View Full Version : Looking to break my wife in....advice greatly appreciated!
Hello everyone,
I am a section hiker of the AT (I've done 500 mi or so over the last few years). I live near Philadelphia. My wife wants to start backpacking with me, which thrills me. But I have to be careful, I have spooked her from a few sports in the past by starting off too ambitiously. Kayaking, mountain biking...to name a few. I don't want to add any more to the list! I want to take her out for a 2 nighter (12-15) miles or so, 2-4 hours from Philly...Something with mellow elevation changes, hopefully some streams or, rivers, ponds etc...a hike with a little bit of everything. I am hoping to ease her into it so that it will stick, I need the perfect hike, or at least something approaching perfect. Does anyone know of this wonderful mythical place?
Thanks so much for the feedback, you may save my marriage-just kidding!
bigcranky
07-19-2011, 11:41
How about the Batona Trail in the Pine Barrens? Close by, flat, streams, allows overnight backpacking. I wouldn't go until the fall, because I expect it would be buggy and hot in the summer.
Basic advice from someone who's been there: bring a real tent, a good sleeping pad, some red wine and a lot of chocolate. Keep the miles down and the pace reasonable. Skip the freezer bag meals and make your best camp food. Two nights is perfect.
Have fun!
why even start her off with a 12-15 mile backpacking trip? If she hasn't been before why not start her off with something shorter? My gf wanted to go backpacking at 61. I started her off with a 2 mile hike and we have increased the distance and difficulty each time. She totally enjoys getting out now.
I just went through the same situation. It sounds like you have done a good job introducing her to hiking. My suggestion would be to pick a campsite location that is a short distance...3-4 miles, pitch camp, and then go on a day hike. I picked a campsite location next to a stream,....so she could soak her feet after the hike.....! Good luck!
Wild Type
07-19-2011, 13:45
Based on your previous history, you might want to start off with the five mile paved loop in Valley Forge Park then work up to include some of their basic unpaved trails, then add in a pack and some weight along the hilly regions. Once that is comfortable, then go with an overnighter on a larger trail system.
Jeez, why don't you just ask her how many miles and what kind of terraine she would like, rather than assuming she needs paved roads or only 2 miles.
paistes5
07-19-2011, 14:03
I think planning together will make it much more enjoyable. When I took the girlfriend a couple months ago we planned it together.
We did 27 miles in three days and ate nothing but trail food. She had a blast and can't wait to go again.
Tipi Walter
07-19-2011, 14:38
Hello everyone,
I am a section hiker of the AT (I've done 500 mi or so over the last few years). I live near Philadelphia. My wife wants to start backpacking with me, which thrills me. But I have to be careful, I have spooked her from a few sports in the past by starting off too ambitiously. Kayaking, mountain biking...to name a few. I don't want to add any more to the list! I want to take her out for a 2 nighter (12-15) miles or so, 2-4 hours from Philly...Something with mellow elevation changes, hopefully some streams or, rivers, ponds etc...a hike with a little bit of everything. I am hoping to ease her into it so that it will stick, I need the perfect hike, or at least something approaching perfect. Does anyone know of this wonderful mythical place?
Thanks so much for the feedback, you may save my marriage-just kidding!
I have spooked many women over many decades, and a few were even backpackers:). In the last ten years I've taken many backpacking trips and about seven with my GF Little Mitten, and on a few of them she went haywire and got terminally spooked. Here's what I learned:
** Carry everything---her food, her water, her tent, her Thermarest. Why not? You'll be carrying 75 lbs anyway when you decide to go out for a 21 day solo trip w/o resupply, so get used to it.
** Keep the mileage low---between four and seven. YOU may want to go ten or twelve, she won't.
** Use separate tents or separate shelters---this is vital. Let her have her own space to read with her nice new headlamp, just set up camp for her and point her towards the lodge. Everybody needs their own space. She needs to get away from our snoring, and we need to toss and turn all night w/o waking her up. I like to get up at three in the morning and slap on the radio headphones.
** FOOD IS VITAL---but this is not so easy as it's hard to find cooked foods which will TRULY INSPIRE her appetite. It's a crap shoot, just take what you think she'll like cooked (don't worry about the snacks---she'll come with them on her own). Coffee in the morning? Better haul it.
** Consider taking CRAP you would never haul yourself---like a backpacking chair or interesting gardening magazines or whatever.
** Overdose on the beefy Thermarest---this is no place to shave off the ounces. If you want her happy, carry the biggest Thermarest you can find---Little Mitten likes her large Base Camp at nearly three inches thick. In the winter definitely consider the Exped Downmat 9 for her and she WILL NOT WANT TO COME HOME EVER AGAIN.
