View Full Version : How to get wife off back so I can hike?
keepinitsimple
03-16-2011, 18:39
I am a section hiker who has been doin it well before I was blessed with the wife and children. Man oh man, I can't do **** any more. For me to get out on a hike requires an act of congress. It's not like my wife does not understand- we got engaged on the AT at Bear Rocks in PA. I know good things come to those who wait, I read " Zen 24/7", I know having a 2,4, and 5 yr old is hard. But I work hard and am well behaved. JFC.:-?
So this post is part toung and cheek, and part ***. Let it be a lesson to all of you young bucks, kids change everything. I do look to the future of raising little hikers. They can already hike farther than any other kids I know. Life is really good. Just needed to blow off some steam. Hike on friends
I am a section hiker who has been doin it well before I was blessed with the wife and children. Man oh man, I can't do **** any more. For me to get out on a hike requires an act of congress. It's not like my wife does not understand- we got engaged on the AT at Bear Rocks in PA. I know good things come to those who wait, I read " Zen 24/7", I know having a 2,4, and 5 yr old is hard. But I work hard and am well behaved. JFC.:-?
So this post is part toung and cheek, and part ***. Let it be a lesson to all of you young bucks, kids change everything. I do look to the future of raising little hikers. They can already hike farther than any other kids I know. Life is really good. Just needed to blow off some steam. Hike on friendsThis is why those who can do such things like long section hikes or thru-hiking are usually either younger or are older retired folks. Those in their middle years who are heads of households, working, raising children, paying bills, etc...find that to do the things they enjoy doing like hiking takes extra effort as free time tends to become elusive. I know for myself I had planned to thru-hike in 2009 and decided to wait as I am also raising a child and I just seemed to not be able to make the hike happen. For me I just have been too involved with other life issues. Try to plan to set aside for yourself the time to be able to go hiking. It may be you just simply need to plan some personal time into your busy schedule to do the things you enjoy to do, like hiking. I can't at this time do my thru-hike, like I want to, but I still find the time to go on dayhikes with my young son, who I may add loves to go hiking with his dad, and of which I thoroughly enjoy. Who knows, maybe someday we will even go thru-hiking together!:sun.
I have been told that divorce usually allows people to go their own way.
Camping Dave
03-16-2011, 19:24
Let her go on a 1 week vacation, alone or with friends, to a destination of her choice, while you watch the kids, and don't call her cell and bother her every day.
Feral Bill
03-16-2011, 19:34
A trip to the urologist and a few years time will cure the small children situation.
kayak karl
03-16-2011, 19:35
Let her go on a 1 week vacation, alone or with friends, to a destination of her choice, while you watch the kids, and don't call her cell and bother her every day.
Brownie points
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Brownie points in modern usage are a hypothetical social currency (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Currency), which can be accrued by doing good (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goodness_and_value_theory) deeds or earning favor in the eyes of another, often one's superior:D. The origin of the term is unclear. :D
kayak karl
03-16-2011, 19:37
I have been told that divorce usually allows people to go their own way.
not if you have children......
take one or two of the kids with you
or wait until they can read and comprehend, show them this post, and your problem's solved
why don't you bring your wife and kids hiking with you???????
Northern Lights
03-16-2011, 19:44
I am a section hiker who has been doin it well before I was blessed with the wife and children. Man oh man, I can't do **** any more. For me to get out on a hike requires an act of congress. It's not like my wife does not understand- we got engaged on the AT at Bear Rocks in PA. I know good things come to those who wait, I read " Zen 24/7", I know having a 2,4, and 5 yr old is hard. But I work hard and am well behaved. JFC.:-?
So this post is part toung and cheek, and part ***. Let it be a lesson to all of you young bucks, kids change everything. I do look to the future of raising little hikers. They can already hike farther than any other kids I know. Life is really good. Just needed to blow off some steam. Hike on friends
Sheesh when will you men ever learn. You married her, and it is now her rightful duty to change the man she married. No more hiking for you!!!
Ladytrekker
03-16-2011, 19:57
After being married for 23 years and now divorced some people think that marriage gives them the right to take your individuality and pack it in a closet and take control of your life. Marriage can be great and but divorce has freed me. Some women are very good at emasculating their men. Venting is good it helps.
Wise Old Owl
03-16-2011, 20:04
why don't you bring your wife and kids hiking with you???????
Clearly, you must be single.
vamelungeon
03-16-2011, 20:09
My wife isn't interested in backpacking, but doesn't object to me doing it- AS LONG AS I DON'T HAVE OTHER STUFF I NEED TO DO.
We've been married 29 years, and compromise works best for us.
johnnybgood
03-16-2011, 20:16
I'll sum it up for you in three little words ... hang in there .
Reality : kids do change things , making life more complicated . Having 3 little ones ,ages 5 & under does require tons of parenting -- I'm sure you know that.
~ Does your wife get to do things she enjoys doing w/o the kids ?
What I'm getting at is that the two of you need to have some "down" time every few weeks or so from your kids.
If your wife likes to hike then she makes this an easy slam dunk. If she would rather do something together that is mutually liked , then alternate between the married couple social outings and each having a weekend to do what each likes to do .
Of course this providing that your kids are being well cared for by family or friends.
~My wife and daughter just today asked me if I wanted to go hiking this weekend Since there are no work or school obligations , I will be hiking with my wife who really doesn't care to hike ... but will come Saturday because she knows how much I love it . Our daughter ,on the other hand has learned to love hiking , even caught her lecturing to her mom about how she shouldn't wear cotton jeans and how she needs to find else that's lightweight and duo dry material to wear this weekend.
