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mumblez
04-01-2010, 13:08
I have a trip coming up in a couple weeks. The plan originally was to spend 4-days hiking from Neels Gap to Dick's Creek Gap (about 37 miles). We will also be visiting family in the area for a few days after we get off the trail.

My hiking partner wants to try and do this section of the trail in 3 days. Our second day would be 15 miles from Low Gap Shelter to Tray Mtn. Shelter. Both of us are in decent shape but don't hike on a consistent basis. I am very hesitant to try and do this section in 3 days, I really want to enjoy myself on the trail. Last year we did Springer Mountain to Neels Gap in 3-days and found it very challenging and didn't enjoy it as much as we could have with how hard we pushed ourselves.

I am going to be supplying the stoves, tent and sleeping bag for my hiking partner. He would basically not be able to do this hike without my help. Should I threaten to not do the trip if he insists on doing it in 3 days? I don't want to get on the trail with an understanding to do it in 4 days and then he tries to push me into doing it in 3 days. Am I overreacting or being unfair? What would you do in my situation? I don't want to do the trip if I'm not going to enjoy myself. Any advice will be greatly appreciated!

Alligator
04-01-2010, 13:11
Get the initial agreement for four days and then park your car at the end:D.

Lilred
04-01-2010, 13:11
Go on the trip. Stop when you feel like stopping. He can't force you to walk. Tell him you're going to take 4 days and he can do whatever he wants. Why are you letting someone manipulate your hike? HYOH

drdewrag
04-01-2010, 13:15
Just tell him... Good luck and have fun on your hike!

Dances with Mice
04-01-2010, 13:52
Are you hiking to your car and you've got the keys in your pocket?

If so he can go as fast as he wants but the car ain't leaving until you get there, is it?

ARambler
04-01-2010, 14:03
It is common for hikers to have incompatible speeds, and in the long run the stronger hiker will have to compromise the most. It is not unreasonable for most 20 somethings to average 12 mi/day, and if you average 12, you will have some 15 mile days.

It is not OK for either hiker to call their partner names. How does your partner deal with a whinning jerk? "I'm taking my ball and going home"... What are you 12? :rolleyes:
Rambler

mumblez
04-01-2010, 14:21
Thanks for all the advice so far. Here's a little more info for everyone. This "hiking partner" is my father. He is in very good shape for his age but has some ailments like a knee that gives him trouble and a bothersome ankle. He shrugs these ailments off and when he gets a goal in his head, it's hard to convince him otherwise. A large part of my concern is that he will seriously injure himself or continue on hiking without me and walk off a cliff. My mother would not be very happy about that! I am in a tricky situation.

By the way, we will have a family member picking us up at the end of our hike. We would probably just call for our ride whenever we arrived at the road, they are within an hour or so drive.

tagg
04-01-2010, 14:27
i agree with the other posts. if you get out there and take longer than he hopes, what is he going to do? he's going to have to wait for you. i would just be clear with him that you don't think you will be able to make the trip in 3 days, and if he decides that is a deal breaker, then he can always opt out of the trip. if you're going to be pushing yourself harder than you would like and aren't going to have a good time, then what is the point in going?

Disney
04-01-2010, 14:59
I agree with the other posts. Let him know ahead of time. He'll either slow down or wait for you. If you're supplying all his gear and the ride, he's got much more than the normal reasons to compromise.

BTW, don't let him trap you into defining the issue as whether or not you physically can make the miles. If I had the option right now of taking either a 3 day trip through Georgia, or a 4 day trip through Georgia, I would laugh at anybody who seriously tried to coerce me into a 3 day trip.

Your trip, your gear, your car, your hike....your timetable.

flemdawg1
04-01-2010, 16:37
That day section looks like a real butt kicker, 3 big mtns up and over, most of it late in the day when you're likely to be more fatigued. I'd stick with my guns on this one.

http://www.georgia-atclub.org/GA-AT-Profiles.pdf

FritztheCat
04-01-2010, 16:41
I'd suggest talking to your father. Tell him the main reason for the hike itself it to have fun, enjoy the scenery and spend some father-son time. Let him know that a timetable would put a strain on that. See if he's open to seeing your point of view.

