PDA

View Full Version : Has anyone else dealt with this?



Guy
07-13-2009, 10:16
I've decided that I'm going to hike the PCT starting next Spring. I've begun all the planning that goes into that. I've told everyone that I needed to, and figured out how I'm going to accomplish it without sinking myself financially.

Now, I've got a group of close family/friends trying to convince me not to do this.

My first instinct is to command them to relent, and try and be supportive, and if they can't do that at least shut up, but I'm curious how others have dealt with this kind of thing. I have a feeling that I'm not the only one to have dealt with this.

snowhoe
07-13-2009, 10:19
The reason why is that they love you and they will not be able to get in contact with you at any given time. How old are you? If you are like 15 then maybe I could see what they are talking about. Maybe they want to go and you havent asked them so they are mad about it.

The Weasel
07-13-2009, 10:24
Guy:

Much of the reason is that you're doing something that most people don't, and can't, fully understand, and not only that, they think (largely incorrectly) that is wildly dangerous, with all kinds of horror stories. So you're becoming "different" from them by wanting to do this, and that is somewhat threatening to them.

You can do some educational things with them to help them understand better that it is not wildly remote, that you have access to help, and that you are preparing for the risks in a prudent manner. Perhaps they can assist you in some ways, and perhaps if you show them maps and pictures of others doing it they will understand better.

Good luck...the PCT is a wonderful place!

The Weasel

Blue Jay
07-13-2009, 10:27
Slaves rarely like other slaves escaping, especially when there is clearly a hole in the fence and they realize only their own actions are holding them back. People do like believing outside factors are holding them back, as that way they can complain and then do nothing.

snowhoe
07-13-2009, 10:28
Slaves rarely like other slaves escaping, especially when there is clearly a hole in the fence and they realize only their own actions are holding them back. People do like believing outside factors are holding them back, as that way they can complain and then do nothing.

HMMMMM...... Have never thought about it like that...... Hey when your right, your right....

Guy
07-13-2009, 10:50
Snowhoe, nope not 15 years old. 38. I doubt that jealousy is the problem, but I guess it's something to consider.

Weasle, thanks for the advice. I'm going to take it to heart and try and alleve some of that concern as you're describing.

Bluejay, I detect a kernel of truth in what you say, but I seriously doubt calling people slaves will get anyone to come around on the matter. I think I'll keep my agreement with you to myself. :)

Guy
07-13-2009, 10:53
Also, I meant to pose this question in the PCT forum but I must have mistakenly clicked on the NCT logo. Sorry.

kyhipo
07-13-2009, 10:58
personally just go for it!its your life,ky

High Life
07-13-2009, 11:22
Life is Short ... way too short .. history of the universe 1000000000000000000000 gazillions of years .... you are nothing but a blip on the screen , the mold on the bread .. just do what you want as long as your not hurting someone else ..

toegem
07-13-2009, 12:21
Guy, I go throught this all the time on solo trips and my parents are in their eighties. They voiced their concerns that something could happen to me putting my life in peril even if it is a million to one chance. No matter how old you get your still their child, presuming your parents or spouse are the ones putting the pressure on you. Here's how I was able to calm my parents fears, I got a SPOT and I send a relative a ok with a track so they know where I am. The one thing I would think about when they showed their concerned is that they love me. The SPOT does add weight but it is one weight penalty that I'm willing to pay just to give my loved ones piece of mind.

Red Beard
07-13-2009, 12:47
Guy,

I'm going through much the same thing with my friends and family concerning the AT. I pretty much told everyone that they can either be supportive, or shut up. It stands to reason that you're being "persuaded" not to do this because your family and friends care about you.

However, in 20 years, if you don't do this; how will you feel? There are several things I regret not doing when I was in my 20's. I let my body go, and stayed "safe" to appease those around me. Only now have I begun to realize what a mistake this has been. I've pretty much decided if folks can't support me, I really don't need them around anyway. Best of luck to you on the PCT, and happy hiking.

ShelterLeopard
07-13-2009, 13:04
I've decided that I'm going to hike the PCT starting next Spring. I've begun all the planning that goes into that. I've told everyone that I needed to, and figured out how I'm going to accomplish it without sinking myself financially.

Now, I've got a group of close family/friends trying to convince me not to do this.

My first instinct is to command them to relent, and try and be supportive, and if they can't do that at least shut up, but I'm curious how others have dealt with this kind of thing. I have a feeling that I'm not the only one to have dealt with this.

A lot of people don't understand hiking if they haven't done it- simple as that. I told my family that I would be trhu hiking next february (as a 20 year old, solo female), and they all got nervous, when someone had the idea of consulting my uncle, who had thru hiked in the late 80's. Conversation went something like this: Granmother and mother- "Jon, Alice is convinced she wants to hike the WHOLE appalachian trail. {pause} Alone." Uncle Jon- "really, what day are you leaving?"

