View Full Version : I could cry
healthymom
03-01-2010, 21:18
So, my son and I have been planning a thru-hike for next Mar for a couple of years.
Last week he tells me he's not a backpacker.
All my thoughts and fantasies about hiking the trail involve the 2 of us doing it together.
My husband is very leary of me going alone. He's sure that the woods are full of bad things and people and I will die out there (or worse). He's OK with this crazy dream of mine because he thinks our son is going. We haven't told him differently yet.
My son is great fun to hike with and I have come to rely on him to divy up the chores with. He gets water, I cook. I clean, he bearbags, etc. We divide weight. He carries the tent body and groundsheet, I carry the rainfly and poles. I carry the kitchen, he carries the steripen, etc. The loser of our nightly card games carries the cards the next day. ;)
My pack and my heart just got a lot heavier. Ever since he volunteered to do this with me, I have thought of little else other than what it will be like to do this with him. To have someone to look out for and to look out for me. Someone to share stories with. I have thought of us as team Pullen.
He tells me he wants to do it for me. I don't want him there to take care of me. I want a partner to share the experience with.
Thoughts?
Dee
healthymom
Your hiking buddy was your son and I know that has a special significance for you, but whether or not you hiking buddy/partner is related I think everyone would be better off if they decided to hike based on their own reasons, despite what their buddy/partner may or may not do. Now, after you get done with the ifs, ands, and buts, disappointment, sadness, and possibly being angry YOU have to ask yourself FOR WHAT REASONS DID I WANT TO HIKE FOR MYSELF IN THE FIRST PLACE?
I know it can be hard. I've been there. But what do you want to do now? Just because things change doesn't automatically mean that your hiking experience wouldn't still be rewarding for yourself if you hike without your son. Perhaps, If you shared your enthusiasm and excitement while hiking he stilll may join you at some pt during your hike. You could still share your hike with him through pics, ph calls, your inspiration, etc. He may just realize in the the, end, "hey, what's got mom so excited being out hiking. Perhaps, I should have gone with her. Where are those bus scedules?" Even if he doesn't ever hike with you get to share your hiking experiences with him. That can be very rewarding in itself.
SGT Rock
03-01-2010, 21:36
Sad for you on one hand. But be glad you found out now before starting....
Go anyway. Have fun. It is only hiking.
warraghiyagey
03-01-2010, 21:37
If it's still your dream, maybe the men in your life will find a way to support you, visit you for sections - hike with you here and there? Just thinkin. . .
Jim Adams
03-01-2010, 21:42
Whoa! Bummer! Splitting the load and the chores would be gone but is there any way that your husband could take off for the first few days to go with you just so he can see how safe it is and how much the hiking community watch over each other? He can see that there will be other women out there hiking also and that they also feel safe. It may ease his mind enough and also interest him enough to want to also be part of the trip and the trail and meet you on weekends while you are still down south. By the time that you get up north, he will miss you but realize that you are safe.
Also, ask your son to join you just for the first week to get you acclimated and once out there with all of the others (besides Mom) he may decide that a 6 month vacation is exactly what he needs and will continue. Just some thoughts. OTOH, don't end your dreams for others reasons...you may find that it is totally your world out there even if your son doesn't go.
geek
modiyooch
03-01-2010, 21:44
Maybe he can start with you for a short period of time, and then later meet you in different states. My son is willing to hike periodically, but no more than once a year. I cherish it, and thoroughly enjoy it when he does. You still have a year to work something out. My partner bailed on my at the last moment and I went anyway.
LIhikers
03-01-2010, 21:45
It sounds like there's 2 things you need to do.
1. Convince your husband that you'll be fine, just as the thousands of woman who have gone before you were. Check out the female forum here at Whiteblaze.
2. Lighten your load so that you can carry everything. That may mean buying new, lighter gear,...or not, depending on what you have. Or just not carrying as many things.
