View Full Version : Forest Service Complaints
AbeHikes
01-28-2005, 20:52
* A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call."
* "Escalators would help on steep uphill sections."
* "Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness."
* "Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands."
* "Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals."
* "All the mile markers are missing this year."
* "Found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse."
* "Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill."
* "Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests."
* "Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow in the winter."
* "Chairlifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them."
* "The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals."
* "Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights."
* "Need more signs to keep area pristine."
* "A McDonald's would be nice at the trailhead."
* "Too many rocks in the mountains."
* "The places where trails do not exist are not well marked."
hikerjohnd
01-28-2005, 22:55
* "The places where trails do not exist are not well marked."
While I have not made this complaint, a friend and I discovered this problem when we hiked on a non-existent trail for the better part of a day!
I'm gonna do fine on the AT!:banana
Jack Tarlin
01-29-2005, 13:29
Trix and I actually overheard someone ask a Park Ranger "Excuse me, sir, but what time of year does a deer turn into a moose?"
And a few weeks before that, on the Gettysburg battlefield, a rather sturdy middle-aged lady looked me up and down, critically studying my clothes, boots, large backpack, and trekking poles. She then approached and asked me "Are you one of them historical re-enactor fellas?"
And once on the summit of Washinton, this perplexed tourist asked me "Say, how on earth did you get up here anyway?" When I informed him that I'd hiked up to the top of the moutain, he digested this news thoughtfully, paused a moment, and then asked "Well how are you ever going to get back down again?"
I can't recall what I said, I think for once in my life I was at a loss for words.
wacocelt
01-29-2005, 13:49
I can't recall what I said, I think for once in my life I was at a loss for words.
Somebody call Guiness!
"You mean there are no water fountains up here!"
rocket04
01-29-2005, 18:08
"Do you know if the next shelter has electricity?" This is another one that was apparently asked in Georgia a little bit past the Springer shelter.
Brushy Sage
01-30-2005, 12:38
Last year I was on Mt. Pisgah, south of Asheville, and had been talking with an elderly couple. The lady looked at the water tube coming out of my backpack and asked me how often I need the oxygen.
hikerjohnd
01-30-2005, 12:42
Last year I was on Mt. Pisgah, south of Asheville, and had been talking with an elderly couple. The lady looked at the water tube coming out of my backpack and asked me how often I need the oxygen.
I hope you told her "on every mountain top!" heheh! :D
Two Speed
01-30-2005, 13:18
Finally, I found the place to register my complaint.
The Forest Service ain't so bad, I mean there's always a forest when I go hiking, so I figure they're doing their job pretty much. The Fire Department is another thing, though. I don't know how many times I've called the Fire Department to complain about there being no fire at my campsite. I've tried placing my order a week in advance, and still woke up to a cold camp.
:banana :banana :banana :banana :banana :banana :banana :banana
Here's one for you:
While on Isle Royale, at the Daisy Farm Campground, we were to the ranger stationed there. In the middle of the conversation, this bleach-blonde guy comes running up to the ranger and yells:
"Ranger, ranger, there's a fox eating my food, what should I do?"
DUH! Scare it away!
Thats: "we were talking to the ranger stationed there" I couldn't edit it after I had posted it.
RockyTrail
02-16-2005, 18:20
Overheard at a scenic overlook in a National Park from "Ma and Pa":
"How'd they haul all these big rocks up on top of this here mountain, with a helly-copter?"
Not wilderness exactly, but a true story, it happened to me:
Working at the Customer service of the Cinti ZOO, Lady came in demanding her money back!!!! I advised her, (as did the sign at the gate she entered, its 6' x 6') we DO NOT give refunds, but like our guests to be happy, what seems to be the problem? She said, and was serious "All you have here is animals, I DON'T LIKE ANIMALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I said "this is the ZOO" She: "YES!" I: "what did you think that a Zoo was?" She; I thought you had rides like Kings Island. Me: We have camel & elephant rides. She: "I HATE ANIMALS!!"
Anyway, she went away mad, but now she knows what a zoo is.