Sierra Echo
07-19-2011, 14:40
What is your wife? A horse?
I have spooked many women over many decades, and a few were even backpackers:). In the last ten years I've taken many backpacking trips and about seven with my GF Little Mitten, and on a few of them she went haywire and got terminally spooked. Here's what I learned:
** Carry everything---her food, her water, her tent, her Thermarest. Why not? You'll be carrying 75 lbs anyway when you decide to go out for a 21 day solo trip w/o resupply, so get used to it.
** Keep the mileage low---between four and seven. YOU may want to go ten or twelve, she won't.
** Use separate tents or separate shelters---this is vital. Let her have her own space to read with her nice new headlamp, just set up camp for her and point her towards the lodge. Everybody needs their own space. She needs to get away from our snoring, and we need to toss and turn all night w/o waking her up. I like to get up at three in the morning and slap on the radio headphones.
** FOOD IS VITAL---but this is not so easy as it's hard to find cooked foods which will TRULY INSPIRE her appetite. It's a crap shoot, just take what you think she'll like cooked (don't worry about the snacks---she'll come with them on her own). Coffee in the morning? Better haul it.
** Consider taking CRAP you would never haul yourself---like a backpacking chair or interesting gardening magazines or whatever.
** Overdose on the beefy Thermarest---this is no place to shave off the ounces. If you want her happy, carry the biggest Thermarest you can find---Little Mitten likes her large Base Camp at nearly three inches thick. In the winter definitely consider the Exped Downmat 9 for her and she WILL NOT WANT TO COME HOME EVER AGAIN.
Oh my.... before I did all that I'd take her on a cruise. :)
p.s. I've never been on a cruise so I don't know what I'm talking about....
Tipi Walter
07-19-2011, 14:42
No, I'm the horse, she's the tourist.
Tipi Walter
07-19-2011, 14:46
To 10-K's Post: All of my points lead up to something I did not mention---she will get to experience fantastic moments of Natural wonder, and so we do what needs to be done to make this happen. I've seen Grandeur aplenty on solo trips, and I always have a nagging thought in the back of my mind that "This needs to be shared!", ergo the above points to bounce off Miss Nature against Little Mitten. Sometimes it even works.
To 10-K's Post: All of my points lead up to something I did not mention---she will get to experience fantastic moments of Natural wonder, and so we do what needs to be done to make this happen. I've seen Grandeur aplenty on solo trips, and I always have a nagging thought in the back of my mind that "This needs to be shared!", ergo the above points to bounce off Miss Nature against Little Mitten. Sometimes it even works.
Yeah, for sure. I agree. I hump the majority of my wife's load whenever she goes with me. It slows me down and it makes her hike much more enjoyable.
(really, I'm just bored and was trying to be funny.)
Nutbrown
07-19-2011, 15:20
Seriously?! Do you men thing that all of us women are weak little waifs that need you to hold our hands??? Sheesh.
Plan the trip with her. She should know what her body can handle, and the type of hiking she wants to do.
I would just like to add in deference to Diane that I do not mean to imply women need "help" hiking just because they are anatomically different than men. As witnessed by yourself, Jennifer Pharr, and many other women who could chick me in a without a sweat.
Tipi Walter
07-19-2011, 15:27
Seriously?! Do you men thing that all of us women are weak little waifs that need you to hold our hands??? Sheesh.
Plan the trip with her. She should know what her body can handle, and the type of hiking she wants to do.
Often she will NOT KNOW what her body can handle and it's sobering to find out under load on a 3,000 foot climb. It can turn a carefully planned trip into a nylon-lugging nightmare. Remember Clash 9 said his wife is a rank Newbie which in my book means untested which means a good possibility of her being a week little waif experience-wise and probably physically-wise. The thing is, if I were an experienced Woman backpacker and had a rank-greenhorn husband, I'd write up the same report with the same points. Except for using the words "she" and "he", it has nothing to do with Gender however much we think it does.
NerdyJohn
07-19-2011, 16:51
Hey clash, jsut curious. How'd you get that trail name?
Ladytrekker
07-19-2011, 18:45
Hey do not know the area but I do lead alot of women on hikes in Florida and my advice is slow down smell the roses and don't exhaust her until she decides this is something she really wants to do. I find that most new women hikers just like being in the woods getting use to hauling equipment and long hikes takes time. I would not hike more than 5 miles a day to start. Take a longer day hiking with frequent remove the packs rest breaks and when you get to site enjoy the setup and don't make it a rushed event and I think both of you will enjoy the outing much more. After a few trips she will probably get the bug to go further and hike longer days but really there are many enjoyable hikes that are not 12 to 15 miles a day. I hope she gets out of it what she needs and ya'll have fun.