If you don't try the hike you'll always be sorry you didn't and may even become bitter and and resentful of your husband. Now he doesn't want to chance that, does he? And no, he'll never understand your desire to do the hike, so don't expect him to. The best you can hope for is that he'll come around and be supportive of something that's this important to you.
Happy Hiking.
Lion King
03-01-2010, 21:46
Go. You will adopt a lot of new kids and make some really great pals.
It sucks, but do not 'make' him go, or make him feel guilty about not going, the only thing worse then him backing out in an honest conversation is him going and then being miserable and making you miserable.
Its tough, but you'll be fine.
fiddlehead
03-01-2010, 21:49
That's a real bummer healthymom.
I too am hoping my boy will be able to hike a long trail with me someday.
But I have my doubts so many times as he seems quite lazy sometimes and stubborn.
So, I share your dream and only can hope that my boy will be into it like his daddy. (he's only 4 1/2 now)
modiyooch
03-01-2010, 21:53
how old is your son?
Cut him out of your will.
thelowend
03-01-2010, 22:02
as a son who has a nonbackpacking mother, i wish your son would rethink his nonbackpacking status.. what did he say changed his mind? i wish my mom would be down to do some long trails.
Appalachian Tater
03-01-2010, 22:54
Better that he change his mind now rather than a week or a month into the hike. You'll get over this and be fine. Maybe (as someone suggested) your son or husband or both could hike with you for the first few days and then your husband will be fine with you being out there alone--which is of course a complete misconception, there will be crowds of people all over the place.
berkshirebirder
03-01-2010, 22:55
A hike usually doesn't go exactly as planned. You've had a disappointing setback, but put yourself in a hiking frame of mind--improvise! Is there a trail club you can join to help you get used to hiking with a group of people you don't know? Your son might change his mind--but if the enthusiasm to do a long hike isn't there, it isn't there. If thru-hiking the Trail is your dream, you can make it happen.
healthymom
03-01-2010, 23:06
Dogwood said:Your hiking buddy was your son and I know that has a special significance for you, but whether or not you hiking buddy/partner is related I think everyone would be better off if they decided to hike based on their own reasons, despite what their buddy/partner may or may not do. Now, after you get done with the ifs, ands, and buts, disappointment, sadness, and possibly being angry YOU have to ask yourself FOR WHAT REASONS DID I WANT TO HIKE FOR MYSELF IN THE FIRST PLACE?
Yes! Absolutely! When we had the conversation about this, one of the things I told him is that I don't want him to hike for me.
I'm still planning to hike. This had been my dream since I was in high school, more than 30 years ago. I have had the date set for this hike since about 2001.
It's just that it's been both a great fantasy and reality to hike with my son. We've been buying gear specifically for a 2-person trip (tent, stove, cookware, etc.).
We've done several hikes together. This is how he discovered he's not a backpacker. I love hiking with my son. He's a great person to be around. I can honestly say that he's a good friend.
As for my beloved husband, it's not reasonable to expect that he would hike any distance. We are a classic case of opposites attract. For him, outdoors exists between the door of the car and the door of the house. He and I hiked a tiny portion of the AT on our honeymoon. He didn't throw his backpack off Watauga (sp?) Dam, but nearly did. He can't begin to understand my love of the outdoors in general and passion for the AT in particular. He's tried.
My husband grew up on horror movies. Part because of that and partly for other reasons, he has a HUGE fear of death. Especially of loved ones' deaths.
He was not OK with half his family traipsing off for 6 months in the woods. He was willing to be mildly tolerant because our son is an Eagle Scout and future Navy Seal.
Really, as others have said, I'm glad I heard this now so that we all can make appropriate plans.
On the upside, The sum I have put away so the 2 of us would have an average to reasonably comfortable trip is now a luxurious trip for one. :D
Thanks,
Dee
healthymom
Appalachian Tater
03-01-2010, 23:12
Since your husband watches too many horror movies you should use "Chainsaw Bait" as a trail name.
sasquatch2014
03-01-2010, 23:15
Men are motivated by Food or Sex.
