View Full Version : Should I???
cameronjreed
04-23-2009, 18:25
I am a recent widower. I lost my wife about 1 year ago. I've come far in a year, but would like to accomplish my goal of hiking the entire AT. The catch is this.... I have three little boys (5, 4 and 2 years old). They wouldn't be able to join me. It's just too hard. I might be able to convince family members to watch them for a few months.
I have saved the money to do it. I have a good job that I would NOT want to lose, but I feel like an AT hike would provide a lot of healing for me. (not to mention that it could provide opportunities to network and gain friends)
If you were in my shoes, what would you do?
Thanks,
Cameron
Lone Wolf
04-23-2009, 18:30
wait til your youngest is 18 or so then do it. the boys need you now
Rockhound
04-23-2009, 18:34
Based on limited info I would say section hike it over 3 to 6 years. If you can get 1 or 2 months off each summer you can still keep your job and your friends/family could help with the kids while they are out of school and by sectioning you would not have to spend as much time away from them. Sorry for your loss and good luck with your dream.
Going to go with LW on this one. I have 3 kids and if something were to happen to my wife I dont think I could leave them at a young age. The trail is not going any where. Your kids will grow up and then maybe they would want to go with you. At the ages that they are they probably need all the love they can get right now. If you left for 6 month they might be a little confussed and think that you are not coming back. All that to say just wait. It would be better. I think but HYOH
yep, i agree with lw. your kids are too young!
Speer Carrier
04-23-2009, 18:37
I agree with LW. Wait until the boys grow up or are old enough to perhaps hike with you. In the mean time, if they show an interest, take them camping, or on some overnighters. As folks on this website have said many, many times, the trail ain't going anywhere.
Take your boys hiking on short trips for now. There's healing to be found there as well.
Mrs Baggins
04-23-2009, 18:40
Try doing it in sections - when you can take a few weeks here and there and still have the time with your kids. Waiting til they're 18 is no guarantee they'll be ready for you to leave for 6 months. We tried a thru-hike when our youngest, a son, was 19, living in an apartment on his own and going to tech school. We still worried every day and it became a case of "thank God we got off the trail early" because there were issues that we had to take care of, that we could not have taken care of from the trail. It just wasn't the right time for us to go. He's 22 now and there are still issues that keep us near by. 18 is NOT an age when they are suddenly self sufficient in spite of what the childless would like to believe. Our daughter is 27, financially very independent, but now she's getting married and we have to be here to help, and pay for, the arrangements. Now if you're kids join the military right out of high school and make a success out of it immediately then you're freer to take off. But being enrolled in, and living at, school is NO guarantee that they are now on their own no matter how much, or others, wish it to be so.
Cannibal
04-23-2009, 18:44
Agreed, those are the cool years for little boys. I know I wouldn't want to miss them. The AT was great, but no comparison to that; not even close.
wrongway_08
04-23-2009, 18:46
Section hike, bring the kids along - they will like, hopefully :) !
Keep them involved and when they get older, who knows, maybe they will join you!
Cameron, first off, let me say how sorry I am for the loss of your beloved wife. I can not imagine that pain and loss that you must feel. Were I in your shoes, I'd follow the excellent advice that others here have given. Wait until your boys are older to hike the trail. Right now, your sons need their father probably more than they ever will and being apart from them, IMO, wouldn't be a good idea. For now, take the kids camping, go on short hikes and in general spend as much time with them as you possibly can. The trail will be there later on when you're ready.
traildust
04-23-2009, 19:00
thru hike later - section hike with your boys now. weekend hike if family can watch the boys -
take-a-knee
04-23-2009, 19:10
I can't imagine your loss, may God offer you comfort. I'd say to heck with the AT for now. Go to the Wind Rivers or some similar place withing driving distance to you that makes the AT pale in comparison.
Skidsteer
04-23-2009, 19:16
Stay home with your boys. Teach them your love of the outdoors and do the big hike later. They miss her too.
I wager you won't regret it.
Blissful
04-23-2009, 19:32
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'd do a short section and when you can and they are old enough, let your boys experience it with you.
karoberts
04-23-2009, 19:43
Don't leave the kids.
