View Full Version : Need Help with Pathetic Scragly Beard
I’ve been trying to plan for my upcoming SOBO thru-hike in June by concentrating on growing a thick manly hiker beard one could be proud of but have continued to fail miserably. I’m already 22 years old and can still barley manage a sorta goatee region and some pathetic patches. I’ve been checking out tons of trail journals and other hiker’s galleries and fear I will be left out of the exclusive hikers with awesome beards club. Every night before I go to bed I pray to the hiker gods that I will wake up in the morning with a truly amazing lumberjack beard but fear that this day will never come. Does anybody have any sort of workout, training regiment or form of meditation I could start that will have me on the path to manliness come June?
Its all in the fertilization... If you want the field to grow, you need to rub some manure on the field.
In all seriousness..... go with the goatee thing. Let it grow and just keep working it to a point. Maybe a bit like the Rob Zombie look.
The irony is that when you begin to grow into the "old geezer" age like me the hair grows just fine from your face.. your ears.. your nose..your back.. your as$.. everywhere but the top of your head!:eek:
Hey look on the bright side, I was perpetually fishing fritos out of my big beard on trail till I resorted to shaving the dang thing off.
(Before anyone older than me posts it was not meant as an insult. I am well aware there are folks twice my age that are "half" as young.) :-?
I'm in the same boat. I'm going to try and get a few cuts long the way. I had long hair for a long time and now like the cut and clean look. I'll say it's because of the ticks but it's really because my beard is pathetic.
I've never grown a beard before and I'm 33. You're in good company my friend - I have no idea if it'll work for me or not but starting next month, I'll find out.
Gray Blazer
02-15-2011, 08:19
Ehy do you wanna look like Snuffy Smiff?
Red Beard
02-15-2011, 08:21
Don't feel bad KUNU. I was 25 before I could even grow a full mustache. 'Course, now I've got all the problems Iceaxe was describing... so go figure.
bigcranky
02-15-2011, 08:53
The irony is that when you begin to grow into the "old geezer" age like me the hair grows just fine from your face.. your ears.. your nose..your back.. your as$..
Too funny, and very true.
I had the scraggly beard thing when I was 18 or 19, then I spent six years in the military, so I had to shave every day (dagnabbit!) I stopped shaving the day I got out, and was able to grow a much nicer beard. Uniformly dark and thick and all that. Now you might generously describe it as "salt and pepper" though it looks mostly white when I look in the mirror.
So go with the goatee look for now, and in a few years you'll be able to grow a nice thick beard. Chicks dig that sort of thing, based on my personal experience anyway.
LoneRidgeRunner
02-15-2011, 09:10
I’ve been trying to plan for my upcoming SOBO thru-hike in June by concentrating on growing a thick manly hiker beard one could be proud of but have continued to fail miserably. I’m already 22 years old and can still barley manage a sorta goatee region and some pathetic patches. I’ve been checking out tons of trail journals and other hiker’s galleries and fear I will be left out of the exclusive hikers with awesome beards club. Every night before I go to bed I pray to the hiker gods that I will wake up in the morning with a truly amazing lumberjack beard but fear that this day will never come. Does anybody have any sort of workout, training regiment or form of meditation I could start that will have me on the path to manliness come June?
I was 25 years old before I needed to shave..don't worry about it man....I wish I still didn't have to shave all the time ...It's not really a blessing...a beard, or the lack of doesn't make you any more or less "manly."
Ashevillian
02-15-2011, 10:12
Its all in the fertilization... If you want the field to grow, you need to rub some manure on the field.
In all seriousness..... go with the goatee thing. Let it grow and just keep working it to a point. Maybe a bit like the Rob Zombie look.
Agree with Gipsy, beard fertilizer, if you don't know what it means, ask someone with a full heavy beard. Plus it's fun.
Sickmont
02-15-2011, 10:22
I’ve been trying to plan for my upcoming SOBO thru-hike in June by concentrating on growing a thick manly hiker beard one could be proud of but have continued to fail miserably. I’m already 22 years old and can still barley manage a sorta goatee region and some pathetic patches.