At the same time, listen to his side as to why he wants to push it for 3 days. Be open to his point of view. I'm sure you can come up with a compromise that fits both your needs if you talk to each other about it.

Enjoy the hike!

Rain Man
04-01-2010, 16:44
Our second day would be 15 miles from Low Gap Shelter to Tray Mtn. Shelter.

I'm an old fat guy, and I did that day as the second day of a section hike back in 04. (I tend to get on the trail early and hike late to do that.) So, I suspect you can in fact do it, especially with the longer daylight hours. Whether you should do it is something only you can answer. Family politics. We keyboard experts can pontificate all we want, but it's still your family ... and your father. Best to you.

Rain Man

.

Shutterbug
04-01-2010, 16:50
I have a trip coming up in a couple weeks. The plan originally was to spend 4-days hiking from Neels Gap to Dick's Creek Gap (about 37 miles). We will also be visiting family in the area for a few days after we get off the trail.

My hiking partner wants to try and do this section of the trail in 3 days. Our second day would be 15 miles from Low Gap Shelter to Tray Mtn. Shelter. Both of us are in decent shape but don't hike on a consistent basis. I am very hesitant to try and do this section in 3 days, I really want to enjoy myself on the trail. Last year we did Springer Mountain to Neels Gap in 3-days and found it very challenging and didn't enjoy it as much as we could have with how hard we pushed ourselves.

I am going to be supplying the stoves, tent and sleeping bag for my hiking partner. He would basically not be able to do this hike without my help. Should I threaten to not do the trip if he insists on doing it in 3 days? I don't want to get on the trail with an understanding to do it in 4 days and then he tries to push me into doing it in 3 days. Am I overreacting or being unfair? What would you do in my situation? I don't want to do the trip if I'm not going to enjoy myself. Any advice will be greatly appreciated!


There is a difference between a "father" and a "hiking partner." Hiking partners don't usually remember you in their wills.

10-K
04-01-2010, 16:57
37 miles in 3 days is very reasonable for just about anyone....there's plenty enough daylight to make 12.3 miles per day.

kayak karl
04-01-2010, 16:57
my son is thirty, we hike every year. hes very busy and works 50-60 hours a week, unlike me who avoids work 50-60 hours a week:D. when we go its a father/son trip. we talk. get caught up and spend time together. i can out hike my son any day of the week, but why? the more days i get to spend with him the better.:) TAKE YOUR TIME enjoy these times. Cats in the cradle.................

dmax
04-01-2010, 17:12
Sounds like a good time for a comprimise...Try for 3 1/2.

warraghiyagey
04-01-2010, 18:55
How should I deal with a stubborn hiking partner?

Hike alone. . . meet folk along the way. . . :)

WILLIAM HAYES
04-01-2010, 18:58
put your balls on the bar and tell him you are going to hike your own hike -no sense in trying to play catch up and not enjoy yourself- i have two sons and they never hesitate to tell it like it is pisses me off sometimes but thats the way i am too

Yahtzee
04-01-2010, 19:42
Dude, that was almost as awesome as when I found out about Darth. "Your hiking partner is YOUR FATHER!"

Pony
04-01-2010, 19:49
37 miles in 3 days is very reasonable for just about anyone....there's plenty enough daylight to make 12.3 miles per day.

Not so sure about that. What I mean is, I know it can be done, but would it be enjoyable? If i'm out for weeks or months at a time, then I expect there will be some days that aren't fun, however, if I'm only out for 3-4 days, then it should be a good time.

Also, Low gap to Tray Mtn. is no joke if you're in shape, if it is your second day on the trail, it would probably not be fun.