Ladytrekker
04-23-2009, 19:51
I am a recent widower. I lost my wife about 1 year ago. I've come far in a year, but would like to accomplish my goal of hiking the entire AT. The catch is this.... I have three little boys (5, 4 and 2 years old). They wouldn't be able to join me. It's just too hard. I might be able to convince family members to watch them for a few months.
I have saved the money to do it. I have a good job that I would NOT want to lose, but I feel like an AT hike would provide a lot of healing for me. (not to mention that it could provide opportunities to network and gain friends)
If you were in my shoes, what would you do?
Thanks,
Cameron
This message is from a Mom: My answer to this question is NO. I know that you have had a traumatic loss but this is not about you right now, these children have also had a traumatic loss and if you leave what are they going to think and the timing to leave them right now is not right they are too little to understand. And to honor your wife's memory take care and love her children. YOUR CHILDREN ARE WORTH EVERY SACRIFICE YOU WILL HAVE TO MAKE.
Suggestion: Teach them, take them walking even if it is a park even if your pushing a baby carriage show them wildlife, flowers, the birds, as they age take them camping, take longer walks share this experience and growth and recovery with them.
Just love them and everything will work out.
Good advice from others. Family first, trail later. Help them to appreciate & love the outdoors; and to love you too.
Sorry for your loss
I am a recent widower. I lost my wife about 1 year ago. I've come far in a year, but would like to accomplish my goal of hiking the entire AT. The catch is this.... I have three little boys (5, 4 and 2 years old). They wouldn't be able to join me. It's just too hard. I might be able to convince family members to watch them for a few months.
I have saved the money to do it. I have a good job that I would NOT want to lose, but I feel like an AT hike would provide a lot of healing for me. (not to mention that it could provide opportunities to network and gain friends)
If you were in my shoes, what would you do?
Thanks,
CameronSorry to hear of your loss. I think if it weren't for your boys and your job then an AT thru-hike would most likely be a wise choice to help with your grieving process, it would give you time for reflection on your life, as to where you were and where you eventually want to be. I was planning an AT thru-hike for this year with other's, bought all the gear, etc... however I am also raising a 4 year old son, fixing up a new home, and experiencing the economic turmoil which the collapsing economy has inflicted upon the people. I chose to not go this year as I felt my family needs me more, and the time just wasn't right. You don't state your age, but the only problem with waiting, as other's have suggested, is the physical demands imposed on the body by a thru-hike, and ones ability to overcome this once one has aged.
Don't leave your kids.Take them on short hiking trips with you now and thru-hike when they are grown
So sorry to hear of your loss. As a pastor and counselor, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Thru hiking the trail COULD be therapeutic and healing for you. HOWEVER, it has been my experience, that no matter how far you hike, the grief will still be hiking right along beside you every step of the way. The grief will also be waiting for you when you return back home (but will perhaps have even grown quite a bit during your absence). It will probably be at least a few years before a long hike can be truly therapeutic.
It's probably best to continue to work through your grief right where you are---at least for now.
Your children really need you right now--and will continue need you for many years to come. They are grieving as much (or more) than you--even though it might not be visibly apparent. If you went on a thru hike, it would be just like them losing a second parent. They would feel abandoned (even if they personally told you that they would be O.K. while you thru hiked).
The AT will be there long after you are gone, but time with your children is gift that should never be taken for granted. My career had me working 70-80 hours a week for most of the last 20 years. Every one of my kids would tell you they resented that. I am descended from a workaholic father, so I guess the apple didn't fall far, but ask me if I had it to do over again what my answer would be...I think you know.
Enjoy every moment with your children and then do your hike, maybe even with some of them if life permits.
elmotoots
04-23-2009, 22:12
Sorry for your loss
We raised 4 sons who were born about two years apart
Did a lot of camping and hiking with them all.
My only regret is that i did not start it, when they were a lot younger than they were.
You have a perfect chance to build memories for you and them that none of you will ever forget.
I would rather walk a mile with someone i love than 2000 miles without them.
Elmo
I would rather walk a mile with someone i love than 2000 miles without them.