I always thought in order to grow a beard you needed to get past puberty first........lol
Don't feel bad man, I couldnt grow a full thick awesome beard till i was 24.
Jelly-Bean
02-15-2011, 12:01
Maybe as you are hiking your beard will relent. Or perhaps the scruffiness will add to its appeal.
mweinstone
02-15-2011, 12:07
if i grew a beard id have to register it with the police as i grow blades over 4 inches that dont fold. my cutting streangth is that of a small drum sander. i can make tinder by rubbing a 2x4 in my beard lightly. ive sent women to the emergency room with open chest wounds. not kidding. ive been ordered by the courts to shave daily. although im looking into a beard sheeth that would allow me to join my hikin buddys one day safly
Agree with Gipsy, beard fertilizer, if you don't know what it means, ask someone with a full heavy beard. Plus it's fun.
I like to think that my beard turned out so awesome because of all the bourbon and PBR I drank. :D Oh yeah, I couldn't grow a full beard until I was about 27.
Thank you for all your kind words...perhaps one day I will simply grow out of this terrible affliction...I'm considering rocking a sweet AT edition Mohawk along with a pirate bandanna to make up for the lack of facial hair
icemanat95
02-15-2011, 12:31
No big deal.
Some of us just cannot grow a big, full beard. It's genetics. When I thru'd in 1995, I kept a disposable razor in my kit and shaved when I felt like it, but definitely in every town stop. I also kept my head sheared down to stubble. It was just plain easier to deal with. I had looooong hair in college and knew what that was like, then I joined the Army and knew what keeping hair extra short was like, especially under field conditions. Short is better when the going gets nasty. These days, some 20+ years later, I still keep my hair as short as my wife will put up with, though i do now have a grizzled goatee...which I trim pretty short for the hot months and when expecting to be in particularly nasty bush.
The inconveniences associated with keeping shaved and shorn are far outweighed by the hygenic benefits. And of course the nice thing about being less follically endowed, is that you don't need to shave as much.
Old Grouse
02-15-2011, 13:35
Put horse manure in your moccasins.
LIhikers
02-19-2011, 00:33
Start out clean shaven and then just let it do it's own thing.
You won't see what you look like very often anyway.
Start out clean shaven and then just let it do it's own thing.
You won't see what you look like very often anyway.
Thats what I plan to do! And KUNU I am the same way...my beard growing skills are definitely sub-par. Oh well.
I can't grow a full beard either. Pisses me off.
They say thinking about sex makes produces testosterone and testosterone is what makes beards grow.
Facial hair is largely governed by production of testosterone, which is known to be secreted by the testicles in greater quantities during and in anticipation of intercourse. Scientists have also found that increased beard growth was associated with tension, mental fatigue, alcohol and increased shaving. On the other hand, it is apparently curtailed by heavy exercise and high temperatures.
warpzilla
02-22-2011, 14:48
Found this video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gw1OSH40FEw) a few months ago on youtube while surfing around. I was very unsuccessful in growing a beard on my thru-hike at the age of 20, but I still didn't shave that sucker! I say let it go and don't shave it. My neard was pretty awesome though. Good luck on your journey!
I hope people don't expect me to shave my beard at the beginning of my journey. I've rocked this thing since I graduated college and would freak out if I ever lost it.
bummer72
02-22-2011, 19:19
if i grew a beard id have to register it with the police as i grow blades over 4 inches that dont fold. my cutting streangth is that of a small drum sander. i can make tinder by rubbing a 2x4 in my beard lightly. ive sent women to the emergency room with open chest wounds. not kidding.
In that case, may I recommend that you don't fertilize your beard :eek:!!!
DBCFlash
02-22-2011, 19:56
I was nearly 40 before I could grow a beard without patches and bare spots. I wished for facial hair so hard, now it's coming out of my nose, ears, and my eyebrows look like they could reach out and grab you. Better than half of it is coming in white as well.
Don't wish your life away, young'un. I'd rather be young with a clean face than an old man with rickety knees and an awesome beard.
Mismatch
02-22-2011, 21:27
ahh... this thread is a breath of fresh air.
I was concerned I would be the only bare-chinned man on the trail.