Tell your son he gets to eat everything he wants and as much as he wants and he will still loose weight.
Tell your husband that if he thinks 6 months with out sex is a long time stand in your way and he will learn what a long time really is.
Ok now for my more mundane answer. Ditto what others have said set it up for you to do it solo ie no gear sharing and then have your family learn what the trail is about. Maybe make some of the hiker get together like a ruck. Who knows they may get involved again or at least lighten up.
if not we can stage your kidnapping and send periodic ransom demands equal to what you need for resupply. Really I know some people who know some people who knows this guy.
Healthymom, I can sympathize with you. My son, who has been my best hiking buddy (though not the most frequent one) told me a couple of years ago that hiking, though nice once in a while, really wasn't his "thing". I had visions of the two of us doing long sections together, enjoying the toil of the hike and the relaxing companionship of the campsite. Unfortunately, it is not to be. I've made many friends doing sections, however, and have no shortage of folks who are more than willing to help me complete the trail in sections. I'm sure you will find at least as much support from other hopeful thruhikers. Still, I hope your son reconsiders, and if he does decide to do it for you, that it becomes something that he can reflect upon the rest of his life as an act of kindness which more than repaid him in the lesson that, when you give selflessly to others you reap so much more than you sow.
God bless you, and have a wonderful hike.
healthymom
03-01-2010, 23:37
My son is 15 and could be a model for muscle magazines. Seriously, he child has cleavage. The weird part is that it's all real, not steriods. He's a parkour fanatic and works out because he's bored (several hours a day).
I truly appreciate the humorous replies I need some smiles right now. :)
My son and I have been part of the FTA for about a year. We've done everything from an hour stroll with the chatty Cathys to 6 day hikes with just the 2 of us. I guess one of the most disappointing parts is that we've been planning and preparing to do this together for so long that talking about doing the trail together has become as natural and habitual as breathing. Now I have to totally readjust my thinking and planning.
I guess I need to get started researching one person gear. I'll wait for awhile to see if this decision is final and then start getting rid of some of the 2-person stuff we won't be needing.
You didn't say how old your son is but I'm assuming in a teenager. I've raised 7 children and it comes as no surprise to me that he doesn't won't to go backpacking with his Mom for 5 months. He says he's not a backpacker but that may not be the whole truth. I'm guessing here of course but he probably is a normal teenager that just can't see himself leaving his current life and going on the trail. I was an avid packpacker and Hiker as a teenager and there is no way I would have left my friends for and extended trip. My uncle Sam of course had a different view of that in 1966.
I wish you both luck and hope you get what you want. And that is to hike the AT.
I am sorry to hear that. I can only imagine when or if my son tells me his dreams are not the same as mine(although i dont expect them to be). Perhaps something bigger is hapening here that u are not yet aware of. keep planing and the rest will work itself out.
Wise Old Owl
03-02-2010, 00:14
Wow I read the posts and all boys do this and so did I when I was a teen. Got tired of dad yelling from the back of the canoe and moved on to a kayak. So you still have not answered the golden question and without the answer we are wasting posts here. HOW OLD IS HE? and better yet is he starting to think about dating? So backpacking isn't his style for a while.... OK He may come full circle and get back to it later in life... No worries. Invite a nice girl that shares some interests ( Just walks ) Great distraction, oh I am heading out to the park with .... Well ? Lighten the load, and above all don't take it so personally. Boys could do worse things like elope.... Above all talk about the good times with him -- like the time he won a hand on the trail.. I was stunned once that my son said he hated fishing because he never caught anything decent.. then I pulled out my favorite picture where he is jumping up and down on the bank with a wonderful trout from three years prior, he was speechless as he did not remember. Give it time!
That's definetly true. I'd of backed out on my own ma had she planned such an endevor a few years ago. I see a bit better these days, less trees and more forest if you know what I mean. He'll come back around too eventually but still though you should give him a hard time for a little while give him a few guilt trips about it.