Even if she is a total newbie and untested, some of the responses here are just way too patronizing. Treat her like a real person. Help her choose appropriate gear, have her read some stuff about packing light so she doesn't carry too much, lay out a few options for routes and let her make some decisions. If after all that she doesn't like backpacking, then carry all her gear. If after all that the 8 mile route she chose with the 4000ft elevation gain is too much, set up camp early and call it a day.
Jersey Tim
07-19-2011, 19:44
As mentioned above, the Batona Trail in south Jersey is a nice flat one. If you can spare three days/two nights, you can do the whole thing and claim your first "thru-hike", which is cool.
For her first time out, though, you might want to go easier on the distance. You can start at the Delaware Water Gap and head north; there's an official campsite (I believe it's staffed by a caretaker) about four miles up, and just a bit further is Sunfish Pond, which is beautiful to walk along. This choice is hillier but shorter, and you can cut the trip off after one night or stay longer depending on how she handles things. Here's the site for Worthington/Sunfish Pond:
http://www.state.nj.us/dep/parksandforests/parks/worthington.html
Hi there, you and I live just a few miles away from each other, we live in Thornton.
1. Go in nice weather
2. Pack all kinds of surprises and goodies, wine, cheese, crackers, etc.
3. A nice hike could be North from the Delaware Water Gap, hike to Sunfish Pond, easy up............pitch tent or tents, enjoy a great night, maybe stealth camp within sight of the pond. Walk back to your car will be an easy down. Not rocky!
4. Maybe drive home along the Delaware River and eat at a quaint spot in Doylestown?
5. Agree on bedding, make it nice and comfy!
In the future I think that my wife will give it a shot but to date I have not gotten any thumbs-up on backpacking.
Blissful
07-19-2011, 21:14
Its hard for someone to make a decision about hiking terrain if she has never been. Or has never carried a backpack, which is far different then simple day hikes. You can certainly ask whether she'd prefer lakes to summits. Whether she is a bug or heat person. But I have been with women that DO NOT like to be dirty, they hate bugs and snakes, want flat trails, bathrooms. And want to do short miles. They are not all butch like some of you on here. Sure the hiker who asked the question knows his wife and what she likes and that is what it should be based on. Obviously she has been put off in the past by overly manly type - go get it sports, So I think to start slow and make it enjoyable a reasonable thing to do. And I would never suggest a hiker, male or female, start out day one backpacking fresh from the house doing anything more than ten miles.
Hey clash, jsut curious. How'd you get that trail name?
Just a love for Joe and the boys.
Just a love for Joe and the boys....Hey, I grew up in Alabaster, AL. Roll Tide.
Even if she is a total newbie and untested, some of the responses here are just way too patronizing. Treat her like a real person. Help her choose appropriate gear, have her read some stuff about packing light so she doesn't carry too much, lay out a few options for routes and let her make some decisions. If after all that she doesn't like backpacking, then carry all her gear. If after all that the 8 mile route she chose with the 4000ft elevation gain is too much, set up camp early and call it a day.
I think it is okay to be a little patronizing with your wife. And I love the fact that Clash is concerned about his wife's well-being. Very sweet, IMO. My husband and I hiked lodge-to-lodge in Shenandoah Nat'l Park last year and it was wonderful. The hike is pretty easy, although some of the uphills may be challenging for a new hiker - Just go slow. At the end of the day, you can look forward to a decent hotel room, shower, dinner, adult beverage or two, AC, Television and bed. You can hire a shuttle service and park your car at one end, be driven to your start, and hike a few days till you reach your car again. To make it really easy, you can carry daypacks and arrange to have your stuff brought to the lodge each day. I think the Shenandoah site has links to this or google "Shenandoah, shuttles". Lots of deer, which is cool for a new hiker. Might want to carry a bear bell as seeing one for the first time may do more harm than good in your quest to make a hiker out of your spouse. All the best and here's hoping you have a successfull hike. Oh and remember to check the weather first!
myakkahiker
07-20-2011, 21:18
My husband showed me this post then waited calmly for smoke to start rolling out of my ears, after the smoke abated and I deleted a couple of responses, we came to some basic conclussions. Sooner or later your spouse is going to be soaking wet, cold, sore of foot/body, tired beyond measure scared of heights/bugs/bears/snakes...pick your poison...actually pick your worse day on the trail...will they still love the experience enough to find the enjoyment in all the misery? There will of course be days of sun and mild weather, and glorious views, but that will be the icing on the cake! For now you might want to stick to day hikes, get a good day pack that fits her, so she can decide on her own essentials and let her decide when, if ever, she is ready to make the leap to overnights. I started day hiking as a teenager then move into backpacking. No one EVER carried my gear. Ultimately if you hope to have her as a hiking partner, eventually she will have to experience all the trail has to offer.
