PDA

View Full Version : Anyone else out there in same



Godfrey
03-13-2009, 17:08
situation. Love the outdoors and have a sick spouse who cannot enjoy the outdoors nor any climbing/hiking/canoeing etc. No chance of changing my situation, however am looking for platonic people to share the same "frustration" so to speak. I do a lot of hiking / climbing alone and it really gets old. My spouse is supportive, however when I leave I feel quilty. Just wondering if others are out there and how you cope/feel. It would be nice to just email with someone who has been thru or going thru same thing.

Thoughts? :-?

boarstone
03-13-2009, 18:29
This is kind of a personal situation to have to deal with. You stated your spouse is fine w/you being gone while out on your trips. Yet you feel quilty. This is normal for you to feel this way as we all like to share everything w/our partners as we go through our lives together. Sometimes it just can't be and then it needs to be dealt with not ignored or pushed aside as not being important. For your own well being you need space too and if the outdoors offers you this space, accept it. You both seem to have accepted the situation and have come to terms with it, don't keep putting it under a microscope. You'll be fine.:)

Slosteppin
03-13-2009, 19:28
situation. Love the outdoors and have a sick spouse who cannot enjoy the outdoors nor any climbing/hiking/canoeing etc. No chance of changing my situation, however am looking for platonic people to share the same "frustration" so to speak. I do a lot of hiking / climbing alone and it really gets old. My spouse is supportive, however when I leave I feel quilty. Just wondering if others are out there and how you cope/feel. It would be nice to just email with someone who has been thru or going thru same thing.

Thoughts? :-?

I can identify with your situation. My wife isn't sick but she does have a lot of health problems. I like to hike, ski, snowshoe, kayak, backpack and ride my bikes. Did I say I like to backpack? There was about 5 years when I didn't even leave for more than a few hours.
Now there has been improvement but she will never be able to get out and hike or paddle again. I have made it clear that 3 or 4 times a year I will be out backpacking for 1 or 2 weeks.
She doesn't like it but always says have fun and call home. She worries!
I wish we were closer to relatives but I don't really want to move back where they are.

Slosteppin

Blissful
03-13-2009, 19:30
WB is a great place to hook up with others for hikes, etc.

But important you include your spouse and find interests you both can share even with disabilities. I know mine has a bad back so hikes can get tough. But we work through it.

johnnybgood
03-13-2009, 23:17
because my situation is the same. I have hiked alone for years and have become accustomed to it.

Nobody in my family enjoys walking long distances and are not in particularly good "hiking condition " to log the miles I can .... so solo I go .

With that being said , I do enjoy stopping and chatting to other hikers in passing , topics ranging from trail conditions to how far have they hiked that day, etc ... but I probably enjoy doing my own thing too much at my own speed , or lack thereof , to really get comfortable with having to "hang" with someone else for very long .

Many Walks
03-13-2009, 23:50
Sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder. It may be possible the spouse staying at home may have (or can develop) other hobbies or activities they prefer over hiking and may appreciate their "me time". If that can be worked out it might alleviate the guilt of being off hiking and could be a new source of sharing when you're together again. Just a thought.

Erin
03-14-2009, 00:34
Knowing people like you, here is an idea. You do your hiking trips during the time spouse takes a girl or guy trip since this situation works both ways. Here the couples split during deer season for the guys. Lots of girl trips during deer season.
Or try a destination where you can do your canoeing, hiking and your spouse can have more sedentary activites in the same area on something she or he likes to do ie: take a short class, museums, crafts, fish, read, etc so you both can enjoy a get a way to a scenic area and vacation you will both enjoy.
Maybe your spouse can't hike, but he or she might like to car camp and read or go to town while you do a day hike loop. Even my old parents could ride in a canoe.
Not every couple has the same interests and it sounds as if you are trying to find a way to work with that and good luck.

prain4u
03-14-2009, 01:32
I am in this same situation also. In my IDEAL world--my wife and kids would camp and hike with me in remote wilderness areas. The REALITY is, they hate camping and hiking. To quote the words of a song: "You can't always get what you want...",

So...

1) We have decided that it is O.K. to do some activities SEPARATELY--including taking some separate vacations. (Part of the agreement is that we must also take at least SOME family trips together each year).

2. I spend time on WhiteBlaze. I also compare gear ideas and outdoor stories with some local persons who like to camp and hike. Thus, I have people to discuss the outdoors with (besides my wife and kids--who could frankly care less!). I anticipate taking some hikes with these local folks in the next 1-2 years.

3. My wife and kids have bought some of my hiking and camping equipment for me. Thus, they have at least some small link to my outdoor experiences. (My daughter is very proud of the "Titanium Spork" that she bought for me this past Christmas).

4) Recently, we are trying to pick some "compromise destinations" for family vacations. In August 2008, we went to Mackinac Island, Michigan for a vacation. What did I get out of it? I got to be on an island in the middle of the Great Lakes. I got to see some wildlife and photgraph beautiful sunrises/sunsets (with my wife and kids sometimes present). No motor vehicle traffic is allowed on the island. I took long walks and bike rides in the wooded areas and along the gorgeous lake shore. My family joined me on some of those activities--including an 8.25 mile walk around the entire island. Thus, we have some common "outdoor" memories from the trip.

What did my wife and kids get out of it? After doing the outdoor activities, we didn't sleep in a tent or cook our food over an open fire. We ate in nice restaurants, slept on soft beds in a good hotel. We had a Jacuzzi in our room and we swam in an indoor pool downstairs. The trails we walked on were paved. There were LOTS of stores for shopping. My wife loves flowers----and flower gardens were everywhere on the island.

We will probably do more such "compromise" trips in the future to even more remote areas. While it isn't my ideal dream of all four of us camping together in the wilderness, it sure beats doing all of my outdoor activities alone without my family being present.

Tin Man
03-14-2009, 01:49
I started overnight backpacking when I discovered overnighting at he 19th hole was frowned upon :(