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Want to get a few takes on a situation I had a few weeks back on an overnight with five or six ladies. Two of them I have hiked with before from a local hiking group out west. I see them occasionally, and they are friends with each other.
During the day, one of the two 'friends' - when we were hiking near each other - kept making unkind comments about the other, I didn't reply at first, but finally said "I thought you two were friends and did day hikes all the time together", she said they did.
Later that evening during a water run, this hiker confessed to me that she had some 'indiscrections' with the other's husband.
WOW! I didn't need to hear that, and it was a heavy weight to carry that night and then the next day of the trip. Perhaps some things are best left unshared......what would you do?
If I didn't know them well I would stay the heck out of it and certainly not hike with them again. I avoid unnecessary drama in my life.
It is good these two particular hiking friends are from a hiking group you belong to rather than being from your immediate social network. Sometimes (my prospective) I can ask an individual to please stop telling me private stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with me. (The, "wait, wait, that is too much info" response.) Then there are times when I must listen and not comment so as to not upset the apple cart. It is a fine line for sure and I understand your concern. Then I work at allowing this private information to go in one ear and out the other without internalizing when I am put on the spot. Yes, every situation is different in so many ways but I certainly would rather carry all the junk I must carry and deal with without piling on some other person's junk as well. Sorry this happened to you.
4eyedbuzzard
12-04-2010, 10:53
...they are friends with each other.
..."I thought you two were friends and did day hikes all the time together"
...she said they did.
...confessed she had some 'indiscrections' with the other's husband.
...what would you do?
Suggest they get a three person tent.
People without bounderies can definitely stir your emotional pot if you let them.
I avoid unnecessary drama in my life.
My feelings exactly. I would have said straight out that I really don't need to hear this.
All good advice :)
I did change the subject best I could, too much drama sure can ruin a hike!
I didn't reply at first, but finally said "I thought you two were friends and did day hikes all the time together", she said they did.
Later that evening during a water run, this hiker confessed to me that she had some 'indiscrections' with the other's husband.
WOW! I didn't need to hear that, and it was a heavy weight to carry that night and then the next day of the trip. Perhaps some things are best left unshared......what would you do?
I too try and keep as much drama as possible at bay. But sometimes when you interject into others conversations that have nothing to do with you, you may get information you didn't expect or want. Being social and drama-free is impossible, but being careful how and with whom you get into conversations with can eliminate some of it. I am not trying to be rude to you are imply it was your fault that she dumped that private info in your lap, but just giving you some more perspective. When I see others bitchin' and moaning or complaining I avoid it like a $3 hooker. Sorry if that is too much info. :banana
Good advice :)
I actually avoided conversation as much as possible after she was talking about her 'friend' when she was about 25 yards in front of us. I found that rude.
This will eventually blow the group up and apart. Keep the ones you like and want to hike with and dump the drama queens. If she or he sleeps with best friend husband or wife, not a friend you want to have in my opinion. That is a person who is self centered and would leave you with a broken leg in the woods in a nano second.
Sierra Echo
12-08-2010, 22:11
Want to get a few takes on a situation I had a few weeks back on an overnight with five or six ladies. Two of them I have hiked with before from a local hiking group out west. I see them occasionally, and they are friends with each other.
During the day, one of the two 'friends' - when we were hiking near each other - kept making unkind comments about the other, I didn't reply at first, but finally said "I thought you two were friends and did day hikes all the time together", she said they did.
Later that evening during a water run, this hiker confessed to me that she had some 'indiscrections' with the other's husband.
WOW! I didn't need to hear that, and it was a heavy weight to carry that night and then the next day of the trip. Perhaps some things are best left unshared......what would you do?
HA that chick was hitting on you.
She was feeling you out to see how you would react.
mkmangold
12-08-2010, 23:17
Suggest they get a three person tent.
Four person.
Blissful
12-08-2010, 23:39
All I can say is - sad stuff. But interesting she confessed it to you. Probably she is looking for a reaction. Maybe even advice, believe it or not...
I look at things like this as an open door. Not to be the go-between with the two other women, but an open door to the person who confided in you. I mean we can look away and ignore it, but if someone is sharing something like this, there is obviously a reason for it. I wouldn't go into it in a group setting like that definitely, esp with the other woman there, but maybe in a separate meeting later on with the one who confided. Unless you don't want to get involved at all. It's kind of up to you. :)
TinaLouise
12-09-2010, 09:56
My feeling is that she may be feeling guilty and wanting to unburden herself. Maybe she's trying to "let the cat out of the bag" by talking about this with the wife nearby hoping the wife hears this? Maybe the "husband" is stringing her along with hope of leaving his wife and she is progressing the situation? Whatever is going on, you would be well advised to stay out of it. And to somehow tell this woman that this kind of personal info is not wanted by you. Because sometime in the future, your other friend (the wife) will find out about this and will also find out that you know about this and it wont end very pretty. Also depending on how well you know your other friend (the wife), you may even consider telling her now what you've heard. Any way you look at this, it's not gonna end well. If these two women are not really good friends of yours, if you don't care if you hike with them anymore, then forget what you heard and just don't hike with either of them again.
Best of luck to you in working out how you'll handle this.
TinaLouise
Thankfully, I have a full year till I go on that hike again - IF I go. I don't keep in touch with these two outside of the hike. But you're right, she may just have needed to dump to feel better. Thankfully, I don't know either of their husbands....
ebandlam
12-09-2010, 14:50
I have observed that people sometimes feel free to unburden themselves to total strangers. IMHO it is something they want to get out of their system and it is easy to tell this to a total stranger. I think you did the right thing by keeping quite. It is not for you to tell anyone what to do or not to do. But in terms of what to do with this extra information - it goes to the garbage pile - I find that it takes up very precious gray matter in my head.
Suggest they get a three person tent.
BAHAHAHAAAAAA That just made my afternoon! HAHA:banana
I hate when people overshare. Recently a co-worker confided in me that another co-worker was going to be fired that week. It was very awkward being around the doomed woman. I tried to act natural but probably failed. My fear was that she would think back later and figure out that I knew. I couldn't tell her because so few people knew that it would have come back to me. That SUCKED!
How the heck do they even hike together? Seriously? Scratching my head on that one.....lol!