BTW: we have a train & a tram, I didn't mention those to her :D
Doctari
The Weasel
02-16-2005, 18:35
Well, Two Speed, you may think the Forest Service ain't bad since "there's always a forest there," but that's the same kind of lousy reasoning that says, "He ain't a murderer since everyone's not dead."
The USFS does NOT exist for the benefit of the AT, or hikers, or even people who want to see a lot of trees. Go look at its Mission Statement, at http://www.fs.fed.us/aboutus/meetfs.shtml
It's purpose is to grow trees and "manage" the ones that are already grown for "sustained yield". That means let just enough wood fiber grow to replace what's cut down. In other words, 1,000 lbs of 1 year old scrub pine are more or less the same as 1,000 lbs of ancient Coast Redwoods...and to the paper pulp mill, there's no difference at all. To the extent that some trees are not cut as much as they COULD be, don't thank the USFS...thank Congress and some Presidents (NOT the current one) for specific restrictions.
If there's always a forest where you walk, that's because you only walk where there are forests. I've seen some of the worst abortions on our planet of thousand-acre clearcuts...only a few hundred yards (and a thicket of trees to hide them) from trails. Thousand year old trees are sold - for next to nothing (are you a taxpayer? Do you care about the freebies that the paper and lumber companies get that you and I could NEVER qualify for?) and piece of shi* are planted in their place. That's called "reforestation".
So take it elsewhere if you want to thank the Forest Service. They don't do ANYTHING for the backpacker community that they are not required to do. And don't even get wound up being grateful for that occasional concrete picnic tale by a cinder block shelter. If the lumber/paper companies paid what trees were WORTH, we'd be sleeping in silk sheets at trail "hotels".
The Weasel
Two Speed
02-16-2005, 19:11
Um, Weary, I didn't mean to hit one of your hot button issues, but that was supposed to be a joke.
So take it elsewhere if you want to thank the Forest Service. They don't do ANYTHING for the backpacker community that they are not required to do. And don't even get wound up being grateful for that occasional concrete picnic tale by a cinder block shelter. If the lumber/paper companies paid what trees were WORTH, we'd be sleeping in silk sheets at trail "hotels".
The Weasel
I work will all kinds of dedicated folks who work for and volunteer for the Forest Service here in the southeast. It really doesn't serve much of any purpose to try and slam an entire government agency because of some of their policies. You have a point regarding subsidized logging, but to say that the FS doesn't "don't do ANYTHING for the backpacker community that they are not required to do" is simply an ignorant statement. The Forest Service works closely with the ATC, coordinates and hosts thousands of volunteers annually, and does lots lots more.
Alligator
02-16-2005, 21:59
Some of their policies do suck, just like some lawyers are a_s_s_holes.
I'll be stopping by the post office tomorrow Mowgli, NO CHARGE.
The Weasel
02-16-2005, 22:17
I certainly agree with Mowgli that volunteers for the right cause are a wonder and a delight, and, for instance, the hundreds of incredible AT trail maintainers who do work in USFS portions of the trail are to be commended. Others who improve trails, habitat, and more are entitled to the same. They get my unqualified praise and admiration, as they should.
But I exclude "volunteers" from a host of the paper/wood industry, who do their damndest to help clearcut and "protective cut" (ostensibly, but falsely, to prevent forest fires) our forests into oblivion, only to be replaced by cheap, fastgrowing forest "plantations".
And as for slamming an entire government agency, well, yes, that's fair, when that agency does everything it can to side with the logging and grazing industries. And it does, without hesitation. For instance, the USFS has been running a legal argument - yeah, I'm a lawyer so I know legal crap when I see it - that the entire USFS is exempt from complying with federal environmental laws. Not just a few; ALL of them. As in, "take your environmental laws, Johnny Public, and shove them up your ass." Doubt me? Take a look:
http://www.fs.fed.us/aboutus/meetfs.shtml
This is just ONE of a LOT of such opinions. The USFS suppresses undesireable "science," considers itself exempt from law, and is, in large part, an agency even more beholden to its corporate masters than the FDA. I'm sorry folks. This is wrong.