Wow I read the posts and all boys do this and so did I when I was a teen. Got tired of dad yelling from the back of the canoe and moved on to a kayak. So you still have not answered the golden question and without the answer we are wasting posts here. HOW OLD IS HE? and better yet is he starting to think about dating? So backpacking isn't his style for a while.... OK He may come full circle and get back to it later in life... No worries. Invite a nice girl that shares some interests ( Just walks ) Great distraction, oh I am heading out to the park with .... Well ? Lighten the load, and above all don't take it so personally. Boys could do worse things like elope.... Above all talk about the good times with him -- like the time he won a hand on the trail.. I was stunned once that my son said he hated fishing because he never caught anything decent.. then I pulled out my favorite picture where he is jumping up and down on the bank with a wonderful trout from three years prior, he was speechless as he did not remember. Give it time!
Post # 19 - He's 15.
Wow. The teen is 15? No way is he backpacking with mama for six months. Be glad. He is a normal teen. Not a rejection of you, he is just growing up.
Now you get to hike your own hike. Truly at your own rhythm. You will meet so many great people out there on the trail. Enjoy it1
I bet he'd hike 6 months with a 15 y/o girl.
healthymom
03-02-2010, 01:02
My son will turn 16 in June. He would've been 16, turning 17 on the trail.
I absolutely will not guilt him into going. He would go out of guilt. He's a Boy Scout with a Boy Scout's mentality. Loyal, honest, brave, kind, all that happy stuff is not just a motto for him, it's who he is. The reason he volunteered to go in the first place is that he heard me say that all my hiking buddies were deserting me and I didn't have anyone to go with, but that was when he was 12.
I don't want him to go for any other reason than HE wants to go. Not for me, not for his dad. For him.
I had imagined him going back to school Sep of '11 as a senior who had just thru-hiked. How cool would that have been?
I really get that he's 15. (I was there at his birth.;)) I understand that spending 6 months with his mom may not be in his life plan right now. He may come back to hiking later. It'll be too late for this trip.
I've completely rearranged my personal and professional life to do this. I have been telling clients for a year that if they want to use me for their next baby, they can't get pregnant between June & Dec of this year. I'm doing this now. I may not be able to carve out this amount of time in my life again while I am still physically able to undertake such a feat. Yes, we may do shorter hikes later, but we won't be able to do this.
It's not about his burgeoning sexuality either. He is completely uninterested at this point.
It may be about leaving his friends behind. Like most teens, he spends his entire day texting.
I really appreciate all the replies. It's helping me to process this loss.
thanks,
Dee
healthymom (chainsaw bait? too long, how about 'saw bait'?)
healthymom
03-02-2010, 01:04
Sorry, I'm not sure how the last post got posted 3 times.
Dee
If you could arrange to take one of his friends on the trip, that may revitalize his interest in the adventure.
I loved to ride dirt bikes when I was 15. If my mother had been into dirt bikes at the time, it might not have been so appealing.
Independence is a precious commodity to teen-aged males, and should be.
He could very well be talking at face value. He's "been there, done that", "time to move on", also, as it should be.
bigcranky
03-02-2010, 08:26
Dee,
When my daughter was ten, she couldn't wait to go hiking, even talked about doing a thru hike one day. When she was 12, we started doing long sections on the AT. Those went okay for the first year or so, then she just decided she didn't want to be out there, and that was that. Now she's 19 and she'll go for an overnight hike once or twice a year, to humor her old man, and it's fun but not the same.
As I see it from this distance, there are two things to accomplish: (1) mentally re-adjust to doing a solo hike, and (2) get your husband completely on board with this idea. Neither of these will be easy. Adjusting to a solo hike is something a lot of people have done successfully, and you can too. It'll take some time and thought and several solo multiday hikes. (If you haven't soloed, it's very different from going in a small group.)
