View Full Version : Advice: My Thru Hike Partner might be backing out
Spot In The Sky
01-16-2010, 22:43
Hey Team- since July I have been planning a SOBO starting this July with my friend who has done a lot of hiking and he suggested doing a thru hike and i agreed eventhough i have very little experience.
As of late hes kind of flaking and i have put so much time and energy already into the prep i dont want to just cxl it. Ive been saving money, purchased ALL the gear I need- but i cant do it alone.
Ive already planned to leave my job and my apartment lease ends in June so timing wise it all makes sense.
What have you guys done in the past when your partners back out on you?
Is there a chance of meeting someone on here who wants to do it at the same time?
fiddlehead
01-16-2010, 22:48
Happened to me on my first thru in '77.
Went anyway, had the time of my life.
Never looked back or regretted my decision.
Good luck.
jersey joe
01-16-2010, 23:20
I would advise that you go in July and thru hike without your friend. You will meet other hikers out there that you can hike with.
You don't have a choice. Start your hike when you have already planned. You cannot let someone else decide or make decisions for you. I'm not sure how many SOBO's hikers start in July. I'm guessing you will not be alone for long. As fiddlehead wrote, never look back. You might regret it for a long, long time.
white_russian
01-16-2010, 23:41
Even if you did start together it would probably just be a matter of time before you split up anyways. Most thru-hike partnerships don't last too long, but some do make it all the way though. In the end it is most likely the way things would have ended up anyway. Go have fun, plenty of new friends to meet on the trail.
Pacific Tortuga
01-16-2010, 23:53
Note to self : always plan ALL your trips as if you, were the only one going.
Invite others and if they bail out on you, your trip is not ruined or worse yet, over.
When you go alone you are more open to meeting new people and trying new things.
Many Walks
01-16-2010, 23:59
Spot In The Sky, who says you can't do it alone? You can if you want to. You'll figure it out as you go. Practice cooking and camping in your back yard and do some short practice hikes to gain experience and confidence. You really don't need to rely on this person who backed out. You'll most likely meet people to hike with and you'll have the time of your life. Enjoy your hike!
The_Saint
01-17-2010, 00:28
Lucky you, chances are you wouldn't have finished together anyway. This will probably save your friendship if anything. I saw far too many people who's partners left. You're better off finding someone who's already on the trail.
stranger
01-17-2010, 00:47
Like others have said, partnerships don't last most of the time, especially those who form before the hike, although there is always something comforting about "starting" with another person.
Sobo is not nearly as popular as Nobo, but leaving in early July there should be plenty of other hikers around.
You might be able to find someone starting on the same day if you go to the Hooking Up section on this site, or contact the AT Lodge in Millinocket and they will be able to tell you when the majority of hikers leave, because they usually shuttle them anyhow...
Have fun!
Hey Team- since July I have been planning a SOBO starting this July with my friend who has done a lot of hiking and he suggested doing a thru hike and i agreed eventhough i have very little experience.
As of late hes kind of flaking and i have put so much time and energy already into the prep i dont want to just cxl it. Ive been saving money, purchased ALL the gear I need- but i cant do it alone.
Ive already planned to leave my job and my apartment lease ends in June so timing wise it all makes sense.
What have you guys done in the past when your partners back out on you?
Is there a chance of meeting someone on here who wants to do it at the same time?This is obviously a major letdown to you, as it would be to anyone. Having planned to go together, and then now being faced to go alone instead of with a known mutual friend has made your start more challenging and unnerving. However, as other's have said, a thru-hike can be an unpredictable adventure. There is no way of knowing that either yourself or your friend might not have become injured, disinterested, etc..., etc... and either yourself or your friend would have been left to go it alone. One thing you may consider is to advertise on here about being interested in finding a mutual partner whom you could begin your hike with. Also you could simply go and start your journey solo and find other's who are beginning their thru-hikes around the same time. I think around July 1st is the peak date for Southbounder's to begin their treks, that would probably work and be advantageous in your favor in finding a partner beginning their hike if you do start out solo at around that time.
Hey Team- since July I have been planning a SOBO starting this July with my friend who has done a lot of hiking and he suggested doing a thru hike and i agreed eventhough i have very little experience.
As of late hes kind of flaking and i have put so much time and energy already into the prep i dont want to just cxl it. Ive been saving money, purchased ALL the gear I need- but i cant do it alone.
Ive already planned to leave my job and my apartment lease ends in June so timing wise it all makes sense.
What have you guys done in the past when your partners back out on you?
