View Full Version : To all who are/were FB friends and are possibly butt-hurt at being apparently deleted
GracefulRoll
07-27-2011, 15:07
No, I didn't defriend you.
I defriended everyone. I deactivated my account. It's nothing to do with any one of you individually. Just a personal preference.
Keep reading below if you really just don't get why or if you think it's really about you. It's not. Trust me. It's so much bigger than that. I like all of you, but FB is such a huge leech of your privacy. I warn you: it's a long story.
"Why wouldn't she want to be on FB?" "But it's such a good photo!" I don't care. I don't want it on the internet. As anyone who read threads about me from December or whatever, they'd know I had cancer.
For 6 months, I had people poking, prodding, examining, analyzing, diagnosing, evaluating, and questioning me. It was everything from how I'm feeling, when was the last time I pooped, if I felt safe in my home environment, if my pee is consistently dark yellow or smelly, if they could do a breast exam, check me for sores (including examining my butt cheeks), if I have ever been diagnosed with any diseases, etc My body was not my own.
I was woken out of my sleep twice a night while hospitalized to get my temperature, blood pressure, oxygen levels taken and to get blood drawn every morning at 4 a.m. Sure, I could have discharged myself, but that would mean I would die. What kind of choice is that? If I had a temperature, it was really drained because they feared infection. It had to be drawn from both my central line and from an arm. Sometimes they couldn't get it out of my arm, so they went to my wrist and when that didn't work, my hands, and then next was probably my feet. Sometimes I had 5 nurses in my room at 4 a.m. to get two tubes of blood because my veins were so weak from the disease and treatment.
And this is why I'm just not into sharing of photos of myself, having to go and change privacy settings constantly so people stop adding me to groups to which I don't want to belong (annoying) or letting tagged photos of me be visible. This is especially true of recent photos of me drinking while sweaty, unshowered, and unaware the photo was taken. I'm pretty sure I'm in about 6000 photos on FB and I'm just not tagged, but what happens if someone sees it and is like, "Oh, I know her! TAG!" This does happen. It has happened before. I know this is not a big deal to a lot of people, but most of these people have jobs and are totally comfortable with most things in their lives.
People have become desensitized and I'm not blaming anybody specifically. Everyone has a camera and everyone has the internet.
I've had problems with people posting unfortunate photos of me (think very tarty Halloween costume complete with tarty makeup) before and I didn't even consent to the photo, and neither request to delete entirely or remove the photo from the internet was respected because said person didn't care that I found it uncomfortable. To avoid this, I'm just deleting FB. It's the easiest and what would seem to everyone else fair thing to do because a lot of people feel put off when you tell them what to do with their own photos, even if it's of you. I'm still regaining that sense of control (whether it was real or ever truly lost) over myself and what happens to me or images of me. Privacy doesn't truly exist anymore, but a sense of it does really matter to me.
Social media is fun and also scary as ****.
If I seemed really paranoid when I asked any of you to not tag me in photos, this is why. This truly is a case of "it's not you; it's me." If you read this post, that's proof enough you know me and give a damn. You can PM me for my email address and phone number.
If you think any of this is stupid and are rolling your eyes, guess empathy isn't really your strong point.
Fog Horn
07-27-2011, 15:22
GracefullRoll,
I don't know you, but I did read the entire post. First, congratulations on kicking Cancer's @**. I've seen a few of my friends fight it, and its not a pretty battle. I disabled my facebook for a few months because everyone kept attempting to get me to go out and make me jealous of the fun times they were having while I was cramming for school to try, belatedly, to get my degree. It was hard enough convincing myself that I WANT to do homework rather than go to a pool party without their input. As soon as I disabled it though, everyone started messaging my sister and asking if I was suicidal or if I was okay because they couldn't fathom any other reason I would delete my FB. I never explained it to them before I deleted it.
And that's the thing, you owe no one an explanation. I appreciate the time you took to write all that out, and also the personal experiences you shared within it, but if deleting your account was right for you, then it was right for you. I've never had cancer, but I've been through experiences that left me trying to rebuild myself and figure out again what I was and who I was. Keep watching out for yourself, because while you rebuild yourself and get stronger and become that person that you know and love, if you lose a few friends along the way they weren't worth dragging with you. No one is ever going to be able to take care of you the way you can.