Doc Mike
07-21-2011, 14:39
After reading the title i was going to offer to help. After reading the post I'm staying out of this.
Good luck my wife won't go unless it involves a hotel, shower, and a real bathroom.
May we assume for the sake of peace that every spouse is different and that the spouse's husband (or wife) knows them better than anyone else commenting on this thread?
ktfitzgerald
07-21-2011, 19:50
As a woman doing my first overnight hiking this summer, I have to say that I agree with sbhiker - help your wife to educate herself about what she's getting into and let her participate in the planning once she has some idea what it will be like. I have found reading this site along with several books to be extremely helpful in preparing me for what to expect and how to plan to be comfortable.
For those of you who commented that you carry all the gear for your wife...I would like to know exactly how they convinced you to do that. My husband won't carry any of my gear. In fact, we just pruchased new packs that are the same capacity and he out-weighs me by 90 pounds!
Agree, no more than 10 miles.............a mile is not a mile on the AT
Tipi Walter
07-21-2011, 20:01
As a woman doing my first overnight hiking this summer, I have to say that I agree with sbhiker - help your wife to educate herself about what she's getting into and let her participate in the planning once she has some idea what it will be like. I have found reading this site along with several books to be extremely helpful in preparing me for what to expect and how to plan to be comfortable.
For those of you who commented that you carry all the gear for your wife...I would like to know exactly how they convinced you to do that. My husband won't carry any of my gear. In fact, we just pruchased new packs that are the same capacity and he out-weighs me by 90 pounds!
I misspoke---I do not carry all of Little Mitten's gear, just the heavy stuff. She still hauls out her Kelty pack with various items like her pillow, a few snacks, one small water bottle, and extra clothing and a ditty bag. She never has to convince me to carry the weight, I'm used to hauling yak-sized loads and heck, I'll do pretty much anything I can to get her out for five days and a five day double load is nothing weightwise. My biggest challenge is to resign myself to such a short trip as after five or six days I'm just starting to get into the swing of things and want to keep going another two weeks.
save your self a lot of time and trouble and ask your wife what she would be comfortable with at first.
I tend to over plan things and I am going through something similar. Instead of planning first, we had a conversation. We are now planning a few short day hikes at first and then we will build up. Don't go Clark Grizzwald on this.
wish you the best!
MuddyWaters
07-21-2011, 22:29
If my wife went with me Id probably get sick of her and leave her out there somewhere. Honestly, I cant think of anything I would want less. Sometimes you need an escape, a way to get away from each other, thats what hobbies are for.
Wise Old Owl
07-22-2011, 00:30
What is your wife? A horse? - WOW ZZZING>>>> You are so not married are you? Remember your introduction to caving? - did he take it easy? it was a first trip! Since then you built on that first experience. Remember your enthusiasm. Try not to kill it for others.
Welcome neighbor! Ridley Creek State PARK!* then go see ANDY at EMS at Concord Mall on a Saturday, ask for his experience and knowledge of Wilmington Trail Club & Chester County Trail Club.... See if you can get a trail handout...The Clubs make it easy, carpooling, conversation, good friends. Like minded people.....
If all else fails PM me.
* travel East on Route 3 Turn after Saint Simon & Jude to the right on 352 pass Gradyville Light little white church on LEFT, Methodist I think. Pull into the parking lot cross the field to the gate - paved loop 4.5 miles well mapped see you there.
www.wilmingtontrailclub (http://www.<strong>wilmingtontrailclub</strong>).org
www.cc (http://www.cc)trailclub.org
Farr Away
07-22-2011, 13:37
Involve her in the planning. Get her doing some gear research. You probably don't want to present yourself as _the_ expert.
Go much shorter than you think is reasonable. If at all possible, also have a bailout plan.
Start with overnighters. If something goes less than well, it's just one night.
-FA
birdygal
07-22-2011, 21:49
I would definatly hike slow, When I first started hiking with my husband he would walk so fast , I enjoyed hiking but not with him, If I was going to waste my energy walking up and down mountains I wanted to see something other than what was in front of my 2 feet
LIhikers
07-25-2011, 22:29
Let me suggest you two go for a hike on the C+O Canal trail.
It's got easy walking, camp sites about every 5 miles that include a picnic table, water pump and a Port-A-Potti. It, for the most part, parallels the Potomac River and goes through a lot of Civil War history, not to mention it's got history of it's own. I think it's a pretty good place for a first backpacking trip.