Is there a chance of meeting someone on here who wants to do it at the same time?This is obviously a major letdown to you, as it would be to anyone. Having planned to go together, and then now being faced to go alone instead of with a known mutual friend has made your start more challenging and unnerving. However, as other's have said, a thru-hike can be an unpredictable adventure. There is no way of knowing that either yourself or your friend might not have become injured, disinterested, etc..., etc... and either yourself or your friend would have been left to go it alone. One thing you may consider is to advertise on here about being interested in finding a mutual partner whom you could begin your hike with. Also you could simply go and start your journey solo and find other's who are beginning their thru-hikes around the same time. I think around July 1st is the peak date for Southbounder's to begin their treks, that would probably work and be advantageous in your favor in finding a partner beginning their hike if you start at that time.
Don't let your lack of "experience" keep you from going. prior experience on day, weekend, or week long hikes is not a precursor to success for a thru hike. If you are personally interested in doing the trip and excited by the prospect and feel it is a journey you should take, by all means, go regardless of your friend. There will be other hikers out there and as others stated, many who start together don't finish together. this website is an amazing resource that you can learn a ton from as you prep for your hike.
Good luck and smile in the sunshine.
As others have said, why can't you do it alone? If you are going to do something on a scale this big, it should be done alone IMO. The reason why is because you may want to hike 10 miles one day and the other guy 4. Or vice versa. Or maybe you want to stick around in a town you like an extra day. It's hard enough planning this for 1 person. I can't imagine 2.
I know a guy that had never backpacked in his life that decided to hike the trail. He had gone camping and knew the basics, but that was about it. He just said F' it and did it. It took him 6 months because it took him a while to get the hang of it. He told me by the time he got to Virginia, he was thinking of hiking all the way back once he got to Maine. He didn't, but he did a SB hike the next year. Trust me, if this guy could do it, you can.
I agree with what others have said here...
I saw partners split up many times...one trio of young guys split up...a couple of father and son split ups...by the time I got to Waynesboro the only pairs of people I knew of that were still together on the trail were husband and wife...those are the only partnerships that seem to work over a long period of time.
Its best you start off on your own and feel free to have your own experience rather than go into it with unrealistic expectations.
Hey Team- since July I have been planning a SOBO starting this July with my friend who has done a lot of hiking and he suggested doing a thru hike and i agreed eventhough i have very little experience.
As of late hes kind of flaking and i have put so much time and energy already into the prep i dont want to just cxl it. Ive been saving money, purchased ALL the gear I need- but i cant do it alone.
Ive already planned to leave my job and my apartment lease ends in June so timing wise it all makes sense.
What have you guys done in the past when your partners back out on you?
Is there a chance of meeting someone on here who wants to do it at the same time?
Why did you first desire to thru-hike? Was it your goal? Your dream? Your desire? Your vision? If it was your desire to thru-hike then you got to mature to the realization that not everyone(actually the vast majority) who starts a journey a goal a desire a project w/ you will be with you at the finish line! It's true in life and it can be true with hiking! It's true - not everyone who starts out on a hike together always hikes together or finishes together, even if both finish!
A lot of your concern is that your preconceived images and thoughts you had of you hiking w/ your friend are no longer valid. Just build new positive thoughts and images! Several other posters have already given you some good thoughts to ponder about this situation! Get comfortable with the notion that life is sometimes unpredictable -and so is hiking!
While it may be true that being a more experienced hiker can help or hiking w/ someone who is experienced can help a person who is lacking experience IT IS NOT an absolute prerequisite for enjoying and completing a successful thru-hike! Keep that in mind as you build new images and thoughts! At one time, every now experienced hiker, had to take that first step on a trail to start gaining experience! Besides, eventually you would have had to examine your own reasons for wanting to hike, whether you were hiking with someone or not! Now, the flakiness of your friend forces you to do that. Now, if you do decide to thru-hike, whether it be with someone else or on your own, it's on you!
I've had friends bail on long distance hikes. While I was always dissappointed when that happened that NEVER stopped me from continuing. While I shared a vision for both of us to hike together I also had my own vision and reasons to thru-hike, independent of whether or not someone bailed on me.
Yes, you will meet people on the AT. Some of them will be going SOBO. However, realize that the overall percentage of AT SOBOers is MUCH less than AT NOBOers. Also, realize you still have several months before an anticipated SOBO start date. If you start making your intentions known there is plenty of time to find out about others who may be heading your way, their start dates, and if any other SOBOers are willing to start w/ you.
Spot In The Sky
01-17-2010, 09:27
Hey Team- thanks so much for everyones advice- very encouraging stuff.