Hike when you can ,man ---Although you do need to balance your lifestyle too .
Your kids will thank you and hopefully one day surprise you by wanting to go hiking with you. I know mine has . Heck, she even says she's a better hiker than me . :rolleyes:
Happy Trails and Good Luck !
I know having a 2,4, and 5 yr old is hard.
Having 3 kids in a span of 3-4 years is anything BUT "keepin' it simple". :D
Enjoy 'em while they're young. They don't stay that way for long. The time you spend running after them now, will keep you in shape for hiking, later.
keepinitsimple
03-16-2011, 20:53
WOW, Loved the feed back. Thank you. I really feel part of the community.
Just a little more info.....I have been snipped, and I highly rec. that- not as bad as they say.
We are an outdoor family to say the least. Where ever we are my kids often ask " Dad, is this the kind of place we can pee outside at?"
Wife might need some social activities- I am working on that for her. While it is easy to suggest a mother go away for a period of time, I see that very few do. Guess this is the same reason we do not get between a momma bear and her cubs.
Down time for parents is mandatory, yet still hard to find. Balance as someone said is the name of the game.
While I really like small local hikes with my family, I crave the wind on my face high in the mountains. Places where you really earn the seclusion and quiet.
I have been clean and sober for many years and the AT is like a silent sponsor to my program. I will once again approach my wife about once a month day hikes . Thanks for the support.
I have 3 kids and I take them with me but I limit how far I go. My youngest is 3 and he can hike 6 to 8 miles per day
keepinitsimple
03-16-2011, 21:09
That is amazing milage for a kid so young. He is a little stomper.
Uh, yeah. It's the kids, and you don't get to do what you want until they're older. But wow! When that point in your life comes, you really do appreciate it. I've been married for 26 years. I hiked before I met my husband, and he had interests before he met me. For him, it's track and field. We had some big knock downs, drag outs about all the coaching and running he was doing, to the point where he'd drive an hour from work, coach other people's kids, go back to work, and then come home after our children were asleep. They'd go days without seeing their father even though he was home every night. And I was completely overloaded doing the 24/7 childrearing. I gave up a lot to stay home with the kids, including hiking, and I was very resentful when he continued to do whatever he wanted. We had to reach a balance, which meant he had to quit coaching.
Fast forward... kids in college, hubby runs masters track and field, I go away and hike, the kids stay home and eat our food, drive our cars, and feed the cat. It works out eventually.
keepinitsimple
03-16-2011, 21:18
Limo, Wow, you hit me between the eyes. I forgot to mention that my wife gave up a career to raise the kids. She was making more than me. We just could not do the day care thing, God bless those who can. She works p/t in the eve now, and I work days. It is a crazy schedule. Kids are the focus otherwise. Thanks for your words.
I do look to the future of raising little hikers. They can already hike farther than any other kids I know.
Allow me to give you a warning. "Raising little hikers." might be your goal, but that doesn't mean that's what they want. Where "support" turns to "pressure" it's not fun anymore.
Drove me to quit hiking for 5 years, and make the decision to never hike with my father ever again. Don't make that mistake.
sheepdog
03-16-2011, 21:35
Did pretty much the same thing. Looking back I don't regret the hikes I've missed. I look at four great kids all grown up and three of them are awesome hiking partners. You will never regret the time you give to your kids. Hang in there, love your wife, teach your kids to love the outdoors; it all gets better.
After being married for 23 years and now divorced some people think that marriage gives them the right to take your individuality and pack it in a closet and take control of your life. Marriage can be great and but divorce has freed me. Some women are very good at emasculating their men. Venting is good it helps.
Agreed with what you say here. Broke up with someone I cared a lot about because of the controlling and the throwing the individuality in the closet. I just couldn't see myself being with them long term since I could feel who I was being eroded.
earlyriser26
03-16-2011, 21:54
Three small kids = not much hiking. That is the way it is for most married people. I had to work around similar issues. There was a period where I felt lucky to just get 1 hike in a year. Now I am up to about 3 a year. I retire this year and I am looking forward to maybe 5 a year. Even then I won't be able to take off whenever I want. Marriage is compromise and responcibilities.
Wise Old Owl
03-16-2011, 22:30
Allow me to give you a warning. "Raising little hikers." might be your goal, but that doesn't mean that's what they want. Where "support" turns to "pressure" it's not fun anymore.
Drove me to quit hiking for 5 years, and make the decision to never hike with my father ever again. Don't make that mistake.
Don't raise little hikers, instead get them in Scouting.... Its a wonderful group thing, that has far more success, as long as an adult you participate, Pick the right troop and the Backpacking will come with the wife's understanding.....
Here is my group - 30 miler...
http://i250.photobucket.com/albums/gg275/MarkSwarbrick/FXCD0090a.jpg
vamelungeon
03-16-2011, 23:24
I want to get my son interested in hiking but he's an ex-Marine and calls hiking "humping" LOL
Anyway, when he was growing up I let him fish, hunt, shoot, camp, etc. but never forced him, and there were a LOT of times I had to forgo my activities for his. Lately he's expressed an interest in the AT so I hope I can get him over to Mt. Rogers and that area soon.
