PDA

View Full Version : How to help my worried mother?



Maple_Sky
12-11-2010, 16:33
When I hiked the Smokies section of the AT this past summer, my mother was extremely upset and worried for me the entire way, even calling my relatives in a panic convinced I had been kidnapped in Waterville. In fact, her first words upon my return from my trip were, "Never do that to me again!"

Well, I've thought about the trail nearly every day since that trip and have decided to attempt to do the whole trail in 3 section hikes over the next three summers. I can't wait, I'm not afraid, and I want my mom to feel the same way.

I'm planning on getting her a copy of the Thru-Hiker's Companion so she can follow along; what else would you all suggest I do to make her less afraid? Parents, what would make you feel better? Long-distance hikers, what do you do to help the people at home understand and support your hike?

Rocket Jones
12-11-2010, 16:50
I don't carry one myself, but there's a device called SPOT. From the web:

Alert 911" button dispatches emergency responders to an exact location
Ask for "Help" button sends a request for help to friends and family
"Check In" button lets your contacts know where you are and that you are okay
"Track Progress" sends and saves your location and allows contacts to track your progress using Google Maps. See example.
GPS location coordinates accurate to within 20 feet
99.4% Satellite Reliability Using a 48 Satellite Constellation
Weight 7.37 ounces
Dimensions 4.38 x 2.75 x 1.5 inches
Uses easy to replace AA lithium batteries
Standby battery life approximately 12 months

Amazon sells them too. In my opinion, something like this is more for the sanity of loved ones back home, who sometimes freak out because they don't understand what the trail is like. Simple insurance for their peace of mind.

Rocket Jones
12-11-2010, 16:52
Oh yeah, my wife keeps a map of the AT on the wall, so she can see the places I'm planning to visit next, and where I'm at during a hike. Would make a nice complement to the Companion.

Megapixel
12-11-2010, 16:57
i would have her watch an at video that speaks and shows how people take care of one another out there, how it really is a community. maybe that would help? appalachian impressions comes to mind.

alverhootzt
12-11-2010, 16:58
I'm 40 and actually still had a problem with my mother- her version of worrying usually involves being super critical so I had an extra reason to get her to relax. I found that she calmed down when she saw that I knew what I was doing.

Just a small example - she needed to make a loop in a piece of cord one afternoon and I was able to show her 4 or 5 off the top of my head. I ended up showing her 10 or 15 different knots that I could tie very quickly and easily and I could tell she was impressed. It may help her to know how prepared you are - that it's not something you're taking lightly. If she already knows all that I don't know what to tell you other than you can't let it stop you. It may sound cold, but it's her problem to get over. Also a scheduled "check-in" phone call might do her some good. Then at least she knows when to start worrying for real.

Ladytrekker
12-11-2010, 17:10
You are safer on the trail than on the highway.

Cookerhiker
12-11-2010, 17:13
First of all, you've come to the right place. WB has many on both ends, i.e. young hikers like you who have had to deal with parental concerns and older folks like me who are parents of active young people. I'm confident you'll receive some good responses.

I see you haven't been on WB long and I'm assuming you're a woman. Try perusing the "Female Hiking Forum" and I'm positive you'll see that this issue has been raised and discussed at length.

It would help if you could identify what specific concern your Mom has: freezing to death, getting lost, starvation, accidents e.g. falling off a cliff, wild animals (snakes, bears, ticks etc.), wild men? Believe me nothing will be new and there are answers to all of them.

You could point out to your Mom that the Smokies is one of the very few places where you walk more than 30 miles between road crossings so it's atypical in that sense. The AT is not really remote or isolated in that you usually cross at least one major road (US or state highway) per day which leads to "civilization."

Perhaps you could also browse some journals at trailjournals.com and show them to her so she can see that lots of ordinary people hike this trail without mishap. Also go to the ATC website (http://www.appalachian trail.org) and print off some info for her. Show her how many books have been written about hiking the Trail, especially in the last few years.

The whole point is to inculcate her with the notion that this Trail is well-established, well-maintained, lots of people hike it including "wholesome" family-type i.e. we're not all bums and that you're rarely more than a day away from phone service.

BTW in my own case, my daughters haven't long-distance backpacked but they've been in arguably more risky situations than the AT e.g. Peace Corps in a remote African village when she was younger than you. I just have had faith that they'd use good judgement and were well-prepared.

johnnybgood
12-11-2010, 17:18
Get your mother involved so she feels less anxious at more at ease . Have her meet you near the trail on a (n)zero day for a resupply of her homemade cookies and pastries.
The navigational SPOT is also a terrific way to keep your mom informed of your daily progress , and having her rest easy at night.