Up until 2007 I was a fat lazy person and out of no where i got this urge to run. I ran and ran and ran and then in Octobert of 2008 I ran a marathon and it felt amazing to accomplish a goal that i thought was bigger than myself. The idea of hiking the trail, based on everything i read, seems like such a life changing experience and this is the ideal time in my life to take that challenge/opportunity. On another level- my daily life is consumed by electronics and computers and email and....things- just so many things. And I want to prove to myself that I am not reliant on those things- that I can survive without them and gain a new appreciation for the world around me, not just how something works when you plug it in. A thru hilke seems so fullfilling based on everything Ive researched, and it brings you into a different self awareness that i think ive always wanted to find. I live in VA and have done a lot of hiking in Shennandoah but only been camping there once, but i love the freedom of hiking and the views that are so unique.
I think my friend suggesting a thru hike was kind of inspiring for me, because it was something that i had not even considered, but since we started planning last july, ive been so worked up about it- reading books, buying and testing gear, reading online, talking to friends and family about personal experiences. It all seems like something I can do, and something I was meant to do.
good luck...see you on the trail! :)
Partner backing out? My advice would be to just go out and take a hike. Decide what you want to do while hiking. :-)
Don't waste all your planning and arranging the time off - that's the toughest part of a hike like this for most folks
About the "things" you mention. That was the absolute best lesson I learned through long-distance hiking. How very few possessions I actually needed to be totally happy and content. Not saying I haven't accumulated things again, but I know for an absolute fact that NONE of them are necessary.
Good Luck and HAVE FUN!
Many Walks
01-17-2010, 17:20
Partner backing out can be a good thing. Now you can make it YOUR HIKE! You can do it. Enjoy!
Blissful
01-17-2010, 18:50
I would advise that you go in July and thru hike without your friend. You will meet other hikers out there that you can hike with.
Agree......
It's so much better to go solo. You don't have to consult with anybody when you come to a fork in the road. You don't have to hide in the bushes to go pee. You can walk all evening if you want or stop early if you want without hassle. You can meet people along the way and hike with them for a few days and as soon as they start to get on your nerves, thank them for the company and part ways ready to meet someone new. You'll have an amazing time!
I commend you Spot In The Sky. You are recognizing your dependence, perhaps over reliance on electronics, in your life. While you realize this reliance may be helpful in some ways you also realize an over reliance may be keeping you from enjoying or realizing other aspects of life. This electronic tech fed culture is leading to a more sedentary lifestyle. You realize there are alternative lifestyles that don't rely so much on electronics and you are open to these possible options. You are open to a new self-awareness that may more accurately reflect your own independent choices rather than believing and behaving as others would often have you thinking and behaving. You are questioning if the decisions you have made have really all been your decisions or have they just been decisions made for you by someone or something else that you, perhaps unknowingly, went along with! IMO, we should start more closely examing the cutural, national, and societal trends and norms and who they are always benefitting! I think if we all started to do that we would all act more soberly and realize that we are largely being influenced by someone else's agenda and that agenda is not always in our best interests! I do admire you for recognizing much of this, especially being a younger person living in the U.S.. So many people miss this, especially here in America!
There is mounting evidence that connection w/ nature makes people healthier, happier, more likely to care about the environment, and less prone to problems such as obesity and ADD. Though the importance of nature may seem obvious to many of us, frequent interaction w/ nature is not a part of life for the majority of families in this country. People, especially children, are spending less time playing outdoors and for many families accessible greenspace is nowhere to be seen. When you add in the time crunch faced by hard working parents, tech-fed kids, and parental fears, over magnified by the media, about letting their kids play outside, we see what author Richard Louv calls "nature deficit disorder."
In his book, Last child In The Woods, Louv makes the case for nature deficit disorder, which is not an official diagnosis, but a way of viewing the problem, and describes the human costs of alienation from nature, among them: diminished use of the senses, attention difficulties, and higher rates of physical and emotional illnesses. The effects of a sedentary indoor lifestyle are now becoming evident, which are especially alarming to find in children. Even in children, we are seiing startling rates of obesity, the onset of one-time adult conditions such as diabetes, and a shortened life expectancy. A sedentary indoor lifestyle may also be linked to increasing rates of cancer and heart disease in this country.
SawnieRobertson
01-17-2010, 19:51
If your friend does back out before your departure date, be sure to thank him earnestly for doing so. There is nothing worse than being out there with someone who does not really want to be there. There is nothing sadder than having a hiking partner leave once your are in the hike. Now you've got plenty time to rearrange your thoughts. No surprises. If you are ready and happy (with no unhappy partner to drag you down), you will find yourself with a number of great also-ready, also-happy friends out there. You will be amazed how much more fun it is to hike solo.--Kinnickinic
Well said Sawnie! Spot In The Sky, you are fortunate to know what you know now rather than learn it when you are on the trail with someone who doesn't want to be there.
singing wind
01-17-2010, 23:39
Spot In The Sky -
Good luck with your hike and I hope you enjoy every moment possible. Starting SOBO there will likely be other hikers heading in the same direction and before too long you may meet some of the NOBOs finishing up.
