View Full Version : support for hiking widowers/widows
Does anyone know of a place to point "those we leave behind" for some support and understanding? Websites ? Books? Support groups?
Anyone else struggling with this issue. I wanna hike, but don't want to kill my relationship. It sucks, whats the answer? Surely someone has dealt with this issue.
Looking for some advice.
Does anyone know of a place to point "those we leave behind" for some support and understanding? Websites ? Books? Support groups?
Anyone else struggling with this issue. I wanna hike, but don't want to kill my relationship. It sucks, whats the answer? Surely someone has dealt with this issue.
Looking for some advice.
SarahAT,
I wish there was an answer that doesn't make me come off as a smartass, but the only real answer is to find someone that shares your passion.
TG
Sarah,
I hear you loud and clear. My wonderful wife enjoys easy hikes with me, but cannot handle the more difficult terrains and will not camp, thus on my overnights, or longer trips she is a hiker widow. We recently got a dog, so maybe that will mitigate some of the angst she has about being home alone. Big test next week as I am going on a 2-week trip.
paradoxb3
08-07-2009, 11:28
SarahAT, I as well understand your situation. I'm thru hiking nobo next year, and leaving behind the girl i've been with for 8-9 months now. Since day one i've been open with her about my plans to hike, and so far she is still understanding and supportive, and I only hope when March rolls back around, she will still feel the same way. I just cant help but fear she wont want me to leave when the time comes, or the 5-6 month time away will push us apart. I guess its the gamble you have to take if you're serious about going. I've just put all my trust in her to be there for me when I get back.
The only suggestion I can offer is to not just disappear into the woods. Stay in as close of contact with your loved ones as you can, but without burdening your trip. Keep yourself fresh on their minds, i guess is what i'm trying to say.
After 25 years I say honey I'm going to the woods and she said fine. It takes time to develop any relationship. Yes She loves hiking outdoors but not camping out, even when I took her on a real narrow trail last weekend and she's cover in poison ivy, I'm not, but I offer to put the pink stuff on her to keep the itch down...tell she hits me for trying to put it on place that there's no poison ivy...anyway the point is to work on little steps tell him to be you lifeline make him feel like he's a part of it. Help him look at packs, tents what every to help you eventually offer him cookies we all come to the dark side for that....
Thanks to all who replied. It's tough to balance that drive to hike and leaving someone you love behind. Your support and replies are very much appreciated!!!
Wise Old Owl
08-07-2009, 19:07
Funny my story would have been the same as Cowhead, She is very comfortable watching movies while I am in the woods.
After 25 years I say honey I'm going to the woods and she said fine.
my story would have been the same as Cowhead
Funny, my wife likes it when I go off into the woods, too. And the longer it's been since I've backpacked or traveled, the more she likes it when I go. Hmmm.
It's now to the point where my wife says "Don't you have some hiking to do SOON!" (Notice there is no question mark.) :p
But yes, in the early years of my hiking "Illness" she could have used some sympathy & support from those SOs in a similar situation. Perhaps a "support group" could be started here. I think I could get my wife to stop in from time to time & offer reassurances & stuff.
Funny, my wife likes it when I go off into the woods, too. And the longer it's been since I've backpacked or traveled, the more she likes it when I go. Hmmm.
Were not pestering them for gear, money sex, or the remote :banana
wrongway_08
08-10-2009, 14:49
money sex ...... where do I get some of that?? I wouldnt mind putting in overtime if I was getn paid for that!!
If your relationship will end because you want to do some independent activity, you should question your relationship.
That said
Totem: "I'm Going Hiking"
Candypants: "Okay!"
money sex ...... where do I get some of that?? I wouldnt mind putting in overtime if I was getn paid for that!!
after 25 years there are days that you know you're paying for it one way or the other
Blue Jay
08-11-2009, 08:39
Does anyone know of a place to point "those we leave behind" for some support and understanding? Websites ? Books? Support groups?
Anyone else struggling with this issue. I wanna hike, but don't want to kill my relationship. It sucks, whats the answer? Surely someone has dealt with this issue.
Looking for some advice.
This is a huge problem, that as far as I know, there is little information. I have been struggling with this issue for 11 years and still have no answer. I wish you all the luck in the world. I don't know who said it, but live your life as best you can and that's all you can do.
Thru hiking can be a very selfish pursuit. That's why I section hike. It's a little less selfish !!1:rolleyes:
Thanks everyone, I don't think my relationship will end but I do think it's hard on the person to just leave them for 4 mths. We are the ones on an adventure so we don't feel that sense of abandonment they do. It is selfish and very hard to explain isn't it?
David@whiteblaze
09-09-2009, 21:14
(ignore this post) If u r married and ur spouse cant live w/o you, bring "it" with, if not applicable, start with 1 day, 2 day, 3 day, 1 week, and finally section hikes, then assure "it" (I hope ur not reading this) that joining u 4 1 day every few weeks or so is possible. If "it"(keep ignoring...) is only a "insert type here"friend, and cannot deal with it, re-evaluate ur relationship. a marriage isnt worth breaking up 4 a thru, a relationship that cant handle stress is worth leaving, if it was meant 2 b, "it" will come back 2 u when u r done.(i really hope you ignored my less than experienced advice on relationships.)