Emotional survival?

[sbhikes]

So my mom was telling me of a hiker she picked up from the PCT who broke down in tears at the kindness my mom showed her. I knew exactly what the hiker was feeling because that often happened to me as I hiked solo on the PCT.

I started to notice that in order to do the big mile days and to "survive" despite all the various discomforts and anxieties (like worrying about a big scary stream coming up or whatever) and lack of real food, that what would happen is the longer I was out there the more pushed down it felt like my soul would become. After a few days, it was like I had no emotions at all and whoever the real me was was buried way deep in some inaccessible place.

Then I would get to civilization and have a couple of meals. I'd feel like I was thawing out and becoming a real human again. There would be color and happiness and emotions again. Then someone would do something kind and I'd just burst into tears that people could be so wonderful.

Am I nuts? Did anybody else feel that way?

[The Weasel]

Nope. You're not nuts. Mostly human, from the sound of it.

TW

[max patch]

Not nuts.

Female.

[Not Sunshine]

Not nuts.

Female.


I know that you said that in joking.

[BobTheBuilder]

Hmmmm...

This kind of got me thinking like a lot of topics don't. I actually feel that the longer I am out in the woods the more stripped away the trappings of the world get, and as soon as I am back in civilization the more I put those trappings back on, like a big overcoat. Not that I don't like towns and civilization and cold beer(I definitely do), just that I feel like I am closer to being the real me the longer I am in the woods.

Maybe I didn't explain that well, or maybe it is a real difference between men and women. Interesting, though.

[Tucky]

I have quite the opposite effect from the TC. Whenever I am out in the woods for extended periods of time I feel like I am "thawing out". I guess what this means for me is that I can just be free with my mind, survive on little, and obtain some substance or reason for living without the complexities of choice. I guess I just become far happier when the only thing I'm worried about is just walking and thinking. Whenever I get back into town I feel very dazed and confused because instantly I have way more possible choices. Creature comforts are okay but after a few hours or days I've closed myself off from the freedom and independence I have achieved hiking in the woods.

Just my thoughts.

[TOW]

So my mom was telling me of a hiker she picked up from the PCT who broke down in tears at the kindness my mom showed her. I knew exactly what the hiker was feeling because that often happened to me as I hiked solo on the PCT.

I started to notice that in order to do the big mile days and to "survive" despite all the various discomforts and anxieties (like worrying about a big scary stream coming up or whatever) and lack of real food, that what would happen is the longer I was out there the more pushed down it felt like my soul would become. After a few days, it was like I had no emotions at all and whoever the real me was was buried way deep in some inaccessible place.

Then I would get to civilization and have a couple of meals. I'd feel like I was thawing out and becoming a real human again. There would be color and happiness and emotions again. Then someone would do something kind and I'd just burst into tears that people could be so wonderful.

Am I nuts? Did anybody else feel that way?
This is why I do what I do because an act of kindness is a good thing to experience. I have experienced many a time and I look at myself in a different way when it happens, it makes me want to give back more and more.

I have witnessed here on my front porch tears from a few hikers because I let them use the phone to call home or a loved one, or I may have fed them, or just listened. And once or twice I have even shed a tear along with someone.

I'll never forget this one girl that was on the phone late one night. I was asleep and what awoke me was Sally my dog was whimpering and licking my face. I heard the girl crying and when I opened the door Sally went right to her and put her head on her lap and cried a bit with her. She reached down to Sally and grasped onto her like Sally was the only thing she had to hold on for life and she really let go.

It was an experience that I will never forget and I want to experience it again and again.

I am no saint, I have many a character defect but I love people and I love being of service when I can because it happened to me long ago on the AT.....

[Lone Wolf]

So my mom was telling me of a hiker she picked up from the PCT who broke down in tears at the kindness my mom showed her. I knew exactly what the hiker was feeling because that often happened to me as I hiked solo on the PCT.

I started to notice that in order to do the big mile days and to "survive" despite all the various discomforts and anxieties (like worrying about a big scary stream coming up or whatever) and lack of real food, that what would happen is the longer I was out there the more pushed down it felt like my soul would become. After a few days, it was like I had no emotions at all and whoever the real me was was buried way deep in some inaccessible place.

Then I would get to civilization and have a couple of meals. I'd feel like I was thawing out and becoming a real human again. There would be color and happiness and emotions again. Then someone would do something kind and I'd just burst into tears that people could be so wonderful.

Am I nuts? Did anybody else feel that way?
nope. never got that feeling

[berninbush]

Sounds like, not the difference between men and women, but the difference between introverts and extraverts.

Contrary to stereotypes, introverts may be friendly, outgoing people, and extraverts may enjoy solitary pursuits like hiking alone. But it's a matter of what "energizes" you. If you NEED time alone to recharge your batteries, you're probably an introvert. If being alone wears on you, but you draw your energy from being around people, you're probably an extravert.

I'm some of both, but more on the introvert side. If I have to be around a crowd of people all day, I really really need that time alone to unwind.

[Blissful]

Not nuts.

Female.

Exactly.

Thank goodness male and female react differently - because yeah, we ARE different. (wow)I was crying some on the phone to my hubby early this week wanting to be brave and stick it out when my feet were killing me but hoping too for some sympathy and the idea of what to do (he told me to get off and I did).

Emotions are part of the feminine make up. There's nothing wrong with it.