Being a dad means putting your stuff on the back burner sometimes.
daddytwosticks
03-17-2011, 07:34
Life is full of choices. I got married and had kids because I wanted to do so. My family comes first, no exceptions. I am very lucky to live so close to the trail and have an understanding wife who "accommodates" my frequent but short term (section hiker) wanderings on the trail. :)
DBCFlash
03-17-2011, 07:40
Hiking with kids? Ugh! Nasty, whiny things, too slow, run too far ahead, don't like the food, Sooooo much extra gear. You'll end up praying for hungry bears.
Best solution is to encourage your wife to take her own vacation then you've got that as leverage for a nice section hike.
Gray Blazer
03-17-2011, 07:54
In 18-20 years the kids will be grown and gone. You can hike then. They may even want to go with you.
ekeverette
03-17-2011, 09:01
yep, kids change everything! so my kids are about grown, or at least they think they are. so what did i do. got divorced, married a woman 15 yrs younger than me, who loved hiking before we were married, now she hates it. go figure that! yea, i screwed up. but i'm going anyway. old enough now i can take the heat, she can get out of the kitchen!;)
Be patient and introduce your wife and kids to hiking slowly and in small amounts it will pay off. I have been married for 25 years and have 3 kids now 23, 19 and 13. They all like to hike including my wife, but not as often as I do. Now each of my kids wants to hike with dad by themselves as does my wife so instead of only a few trips a year I get out at least once a month sometimes twice. I figured I increased my hiking by at least 4 X over what i could do if only hiking with my buddies. I am blessed indeed.
Blissful
03-17-2011, 09:45
Enjoy 'em while they're young. They don't stay that way for long. The time you spend running after them now, will keep you in shape for hiking, later.
This is the best advice yet. :D
There's a lot of awesome great advice here that really resonates with me. I loved backpacking and was a big section hiker before getting married and having kids. My wife was never into it (I fooled myself into thinking she was, but it just wasn't her thing). I hate to say it, but my advice FWIW for you is with 3 kids that young, either forget about backpacking for a few yrs (~8) or just aim for a 5-6 day trip once a yr. Instead, focus on the family day hikes and camping, and do NOT push them to go further than they want! You love feeling the wind on top of a peak, but they will have far more fun playing in a stream or catching tadpoles in a pond. Your life will be happier and better if you follow their lead for a few years, go at their pace and enjoy what they see and find. I did that until my kids got to be about 8, then started advancing to a little more. My kids (now 24, 21, and 18) still thank me for the hikes I took them on nearly every weekend (including the rain, if it wasn't too heavy). we explored every state woodland within ~ a 45 min drive, caught tons of tadpoles, tracked lots of deer, and had a great time. My wife was more than happy to stay home and have some respite. And if you take the kids off your wifes hands for an afternoon or so every wekend (or every few weekends if she likes hiking along too), then she may very well be willing to send you off for a backpack on your own.
Once my oldest (daughter) was about 12 we did a father daughter backpack trip (short mileage) and got up to some longer trips, including some weeklong backpacks in Colorado and along the AT with my brother and his daughter, about same age. Great fun! Other daughter never had any interest in backpacking, so I didn't push it, but my son (youngest) loves it, so we go out for a couple of trips a yr. My wife is happy to see us go, and happy to have us come home.
And FINALLY after all these yrs of waiting, I'm gonna start the AT as a thru, in just a few weeks, can't wait!
Delayed gratification isn't for everyone, but hey, I'm still married, my kids all like the woods and hiking, and I've had a great time over those yrs that I didn't get to backpack as much as I really wanted. :sun
I always knew I could never be self-sacrificing enough to have children so I didn't. I'm female, by the way. Kissing Aunt Flo good-bye once and for all was the best thing ever. No more worries. I can be selfish for the rest of my life. :) Wind up the nieces and nephews and then go home before anybody needs a diaper change. Buwuahahahah!
FishBone
03-17-2011, 10:57
as the song goes: "tell her lies and feed her candy!" :eek:;):D
fredmugs
03-17-2011, 11:01
not if you have children......
Divorced worked for me. If fact it was the 8 hours a day I spent alone with my thoughts on my first AT hike that convinced me things were never going to get better.
Just get the kids out there in the woods, short periods, short hikes to start with. No forcing, get the feel of what they can do and want to do. Make it fun and before you know it, they'll be begging to do more. Scouting is great when they get older, and becomes a family affair. No need to give up what you love, enjoy it together!
This couple is famous for having hiked the entire Pacific Crest Trail with their 10 year old daughter.
http://pctfamily.com/
Wee Scrambler loves hiking. They had been hiking with her since she was born, pretty much. It is possible and they seem to have a lot of fun.
flemdawg1
03-17-2011, 14:24
My Wife and children are the greatest blessings in my life. If keeping them happy means that I can't TH or do an extended section for a few years, I accept it as a small payment for the joy that they bring to me.
Sickmont
03-17-2011, 14:32
My 19 year old daughter wants to go hiking with me some day. My problem is, she keeps leaving to go overseas to do mission work. Apparently the only way i'll seem to ever get to go hiking with her is if I go to a third world country as well.
Bare Bear
03-17-2011, 14:34
Impossible to get her out with you? Sweeten the offer with a B&B afterwards for a night away from the kids.
JokerJersey
03-17-2011, 15:47
I want to get my son interested in hiking but he's an ex-Marine and calls hiking "humping" LOL
Anyway, when he was growing up I let him fish, hunt, shoot, camp, etc. but never forced him, and there were a LOT of times I had to forgo my activities for his. Lately he's expressed an interest in the AT so I hope I can get him over to Mt. Rogers and that area soon.
