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fresh-start
10-22-2010, 03:26
Id hate to rant about this subject but i was wondering how people handled their relationships with significant others who were not accompanying them on the trail. I am looking to thru-hike on a nobo 2010 or a sobo 2011 but my relationship seems to be causing me much grief/hesitation to commiting to such a thing. I could not see myself traveling the trail with my significant other and i would like to accomplish a thru (if i got the right stuff) before i have any permanent roots, marriage, kids, mortgage payments or even a well paying job that makes me even more hesitant on leaving for 6 months. Is this a scenario where "taking a break" is appropriate, how have you handled this scenario in the past and how did it fair? Thanks for any posts, responses and input. Im in my early 20's btw so there is no better time than now!!

Btw its a healthy 2-year relationship, not just a fling. Just graduated college this past May and i want to expand my horizons / life experiences!!

Helios
10-22-2010, 05:04
Little late for a NOBO 2010....anyway. Long distance relationships are hard. We are changed by the things we go through. A thru hike is a defining experience for most. Your significant other will be going through something else while you are hiking. Finding a way to share, as much as possible, these experiences with each other is key. Phone calls, pictures, post cards all help. Being sensitive to the others experience is the biggest aspect.

I spent 21 years in the military, and have visited 23 countries. My wife and I have been together since High School.

The first thing I do when I get back from an extended hike is NOT tell her about it. I, instead, ask about how she is and what all she's been up to. I WAIT until she asks about my trip. In this I've shown interest in her, and by waiting I know when she's showing interest in me. It's worked so far....

Hope this helps!

Torch09
10-22-2010, 05:08
... kinda late for a 2010 nobo. Sorry, i rarely have actually advice for people on here. But maybe if you don't think you could hike the trail with this person, they wouldn't be a good companion through the journey of life either? Again, I don't have any experience in this area, just wanted to point out the 2010 thing.

Torch09
10-22-2010, 05:10
oops, looks like someone else got it in before me

fresh-start
10-22-2010, 05:49
durrr. yeah i meant a nobo 2011 ,

thanks much for the advice joe, seems like there is much experience in this type of a relationship backing up your words, that advice is very helpful because like a loon i prob would have raved about how the trip went and i think it leaves a lot of room for doubting whether i actually missed her. There is also some validity in what you are saying torch, tough decision on my end though. I'd rather try to tough it out, Ending a relationship of this caliber is not something i feel lightly about :(

amac
10-22-2010, 05:59
It seems that most folks who attempt a thru-hike are either recent grads not yet established in a career, recent retirees, or those between careers. Right now is one of those magic periods in your life. If you choose not to do it, you have to ask yourself how you will handle having to wait for one of the other two opportunities. 6-months is not really a long time. Relationships have been survived much worse through the ages. If your significant-other won't support you on this goal, what other goals will he/she not support you on? You could work it out so that your significant other participates in your hike by supporting you through mailings, and perhaps meetings along the trail.

Helios
10-22-2010, 06:17
There's a rather infamous thru hiker, having now completed the trail numerous times, who was going to hike when he finished school but didn't. Going to hike before he got married, but didn't. Going to hike when he got divorced, but didn't. He finally started a thru hike and ended up doing it 9 years in a row, if I'm not mistaken. He's also completed it a few more times since then.

Timing may not be everything. Persistence counts too!

4eyedbuzzard
10-22-2010, 08:28
One of the historically biggest concerns of thru-hiking, that of staying "connected" to your SO and the rest of your life you leave behind has been conquered to a great degree by technology. People thru-hiked before cell phones and computers gave hikers the ability to communicate almost daily. Used to be the only contact you had with your "SO" was a short call from a pay phone maybe once a week and a post card. Take advantage of the available technology to help enable your hike, and consider meeting up in towns along the way for some weekends together.

sbhikes
10-22-2010, 12:34
I don't know how it will turn out for you if your partner isn't supportive of you going. Mine was supportive. We kept in touch via phone and email (although these were often unavailable for days at a time). I felt close to him on the trail. I carried a picture of the two of us. I missed him often. Sometimes I didn't miss him at all. I shared the former feelings but not the latter with him.

StorminMormon
10-22-2010, 13:12
I've been married for almost 7 years, and I have three kids (all young). I wish to high Heaven that I was "into backpacking" when I was younger - I definitely would have done a thru hike on the AT or PCT. As for now, I'm content with my weekend trips and the occasional week-long trip. I'll probably do a thru-hike closer to when I retire.

My advice - if you're going to marry this girl...then marry her. Seriously, I wouldn't trade my wife or kids for anything. But if you're not going to marry her...then...I can't believe you're still reading the rest of this post! ha ha! Get on the trail and make some memories. Do it. Do it, right. Do it, right now!