Celebrate being female instead of trying to be a man...because that we ain't.

[sbhikes]

I'm definitely an introvert. I also feel that being out on the trail clears my mind and restores me. I also am plenty weary of modern life and feel at home on the trail. Still, I would get like I described. Maybe I was just too mean to myself, a cruel taskmistress who wouldn't even let myself sit down for lunch sometimes.

[BR360]

No. Never happened to me. :p

Since you asked if you are nuts ... :-?....Old Zen saying: Wherever you go, there you are. Meaning, it's all in your head...:eek:

Sounds like you have fear of being yourself in nature :( and you need the support structure of civilization to define your OKness :confused:. Remote wilderness forces you to compartmentalize your emotions, so you can focus on tasks which you see as dangerous and survival-oriented. :-? Nature becomes a looming and persistent threat even as you diminish your sense of being whole, which you see as inadequate to stand whole against the challenge. Thus, you become a zombie when you are hiking rather experiencing your full humanness. Only when you receive sucor from the teat of civilization does your experience of being OK with yourself return.:)

I recommend more hiking until you can become one with yourself, no matter the locale. :D When you are one with yourself, you can be one with your surroundings [Grasshopper]! :welcome :D :D :D

[drastic_quench]

Hmmmm...

This kind of got me thinking like a lot of topics don't. I actually feel that the longer I am out in the woods the more stripped away the trappings of the world get, and as soon as I am back in civilization the more I put those trappings back on, like a big overcoat. Not that I don't like towns and civilization and cold beer(I definitely do), just that I feel like I am closer to being the real me the longer I am in the woods.

Maybe I didn't explain that well, or maybe it is a real difference between men and women. Interesting, though.
I definitely see this in my father. I get feeling that way myself after a week or so.

[Spirit Walker]

It's not a male female difference. When I am in nature, I feel as if all the walls I build around myself come down -- I can be truly myself when I'm hiking, in ways that are much more difficult in the city. I am much happier when hiking than any other time/place. My husband had the same response to the freedom of the trail. His walls came down. Being authentic should allow you to express your emotions more freely - it's not likely to make you repress them.

One difference though, between sbhikes and me, is that I don't allow myself to be pushed when thruhiking, except on an occasional short term basis (i.e. if water is 25 miles away, I'll push, but not day after day, week after week.) I know from past experience that I lose the joy if I'm feeling that kind of time pressure, so I just don't allow it. If I have to live with winter conditions because I'm slow, well, that's too bad, but I'll deal with it. If I don't finish in one season - so be it - I'd rather have a good but incomplete hike than a quick one that I don't enjoy.

[warraghiyagey]

My first SOBO start in '06 when I got to the road to Monson this alder dude out of Maine central casting pulled up in a red pick up before I even attempted to hitch. . . . I couldn't believe how beautiful that was. . . . :sun:sun:sun

[Trailweaver]

I have also been at the point of tears when someone did something like that for me after being on the AT. . . I think it's the combination of being alone for a while, the stress (mentally as well as physically) that you put yourself through while on the trail, and then just being surprised by how generous people can be to strangers. We come to not expect that in general, and then when someone is kind to us, we are caught off guard.

[Manwich]

The only abnormal psyche i've run into is when thru-hikers have an inflated sense of self entitlement.

Otherwise, just keep your wits about you. You're just walking.

[MintakaCat]

“We should not pretend to understand the world only by intellect, we apprehend it just as much by feeling. Therefore, the judgment of the intellect is at best, only half of the truth, and must, if it is to be honest, also come to an understanding of its own inadequacy.” - Carl Jung

[Jonnycat]

What Bob and Tucky said mirror my own experience of being out on the trail. Nice Jung quote, also.

When I go "out there", I do so to get in touch with what I consider to be who I really am. Whatever part of the brain is responsible for converting thoughts into language (and human interaction) becomes dim, and that which is left is what I consider more of my core self.
The last time I was out on the trail, I ran into a woman was doing the PCT from Cascade Locks to Lake Tahoe (she's probably in the Sierra's right now). When I couldn't recall a piece of trail information that was really basic, I mentioned that, "My brain turns to mush when I'm on the trail."

She replied, "That's why we come out here."

It was refreshing to know that someone else felt the same way as myself.

[Christus Cowboy]

I'm definitely an introvert. I also feel that being out on the trail clears my mind and restores me. I also am plenty weary of modern life and feel at home on the trail. Still, I would get like I described. Maybe I was just too mean to myself, a cruel taskmistress who wouldn't even let myself sit down for lunch sometimes.

Interesting thread..... especially the diverse answeres to the topic. I guess gender, emotional make-up, introvert/extrovert, and what energizes you in the experience, all play a part and that is what can make trail life a wonderful experience... I once described my experience a while back in this manner....

"....In my life, that road less traveled usually follows a progression where societal responsibilities and the demands of civilization press down on me which in turn, creates within me a yearning to be with God. This yearning calls me to the solitude of the wilderness where faith and reflection produce a spiritual serenity in my life. Ultimately, spiritual serenity, gives way to a deep sense of gratitude and thankfulness, which ironically leads to a lonliness for those human relationships that God has blessed my life with..... This condition facilitates my journey back, restored.... and renewed with a deeper love for my wife...my children... my friends at church and work.... a love that comes from God Himself......"