I'm going to see what will grow, but I don't have very high expectations.
Lumberpat73
02-22-2011, 21:54
Lol I seem to have old man genes or something, I couldn't grow a full beard until high school, now people at work have started calling me grizzly adams.
i love having an awesome beard but it is a pain to shave when you need/want to look clean shaven, and I find people look at you differently when you have a beard (they seem to be less trusting)
The beard is good for storing extra foods, and gear tho
I have had a beard for 38 years. I use Dr. Bronner's Magic soap, it will grow hair on your face and back, but not your head. The peppermint works best.
Undershaft
02-23-2011, 07:10
Beards are a PITA, especially when they get long. I wish I had your problem. I would love to be clean shaven with no difficulty. If I shave at 8am I have stubble by noon and look downright scruffy by 5pm. I only grow a beard because it's easier and shaving everyday does a number on my skin. My bosses and co-workers think I look unprofessional, but I've stopped caring. I do like to keep my beard short though, especially when I'm on the trail. A short beard is much more comfortable when hiking.
Old Hiker
02-23-2011, 08:27
I can't grow a full beard either. Pisses me off.
They say thinking about sex makes produces testosterone and testosterone is what makes beards grow.
I was told by a totally bald friend that with testosterone you can either grow hair or HAVE great sex. I have a full head of hair at my advanced age and can grow a beard with no problem. *sigh*
one word:
Combover, lol. OK, that would be a bad idea.
warpzilla
02-23-2011, 15:46
how about a beard comb over (http://www.spike.com/video/sierra-mist-beard/2818941)?
Mismatch
02-23-2011, 16:28
Another beard time lapse. Not from the AT, but from China to Germany. Still quite a walk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ky6vgQfU24&feature=iv&annotation_id=annotation_318244
slimjim414
02-24-2011, 13:11
http://24flinching.com/word/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/beard-trustworthiness.jpg
Cookerhiker
02-24-2011, 13:22
I’ve been trying to plan for my upcoming SOBO thru-hike in June by concentrating on growing a thick manly hiker beard one could be proud of but have continued to fail miserably. I’m already 22 years old and can still barley manage a sorta goatee region and some pathetic patches. I’ve been checking out tons of trail journals and other hiker’s galleries and fear I will be left out of the exclusive hikers with awesome beards club. Every night before I go to bed I pray to the hiker gods that I will wake up in the morning with a truly amazing lumberjack beard but fear that this day will never come. Does anybody have any sort of workout, training regiment or form of meditation I could start that will have me on the path to manliness come June?
Empathy and sympathy here. I grew my beard on a hiking trip to England in 1999 and kept it despite the scraggly look and occasional bare spots. My mustache is very full - wish the beard had the construct of the mustache.
So my advanced age hasn't helped improve my beard but I've got a pretty good headful of hair.
Too funny, and very true.
I had the scraggly beard thing when I was 18 or 19, then I spent six years in the military, so I had to shave every day (dagnabbit!) I stopped shaving the day I got out, and was able to grow a much nicer beard. Uniformly dark and thick and all that. Now you might generously describe it as "salt and pepper" though it looks mostly white when I look in the mirror.
So go with the goatee look for now, and in a few years you'll be able to grow a nice thick beard. Chicks dig that sort of thing, based on my personal experience anyway.
I only met Big Cranky once and briefly at that but I thought his beard was awesome.
I remember a young guy thruhiking in '04 from Colorado - trail name Hustler - who had a nice thick lush beard.
I *have* to shave twice a week (of course, I don't). It's just genetics. Maybe make up for not being an Awesome Beard Hiker by being an Awesome Bandana Hiker: I never could figure out how to tie those things.
The best thing about having a beard, is all the random girls that come up to me, stroke it (the beard) and tell me they wished their boyfriends could grow a beard. Plus if I ever go to Pakistan I'd fit right in.