As for "working closely with the ATC," the USFS does so ONLY because it is required to do so by law, and the ATC is sufficiently feisty - and known to be so, along with having some pretty damn fine lawyers - that it's not easy for the USFS to get away with what it does elsewhere. But don't tell me that an agency is entitled to credit for OBEYING the law, folks; that's like saying you should get a pat on the head for not murdering people.
Yes, there are great people that work for the USFS. Some of them want to protect the wilderness. Good for them. But they aren't leading the agency, and there's a reason for that - and it has a lot to do with the current Administration in Washington. Remember Bill Clinton's decision to stop all USFS roadbuilding (there are more USFS roads, in terms of mileage, than the entire Interstate and US Highway system COMBINED)? It was opposed INSIDE the agency. Is it a coincidence that this decision was reversed? Hah!
Folks, when you look for the Forest Service (and the same goes in most states for their Forestry Departments), don't look for them in the Interior Department, or the Parks Department, or the Environmental Departments. Look for them in the AGRICULTURE Department, along with the ranching, agro-industrial and aquaculture industries (spare me the 'small farmer' schtick - the USFS is in the same agency that "regulates" chicken farms with 500,000 chickens).
Sorry, Mowgli. The people YOU know are fine and admirable. But the USFS isn't on OUR side. It's on the side of those who get grazing land for pennies, million dollar trees for peanuts, and paper pulp plantations in neat little rows for nothing. Remember that "Ranger" passing out parking tickets to cars at trailheads? Gosh. Our side? For a crummy couple bucks of parking fees?
I stand by what I said.
The Weasel
02-16-2005, 22:20
Ah, Alligator. Did I insult your occupation? Pray tell, share it with us, so that those who think such things are fair game can do so as well.
And when they do, I will disagree with them, too.
The Weasel
Two Speed
02-17-2005, 05:47
Well, I appear to have created quite an uproar here. First, I'd like to publicly apologize to Weary; my response was intended for The Weasel.
Second, I'd like to remind everyone that this forum is supposed to be about "Hiking Humor." If my sense of humor isn't everyone's cup of tea, well, just ignore it, and post something you do find humorous.
Third, I apologize to the WhiteBlaze community for kicking this mess off.
Last, this is me signing off of this thread.
Well, I appear to have created quite an uproar here. ~~~~~~I apologize to the WhiteBlaze community for kicking this mess off. Two Speed,
There's no need for an apology. Don't sweat it.
Although my profile shows me as a new user, I've been reading for months. I've discovered that there are some folks here who, at times, get deeply philosophical about some issues. Their opinions sometimes clash and result, in what may seem to others, as rude responses to one another.
I accept these folks for who they are. I recognize the passion which drives them and am grateful for whatever positive outcomes may result from their work.
Roland
I have always had a problem with the USFS. It got a lot worse when the Female Ranger in Colorado burned up half the state,killing everything, when she set the woods on fire burning love letters on GOV time. The USFS is primarily for tree management, they could give a rats ass about anything else or anybody. They would put up "NO TRESSPASSING" signs if they could. I have had close contact with them over the years, some USFS folks are better than others but they still are just looking for a big fat check with benifits at the end. Its sad.
The Weasel
02-17-2005, 19:05
Amen!
But be polite, when you see them. These "Rangers" who work for the lumber/paper industry carry guns.
The Weasel
orangebug
02-17-2005, 21:14
Pardon me, but just how much is the big fat paycheck that USFS employees get? Isn't this just a bit of hyperbole?
Pardon me, but just how much is the big fat paycheck that USFS employees get? Isn't this just a bit of hyperbole?
OB, remember, this is a hiking humor thread. :D
The Weasel
02-17-2005, 21:19
Depends on how you define 'big fat'. The lower level employees aren't getting rich (although they have some of the finest benefits, as government employees, you could wish for). Rangers, for instance, at roughly comparable to urban police scales in the better police departments. But the "super grade" managers are bringing down six-figure salaries. And there are quite a few of those in the USFS.
orangebug
02-17-2005, 21:19
Thanks, I had missed it. Damn, I've responded to too many "MacKaye is God" threads. :datz
I have always had a problem with the USFS. It got a lot worse when the Female Ranger in Colorado burned up half the state,killing everything, when she set the woods on fire burning love letters on GOV time. The USFS is primarily for tree management, they could give a rats ass about anything else or anybody. They would put up "NO TRESSPASSING" signs if they could. I have had close contact with them over the years, some USFS folks are better than others but they still are just looking for a big fat check with benifits at the end. Its sad.