10-K
04-01-2010, 20:16
Not so sure about that. What I mean is, I know it can be done, but would it be enjoyable?

I think so.. With 12 hours of daylight 12.3 miles is very doable.

Personally, and this is just me, it would drive me stark raving mad to hike that slow.

elmotoots
04-02-2010, 00:56
If I had my Dad back, and he wanted to go on a hike. I would hike at whatever pace he wanted to, and would be darned happy to do it.

Agree to whatever he wants and then try to change his mind along the way. Don't argue before you even get started.


In 30 years you will be glad you did it... ( if not sooner )


Elmo

Bronk
04-02-2010, 01:35
A lot depends on what kind of person your dad is and what kind of person you are...

If I were you and dad agreed to a 4 day hike but as soon as you left the trailhead he pushed and pressured to get it done in 3 days I'd be pissed. if this is the kind of guy your dad is, you have to assume this will be a 3 day hike no matter what he might agree to, and resign yourself to that fact if you decide to go. Will he try to make you look/feel weak, slow or inadequate, "not a real man" if you can't make it in 3 days?

Likewise, if I were your dad and you agreed to a 3 day hike and then whined and complained the whole way trying to stretch it into 4 days I'd be pissed too.

If you can have an honest discussion about this and come to an honest agreement both of you will adhere to, I'd simply tell him you won't have as much fun on a 3 day hike as you would on a 4 day hike and that you're not willing to do the 3 day hike.

One way to get him to understand your position might be to propose doing the whole hike in 2 days...when he balks, explain to him that a 3 day hike would be just as uncomfortable for you as a 2 day hike would be for him.

Might also consider not spending the whole 4 days with him...spend the first night with him and meet him for lunch the 2nd day, then let him push ahead to finish his hike in 3 days while you take an extra day.

prain4u
04-02-2010, 01:36
If I had my Dad back, and he wanted to go on a hike. I would hike at whatever pace he wanted to, and would be darned happy to do it.

Agree to whatever he wants and then try to change his mind along the way. Don't argue before you even get started.


In 30 years you will be glad you did it... ( if not sooner )


Elmo


I'd suggest talking to your father. Tell him the main reason for the hike itself it to have fun, enjoy the scenery and spend some father-son time. Let him know that a timetable would put a strain on that. See if he's open to seeing your point of view.

At the same time, listen to his side as to why he wants to push it for 3 days. Be open to his point of view. I'm sure you can come up with a compromise that fits both your needs if you talk to each other about it.

Enjoy the hike!


I'd say try combining the above two approaches.

1) Be thankful that you still have your dad hiking with you--and if that means that you have to hike it in three days--so be it. My dad died in 1983. Today, I would gratefully hike consecutive 25 mile days (if I had to) just to have three more days with him.

2) I like the idea of telling your dad that you want to spend more days enjoying some father/son time together. You might get your 4 days that way!

mudhead
04-02-2010, 07:29
Maybe you can talk him into some exploring after you set camp.

Another vote for be glad you have him around to irritate you.

Old Hiker
04-02-2010, 07:50
<RING>
<RING>
Hey, Dad? Yeah, it's me. Listen, I think I pulled something in my left knee. Nah, I'm OK, but I can't hike as fast I want to. If we go on the trip, do you mind if I'm a little slower than you? I don't want to damage it any further by pushing it over the edge. I don't want to cancel, because I know how much this means to you and I don't want to miss out, either. Think about it and let me know. Love ya - bye.

Gaiter
04-02-2010, 10:06
hmmm, try honesty, just don't be confrontational and aggressive, that will only mess **** up btn you two.... let him know that you don't think you are up for that section in 3 days, don't even bring up if you think he is up for it or not...

berkshirebirder
04-02-2010, 10:46
WHY does your hiking partner want to make the trip in 3 days? Does he want to spend more time visiting or make some point about fitness?