Lone Wolf
05-01-2011, 20:44
I’ve been trying to plan for my upcoming SOBO thru-hike in June by concentrating on growing a thick manly hiker beard one could be proud of but have continued to fail miserably. I’m already 22 years old and can still barley manage a sorta goatee region and some pathetic patches. I’ve been checking out tons of trail journals and other hiker’s galleries and fear I will be left out of the exclusive hikers with awesome beards club. Every night before I go to bed I pray to the hiker gods that I will wake up in the morning with a truly amazing lumberjack beard but fear that this day will never come. Does anybody have any sort of workout, training regiment or form of meditation I could start that will have me on the path to manliness come June?
gotta go thru puberty first
http://27.media.tumblr.com/6xks0Ubbv78wdj7uF6kyQNu7_400.jpg
this might help
twsmith001
05-01-2011, 23:24
what no ultra-light ounces commits im sourly disappointed, and to think i knew you guys so well......or does ounces not count when it comes to looking cool....
PapaSmurf
05-02-2011, 09:53
All the males in the Smurf household sport full beards. My youngest son started his recently and it's still a little patchy. I figure it'll fill out nicely this summer, in time for him to start 9th grade. :D
Ticks like beards. Your less likely to get Lyme disease. Thats why you'l never see a monkey thru hiking the AT.
Walkintom
05-03-2011, 21:01
I don't see the attraction of the soupcatcher. My facial hair grows at a decent pace but not as annoyingly fast as some people that I know.
I plan to get a good shave every time I hit town. Likewise I plan on starting with my normal haircut ( fairly short) and then graduating to a crewcut as the weather warms up.
Be thankful that your facial hair doesn't grow fast and full. Just play the hand you were dealt in this case.
Entropy2012
05-07-2011, 11:40
Haha, I really want a beard. It takes me about a week to grow this kinda patchy stupid looking 'bumfluff'. :(
I'm hoping after 6 months it might vaguely resemble something decent, but I'm not too hopeful. :p
I’ve been trying to plan for my upcoming SOBO thru-hike in June by concentrating on growing a thick manly hiker beard one could be proud of but have continued to fail miserably.
Well, yeah! You can't grow a manly hiker beard before you start your hike! And while I admire your planning methodology, you really have to show up at Katahdin clean-shaven, or nearly so, and grow your beard over the course of your hike.
Well, yeah! You can't grow a manly hiker beard before you start your hike! And while I admire your planning methodology, you really have to show up at Katahdin clean-shaven, or nearly so, and grow your beard over the course of your hike.
The only way to train for lugging a beard up a hill for 2200 miles is to lug a beard up a hill for 2200 miles.
I know I'm a bit late (sorry). I had this same problem. When I was in college, I was a theatre major and had to grow facial hair for a role. Here is what I was told, and what I did:
Shave every day for a couple of weeks, whether you need to or not.
This will stimulate the growth.
Then, just let it go.
Sure, I don't get five o'clock shadow for about 2-3 days, and there are 2 small spots on my face that won't grow hair (my brother and father have the same issue), but after about a week or so, I have, for all intents and purposes, a beard. Before that role, I couldn't grow squat.
True Story!
-Pace Car
'12 (Hopefully)
Wise Old Owl
07-10-2011, 11:52
Kunu are you serious? Why rush it. So you don't need to shave as much - No worry's mate. A full beard is not always attractive to the ladies......
At least you don't look like this! (Glenn & Mitch - Swamp People)
johnnybgood
07-10-2011, 14:59
Kunu are you serious. A full beard is not always attractive to the ladies......
A wise old owl should know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.....
Does anybody have any sort of workout, training regiment or form of meditation I could start that will have me on the path to manliness come June?
What's your girlfriend do to grow hers? :eek:
jburgasser
07-10-2011, 17:29
I'm 42. When will my full beard finally come in? I still just get a Shaggy (as in Scooby-Doo) thing going on the chin and a patch under each jaw bone! But I can hike with the best of 'em, man!!
JB
k2basecamp
07-10-2011, 18:39
Mountain house chili mac w beef spread liberally and with a purpose before bedWill grow a full lush shrub of a beard.
Wise Old Owl
07-11-2011, 22:48
Uhh,, is that as good as using Rogaine on the chin?
Johnny b Good two words ... Keanu Reeves.....12154
Ok I thought I was helping - I have the same problem - I can't grow sideburns! There,