Rain Man
07-27-2011, 15:38
If you think any of this is stupid and are rolling your eyes, guess empathy isn't really your strong point.
Well put, GR, well put. So many don't think something is important unless THEY think it's important. The real test is if they think it's important because YOU think it's important.
Best to you.
Rain Man
.
GR, you sure told a lot about yourself explaining how you left FB because of privacy issues. (just kidding, but it is funny). Can't say as I blame you. I'm not savvy enough to know if my info, unimportant as it is, is being compromised. I may opt out Also.
HiKen2011
07-27-2011, 16:24
No, I didn't defriend you.
I defriended everyone. I deactivated my account. It's nothing to do with any one of you individually. Just a personal preference.
Keep reading below if you really just don't get why or if you think it's really about you. It's not. Trust me. It's so much bigger than that. I like all of you, but FB is such a huge leech of your privacy. I warn you: it's a long story.
"Why wouldn't she want to be on FB?" "But it's such a good photo!" I don't care. I don't want it on the internet. As anyone who read threads about me from December or whatever, they'd know I had cancer.
For 6 months, I had people poking, prodding, examining, analyzing, diagnosing, evaluating, and questioning me. It was everything from how I'm feeling, when was the last time I pooped, if I felt safe in my home environment, if my pee is consistently dark yellow or smelly, if they could do a breast exam, check me for sores (including examining my butt cheeks), if I have ever been diagnosed with any diseases, etc My body was not my own.
I was woken out of my sleep twice a night while hospitalized to get my temperature, blood pressure, oxygen levels taken and to get blood drawn every morning at 4 a.m. Sure, I could have discharged myself, but that would mean I would die. What kind of choice is that? If I had a temperature, it was really drained because they feared infection. It had to be drawn from both my central line and from an arm. Sometimes they couldn't get it out of my arm, so they went to my wrist and when that didn't work, my hands, and then next was probably my feet. Sometimes I had 5 nurses in my room at 4 a.m. to get two tubes of blood because my veins were so weak from the disease and treatment.
And this is why I'm just not into sharing of photos of myself, having to go and change privacy settings constantly so people stop adding me to groups to which I don't want to belong (annoying) or letting tagged photos of me be visible. This is especially true of recent photos of me drinking while sweaty, unshowered, and unaware the photo was taken. I'm pretty sure I'm in about 6000 photos on FB and I'm just not tagged, but what happens if someone sees it and is like, "Oh, I know her! TAG!" This does happen. It has happened before. I know this is not a big deal to a lot of people, but most of these people have jobs and are totally comfortable with most things in their lives.
People have become desensitized and I'm not blaming anybody specifically. Everyone has a camera and everyone has the internet.
I've had problems with people posting unfortunate photos of me (think very tarty Halloween costume complete with tarty makeup) before and I didn't even consent to the photo, and neither request to delete entirely or remove the photo from the internet was respected because said person didn't care that I found it uncomfortable. To avoid this, I'm just deleting FB. It's the easiest and what would seem to everyone else fair thing to do because a lot of people feel put off when you tell them what to do with their own photos, even if it's of you. I'm still regaining that sense of control (whether it was real or ever truly lost) over myself and what happens to me or images of me. Privacy doesn't truly exist anymore, but a sense of it does really matter to me.
Social media is fun and also scary as ****.
If I seemed really paranoid when I asked any of you to not tag me in photos, this is why. This truly is a case of "it's not you; it's me." If you read this post, that's proof enough you know me and give a damn. You can PM me for my email address and phone number.
If you think any of this is stupid and are rolling your eyes, guess empathy isn't really your strong point.
Good for you and well wishes to, I opted out some time ago!
GracefulRoll
07-27-2011, 16:34
GR, you sure told a lot about yourself explaining how you left FB because of privacy issues. (just kidding, but it is funny). Can't say as I blame you. I'm not savvy enough to know if my info, unimportant as it is, is being compromised. I may opt out Also.