Being a dad means putting your stuff on the back burner sometimes.
Just tossing this out there since I was in the same position as your son, being a former Marine and all. When I first got out of the Corps, the absolute LAST thing I wanted to do was put a pack on and hike. It took about 5 years before I had the urge to hike again and another 2 years before I decided to hit the AT.
Once I got out there and realized that hiking for pleasure was nothing like "humping" in the Marines, it got a lot easier. What we did in the Corps is not hiking, it's a forced march between point A and point B (which is often times point A after a 10+ mile loop). No stops to look at things, playing the slinky game as the front of the column starts, then you have to run to catch up, only to almost stop again as it ripples back and forth along the column....it's not fun. When I first went out, I would just toss on my pack and haul ass to get to where I was stopping for the night. I realized after two hikes in the same area that I hadn't really seen anything as I was just concerned with getting to point B.
So, bring 'em out there, don't set any pace, let him just walk along, and if you notice he just has his head down, knocking out the miles, try and help him ease up a bit. It's a hard habit to break.
Impossible to get her out with you? Sweeten the offer with a B&B afterwards for a night away from the kids.
This really does go a long way. Our kids are older now. Hubby and I have the time to do what we want, but he and I still part company when it comes to spending the night on the trail. He hates it. But, he'll do very long day hikes with a B&B or lodge at the end of the day. I finally convinced him to go to Yosemite this year. And yeah, I missed out on some nice backpacking, but wow! Was it sweet to return to room service at the Ahwahnee at the end of the day!
Tenderheart
03-17-2011, 18:48
I am a section hiker who has been doin it well before I was blessed with the wife and children. Man oh man, I can't do **** any more. For me to get out on a hike requires an act of congress. It's not like my wife does not understand- we got engaged on the AT at Bear Rocks in PA. I know good things come to those who wait, I read " Zen 24/7", I know having a 2,4, and 5 yr old is hard. But I work hard and am well behaved. JFC.:-?
So this post is part toung and cheek, and part ***. Let it be a lesson to all of you young bucks, kids change everything. I do look to the future of raising little hikers. They can already hike farther than any other kids I know. Life is really good. Just needed to blow off some steam. Hike on friends
Looking back now, I'll bet you wish you had just gotten yourself a couple of cats instead of all those kids. I've had both, and the cats are a lot less trouble and a lot cheaper.
litefoot 2000
Freedom Walker
03-17-2011, 22:49
I am a section hiker who has been doin it well before I was blessed with the wife and children. Man oh man, I can't do **** any more. For me to get out on a hike requires an act of congress. It's not like my wife does not understand- we got engaged on the AT at Bear Rocks in PA. I know good things come to those who wait, I read " Zen 24/7", I know having a 2,4, and 5 yr old is hard. But I work hard and am well behaved. JFC.:-?
So this post is part toung and cheek, and part ***. Let it be a lesson to all of you young bucks, kids change everything. I do look to the future of raising little hikers. They can already hike farther than any other kids I know. Life is really good. Just needed to blow off some steam. Hike on friends
The key word you have used is that you have been "blessed" and you are a blessed man. Both you and your wife have made sacrifices to have your family. My question to you is what will be your legacy. Raising children who got to experience a complete family with mom and dad always there for them for their own personal accomplishments is a noble goal. Preparing them to make a difference in this world, that would be a legacy to be proud of.
Of course you want to hike as often as possible. But if your hiking were to come between yourself and your wife causing you to divorce and with your new freedom you were even able to thru hike think about what that will do to your children. Sure hiking is a passion to all of us on Whiteblaze and it should be a blessing to be able to satisfy that passion. But you should want your wife and children to be proud of your hiking accomplishments not bitter that you chose hiking over them. So my advice is to find a balance between your hiking passion and the family responsibilities. As others have said you may have to put off most of your ambitions until your children are grown. Many of us have done that already and we have a wife and family that supports what we do. That is priceless.
Talk to your wife. I am sure that you can find a compromise together. As others have said take them on easy hikes where there is a lot of fun. Try to plan a longer hike for yourself a couple of times a year. I assume that you are fairly young so there will be plenty of time to do more hiking in the years to come. Enjoy your family now and strengthen your relationship with your wife.
High Side
03-17-2011, 23:52
<---Single for life
Delta-Dawn
03-18-2011, 10:37
As a wife, a mom of three and someone who enjoys her own time let me add to the general consensus of doing something nice for your wife. Your kids are still young, and women have a tendency to lose themselves for a little while after becoming a mom, especially since you have three kids age 5 and under. She's tired. She wants help and she probably gets irritated when you say you want to go hiking/fishing/camping/whatever. I was the same way until my husband began forcing me to go on girls weekends after our youngest came along 11 years ago. When we get a break, we are all the more willing to give you a break. If the honey do list is a mile long, our hair looks like we belong in a commune and we haven't used the bathroom alone in months, then more than likely the minute you suggest you want to go do something ALONE, we freak out. Take up geocaching and start taking the kids to local parks to geocache and 'hike' while giving her a break. It really took me getting away from my family every so often that made me remember what I liked to do and who I was before becoming a mom and made me appreciate my family even more.
Find things that you and your wife can do together again, with or without kids. We always fished, but when my husband started fly-fishing and got me involved, it made me more okay with his week long trips to awesome locations to fly-fish (although the whole Patagonia trip is still making me a little jealous, lol :) ). Introduce her to the things you like to do, and if she doesn't want to do them with you, at least she can see why you want to and won't feel like you are trying to get away from her and the kids.
