CaptChaos
02-18-2009, 18:10
Oh yeah, I made the mistake of going right after the rush of NOBO headint to Maine. Smelling ripe is an understatement. It gets pretty bad at Russell Field that I have just decided to fix dinner and hike on down to Townsend rather than spend the night and smell it.
CaptChaos
02-18-2009, 18:20
I am so glad to hear this story. I'm not so stupid after all.
About 11 years ago I made my first attempt to backpack and I hiked all day trying to get to Spence Field.
I got there late. Fixed Dinner and did a quick look around and then went to bed. Of course in the middle of the night I got the call of nature and I just could not wait until daylight.
I remember getting up and realizing that I was the only person at the shelter. Being ready to do it all I had my handy shovel and I headed out. I remember looking at a sign on the shelter and it talked about a privy but as I looked around I did not see one. I am thinking to myself that someone is having a good laugh by putting a sign on the shelter so I head off into the woods.
Needless to say, I finally figured it out and considered myself a true and tried backpacker since I did it "in the woods".
The next morning as I was fixing by bkft I noticed the sun reflecting off of something to the right of the shelter. Upon checking on what it might be I run into a privy. The joke was on me and I felt rather stupid for not realizing that Spence Field did have a privy.
I had laid there of what seem hours trying to keep it all in since it was cold and then I had to make the dash into the woods to try and figure out how you do it. Guess being a city boy it took some planning and thought. I always remember the joke the three things that John Wayne always said, Don't french kiss a rattlesnake, don't pee into the wind and try to remember to get everything out of the way before tying to hit the cat hole.
Tipi Walter
02-18-2009, 19:17
I know the is a book titled How to **** in the woods, but being young I can't afford it. My local libraries have it, but its usually checked out. So what is the proper way to go in the woods? How much toilet paper should be brought for a week in the woods, on average? Would it be better to use leaves and burn or bury them?:-? Anyone have any tips, tricks, advice?
WINTER ALERT!
This important information came out of my last backpacking trip report and concerns the not-so-elusive turtlehead:
THE VIOLENT TURTLEHEAD
So wouldn't you know it but the first order of business after setting up the tent was to go off the ridge a bit and scrape out a hole to homebirth an angry and violent turtlehead. The newborn came in at 6.8 pounds, fiesty with a fully functioning arm and hand as it reached out and tripped me up as I was walking away. And I heard a muffled chortle right before I fell.
The normal non-Inuit turtlehead hates winter backpacking and the backpackers who do it, because said turds regularly go from 100 degrees to zero(atop snow no less), in about one nano(nanal?)second--they hardly have time to survey their new kingdom before they are frozen solid. A completely frozen turtlehead though still lives and woe be the idiot who picks up what seems to be a hard, solid woodlike object only later to find it to be, when thawed, a steaming, angry and pissed off human turd.
It's not a reptile, a frisbee or a polished chunk of knotwood, it's a now breathing, pulsating, unburied turtlehead, the worst kind. If discovered, drop immeditately and call no one. Never shove soiled hands down into pants as the smell of a foreign turtlehead will elicit your own contained turtlehead to emerge from hiding to investigae in fighting form and possibly wanting intimate congress or abrutly posturing itself in a fight or flight response. If you have an alpha turtlehead buried in your shorts, be prepared for an all-out fight to the death.
On the other hand, the flight reponse will drive your own turtlehead deeper and higher into your body, possibly up into your chest cavity or throat. Good luck. All this can be avoided by not backpacking in the winter, and if you do pick up a frozen turtlehead by mistake, don't be around when it thaws.
SunnyWalker
02-19-2009, 22:17
Go read the book.
Don't forget to log the lat and lon to a geocache website.
1. Walk off the trail into the woods. Even if you haven't seen anyone on the trail all day, dropping your pants too close to the trail is the best way to have someone wander up right then.
On the other hand, if you're feeling kind of lonely, a sure way to meet someone is to drop your pants near the trail. I guarantee someone will be walking up the trail behind you.
Just Jack
02-25-2009, 13:13
If you want something really different--try standing on your head---
involves extra paperwork however!!!
Vagrant Squirrel
03-03-2009, 13:40
NO BURNING! See the headlines now, "hiker arrested after setting fire to own crap."
God forbid anyone ever brings a new face to an old classic by doing the flaming Bag O' Crap trick on the trail! :banana
Turtlehiker
03-03-2009, 15:00
I bet you would be real popular at the shelter campfire when you walk up and throw used TP in will everyone is sitting around.
Just please bury it! I was in the Catskills once with a small group and someone went off to do their business. They came back into camp and they smelled really bad! After awhile he(not me) looked down at their feet and realized they had ***** smeared up both calves, Not his!
The Weasel
03-03-2009, 16:53
I bet you would be real popular at the shelter campfire when you walk up and throw used TP in will everyone is sitting around.
Just please bury it! I was in the Catskills once with a small group and someone went off to do their business. They came back into camp and they smelled really bad! After awhile he(not me) looked down at their feet and realized they had ***** smeared up both calves, Not his!
I realize a lot of people don't want to pack out their feces, although it's pretty easy and sanitary to do so. But as for TP, it is not hard to pack out (ziplock bags work fine, either large ones doubled or use several small ones in a large one). The problem is that many catholes get rifled by small animals (who find huge food value in feces) and the paper ends up on the ground. One wonderful campsite on the Bruce Trail about 10 miles south of Tobermory was closed due to this problem, and you can see similar results in many crap fields by shelters or heavily used campsites on popular trails.
Pack it in, pack it out. If you don't like packing it out, don't go.
TW
I try to avoid using toilet paper, but I often still bring it. That way I can crap just about anywhere without so much fuss. Of course it depends, on traffic, and habitat, but its easier without toilet paper. Instead of toilet paper you can use leave, moss, bark, snow, sea water, whatever, depending on where you are at the time. I really don't think a book was needed on the subject, but it would be a nice book for the bathroom at home.
IdahoDavid
03-03-2009, 19:31
In our part of the country the newspaper is often delivered in long, narrow plastic bags that are useful for picking up dog mess. I don't know why they would not work just as well for people. Reach into the bag, collect the "items" in question and make a knot just above the items. Turn the bag inside out, tie another knot. Repeat until you run out of bag. Should provide a tight, leak-proof bundle to pack out when necessary. Burning TP is an unecessary risk.
wrongway_08
03-03-2009, 19:59
http://i133.photobucket.com/albums/q60/wrongway_02/102_1264.jpg?t=1236124951