A lot of people here on WB knew about my cancer treatment. Anyone with cancer will know about how difficult and dehumanizing a long hospital stay is. My story isn't that original. As soon as I got cancer, there was a post about it. LOL I'm not mad about that at all. I wouldn't change the support I got from it. So many people did so many nice things for me. There were strangers that found out about my cancer, but they weren't because of WB.
Some people just get really pissy and say, "But why did you defriend ME???" Ugh...
FB isn't really worth it unless you use it for publicity for your work. Photographers, film makers, web developers, and everyone who needs to mass share things with the world for their living are better suited for it. If we're all honest, we don't need Facebook to share photos with our friends and family. It's just the easy way. We used to not have on demand access to media. It's just expected now and it makes me sick on my stomach.
I have a phone number. I have an email. I have a physical address. I am more than welcome to have my friends over. We can all look at photos together. I just don't understand the permanency of putting them online without asking. Once you upload them to FB, you never know what is going to happen to them.
I'm in the survivors club too so I followed your adventures on here. I'm glad you found good friends like Hikerhead and J5 in the process. Everybody wins.
Trailweaver
07-27-2011, 23:54
I read about it when you were so sick, and hadn't heard from you in a while. I'm glad to hear that you are better. Sorry for your Facebook problems, but I do think you "resolved" it the only way you could. You did what was right for you, anyway.
Hope you continue to feel better and again, so glad you are doing better! Being in the hospital is bad; being in for cancer treatment is absolutely the pits.
Good for you. Never have understood the attraction of those sites, myspace, FB, whatever. Never signed up for one and don't feel the lack. But, then again, I don't have a cell phone either.
Jonnycat
07-28-2011, 00:50
Never signed up for one and don't feel the lack.
I've been online for more than 15 years. Way back then, it was standard practice to NEVER use your real identity on the web; instead, posters came up with pseudonyms to represent themselves and protect their identities before identity security was a household word.
Cut to a decade later, and all of the kids flocking to the web don't know any better than to spread their identiy hither and yaw.
In all honesty, the web was a funner place when it was just text on a monochromatic monitor, as the bar was set a bit higher than it is nowadays.
Jack Tarlin
07-28-2011, 11:52
Hey, a lot of us, certainly myself included, spend way too much time on Facebook and similar sites. Just make sure you stay in touch with friends thru other channels!
I could see it coming long ago (Facebook and the lack of privacy and control over your identity and personal information.) I have never joined facebook, never will, will not click on facebook links, won't view other people's facebook photos if I can get away with it and will avoid facebook in every other way I can think of. It's evil. Good for you for figuring it out.
I've been online for more than 15 years. Way back then, it was standard practice to NEVER use your real identity on the web; instead, posters came up with pseudonyms to represent themselves and protect their identities before identity security was a household word.
Cut to a decade later, and all of the kids flocking to the web don't know any better than to spread their identiy hither and yaw.
In all honesty, the web was a funner place when it was just text on a monochromatic monitor, as the bar was set a bit higher than it is nowadays.
I have been online almost that long myself. And I still don't use my real identity anywhere online. Unfortunately there are a few work related online listings I don't have control over but, that is about it. I still use throw away emails for most things also. I am a bit paranoid, spent too many years working with the criminally mentally ill for comfort.
atraildreamer
07-29-2011, 13:03
"Why wouldn't she want to be on FB?" "
...
Social media is fun and also scary as ****.
...
If you think any of this is stupid and are rolling your eyes, guess empathy isn't really your strong point.
Betty White, on her Saturday Night Live appearance summed FaceBook up:
"It's a big waste of time!" :rolleyes: :banana
Glad you survived your bout with the big C !!! :welcome back! :)
WingedMonkey
07-29-2011, 13:12
So? Should I be the"first of my friends to like this" with the Facebook icon at the top of the thread that has been added since the update?
Too late....I used by Adblock Plus to block it.
Facebook= a huge time suck and not worth it. People who think every single thing they do is important love Facebook.
Wake up! Not even your mother cares. Go live your life, stop advertising it.