When you want to plan a hike or weekend getaway, make sure there are no activities scheduled she needs you for, that the toilet doesn't need fixing or there be back-to-back birthday parties she needs your help getting the kids too. As long as her needs are met, yours will be too. Everyone will be much happier. Good luck. :)
sheepdog
03-18-2011, 19:37
<---Single for life
famous last words :D
keepinitsimple
03-18-2011, 20:29
Looking back now, I'll bet you wish you had just gotten yourself a couple of cats instead of all those kids. I've had both, and the cats are a lot less trouble and a lot cheaper.
litefoot 2000
I don't know...Having my little girl tell me about "Justin Beefer" at dinner last night was pretty special. She has no idea who he is, or what he does, but she heard he got a hair cut!
keepinitsimple
03-18-2011, 20:38
Don't raise little hikers, instead get them in Scouting.... Its a wonderful group thing, that has far more success, as long as an adult you participate, Pick the right troop and the Backpacking will come with the wife's understanding.....
Here is my group - 30 miler...
http://i250.photobucket.com/albums/gg275/MarkSwarbrick/FXCD0090a.jpg
I can't wait for scouts! I was one, but drinking and other teen age behaviors got in the way. Shame about the position on gays. I really wish they would accept others and teach that chapter of diversity. I am still going to join with the boys when the chance arrives
;)
My wife isn't interested in backpacking, but doesn't object to me doing it- AS LONG AS I DON'T HAVE OTHER STUFF I NEED TO DO.
We've been married 29 years, and compromise works best for us.
My wife and I are going on 11 years of marriage. Compromise is key, my wife knew going in that I hiked. Now here comes the clincher I decided to go this spring for a thru-hike (class of 2011). My knee cartilidge decided to tear this fall. After some rehabilitation was back on. This winter my wife's mother passes away from a sudden illness. My wife's response "I will not stand in your way." Then go to the vet to have the dog checked out, his health is not good enough to complete a long hike. Fast forward to this past weekend we just had one of the brightest moons on record. I set up the tent in the backyard with my six year old - best time ever. I still have the mail drops ready to go, the trip mapped out, logistics coordinated, but considering being the class of 2012, OR a serious section hike (i.e. Springer to HF or HF to Kat.). I have been hiking sections of the AT every summer since I moved east around 12 years ago. This may be the year that I put things on hold and just stay home to make sure she's ok. Instead of six months a much shorter hike will be in order. Anyone interested in completing a seriously long section(s) that can relate to my canomdrum? PM me with details of what you are planning this summer. New goal - Springer to CT. Have a plane ticket out of Newark to get back. Once I know she is ready to let me go - I will bound along the trail. Until then I take care of the family.
onestepatatime
03-22-2011, 19:29
Hey, keepinitsimple, we live close enough to one another I would be willing to go out with you and your children for an adventure
my wife suggests you do something for her but when I want to go she says "your stilled here! I thought you left"
Wise Old Owl
03-22-2011, 20:46
I can't wait for scouts! I was one, but drinking and other teen age behaviors got in the way. Shame about the position on gays. I really wish they would accept others and teach that chapter of diversity. I am still going to join with the boys when the chance arrives
I am unsure about your post, I am not a spokes-person for the group. But I will say this after being yelled at by proactive ignorant Lesbian's in front of my 16 Year old son who was selling popcorn at an ACME.
I have absolutely no position about anyone's personal lifestyle until it impacts that of a MY child. It is a Judah Christian BOYS organization that believes in moral growth and educating responsible boys to becoming leaders. They can choose their lifestyle after they leave. (18 Years old) I am for diversity - but it has NO place in the Boy Scout Organization. They are clearly trying their best to avoid what happened to the Catholic clergy here in Philadelphia.
That's my opinion. This is a blog, I am still a nice guy. Read and soft delete it if you must. I have been insulted & embarrassed repeatedly by an outspoken minority, Who up to recently, I thought were my friends.
They do teach diversity! White, Black, Hispanic, there is no shame here!
Guess you hit a nerve - it wasn't personal, back to the chat around the campfire.
keepinitsimple
03-24-2011, 21:08
I am unsure about your post, I am not a spokes-person for the group. But I will say this after being yelled at by proactive ignorant Lesbian's in front of my 16 Year old son who was selling popcorn at an ACME.
I have absolutely no position about anyone's personal lifestyle until it impacts that of a MY child. It is a Judah Christian BOYS organization that believes in moral growth and educating responsible boys to becoming leaders. They can choose their lifestyle after they leave. (18 Years old) I am for diversity - but it has NO place in the Boy Scout Organization. They are clearly trying their best to avoid what happened to the Catholic clergy here in Philadelphia.
That's my opinion. This is a blog, I am still a nice guy. Read and soft delete it if you must. I have been insulted & embarrassed repeatedly by an outspoken minority, Who up to recently, I thought were my friends.
They do teach diversity! White, Black, Hispanic, there is no shame here!
Guess you hit a nerve - it wasn't personal, back to the chat around the campfire.
Sure....... vent, discuss, post, whatever, and it's never personal. We can agree to disagree.
The situation in Philly..with Father O'Fondlin (forgive me :rolleyes:)... has the same Genesis (pun intended).....as the scouts policy. Just an opinion WOO.
Kids are the first priority, your wife is the second. (or maybe it's the other way around, I forget) If you wanted freedom, you should never have had 3 kids.