Speakeasy TN
12-11-2010, 18:12
Boatloads of WB members from our neck of the woods too!

Shutterbug
12-11-2010, 18:37
When I hiked the Smokies section of the AT this past summer, my mother was extremely upset and worried for me the entire way, even calling my relatives in a panic convinced I had been kidnapped in Waterville. In fact, her first words upon my return from my trip were, "Never do that to me again!"

Well, I've thought about the trail nearly every day since that trip and have decided to attempt to do the whole trail in 3 section hikes over the next three summers. I can't wait, I'm not afraid, and I want my mom to feel the same way.

I'm planning on getting her a copy of the Thru-Hiker's Companion so she can follow along; what else would you all suggest I do to make her less afraid? Parents, what would make you feel better? Long-distance hikers, what do you do to help the people at home understand and support your hike?

Carry a cell phone and call home often.

Wise Old Owl
12-11-2010, 19:10
I am amazed at the posts, there isn't a good answer to this, mom needs therapy.

Sincerely, good luck I have seen this personally within my own home.

kayak karl
12-11-2010, 19:16
I am amazed at the posts, there isn't a good answer to this, mom needs therapy.

Sincerely, good luck I have seen this personally within my own home.
LOL your an a$$. maybe you just weren't loved :confused:

Doctari
12-11-2010, 20:54
You know mom best, so do whatever is best for her & you. But, I'm over 55 & I tell my mom AFTER I get back from a hike, or else I get a nearly identical reaction. My first trip my wife was, well, your mother :p Now (in fact today) she often says "GO HIKING D***IT!! So maybe mom will come around!

A few more suggestions:
Have her read some select (Pre-screened :D ) trail journals on trailjournals.com
David Brill's book "As far as the eye can see" is a great intro to the AT even though it was written in the 70s.
Get her some pictures from here at WB of the area you are going through "This is where I will be walking, isn't it beautiful!"

If all else fails, well, therapy for mom has been suggested. :p

Yamagame
12-11-2010, 20:57
Hey MapleSky,

I posted this on the Women Hiking Forum, but you may find it of use, here. It is an article I wrote for "American Hiking" magazine on young women thru-hiking and there's a bit on parents being scared.

http://www.americanhiking.org/News-Room/American-Hiker/

I hope that it will assuage some of your mom's fears.

BigHodag
12-11-2010, 22:35
Might also consider getting a free TrailPhone account. When checking in with TrailPhone you punch in your mile marker and your approximate location is shown on a map. I used the TrailPhone service for the peace of mind of family and co-workers.

TrailPhone.net (http://TrailPhone.net)

Just be careful not to use terms like "emergency" in your reports. A co-worker was upset, while another was ROFL, when I used the phrase "emergency cat hole" in one report. Non-hikers may not know what a "cat hole" is but they understand "emergency."

DapperD
12-11-2010, 22:46
When I hiked the Smokies section of the AT this past summer, my mother was extremely upset and worried for me the entire way, even calling my relatives in a panic convinced I had been kidnapped in Waterville. In fact, her first words upon my return from my trip were, "Never do that to me again!"

Well, I've thought about the trail nearly every day since that trip and have decided to attempt to do the whole trail in 3 section hikes over the next three summers. I can't wait, I'm not afraid, and I want my mom to feel the same way.

I'm planning on getting her a copy of the Thru-Hiker's Companion so she can follow along; what else would you all suggest I do to make her less afraid? Parents, what would make you feel better? Long-distance hikers, what do you do to help the people at home understand and support your hike?As someone said, carry a cell phone and call her often. Also educating her about the wonders and beauty of the trail and of long-distance hiking will certainly help. Other than that there isn't much more you can do. After all, she is a mom;)

superman
12-11-2010, 22:56
Don't tell her...communication is over rated.:-?

Blissful
12-11-2010, 22:57
I'd call on the trail to reassure. Maybe a SPOT. But honestly you're 26. She may just have to get used to the idea that you are an adult and quite capable of taking care of yourself. I'm surprised she isn't worried about you walking down the city street then - a heck of a lot more dangerous (!)