If it's stubbornness that's the key issue, make it clear you intend to hike at your own pace, be sure you carry the tent, then hike at your own pace and hope your partner gets the message. If he races ahead, chances are he'll be ok. Your choice would be between keeping up with him (and not enjoying the hike yourself) and letting him go ahead (and worrying about him a bit but not caving in to a stubborn whim).

Hope you two hike together and have a good time.

clodhopper
04-02-2010, 14:15
Rat him out to your Mom! :D

Seriously, hope you both have a great hike.

Clodhopper

Gaiter
04-02-2010, 14:22
Rat him out to your Mom! :D

i think we found a winner

jesse
04-02-2010, 15:01
People on this site give good hiking advice, but generally poor relationship advice. You got a relationship problem, not a hiking problem.

BTW I did Dicks Creek to Neel Gap in three days/two nights. No problem except myfeet were killing me. I think it was because I needed new shoes.

gravy4601
04-02-2010, 15:25
you could just plan to meet at the same place at night and take your time along the way

Pony
04-02-2010, 15:52
I think so.. With 12 hours of daylight 12.3 miles is very doable.

Personally, and this is just me, it would drive me stark raving mad to hike that slow.

I was mostly thinking about Unicoi Gap being thrown into the longest day of the hike. Then again, I have a tendancy to dilly dally, especially if there's something cool, like the view from Tray Mountain.:)

Egads
04-02-2010, 17:04
I have a trip coming up in a couple weeks. The plan originally was to spend 4-days hiking from Neels Gap to Dick's Creek Gap (about 37 miles).

We will also be visiting family in the area for a few days after we get off the trail.

37 miles is only 1-1/2 days of actual hiking, easy to get done in 3 days time:rolleyes:

Maybe dad wants to spend more time visiting family, and less on the trail than you do:-?

CrumbSnatcher
04-02-2010, 18:11
IMO, if you did springer to neel gap 30.7 in 3 days
neel gap to dicks creek gap 36.8 is very doable

Bear Cables
04-02-2010, 19:12
37 miles in 3 days is very reasonable for just about anyone....there's plenty enough daylight to make 12.3 miles per day.

I think you missed the point. Mumblez said he wanted to enjoy the hike. I take it he doesn't want to race the hike. How about a compromise. Talk about how it feels after the second day. Leave it open ended , might finish in 3 might finish in 4. communicate your needs during the hike.

boarstone
04-02-2010, 19:29
Sounds like to me that his body will dictate the hike anyway...and how fast/much he will hike. Just don't get into a pissing match about it...if he starts laming up, step up and help him and give him the option of bailing if he's really injured/hurting. Let him do his thing and you do yours. My dad took me hiking on my first ever mountain climb to which I was shocked ( he was NOT the hiker type.) but so humbled. I'll always remember it, it's why I still hike.

sbhikes
04-02-2010, 21:18
I'm wondering who is the stubborn one in this situation.

Cheesewhiz
04-02-2010, 21:22
why do you need a hiking partner?

Graywolf
04-02-2010, 21:46
Hmmmm..very interesting post..I just recently posted to a thread about "Hiking your own hike"..With regards to my post, this is the one time I would diffenitey say, "Hike your own Hike".. I would say, go out there and enjoy the experiance with your father, however, in this circumstance, looks like the trip would have too much friction.. So I agree with the 'Hike your own hike" concept here..

Graywolf

Tinker
04-02-2010, 22:47
I have a trip coming up in a couple weeks. The plan originally was to spend 4-days hiking from Neels Gap to Dick's Creek Gap (about 37 miles). We will also be visiting family in the area for a few days after we get off the trail.

My hiking partner wants to try and do this section of the trail in 3 days. Our second day would be 15 miles from Low Gap Shelter to Tray Mtn. Shelter. Both of us are in decent shape but don't hike on a consistent basis. I am very hesitant to try and do this section in 3 days, I really want to enjoy myself on the trail. Last year we did Springer Mountain to Neels Gap in 3-days and found it very challenging and didn't enjoy it as much as we could have with how hard we pushed ourselves.