They grow up fast, spend time doing things with them now. You don't get that time back. In another 10 years or so, they'll be doing their own things and you'll see a lot less of them. My daughter is 18, she loves to go day hiking with me, even from the early age of 6 or 7 she'd go walking with me for miles and miles, but she rarely has the time anymore. She'll be going away to college soon, and I won't even have those day hikes anymore. I will be free to backpack, of course, but I will miss those day hikes.
Az
I can't wait for scouts! I was one, but drinking and other teen age behaviors got in the way. Shame about the position on gays. I really wish they would accept others and teach that chapter of diversity. I am still going to join with the boys when the chance arrives
Do the Girl Scouts allow Fathers to take the girls camping?
It's common sense. It has less to do about being gay than it does the inability for people to control themselves. Straight or gay.
Az
Delta-Dawn
03-25-2011, 12:06
Do the Girl Scouts allow Fathers to take the girls camping?
It's common sense. It has less to do about being gay than it does the inability for people to control themselves. Straight or gay.
Az
No, they don't. The troop leader can do a family camping event and the dads and brothers can come then, but any other time it is women/girls only.
(I'm the troop leader for my 11 year old's troop since they were 1st grade Brownies.) :)
GO OUT AND HIKE!
Your World won't blow up with one or two 7 day hikes each year. The AT is my ME TIME, invaluable for lots of reasons in my life, clears my head, fitness, etc, etc.
Agree on setting up a trip for your wife to also GET AWAY, you watch the kids.
I think they call this "Life Balance".
Crucial to me in my life, I now get away for two, two-week section hikes per year and my wife is more and more supportive as time moves along, we benefit from these breaks in our relationship - have been together since 1988.
I am a section hiker who has been doin it well before I was blessed with the wife and children. Man oh man, I can't do **** any more. For me to get out on a hike requires an act of congress. It's not like my wife does not understand- we got engaged on the AT at Bear Rocks in PA. I know good things come to those who wait, I read " Zen 24/7", I know having a 2,4, and 5 yr old is hard. But I work hard and am well behaved. JFC.:-?
So this post is part toung and cheek, and part ***. Let it be a lesson to all of you young bucks, kids change everything. I do look to the future of raising little hikers. They can already hike farther than any other kids I know. Life is really good. Just needed to blow off some steam. Hike on friends
I haven't read others' posts, so I don't know if this has already been said,
but if it's about her needing your help with the kids she might have a point, and it may be a backhanded compliment to your contribution as a dad.
If it's about her being lonely, remind her that you'll come back a much happier person and be a better mate for it.
If it's about her not trusting you with other females, you have to convince her that there's no possible way you'd ever be tempted.
If it's because you go too many times during the course of a year, or that your trips are very long, you might have to alter your scheduling.
Taking the family on short camping trips (drive in) might be a way for all of you to get a dose of nature (especially if there's a naturalist available to do a tour with all of you so the family can gain a knowledge and appreciation of the outdoors).
I wish you (and your family) the best.:)
Looking back now, I'll bet you wish you had just gotten yourself a couple of cats instead of all those kids. I've had both, and the cats are a lot less trouble and a lot cheaper.
litefoot 2000
Cats are even less trouble than dogs. But in my opinion dogs are more rewarding. Children can certainly be a pain in the a** at times, but in my experience they are more than worth the trouble. I have 2 boys and would not trade them for any amount of money.
4eyedbuzzard
03-26-2011, 11:33
No, they don't. The troop leader can do a family camping event and the dads and brothers can come then, but any other time it is women/girls only.
(I'm the troop leader for my 11 year old's troop since they were 1st grade Brownies.) :)
Well, not exactly. Men can actually be GS troop leaders, but they must have a female co-leader. Some 2% of GSA leaders are men. And often it is the husband of a female co-leader, but sometimes it's a single dad, or any dad who wants to be involved in their daughter's scouting activities and the organization. There are some segregation rules in effect as to camping areas, cohabitation in tents, shelters, etc., and bathroom facilities (if there are any). But it is definitely not forbidden for male leaders to participate.
I became a GSA leader along with my wife in the 90's. Our two daughters were scouts. I handled a lot of troop logistics and annual cookie sale work and some regular meeting and organizational stuff and also helped build parade floats and such for the town's annual Memorial Day Parade. I will admit to shying away from some of the the camp outs and the summer camp though. I like hiking and camping with my own girls (and sons), but put them together with a dozen of their screechy little friends and I'll usually take a "pass". :eek: ;)
Delta-Dawn
03-26-2011, 13:29
Well, not exactly. Men can actually be GS troop leaders, but they must have a female co-leader. Some 2% of GSA leaders are men. And often it is the husband of a female co-leader, but sometimes it's a single dad, or any dad who wants to be involved in their daughter's scouting activities and the organization. There are some segregation rules in effect as to camping areas, cohabitation in tents, shelters, etc., and bathroom facilities (if there are any). But it is definitely not forbidden for male leaders to participate.