Maple_Sky
12-11-2010, 23:02
Thanks, everybody, for all the ideas-- technological and psychological! I do think that most of my mom's (and some other female members' of my my family) fear and negativity stem from them simply having no idea what it is I do out in the woods for days on end. Maybe I'll slip in some subtle outdoors education between now and June... I'm already planning the first annual Christmas cathole relay! :)

On a side note, what is the deal with this dancing banana?

Miner
12-12-2010, 00:18
What exactly is your Mom worried about. You can't do much about general worry, but specific things maybe could be dealt with by facts: Like you are more likely to die in a car wreck in the city then hiking the trail, Bears are less dangerous then your Mom's fruit cake, etc.

el31415
12-12-2010, 00:29
Rent and watch this with your mom
National Geographic: Appalachian Trail


If you need a tracking device
Spot or PLB (http://www.onthetrail.org/blog/?p=192)



http://www.onthetrail.org/blog/index.php

el31415
12-12-2010, 00:31
May be moving out of your mom basement may help


;-)

Shooting Star
12-12-2010, 00:53
The SPOT is a good idea but pricey. It has some caveats but gives you
some checkin and help options. Calling in every day or two on a cell phone
is another thought - Verizon has the best coverage in the mountains. Another
idea is to get you mom Bill Bryson's book "A Walk in the Woods". That should
loosen her up. And lastly, have a reliable friend back home that knows your
trip plans and is someone your mom can check in with for reassurance.

Have fun on the hikes...

SS

Shooting Star
12-12-2010, 00:58
One other thing to know is that Earl Shaffer, the first thru-hiker in '48,
had to mail his parents a postcard with his whereabouts once a week or
they said they'd call the sheriff and rangers and have his ass hauled out
of the woods. So what you're into is nothing new.

SS

DapperD
12-12-2010, 01:06
One other thing to know is that Earl Shaffer, the first thru-hiker in '48,
had to mail his parents a postcard with his whereabouts once a week or
they said they'd call the sheriff and rangers and have his ass hauled out
of the woods. So what you're into is nothing new.

SSThey called it "Cutting Up" back then:p.

jesse
12-12-2010, 05:47
your 26. go. your mom can either deal with her issues in a rational way or not.

Lauriep
12-12-2010, 07:33
Lots of good suggestions here, Maple Sky. You might also read the book Trail Safe (https://www.atctrailstore.org/catalog/iteminfo.cfm?itemid=231&compid=1) and let your mom know you've done so. You're also welcome to give your mother my phone number at the Appalachian Trail Conservancy (304) 535-6331 x128. I thru-hiked solo at your age (with a worried mother back home--at least in the beginning). Since 1996 I've been the Appalachian Trail Conservancy's information services manager, counseling many worried family members over the years. The more family members learn about the A.T., the more supportive they usually become.

Laurie Potteiger

Gaiter
12-12-2010, 10:11
I was 22 when I did my first long hike, I was living in New Jersey when I first decided that I need to go for a long walk, my mother freaked at the idea, then I pointed out that I was living in NJ which was much more dangerous than being on the trail...

Then as I looked up information about hiking, and made my personal decisions about gear and what not, I kept her in the loop, explaining my decisions and how it would help me. She might have started to get annoyed at my excitement over every little gear decision but it was a weird way of showing her that when I did start my hike, I wasn't going to be going out there clueless.

And the final thing that really really stopped her constant worrying was meeting some trail people, in particular a hostel owner that sees hikers come and go. It provided a comfort level, that there are people all along the trail that taking care of hikers...

since you are in TN maybe take her out with you to do a little trail magic, and stop by a hostel take her for a short hike, give her a glimpse into the hiking community...

Ladytrekker
12-12-2010, 10:23
Mothers are different creatures I am one (23 year old son) everytime your child does something new even at 23 it is worthy of putting in the baby book. LOL. Although my son was raised by a single mother at the age of 14 and up and I raised him to be independent like a mother bird I wanted him to fly solo and I support all he does.

He calls me up at the age of 20 and says I bought a plane ticket to Spain and he went and backpacked Spain for 3 weeks alone and stayed in hostels and came back a man. I never doubted him never made him think he could not do it I was totally supportive of the trip although deep inside a little nervous. He came back with a confidence that he can accomplish anything he puts his mind too.

You have to let your kids grow up they have to fly and find their own way all we can do is advise but if your advice is always negative and they shouldn't do something they will believe they can't.