Getting your husband on board may be more difficult. This is the long distance hiker's lament -- "my spouse doesn't like the outdoors." It's a common issue among hikers, and unfortunately there is no easy answer. However, it can be done -- hundreds of hikers prove this every year, with the at-home spouses providing support for their hikes. (And many others get off the trail because they find they don't want to be away from their families for that long.)
The AT is safe for a solo female hiker. (As I have said in many threads on this subject, I worry far more about my daughter's safety at college than I would if she were thru-hiking.) One option would be for your son to start with you and plan to hike for the first week, then have your husband pick him up in Hiawassee or Franklin. That will give you a partner to start, which is sometimes the hardest part.
Good luck in sorting all this out.
modiyooch
03-02-2010, 09:05
As far as the equipment already purchased, consider it an investment for future hikes with your son. This isn't your only opportunity. I have alot of equipment invested ranging from being alone to all 5 of us. He is only 15 and there will be seasons in his life. And since he is young, he may adjust again by next March.
Sorry if I missed it, but why does he say he is not a backpacker? You may be able to focus on the reasons and compromise. For instance, if he doesn't prefer winter weather, delay your trip to April. Or, doesn't like to sleep on the ground, buy him a hammock. Oh wait, that's me.
while I enjoy my sons company, I would hope at 17 he would backpack the trail solo or with a group of his friends.
With mom along how different will his experience be, no partying, no overnight friends, no/limited contact with friends at home. Sounds like a bit of a drag.
mister krabs
03-02-2010, 09:33
Dee, It sounds like your son has a good head on his shoulders. Consider proposing that he start at the same time but completely independant of you. He's young and strong and after a while would chafe at having to wait for you anyway. Get him his own full kit and give him his freedom, then watch as his wings unfold and he makes you proud. He will have an unforgettable adventure, and you'll still get to hike.
JustaTouron
03-02-2010, 10:13
I guess I need to get started researching one person gear. I'll wait for awhile to see if this decision is final and then start getting rid of some of the 2-person stuff we won't be needing.
I wouldn't get rid of all the two person stuff so quickly. While he might not want to spend 6 months with mom, but his plans might included spending a week or two with mom, while she is hiking the AT.
I would leave open the option of him meeting you along the trail and hiking with mom for a week and then a week later heading back home. That might involve him bring the two person tent and you bounce boxing the one person tent.
And you never know...after a week he might decide he doesn't want to go home and you mail the 1 person tent home.
Rockhound
03-02-2010, 10:22
You have backpacked with your son before. From what it sounds like, many times. You start planning to hike the A.T. together. Even go out and buy gear designed for two. Now your son tells you he is not a backpacker? OK that's the BS excuse hiding the real reason. Your son is 15? Hmmmmm. My completely unqualified psychological diagnosis is that your son does enjoy backpacking. Even has enjoyed many backpacking trips with mom. A chance to hike the A.T. is brought up and he is excited about the prospect. Of course the further one ventures into their teens, the less cool it is to be seen with your parents. The more he reads about the A.T. the more he realizes it will not just be him and mom and maybe a few older folk out there. There will be quite a few people out there just out of high school and college who might not think it's so cool hiking with your mom. I suspect your son still loves backpacking and would love to hike the A.T. but by himself, perhaps on a journey of self discovery. It's hard for a bird to leave the nest with the umbilical cord still attached. Yes I know I mixed my metaphors there. Birds lay eggs, hence no umbilical cord but you get the point.
cowboy nichols
03-02-2010, 11:12
I raised 10 kids 6 sons &none hike --They think I'm a "little" crazy. Go hike and enjoy every minute. If he decides to join you at times be prepared. Kids at that age change their minds by the minute. Happy hiking.
Healthymom, I dreamed of hiking the PCT since I was 10 years old. I was 44 when I finally hit the trail. I did it alone.