I became a GSA leader along with my wife in the 90's. Our two daughters were scouts. I handled a lot of troop logistics and annual cookie sale work and some regular meeting and organizational stuff and also helped build parade floats and such for the town's annual Memorial Day Parade. I will admit to shying away from some of the the camp outs and the summer camp though. I like hiking and camping with my own girls (and sons), but put them together with a dozen of their screechy little friends and I'll usually take a "pass". :eek: ;)
I would have done anything to have a dad like you around, but the leaders who head up our district make it very clear that they would never allow a male co-leader, even though yes, it is allowed. They just have ways around it. It is very vanilla here (the community is commonly referred to as East Snob), and the moms are PTA obsessive a wee bit, so they believe a man's place is with the boy scouts and at the girl scouts annual Father/Daughter dance and that's about it. I have lost a few girls to a more traditional troop because I take my troop 'outside' too much. Some one actually told me that! :eek: But oh well, you win some and you lose some, right? :rolleyes:
4eyedbuzzard
03-26-2011, 14:29
I would have done anything to have a dad like you around, but the leaders who head up our district make it very clear that they would never allow a male co-leader, even though yes, it is allowed. They just have ways around it. It is very vanilla here (the community is commonly referred to as East Snob), and the moms are PTA obsessive a wee bit, so they believe a man's place is with the boy scouts and at the girl scouts annual Father/Daughter dance and that's about it. I have lost a few girls to a more traditional troop because I take my troop 'outside' too much. Some one actually told me that! :eek: But oh well, you win some and you lose some, right? :rolleyes:
Their loss!
I've always been aware of the "prohibition" in some people's minds, yet it always struck me as kind of sexist that most cub scout troops are run by den mothers, not dads, and men don't bat an eye, but girl scout or brownie troops are rarely if ever run by men, and loads of people think it is somehow "unmasculine" or something for a man to do so. Just old fashioned stereotyping. Given the difficulty of getting parents to truly participate in either organization, other than just dropping the kids off, you would think they'd welcome all the help they could get.
"I am for diversity - but it has NO place in the Boy Scout Organization."
"They do teach diversity!"
???
I am unsure about your post, I am not a spokes-person for the group. But I will say this after being yelled at by proactive ignorant Lesbian's in front of my 16 Year old son who was selling popcorn at an ACME.
I have absolutely no position about anyone's personal lifestyle until it impacts that of a MY child. It is a Judah Christian BOYS organization that believes in moral growth and educating responsible boys to becoming leaders. They can choose their lifestyle after they leave. (18 Years old) I am for diversity - but it has NO place in the Boy Scout Organization. They are clearly trying their best to avoid what happened to the Catholic clergy here in Philadelphia.
That's my opinion. This is a blog, I am still a nice guy. Read and soft delete it if you must. I have been insulted & embarrassed repeatedly by an outspoken minority, Who up to recently, I thought were my friends.
They do teach diversity! White, Black, Hispanic, there is no shame here!
Guess you hit a nerve - it wasn't personal, back to the chat around the campfire.
hikerhobs
03-28-2011, 21:35
You say, honey i'm going hiking see ya in a couple of days.
i am a section hiker who has been doin it well before i was blessed with the wife and children. Man oh man, i can't do **** any more. For me to get out on a hike requires an act of congress. It's not like my wife does not understand- we got engaged on the at at bear rocks in pa. I know good things come to those who wait, i read " zen 24/7", i know having a 2,4, and 5 yr old is hard. But i work hard and am well behaved. Jfc.:-?
So this post is part toung and cheek, and part ***. Let it be a lesson to all of you young bucks, kids change everything. I do look to the future of raising little hikers. They can already hike farther than any other kids i know. Life is really good. Just needed to blow off some steam. Hike on friends
if i would you i would kick her out,i you do what you want to do
You say, honey i'm going hiking see ya in a couple of days.
I've been sensing a lot of unstated resentment when I say that in my house.
I've instead been trying to phrase it Honey, I was thinking of going backpacking to X this weekend, do you want to go with me?
Still doesn't seem to work, though.
http://local.yodle.com/articles/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/938-010divorce-posters.jpg
turtle fast
04-05-2011, 23:38
Jewelry...bright shiny object(s) are helpful in assisting your case or outright bribery in other guys cases....it depends on the gal.
Kia Kaha
04-06-2011, 08:00
Lot of good advice on here. You just need to accept that with a family you will not have all the free time you once did if any. Just do the best you can and get your family involved as much as possible. I have 6 kids and they absolutely love going camping and hiking, it's a lot of work, but well worth it to get them away from the video games, tv, etc. I have 3 boys in Scouting and they love it, I also am involved with it. My wife and I still manage to eek out a few weekends a year and talk of our goals for an AT thru and hiking in New Zealand (her home country) on the trail. Doing as much as you can is enough when you have kids, they are well worth the trade off. Keep posting here, forums help scratch the itch a little, I am new here, but have been on the backpacker mag site for years, it's nice to chat with like minded folks.
Good luck and just keep at it.
mweinstone
04-06-2011, 08:04
wow. your wifes been on your back a long time. wait. you dont really have a wife do you? that what this is all about.
johnnyjohnson2043
04-06-2011, 08:44
I got a divorce. That freed up my time for hiking. On the other hand, I didn't want the divorce and it had absolutely nothing to do with hiking...sigh...To be perfectly clear, I would never wish divorce onto anyone unless there was absolutely no way of working through the issues. Divorce has played a major roll in my life (my parents, my siblings and myself) so I don't take the subject lightly. On the other hand, one thing I realized about my own marriage was that I was allowing it to control my life. I never did those things that I truly loved because I felt that it would ruin my relationship. Looks like I was wrong. One of the many things that ruined that relationship was the fact that I wasn't doing the things that I truly loved (backpacking). I would always talk and dream about it but never actually do it. There are many people on this forum that successfully balance their love of hiking and marriage/parenthood. I learned this lesson too late but am taking advantage of my new single status to thru-hike the AT. I am who I am. (Totally not a lecture, by the way, just advice from someone who has experience on this subject matter.)