Moose2001
10-22-2010, 13:23
Fresh Start - So......you're in your early 20's. I remember those days. It seems like just yesterday! I wish I had taken more of the opportunities I had when I was young but like most, I always assumed I'd have more chances. Surprise! One day I woke up and I wasn't 20 something any longer.....I was 50 something!

I totally agree with amac as well. If she won't support you on one of your dreams, what else won't she support you on? Relationships should be about sharing and supporting each other. It shouldn't be about do it my way.

Spend some time with her explaining why this is important to you. She might just surprise you and come around. Good Luck.

Tennessee Viking
10-22-2010, 14:04
Only reporting on what I have seen of others do...write letters a lot, record audio journals, even have your significant other post your trail journal online, call when in/near town, invite them to do small sections or towns along the way (Roan, Graysons, SNP seem to be popular for meetups), or invite them to hiker events (SoRuck,Trail Days, Gathering).

-SEEKER-
10-22-2010, 17:17
I'm 50 he is 63. We have been together for 15 1/2 years. While he supports my section hiking (four years now and only 660 miles left) he gets evil at times when I call home from the trail. He sends my mail drops and brags to other people about what I am doing, but if I call home when he is having a "bad day" he gives me a really hard time and I end up in tears. I guess my point is that they can change on you and you should be prepared for some negativity even though you may threaten them every year before you leave! LOL!!!:rolleyes:

DapperD
10-22-2010, 20:12
Id hate to rant about this subject but i was wondering how people handled their relationships with significant others who were not accompanying them on the trail. I am looking to thru-hike on a nobo 2010 or a sobo 2011 but my relationship seems to be causing me much grief/hesitation to commiting to such a thing. I could not see myself traveling the trail with my significant other and i would like to accomplish a thru (if i got the right stuff) before i have any permanent roots, marriage, kids, mortgage payments or even a well paying job that makes me even more hesitant on leaving for 6 months. Is this a scenario where "taking a break" is appropriate, how have you handled this scenario in the past and how did it fair? Thanks for any posts, responses and input. Im in my early 20's btw so there is no better time than now!!

Btw its a healthy 2-year relationship, not just a fling. Just graduated college this past May and i want to expand my horizons / life experiences!!If your significant other is not able to do a thru-hike with you, then this is OK. What is not OK is if they are not supportive of your desire to do one. This is major. The ability to retain a healthy/happy relationship and complete something as time consuming and demanding as a thru-hike will be dependant on the acceptance of ones significant other to allow them the desire to attempt a goal such as that in the first place. If your significant other is not willing to support you in your efforts then your relationship can/will be in jeapordy. This is a tough decision. I think you will need to do some soul searching and decision making as far as the course your life is taking and if you are not pleased, then tough decisions regarding your life and your goals and dreams may be in order:-?.

Roland
10-22-2010, 20:22
~ I am looking to thru-hike on a nobo 2010 or a sobo 2011 but my relationship seems to be causing me much grief/hesitation to commiting to such a thing.

I could not see myself traveling the trail with my significant other~

The solution to your quandary may lie in your user-name. :D

Best of luck, whatever you decide!

Deadeye
10-22-2010, 20:30
You're 20-something. You may not make it to 50-something. Feces occur. Go hike, if she's there when you return, you have a fresh re-start, if not, there will be someone else. Somebody already said it: you don't have to have the same dreams, but you have to share each others dreams.

fresh-start
10-22-2010, 23:42
I couldn't be any happier with the turnout this forum has provided in reguards to advice and peoples own prior experiences, i would say some soul searching is in order and i hope these posts can help other people that are struggling with this same problem. Life is short, im most positive i will be attempting a NOBO 2011!

jesse
10-23-2010, 00:39
This is a great site to get advice on gear, re-supply, etc. Only a moron would heed personal/relationship advice from this site.

fresh-start
10-23-2010, 01:03
This is a great site to get advice on gear, re-supply, etc. Only a moron would heed personal/relationship advice from this site.

Say what you will, your words dont effect me. I figure people have been through this very similiar situation and could offer advice on how they coped, refrain from being a jerk!!!

Speakeasy TN
10-23-2010, 04:50
I couldn't be any happier with the turnout this forum has provided in reguards to advice and peoples own prior experiences, i would say some soul searching is in order and i hope these posts can help other people that are struggling with this same problem. Life is short, im most positive i will be attempting a NOBO 2011!

Interesting choice of screen names. Maybe you know it's times for a fresh start? Or sometimes it's just a cigar? HIKE.... If you being happy isn't important enough to hold on for 6 months, do you really want to take a chance on forever?