I am going to be supplying the stoves, tent and sleeping bag for my hiking partner. He would basically not be able to do this hike without my help. Should I threaten to not do the trip if he insists on doing it in 3 days? I don't want to get on the trail with an understanding to do it in 4 days and then he tries to push me into doing it in 3 days. Am I overreacting or being unfair? What would you do in my situation? I don't want to do the trip if I'm not going to enjoy myself. Any advice will be greatly appreciated!

I've read that "posession is 9/10ths of the law."
You own the equipment, you should be able to lay down the law.

left turn
04-10-2010, 10:01
Go on the trip. Stop when you feel like stopping. He can't force you to walk. Tell him you're going to take 4 days and he can do whatever he wants. Why are you letting someone manipulate your hike? HYOH

+1 plus you have the stoves so you actually control when he eats so the balls in your court, take as long as you want and enjoy your trip:)

yaduck9
04-10-2010, 11:06
I have a trip coming up in a couple weeks. The plan originally was to spend 4-days hiking from Neels Gap to Dick's Creek Gap (about 37 miles). We will also be visiting family in the area for a few days after we get off the trail.

My hiking partner wants to try and do this section of the trail in 3 days. Our second day would be 15 miles from Low Gap Shelter to Tray Mtn. Shelter. Both of us are in decent shape but don't hike on a consistent basis. I am very hesitant to try and do this section in 3 days, I really want to enjoy myself on the trail. Last year we did Springer Mountain to Neels Gap in 3-days and found it very challenging and didn't enjoy it as much as we could have with how hard we pushed ourselves.

I am going to be supplying the stoves, tent and sleeping bag for my hiking partner. He would basically not be able to do this hike without my help. Should I threaten to not do the trip if he insists on doing it in 3 days? I don't want to get on the trail with an understanding to do it in 4 days and then he tries to push me into doing it in 3 days. Am I overreacting or being unfair? What would you do in my situation? I don't want to do the trip if I'm not going to enjoy myself. Any advice will be greatly appreciated!


Tell him that you ARE going to do it in four days. If he wants to do it in three, then tell him to go for it.

If he is like my late father, then he will probably will try to do it in three. After all; He is the father and you are merely the son ;). Do you expect the parent to give in to the child ( ? ). Don't be silly!

My humble advice is to button your lip ( it's tough to do ), and enjoy the hike for what it is, a few days spent with your dad. You need to remember that there are only so many days given to each of us.

Go back later and do the hike on your own terms.

Enjoy.

Go back later and do it on your terms.

kanga
04-10-2010, 15:46
I have a trip coming up in a couple weeks. The plan originally was to spend 4-days hiking from Neels Gap to Dick's Creek Gap (about 37 miles). We will also be visiting family in the area for a few days after we get off the trail.

My hiking partner wants to try and do this section of the trail in 3 days. Our second day would be 15 miles from Low Gap Shelter to Tray Mtn. Shelter. Both of us are in decent shape but don't hike on a consistent basis. I am very hesitant to try and do this section in 3 days, I really want to enjoy myself on the trail. Last year we did Springer Mountain to Neels Gap in 3-days and found it very challenging and didn't enjoy it as much as we could have with how hard we pushed ourselves.

I am going to be supplying the stoves, tent and sleeping bag for my hiking partner. He would basically not be able to do this hike without my help. Should I threaten to not do the trip if he insists on doing it in 3 days? I don't want to get on the trail with an understanding to do it in 4 days and then he tries to push me into doing it in 3 days. Am I overreacting or being unfair? What would you do in my situation? I don't want to do the trip if I'm not going to enjoy myself. Any advice will be greatly appreciated!
Don't threaten him. then you're just reversing the roles. the tension is still there. you are not responsible for him. you are only responsible for you. calmly tell him that you, personally, are going to do it in 4 days and he is welcome to hike his own hike of 3. be firm and clear.