ShelterLeopard
07-13-2009, 13:05
PS- Take them hiking. They'll either love it, or hate it, but either way, they'll see that you won't die.

Plodderman
07-13-2009, 13:09
It seems like people want to keep everyone boxed up and when you break the norm it it provokes fear. I am very fortunate to have wife who doesn't mind me hitting the AT on occasion. Keep your plans and check one off the Bucket List.

TD55
07-13-2009, 13:32
You should be the one to shut up Guy, IMO. Give everyone one chance. Tell them you have made your decision and if they can not be supportive of you dreams and goals in life, it is best that you and they don't discuss them. Point out to them that thousands of other individuals of your age have the same dreams and goal. You might also point out that this endeavor at your age can have significant and lasting health benifits. Once your family and friends are convinced that you are going through with your thru, they will come around.

Guy
07-13-2009, 14:08
In the end, I know that I've already made my decision, and that I'm going to do it. The negativity coming from the fam only makes me want to do it even more (I didn't think that was even possible.) and nothing seems to get me doing something like someone telling me that I can't.

I've been seriously considering getting a SPOT device. This could just be one more reason to pull the trigger on that idea.

snowhoe
07-13-2009, 14:14
Just buy a satallite phone.

Guy
07-13-2009, 14:33
Just buy a satallite phone.

I'm pretty sure that's out of my price range. Also, the thought of having one is repellent to me.

High Life
07-13-2009, 14:37
hey guy , my mom freaks and tells me shes going to disown me everytime i got out on a long distance hike and then when i return shes like everyone is talking about your hike and how great that is and she has a huge smile on her face .. so mostly people get scared and stuff .. just be prepared the best you can and if you want to bring a spot
its not a bad idea ..ive tracked people on them and it seems to work pretty well
.. have a awesome hike !

Guy
07-13-2009, 15:20
As corny as it sounds, I can't tell you all how much I appreciate this support that I'm getting here.

kyhipo
07-13-2009, 15:54
hey bro dont take no crap!

Plodderman
07-13-2009, 15:58
Guy Hit the trails and enjoy yourself.

MOWGLI
07-13-2009, 15:58
Also, I meant to pose this question in the PCT forum but I must have mistakenly clicked on the NCT logo. Sorry.

No worries. I moved it for you.

nca777
07-14-2009, 23:53
This has been such a struggle to overcome for me as well in the past few days. I am planning a section hike of katahdin to the NH state line and my fam is freaking out, started listing all the things going on in everyone's lives right now and how they didn't need 'this' (my hike) on top of it.

I appreciate the sentiment, but it also reinforces the notion that I am not of the same make as the them.

The frustrating thing is that I think it takes alot of mental fortitude to plan and execute a trip into the relative unknown whether it's 50 or 5,000 miles and others can't appreciate the importance of a positive attitude--All the talk of bear attacks, psychos, and killer storms doesn't set one up for a positive experience.

I'm moving forward with my plans and I think you should too Guy. I'm hoping that, as other alluded to, I'll gain support once plans come to fruition.

[The issue still for me is that I was hoping for a ride from one of my ten or so family members currently residng in the Maine area..]

unclehud
07-15-2009, 00:08
It's something they don't understand, and therefore cannot see the value or the benefits of long-trail hiking.

Everyone can see the hazards, real or imagined: bears, mountain lions, psycho killers, snakes, falling off any of a half-million cliffs, drowning in a creek, a number of viral infections, cuts, burns, broken bones, dehydration, getting lost and never found, ... and on and on and on.

My kids thought I was nuts to do a seven-day solo, despite an extensive list of long trips with buddies and solo short trips. Try the "rational explanation" approach a couple of times, then try the "I'll be fine" approach, then the "Y'all come too" approach, and, lastly, try the "none of your business" approach.

Good Luck!

RITBlake
07-15-2009, 00:38
Slaves rarely like other slaves escaping, especially when there is clearly a hole in the fence and they realize only their own actions are holding them back. People do like believing outside factors are holding them back, as that way they can complain and then do nothing.

wow, that's some heavy dope right there

Lemni Skate
07-15-2009, 01:20
I've noticed that people seem to really overestimate what a thru hiker is dealing with. It's like they watched a show about a team of climbers tackling K2 or Mt. Everest or something and they think that's what we're doing.

People also seem to think that the woods are just crawling with rabid bears and things waiting to get humans.

Also, people tend to think a murderer would rather hang out on the trail instead of in a city where there are 100000 times more victims to choose from.

I also think people tend to think of our scenic trails as much more lightly used and much more remote than they really are.