Well, I've spent some time every year of my life on forest service lands. My mother took us camping two months a year at a forest service campsite while her six kids were growing up, and continued camping two months a year at a forest service campsite. We always found the rangers both accomodating and wise. My Mom continued camping until shortly before her death at age 85. When a campground supervisor discovered she was moving all her gear every two weeks for 24 hours, he granted her a special dispensation from the two week camping rule, on the theory that after 50 years of camping there, she deserved it.
But I do have two complaints. After my mother died they changed the name of "Emma's lane where she had camped for several decade to some assinine name.
Then, of course, there was the female ranger who arrested us on one of our family reunions because we had broken some tiny branches from a maple sapling from deep in the forest for use as sticks for roasting marshmellows. The judge, somewhat sheepishly, fined us $25.
Weary
Alligator
02-17-2005, 22:10
That was a very sweet anecdote Weary. From the way that you speak of her, I'll bet your Mom was a wonderful spirit. It's too bad they changed the name.
Alligator
02-17-2005, 22:14
Keep it coming TheAWeasel. Tell us some more about the Forest Service, you're starting to make me laugh.
The Weasel
02-17-2005, 22:22
Weary, the name remains the same. It just remains to you, and the rest of us, to remember it.
The Weasel
Keep it coming TheAWeasel. Tell us some more about the Forest Service, you're starting to make me laugh.
Well, this is SUPPOSED to be the humor thread, isn't it?
Alligator
02-17-2005, 23:30
Well, this is SUPPOSED to be the humor thread, isn't it?
It MUST be Frosty. It's certainly funny that you are directing this comment to me...
The Old Fhart
02-17-2005, 23:37
Weary-"After my mother died they changed the name of "Emma's lane where she had camped for several decade to some assine name." Actually it was "Emma's Loop" and they changed it to "End Loop" for reasons that baffle even me.
Joel Rash
02-17-2005, 23:46
Someone must have figured it was named after Emma Goldman. Can't have that on public land. Now if it was named after a religious figure that would be fine....
It MUST be Frosty. It's certainly funny that you are directing this comment to me... I wasn't directing anything at you. You said Weasel made you laugh, and I said that is fitting because this is the humor thread.
He's making everyone laugh.
I'm used to some people going ballistic on some threads when people post things with which they don't agree, and I just ignorre them. I'm just surprised about all this stuff on the HIKING HUMOR thread.
four more weeks
Alligator
02-18-2005, 09:29
Don't wait too long Frosty, your snowballs might melt in the hot summer sun:sun .
Don't wait too long Frosty, your snowballs might melt in the hot summer sun:sun .Not to mention a droppy icicle.
Don't wait too long Frosty, your snowballs might melt in the hot summer sun:sun .Not to mention a droopy icicle!
Obviously my editing skills are lacking. Just how does one edit a post anyway?
Alligator
02-18-2005, 13:22
There are forums where editing is not permitted. I don't know which ones these are exactly. After you post, look at the post. If it shows an edit button on the bottom, you can edit it, otherwise no.
He's a song for you Frosty to sing while hiking, taken from Queen,
Queen (http://lyrics.rare-lyrics.com/Q/Queen.html)
»
Bicycle Race
(http://lyrics.rare-lyrics.com/Q/Queen/Bicycle-Race.html)
(Mercury)
Icicle Icicle Icicle
Want to ride my icicle icicle icicle
Want to ride my icicle
I want to take a hike
Want to ride my icicle
want to ride it where I like ("")
Alligator
02-18-2005, 13:28
Well the link is to the original song. Quite appropriately, I was burned by the lack of edit while describing where to locate it:o .
Here's the first verse for you Frosty.
Icicle Icicle Icicle
Want to ride my icicle icicle icicle
Want to ride my icicle
Want to take a hike
Want to ride my icicle
Want to hike it where I like.