Although hiking with another person had never been part of my dream, I felt like I was with my loved ones as I hiked anyway. I shared my story on my blog and had my family following me and cheering me on. As I wrote in my paper and pencil journal each night it was like I was having a conversation with them. I carried a picture of me and my boyfriend together and would set it up in my tent. I often had this strange feeling as I looked out over some amazing view that I wished my boyfriend could be here all alone just like me to share this with me. I didn't want him with me, I just wanted him to know what it felt like.
I hope you do go. It's a wonderful enriching experience and although you won't have the thing you were dreaming of, it'll be wonderful anyway. There are so many nice people on the trail you'll never really be alone and you might just come to enjoy your solitude more than you expect.
berkshirebirder
03-02-2010, 13:19
You seem to have a good grasp of the situation:
The reason he volunteered to go in the first place is that he heard me say that all my hiking buddies were deserting me and I didn't have anyone to go with, but that was when he was 12.
Try to look at your son's present reluctance to thru-hike as something positive rather than a "loss."
You'll be much more inclined to meet, hike with, and probably make friends with new people who share your passion for hiking. Your son (and maybe your husband) may see you in a new light if you go forward HAPPILY with your plans.
As other parents have said, it's time to let your son go his own route for a while. Maybe the hike is just the event that's making this clear, and that's why you're sad. But who knows? You may have other hikes together in the future.
Now we must consult Dr. Phil about your husband.
Lemni Skate
03-02-2010, 13:55
It's super hard. I have two kids (ages 10 and 12) who go hike with me because they're crazy about their Dad. I've always dreamed (since they were born) that one or both of them would do a thru with me. It's obvious to me right now, that neither one will ever be doing a thru.
The thing is, I don't want them to go unless they have their own reasons. 6 months on the trail doing what SOMEBODY ELSE wants is no way to spend time when you're young.
They go with me now and end up just doing a night or two and then getting somebody (grandparents) to pick them up and they knock around and car camp in the general area. Then they meet me in three or four more days and do another night or two, but it's obvious that backpacking is Dad's thing and they do it just to please me.
I have lots of other ways to bond with them without it having to be out in the woods. So I'll just let the through be something I plan to do alone, but I sure would love it if one of kids suddenly got the thru hike fever and begged me to let them take a little time off of school in a few years to do a thru together.
My wife does not believe in going to bed without a shower so the odds of her joining me are very slim.
Blissful
03-02-2010, 15:38
Don't let what he says today ruin tomorrow.
This is from a mom who hiked with her 16 yr old son the whole trail (you can e-mail me too about this) :) Unless one has done it or has kids that have hiked long distance with you, opinions are a dime a dozen. Of course every child is different, too.
My son did NOT want to go on day one. He was not a backpacker. Didn't like backpacking, really. Kind of tolerated it. We went anyway because I had planned for it and needed him to go to make it work. I really didn't give him a choice, honestly. We made a commitment to do this together and planned for a number of years (and that's the key, too. Commitment. If he made a commitment to do it, esp as a Boy Scout and learning to be a man of his word he needs to fulfill it). And I knew it would be good for my son to be out there. And he had fun getting to know about hiking beforehand (we did weekends together). Met people here on WB. He started to get a vision, really.
And so we did. But on day one he slogged his way up Springer. Fell far behind. Hated every step. I really thought this was the end. But one needs determination. To not think everything is going to go bad. Then he met some hikers who treated him like one of the gang. He had the time of his life after that. Life was an adventure. Only talked of quitting once, in PA. Then had ice cream and a day off. I gave him the decision to leave if he wanted. He did not (to his credit). He finished the whole trail. And this day he still lives the trail life, not by hiking but in other ways. He really loved the AT life and really can't escape it to this day, it seems.