Have a great time -
Furlough
01-17-2010, 23:45
As the commercial says - "Just Do It".
I commend you Spot In The Sky. You are recognizing your dependence, perhaps over reliance on electronics, in your life...
No offense intended, but does anyone else recognize the irony here?:-?
Lone Wolf
01-18-2010, 09:55
Hey Team- since July I have been planning a SOBO starting this July with my friend who has done a lot of hiking and he suggested doing a thru hike and i agreed eventhough i have very little experience.
As of late hes kind of flaking and i have put so much time and energy already into the prep i dont want to just cxl it. Ive been saving money, purchased ALL the gear I need- but i cant do it alone.
Ive already planned to leave my job and my apartment lease ends in June so timing wise it all makes sense.
What have you guys done in the past when your partners back out on you?
Is there a chance of meeting someone on here who wants to do it at the same time?
partners hiking together rarely work out. go alone. i'll guarantee you'll meet folks the first day to walk with
Big Dawg
01-18-2010, 10:03
- but i cant do it alone.
Sure you can.... :sun
traildust
01-18-2010, 10:23
Go! Hike! Enjoy!
Spot In The Sky
01-18-2010, 10:30
Thanks again everyone for the support- I think ill start looking around here for people to start with at least, and go at my own pace from there- it sounds like thats what a lot of people are doing.
Is July 1 a good/popular start date for SOBO? Is 4.5 months really reasonable for a "average" mile per day hiker?
Lone Wolf
01-18-2010, 10:33
Is July 1 a good/popular start date for SOBO? Is 4.5 months really reasonable for a "average" mile per day hiker?
yes and yes
Spot In The Sky
01-18-2010, 10:39
yes and yes
Hey Lone Wolf- why are you so awesome?
Henry David Thoreau said it best:
“The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready, and it may be a long time before they get off.”
Thanks again everyone for the support- Is 4.5 months really reasonable for a "average" mile per day hiker?If you have the time and don't mind the cold you can take as long as you want.
Jester2000
01-18-2010, 18:23
Henry David Thoreau said it best:
“The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready, and it may be a long time before they get off.”
Well, yeah. He also said "stop looking at my nose!" and "anyone want to buy a pencil?" So it wasn't all brilliant.
But the point is well taken -- if every thru-hiker waited until they had a partner, there would be very few people out there trying to walk the whole way.
If the original poster starts July 1st, there will be hikers aplenty around. He'll end up with (assuming he ends up wanting a partner) someone who hikes the same pace and someone he doesn't feel an obligation to stay with if he wants to hike alone for a while.
Good luck, SITS! Have a great hike!
Buddydog56
01-18-2010, 22:00
SpotintheSky......I like your post. Your attitude is what makes the 'cheese' bind! And it's 'binding well!....You're off to a great start! You'll make it!
No matter how many people I hike with, I go as if it is a solo hike. I carry my own shelter, food, stove, etc. No "community gear" so if need be, we can separate,,,,,,,,, or not. :p
As others said above, you will meet people along the way & hike with them, for a while. Then you will hike with others, & maybe meet the first group again, etc. Very soon you will have life long friends, and as mentioned, your "old" friend bailing on you, may well save your friendship.
If old friend changes his mind, be happy, but pack as if he will bail on you.
Be happy if he does, be happy if he doesn't. Even if neither of you quit, take days off / away from each other. An example of a good place to do that: Person #1 stops for a zero in Hot Springs, person #2 continues to Erwin & takes a zero there. Meet up again & continue on. You get time away from each other and you each get a day off from the trail. Or, pick a pair of shelters, or campsites, etc.
but i cant do it alone.
Yes you can. Simply put, you can do it on your own. In fact, even if you had started together, chances are you would not have finished together. But regardless, if this is something you want to do, then you can 100% do it on your own.
Is there a chance of meeting someone on here who wants to do it at the same time?
You'll meet other hikers out there. No worries about that.
ShelterLeopard
01-19-2010, 12:37
Even if you did start together it would probably just be a matter of time before you split up anyways. Most thru-hike partnerships don't last too long, but some do make it all the way though. In the end it is most likely the way things would have ended up anyway. Go have fun, plenty of new friends to meet on the trail.
Russian is right- I think it is very rare for hiking partners who have never hiked together before to stay together, and you're lucky if you do. So many reasons. Different paces, you like to go to bed early, wake up early, he's the opposite, you want to take zeros in the woods, he wants to hang around in town, he hikes fast, you hike slow, also, people often change in the woods. Things that don't get on your nerves at home might really piss you off in the woods.