View Full Version : They say I'm not fat, I'm a Clydesdale

John B
10-06-2010, 08:17
The facts: I'm 49 yrs old, 6'0, and weigh 202. On Sept 26, I ran the State to State half marathon. My time was 1:58:20, for a 9:06 pace. I finished 243 out of 503 registered entries. The winner was a 29 yr. old guy who weighed I'd guess about 135. His time was 1:11.

My analysis: I expected to win the race. I always expect that. I tried to win the race. I ran as fast as I could. The other guy was faster; in fact there were 242 other people faster than me that day. I'm in a trail race in November and I'm entering another marathon in Florida in late December. I'll try to win those. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Maybe I'll qualify for Boston, maybe I won't. But no matter where I finish, it will be exactly where I deserve based on my time in comparison to all others.

The PC running world (aka "He ain't heavy, he's my brother"): You mean I don't have to finish 243rd? I can be a top-10 or maybe even #1 while still being a slow chub? You see, it just ain't fair that I have to compete against people who are in great shape, who have talent, who don't scarf doughnuts, and who train +60 miles a week. Because just like Garrison Keillor says, in America "all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and all the kids are above average ." Everyone gets a medal here no matter how slow they are.

According to an article in the NY TIMES, the latest thing is not only to categorize runners by gender and age (the more categories, the better the chance of being "#1"), but now to add in a weight category. Nope, fatties like me aren't called fatties, we're "Clydesdales"! Tell people the unvarnished truth and they get their feelings hurt, so let's candy coat everything.

It gets better, too, 'cause there are different classes of Clydesdales (btw, in the pc world, women fatties aren't Clydesdales, they're "Athenias). So if I put it all together, in my gender, age group, and now weight category, I didn't really finish 243rd, I came in 1st! I love 21st century Amerika. I really do.

10-06-2010, 08:32
Feel good philosophy and Disneyfication are way over the top. And there's been a push to remove competitiveness from much of our school's curriculum, and the result is not good. The biggest problem I see with it is it presents an unrealistic and uncompetitive model of the adult world to children. How are they ever going to succeed in a world where there is real competition for capital, goods and services, etc? :(

Blue Jay
10-06-2010, 10:51
Seriously, consider your times for entertainment purposes only. Much more important is just enjoying pushing yourself. You're not getting any younger. At a certain point any time at all in a race will be fantastic. :sun

10-06-2010, 10:53
A day above grade is better than the alternative.

10-06-2010, 15:00
I finished second in my classs in my one and only canoe race back in 2002. I was in the open canoe solo class. There were only two others due to torrential rains, so I finished right in the middle. I'm not really that competitive, though, so I was glad to have finished without dumping in the Blackstone River (one of the most polluted rivers in the country back in the 1970s - it still isn't pristine :D).

10-06-2010, 15:10
Are you running the Mountain Master's 16 mile trail race in Harlan? I've registered for that one myself. I'm also in the Haunted Half marathon in Johnson City this month.

I ran my first trail race last month, the Iron Mountain Trail run (the 16 miler) out of Damascus, and finished 11 out of 33. I was very pleased with that since I hadn't seen the course and had no idea what I was getting into.

I've been running races since 2004 (hence my trail name, 10-k) and I'm not fast at all - my 5k time is close to 20 minutes but what I lack in speed I make up for in endurance. The longer the race, the better I do - my marathon pace is 9:00 mpm - again not blazing but it makes for a sub-4 hour marathon. I stay in half-marathon shape so that I can run one at a moments notice if I decide to - I'm not a competitive runner - I just like to run in races.

The only people I compete with in a race are the people front of me when I get to .25 miles from the finish when I start pouring it on. I make a game out of picking them off one at a time.

My main racing technique is to find a nice looking gal that runs just a wee bit faster than me and drop in behind her and watch her run. And no, I'm not a perv - I just appreciate form. :)

10-06-2010, 15:59
When I've run in a few 5K's the term they use for the ladies is "Athena" :)

There's always a box for the Clydesdale/Athena division, how cute. Better than "heavier than the rest of the runners" box! :)

10-06-2010, 16:08
Instead of Clydesdale, I wonder if the Duncannon 24 (http://theduncannon24.blogspot.com/) will have a Belgian Draft division...

10-06-2010, 16:13
everyone is the size and shape they are. no one is fat. fat is if your in guinness world book of records. fat is if your in the hospitol for fat. fat is chopping you out of your house cause your stuck. my mom was 400 lbs. i never put my arms around her all the way. she wasnt fat at all. cause she was elaine olga weinstone. fat is a devil loosed on my people i will slay. fats as good as dead. yall just chubby.

10-06-2010, 19:43
file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/student/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/moz-screenshot.pngI'm not fat - I'm big boned damn it!