There are other things we did trail wise too to make it work and so that it was his own hike. He rarely hiked with me except near towns (I had the money, ha ha) or in the Whites or ME (I demanded it for safety sake). We rarely slept in the tent together (maybe six or seven times the whole hike). I gave him his space. I did not lord it over him. I let him arrive at shelters and leave in the AM when he wanted (I just told him where we were going for the day). He kind of ran around towns doing what he wanted (we even left him overnight in Damascus while my hubby and I took a trip to WVA). Etc etc But we did share gear. He had a few chores to do (he always got the water - sometimes he had to go far for it too, hung the bear bag and cleaned out the cook pot). But he hung out with others and hiked with others. And it worked well.
Well I hope you can find some people on this site to trade gear with you alteast.
Blissful
03-02-2010, 15:48
Wow. The teen is 15? No way is he backpacking with mama for six months. Be glad. 1
Mine did.
And I'm glad I had that time with him. And he's glad too.
Are you still planning to hike? My husband is a non-hiker too. I carry a SPOT GPS tracker and a can of bear spray to keep him appeased of my safety. Have him read some women's trail journals. There are dozens of petite, young, pretty girls that hike the trail every year by themselves with no problems. Tell him to face it, you have a better chance of getting mugged in the Wal-Mart parking lot than something sinister on the AT.
So, my son and I have been planning a thru-hike for next Mar for a couple of years.
Last week he tells me he's not a backpacker.
All my thoughts and fantasies about hiking the trail involve the 2 of us doing it together.
My husband is very leary of me going alone. He's sure that the woods are full of bad things and people and I will die out there (or worse). He's OK with this crazy dream of mine because he thinks our son is going. We haven't told him differently yet.
My son is great fun to hike with and I have come to rely on him to divy up the chores with. He gets water, I cook. I clean, he bearbags, etc. We divide weight. He carries the tent body and groundsheet, I carry the rainfly and poles. I carry the kitchen, he carries the steripen, etc. The loser of our nightly card games carries the cards the next day. ;)
My pack and my heart just got a lot heavier. Ever since he volunteered to do this with me, I have thought of little else other than what it will be like to do this with him. To have someone to look out for and to look out for me. Someone to share stories with. I have thought of us as team Pullen.
He tells me he wants to do it for me. I don't want him there to take care of me. I want a partner to share the experience with.
Thoughts?
Dee
healthymom
i met a mother/son thru hikers in 2004 double nickle and andorhin
they were high mile per day hikers,the mothers trail name double nickle because she was 55.the next year in 2005 while i was section hiking in
vermont the son andorphin brought me some trail magic.my boys have hiked and kayaked with me for years,now they are teenagers and want to spend time with thier friends:cool:neo
healthymom
03-02-2010, 19:34
I've known for a while that my son wasn't thrilled with the idea of going. I was hoping that as we got more experience, equipment and closer to departure that he would become more excited. He hasn't. We had the conversation last week because I initiated it. I made some remark to him that he just didn't seem to be excited at all about this. He said he didn't want to have that conversation with me. I pushed the issue because I wanted and needed to know exactly where he stood.
Now I'm going alone. When I originally started dreaming of this, I didn't think anyone would go with me. Then several people said they wanted to go, mostly because they thought it sounded cool and groovy. As the reality of planning to step out of our lives for 6 months set in, they backed out, one by one. When they did, my son said he'd go. Again, as reality set in, he became less and less interested. So now he has backed out. I'm still going. I'll just have to make the adjustment to thinking of this as a solo adventure again.
Only part of the dream has died. The dream itself is still as strong as ever. I'm just mourning the loss of that fantasy. Much as we mourn the loss when we miscarry. We are mourning the loss of a dream. This is not the same magnitude, but the same type of mourning.
I still need to figure out how to broach this with my husband. I think sooner rather than later is a better idea.
Again, I thank each and every one of you for your kind, thoughtful, and yes, funny replies.
Dee
healthymom
Rockhound
03-02-2010, 19:39
You didn't happen to purchase a new Hubba Hubba HP did you? Just askin'
berkshirebirder
03-02-2010, 19:53
That's GOT to have her laughing!
CrumbSnatcher
03-02-2010, 19:57
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