WOW! Powerful! Probably the best sentence on this entire thread. Thank you!
elmotoots
04-23-2009, 22:27
thank you for understanding the emotion.
This post makes me think of every minute i missed spending with my kids when they were that age.
There were not a lot of missed moments, but there were to many.
I never thought I would tell anyone to not "Go for it!" regarding a AT thru, but I suggest that you wait, don't make the kids lose you too, no matter how temporary. As suggested above: do some section hikes, take the kids, then when they are old enough to fend for themselves or go with you, do your thru.
Should I be in the same situation as you, my wife & kids know that (literally) I leave the funeral for my thru, but then my "Baby" is 23, not 2.
As stated in other posts "The AT will still be there" :p
FlyPaper
04-24-2009, 11:42
I concur. Your kids need you now, especially after the loss of their mom.
I would say your 5 year old may be old enough for an overnight hike on the AT (I took my boy out a year ago when he was 5). We covered 4.8 miles and stayed in a shelter. That is high adventure for a 5 year old.
I am a recent widower. I lost my wife about 1 year ago. I've come far in a year, but would like to accomplish my goal of hiking the entire AT. The catch is this.... I have three little boys (5, 4 and 2 years old). They wouldn't be able to join me. It's just too hard. I might be able to convince family members to watch them for a few months.
I have saved the money to do it. I have a good job that I would NOT want to lose, but I feel like an AT hike would provide a lot of healing for me. (not to mention that it could provide opportunities to network and gain friends)
If you were in my shoes, what would you do?
Thanks,
Cameron
I am very sorry for your loss.
My suggestion is that you need to find some activity with your kids and the outdoors that fills your bucket and theirs.
Your kids need you.
Sounds like quite the troop you have there. I would hike and camp as much as I could, with the boys. If you have a love for the outdoors they will to. Brainwash early and brainwash often. Best of luck to all of you and very sorry to hear about you wife.
Most days you might not be able to cover alot of ground, but if you carry everything you might be surprised how well they can all keep up, even the youngest given another year or two. Until then, you can still sneak in some running. Don't know how I would manage 3 boys on my own. God bless you.
Phoenixdadeadhead
04-26-2009, 00:57
Sections are the way to go. I know you hear that tic toc of your life going, but trust me you have time. Plus you will be able to take them with you on a lot of hikes, more and more as they grow older.
Feral Bill
04-26-2009, 01:07
I don't think I have seen this suggested, excuse me if I repeat. I think you should be getting some counseling or group support to help you with your situation. You are obviously really hurting and owe it to yourself and your kids to take care of yourself.
I know from experience that there are no better trail companions than kids. It won't be long before you are building a lifetime of outdoors memories with them.
We are all thinking of you and yours,
FB
Toolshed
04-26-2009, 08:02
I didn't read all the responses except LW and I agree....
Your boys need you now much much more than you need the trail. you may desired to be healed, but the worst thing you could do was pass off the boys to a relative after their loss of their mother.
Hang tight and keep strong for them.
I agree with LW as well. Make a few week long hikes for your mental health, but STAY with your little fellas. They are numbers 1, 1 and 1 in your life. You won't regret it.
I treasure every moment of every day I had with my daughter before she died.
Frau
HIPOCKETS
04-26-2009, 20:47
I recommend section hiking. I started section hiking is 2002 one year after my son died in a car accident. I found a that each hike gave me time to think and helped me in the grieving process. The intense grief has been replaced with memories of the good times we had.
I find that 2 weeks is the longest I can stay away from home even when I plan to stay out longer. I have hike different sections with family, friends and at times with new friends I met on the trail. Great times to enjoy the Lord's creation and relax, but at the end of two weeks I have to go home and hug my family.
Many Walks
04-26-2009, 21:17
Sorry for your loss, but it has to be kids now, trail later. Take good care of them in every way and start taking them on very short enjoyable (for them) outings. As time progresses and their love of the outdoors develops start educating them on the AT and opportunities for other long trails. Plan together for section hikes and possibly the day all of you can make the thru hike journey. What a trip that would be! Wish you the best.