My son at 23 is in his first year of law school making good grades and studying hard it was not always easy for us if it wasn't for patience, hard work, financial aid and student loans and (Mom working two jobs) and being independent he may be on another track.

Bottom line support their independence, support their decisions and stand by them.

My 2 cents as a Mom.

BrianLe
12-12-2010, 14:02
I have two adult daughters and --- after I did my first long trail --- my daughter expressed an interest in (solo) hiking the PCT. My reaction was very different than it would have been before I had hiked it.

Thus I think that for some parents, at least, more direct knowledge of the trail and "trail culture" could help. Best would be if you could get your mom out hiking on the trail during "thru-hiker season" so she could meet thru-hikers personally, get a direct and personal feel for what you're planning to do.

I don't think that electronic tethering via SPOT is necessarily going to be ideal, in particular because she might worry more on the inevitable times when you're unable or just forget to check in (and hopefully not call in the cavalry to try to "rescue you" as a result ...). I'm sure your mom would be all for it (SPOT), but I too think a verizon-based cell phone would be a better choice.

10-K
12-12-2010, 14:33
Take her with you...

skinewmexico
12-12-2010, 14:44
The new, revised Spot2 just got a glowing review on BPL. Might be worth the cost. Either that, or try some of the ruder comments previously listed. As a parent, I will admit it is hard to cut the cord some time.

Red Hat
12-12-2010, 14:46
Believe it or not, this problem does not go away with age. My 83 yr old mother was beside herself during my hike this year. She even posted on several folks trailjournals looking for me when I hadn't posted in a suitable length of time. So my advice is to keep in touch by phone and journal, consider using SPOT if it will make her feel better, let her read journals and books of other hikers so she is familiar with the trail. But enjoy your hike!

Smile
12-12-2010, 15:10
The time comes when mom's need to realize that all the work raising you is to send you out of the nest, not to keep you there. She can still worry - but understand that her level of worry is her issue, not yours.

As for getting mom involved:

I'd take her car camping for a night, and make it a fun time - no rain, don't go when it's buggy, and bring hot chocolate and a good mattress. let her know that you'll be fine because she did such a great job of raising you to take care of yourself, and let her know she is loved. All the other suggestions for keeping in touch during a hike are good ones :)

Wise Old Owl
12-12-2010, 15:55
LOL your an a$$. maybe you just weren't loved :confused:

:DSo True!:D

I can see this when your 18 and going off somewhere and "keep in touch" but if your over twenty+ it says something different - I have a Mother in Law that was constantly into my son's life & where a-bouts, "what are you doing" "when are you coming to see me" "how about a stay over" etc.

What I am saying is that sometimes the behavior can be over the top, and might require a sit down discussion about what is appropriate. "I am not a child" I have a need to go on vacation" etc. So often I hear about parents who are not social with freinds their own age and pour their lives into everything the child is doing.

Hense my post "Mom might need therapy"

My post might be out of place - but I have been there.

Pony
12-12-2010, 16:10
Get her some books about the trail and places you will be going through. A good introduction would be Not Without Peril about the Presidential Range. :D

fredmugs
12-13-2010, 08:13
I am amazed at the posts, there isn't a good answer to this, mom needs therapy.

No kidding. Cut the cord already.

Spokes
12-13-2010, 08:27
Might also consider getting a free TrailPhone account. When checking in with TrailPhone you punch in your mile marker and your approximate location is shown on a map. I used the TrailPhone service for the peace of mind of family and co-workers.

......

Yes, yes, yes! BigHodag beat me to this suggestion!! I used Trailphone.net on last year's thru and so many people said they loved it- plus it's free!

One thing I discovered last year was the trail mileage you keyed in to mark your location was not "guidebook current" and the service would not accept mileage in tenth's of miles (i.e., 187.8). I ended up rounding the mileage up and it worked great.

Cheers!

Digger'02
12-13-2010, 10:34
I think this has already been said, but take her hiking! Maybe just on a little hike in your area, it doesn't have to be the A.T.

I talk to tons of Moms who are worried about their kids hiking the Trail, moms worry there is no getting around it. Do what you can to soothe her mind and then enjoy yourself.

Once you start returning from frequent hikes happy, stinky and fit she will get used to the idea of a wild child.

downes911
12-13-2010, 17:43
Invite your mom out to hike with you for a few days or a week, she will see that the trail culture is better than anything back home.

My kids were afraid for me - I thru hiked last year and only spent one night alone and I had to make that happen.