Sounds like someone has gotten her way WAY too often, and thinks she's in charge of every one else's life. :)
soulrebel
04-06-2011, 10:17
I'm in a similar boat. Things I do before I leave.
1) Make a buncha money and pay bills and hand her several hundred dollars
2) Pack my bag in secret and set it to the side in wait
3) quality day with family one or two days before I leave
4) Grocery shop/clean the house
5) Naughty time with wife
6) prepare a large batch of chili, stew, or precook a buncha meat so her meal prep is easier
7) Leave and return when I say I will-no contact while gone(nonews-goodnews). Only stating that I've arrived at trailhead and leaving trailhead via text.
8) Arrange a backup babysitter for break if i'm gone for more than 3 days.
9) OH yeah she gets to go on an equal trip at some point...I also offer her extra time to go do her thing in the weeks leading up to the trip.
10) I try not to talk about the trip TOO MUCH before/after---really hard to do.
--hmm think that's it...almost an act of congress
I got a divorce. That freed up my time for hiking. On the other hand, I didn't want the divorce and it had absolutely nothing to do with hiking...sigh...To be perfectly clear, I would never wish divorce onto anyone unless there was absolutely no way of working through the issues. Divorce has played a major roll in my life (my parents, my siblings and myself) so I don't take the subject lightly. On the other hand, one thing I realized about my own marriage was that I was allowing it to control my life. I never did those things that I truly loved because I felt that it would ruin my relationship. Looks like I was wrong. One of the many things that ruined that relationship was the fact that I wasn't doing the things that I truly loved (backpacking). I would always talk and dream about it but never actually do it. There are many people on this forum that successfully balance their love of hiking and marriage/parenthood. I learned this lesson too late but am taking advantage of my new single status to thru-hike the AT. I am who I am. (Totally not a lecture, by the way, just advice from someone who has experience on this subject matter.)Marriage and becoming married is something that always needs to be given the utmost thought and consideration. Many get married too fast and for all the wrong reasons. Marriage is a contract. For better or worse. Many get married way too young before they have a chance to live and really be able to discover who they really are and what they want out of life. Once their own kids enter into the picture/equation, a marriage becomes much more complicated. When a marriage begins to breakup and go onto the rocks and then disintegrates it is the children who will ultimately suffer from the breakup. It is proven that children from divorced homes don't fare as well. One needs to always be sure before they decide to become married and that marriage is the worthwhile thing to do:-?.
johnnyjohnson2043
04-06-2011, 11:17
Marriage and becoming married is something that always needs to be given the utmost thought and consideration. Many get married too fast and for all the wrong reasons. Marriage is a contract. For better or worse. Many get married way too young before they have a chance to live and really be able to discover who they really are and what they want out of life. Once their own kids enter into the picture/equation, a marriage becomes much more complicated. When a marriage begins to breakup and go onto the rocks and then disintegrates it is the children who will ultimately suffer from the breakup. It is proven that children from divorced homes don't fare as well. One needs to always be sure before they decide to become married and that marriage is the worthwhile thing to do:-?.
Thanks. No offense but I'm well aware of the consequences of divorce (I'm not gonna go into my 20 year history with it). Just remember that sometimes people grow apart. Mine lasted for six years. Things changed; we changed. Sometimes divorce is unavoidable. If I had it to do all over again, I would. It was great while it lasted and we had some amazing experiences but as I stated in my own post, I would never wish it upon someone else unless it were absolutely necessary.
I've been with my partner for over a decade, maybe 15 years. I think I'm set for a "divorce", too. At least I didn't bother to get married. All I have to do is get a new job out of town and I'm gone. :(
johnnyjohnson2043
04-06-2011, 11:49
I've been with my partner for over a decade, maybe 15 years. I think I'm set for a "divorce", too. At least I didn't bother to get married. All I have to do is get a new job out of town and I'm gone. :(
Sorry to hear that. These things are always tough, especially the first few months. I'm sure you've heard this already but you just have to take it day by day. Good luck on finding a new job.
BTW, I didn't mean to turn this thread into a divorce recovery group. :p I'm always open to talking about my own experiences and giving advice if I can, though.
hikemikehike
04-08-2011, 20:06
youre sober, by all accounts youre a good father, if youre still with her your wife must be beautiful on the inside and out. take care of your kids, raise them right until theyre ready to be a little more independent and you wont leave your wife with such a tremendous burden when you leave. Cimarron is 87 years old and hes out there hoofin it as we speak. youll be around and while and the AT isnt going anywhere. when you do finally get back out there youre gonna miss those kids and your wife more so than you would imagine. my hat goes off to you
Rockhound
04-08-2011, 20:22
How to get wife off back so I can hike?
Should this question be in the Ultralight section?
WingedMonkey
04-08-2011, 20:31
How to get wife off back so I can hike?
Should this question be in the Ultralight section?
Took me 1.2 minutes.
Wise Old Owl
04-08-2011, 20:37
I've been with my partner for over a decade, maybe 15 years. I think I'm set for a "divorce", too. At least I didn't bother to get married. All I have to do is get a new job out of town and I'm gone. :(
So check out Philadelphia!
Wise Old Owl
04-08-2011, 20:38
How to get wife off back so I can hike?
Should this question be in the Ultralight section?
Depends .....When she rolls over in bed do you have to get up and get back in on the other side....
I love it when I don't have to make a You Tube......