Bottom line, is that if you're an adult and you're single and you don't have kids then you owe nobody anything. So go...none of the above are issues.

I do think spouses and kids have a right to be more questioning. Are you leaving them with six months of chores and responsibilities they are used to you handling?

I plan to hike 10 weeks next summer, but I feel guilty about all the grass my wife will have to cut and making her handle house work, yard work, real work and the kids. She has a right to tell me no, if she thinks this will overburden her. If she does, then O.K. I'll do a few shorter hikes. Spouses have to be on board or the marriage is in real trouble (or at least the hike is).

Matteroo
07-15-2009, 04:30
I would chime full support of doing a hike. You said you have the finances setup and the planning geared up. IF you are leaving behind a family with increased responsibilities in your absence, maybe that should give you pause to listen and see how that increased actual pressure can be mitigated. However, if you are relatively free to leave and it doesn't put a burden your family (other than emotionally--missing you/worrying--ie: nobody has to do double housework/deal with taxes/care for a sick parent/take care of kids alone) then really just gotta hear them out and have a smile and tell them you love them for loving you so much--that you'll be safe and it is a dream of yours and just keep plugging and embrace them and your hike and enjoy yourself - its your life, not theirs.

sticks&stones
07-15-2009, 05:33
tell them you changed your mind, and won't be hiking.

Wolf - 23000
07-15-2009, 06:37
I've decided that I'm going to hike the PCT starting next Spring. I've begun all the planning that goes into that. I've told everyone that I needed to, and figured out how I'm going to accomplish it without sinking myself financially.

Now, I've got a group of close family/friends trying to convince me not to do this.

My first instinct is to command them to relent, and try and be supportive, and if they can't do that at least shut up, but I'm curious how others have dealt with this kind of thing. I have a feeling that I'm not the only one to have dealt with this.

I had an ex-girlfriend that did that to me all the time. That is why she is my ex.

I've done multiple thru-hikes, on different trails, in all different times of year. I've hiked everything from southern California hot summer desert to the Maine COLD winter. Sure your are always going to have your “friends” that can never understand what you are doing or why but you know they don't have to. This is your hike and no one can take that away from you. If you don't have their support then so be it. Do you really need someone tearing you down while you complete something that most people can only dream about?


Go do it and have fun at the same time. If your friends are not there when you come back then they were never really your friends.


Wolf

Marta
07-15-2009, 06:42
Howdy, Guy! Have a great hike!

PS--Age and maturity will not change the desire of family to control you.

clured
07-15-2009, 23:30
Buy your family a map of the PCT. Give them thumb tacks, and tell them to track you as you move north. Maps awaken adventure in people. It's impossible to follow someone's hike on a map and not get a bit wanderlusty. Once the spark is kindled in them, they'll get some semblance of understanding and stop badgering you.

ShelterLeopard
07-16-2009, 09:12
I've noticed that people seem to really overestimate what a thru hiker is dealing with. It's like they watched a show about a team of climbers tackling K2 or Mt. Everest or something and they think that's what we're doing.


At the same time, a lot of people underestimate it, if they've never been hiking before. "All your doin' is walkin'? Well tarnation, taint' nothin' easier than walkin'!" (word for word)

ShelterLeopard
07-16-2009, 09:20
Which may be true, AFTER the first couple weeks. (Actually, probably not until Shenandoah)

Dogwood
07-16-2009, 16:45
I don't know where you are at in life. Sometimes people have good reasons for recommending things to you. BUT, I don't think other's unwarranted fears of trail life or the unknown or an unwillingness upon their part to allow you to break out of the norm are fare enough reasons to deter you from acheiving your dreams. And, don't allow anyone, even those who love you, play the guilt trip on you by saying they worry about you. That may seem callous and insensitive saying that but, if they were acting in true love they wouldn't be acting in worry, which is nothing more than fear disguised in a different package. You, at the same time, have to continue acting in kindness and love towards them. Do what you reasonably can to alleviate their fears, but in the end it is up to them to accept what you want to do and to not give in to their fear. No matter what you may have been led to believe it is ultimately up to them whether or not they will worry.

I like what Weasel and Bluy Jay had to say.

Geo.
07-17-2009, 04:02
Now, I've got a group of close family/friends trying to convince me not to do this.



Go for it Guy! You may well find it's the most satisfactory thing you'll ever do.
Ignore or use negative comments...
Encouragement from an uncle of mine was, "I'll give you two goddam weeks and you'll give up."
That helped a lot. I got a buzz mailing him from Canada! :)

Jonnycat
07-17-2009, 12:38
Despite having backpacked for 25 years, my family still acts like they're never going to see me again whenever I leave for a trip.

On the upside, everyone is always happy to see me when I come back home, and I get a good meal.