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trucker2015
03-11-2012, 21:26
Ten years ago I had a failed run at the AT. Not making it is my biggest regret in life.
So I plan to do it in 2015 the year I turn 40. I have a wife, a Son who will be 5 and a Daughter who will be 7 that year.
Is it fair to them for me to take six months out of life to do it?

Would just like to know what other hikers think.

lush242000
03-11-2012, 21:31
No. It's not fair. Wait till they graduate high school. You can't get that time back. Right now you are everything to them. In 10 or 15 years you will be just Dad.

Danl
03-11-2012, 21:37
I would agree that you mean everything to them at that age. Why not plan overnighters with them and when they get older start section hiking with them.

Rusty Nail
03-11-2012, 21:42
Same situation here 2 kids and a wife. My solution is long sections. This year Springer to Demascus, then more next year and so on. I would love to take the six months to do it but feel like I am needed here too much. If I waited other factors come in to play, health, fitness, financials (with 2 kids on college). The time will never be right so I am just doing it.

bus
03-11-2012, 21:44
wait 10 years and they may both hike a thru with you.

dink
03-11-2012, 21:50
lots of "little" hikes with the kids....overnight in the a tent starting in your own yard, by the time you are hitting the big "5-0" they can do the "thru" with you if they want, and if not, you will be be the coolest dad in the world for asking them along for all the years leading up to your hike. I also had little ones and did just as I am suggesting...now I am doing it with my 2 and 5 year old grandchildren. :)

Carbo
03-11-2012, 22:01
I feel your pain. No, it's not fair to anyone (except yourself) to take 6 months out of life to do a thru. I'm 65 now and I put it off for 30 years, and I still am bothered by guilt in thinking of doing the thru in 2013. The guilt never leaves. It needs to become more important to you to do the thru than anything else in your life at the moment. Only you can make the decision, don't depend on anyone else for that.

Trubrit
03-11-2012, 22:16
Serving military are away for far more than that and most of their kids are in hero worship and pride...... How cool for the kids to be at school giving class reports on their hero Dad out hiking the AT. get them involved and do it for charities and fund raise for the school itself. Who knows what unfortunate might befall you leaving you unable to do the hike ever. Have a family sit down and all talk in depth about it. There is nothing to stop them meeting up with Dad along the way.
Family time is important and you can make this a family enterprise. Strike while the iron is hot and you are able enough to meet the challenge. Kids are not dumb. Explain it all to them. They will love the idea

Don H
03-11-2012, 22:20
I thrued last year and I have a wife and kids, although my kids are older than yours. A lot depends on how they feel about it. Mine were very supportive. At one point I came home due to an injury and my 15 yo son said that if I didn't go back I would regret it and that I should finish. My wife was real good about it too, encouraging me to go on when I wanted to quit. Like Carbo said, do what's right for you and your family but only you can decide.

SCGamecock
03-11-2012, 22:23
I'll be attempting my thru hike in 2013. I'll be leaving my 7 year old and wife at home. I don't think it comes down to what's fair. If your wife understands your dream, she'll support you. It'll be gut wrenching being away from my Son, but he'll understand when he gets older. I'll have my iPhone for Facetime and there is always Skype. It'll definitely play on you mentally.

trucker2015
03-11-2012, 22:35
I thrued last year and I have a wife and kids, although my kids are older than yours. A lot depends on how they feel about it. Mine were very supportive. At one point I came home due to an injury and my 15 yo son said that if I didn't go back I would regret it and that I should finish. My wife was real good about it too, encouraging me to go on when I wanted to quit. Like Carbo said, do what's right for you and your family but only you can decide.

My wife is very supportive,since I started talking about it a year ago she has made it a point to learn about the trail and mail drops. She even pushed me at have knee surgery to repair the damage from my last attempt.

shelb
03-11-2012, 23:11
Once you have children, you have a responsiblity to them. To leave them for 6 months, is not fair to them (IMO). (I also asked my kids, and they agreed!). If you can't bring yourself to section hike (1 to 2 weeks every few months), then wait until they are graduated. Take care of them first! (While your wife may be very supportive, it will still be difficult and not fair to her.)

Slo-go'en
03-12-2012, 00:02
Maybe a 6 month break from the wife and kids could be a good thing - or a really bad thing. Who are we to tell? Only you and your family can make that decision.

Winds
03-12-2012, 00:12
Maybe a 6 month break from the wife and kids could be a good thing - or a really bad thing. Who are we to tell? Only you and your family can make that decision.

Um yeah, this is the only answer here.

Maren
03-12-2012, 00:39
I'm leaving in two weeks to thru while my 5 and 7 year-old stay home with my husband. My sister and her kids are staying with them to help out and have their own summer adventures. I don't think me taking off to hike is a matter of fairness, but that's what works for my family. My kiddos are part of my support team and can't wait to meet me along the trail. We've also made sure that they have plenty to do over the summer. I will admit to being bothered, at first, by some people expressing outrage that I would abandon my family to pursue such a self-centered endeavor. My husband and I discussed it at length and concluded that we know our family much better than the aghast internet peanut gallery.
Really, you should do whatever you and your family think is acceptable not what anyone else thinks. It's not anyone else's decision to make.

Hairball
03-12-2012, 03:12
Good for you Maren!

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Hairball
03-12-2012, 03:13
I leave in 2 weeks 3 days, maybe I'll see ya out there.

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QiWiz
03-12-2012, 11:34
It's probably not "fair" to them, but they may want to gift you the time if they understand how important it is to you. Hard to ask kids as young as yours and get a real answer. Of course they will miss you and you will miss them. Your wife's thoughts and feelings are the critical element more so than the children IMO.

turtle fast
03-12-2012, 14:12
You have a ton of options. At 5 and 7 you have the opportunity to take them on section hikes and have them a part of your hiking endeavors...to make memories for them they will remember into adulthood. OR, you could involve them in your thru hike by helping with mail drops...and/or keeping a map of the trail and them keeping track of where you are and have done when you call home occasionally. If you think about it people in the military are gone for a year..sometimes longer with the wife and kids are home. Taking a note from them on how they do it is a big help. As well, it is not like they could not visit you in a trail town either.

max patch
03-12-2012, 14:19
You can be a parent or go on a 6 month vacation.

I think the answer is obvious.

SGT Rock
03-12-2012, 19:13
Only you know how your family interacts. Ignore the answers here and ask them.

fiddlehead
03-12-2012, 20:30
I have a 6 year old myself.
I would love to go do another thru-hike.
But, I know that I would miss him too much while I was out there. And he needs me just as much as I need him.

I will wait until he is old enough to go with me.

Thru-hiking is not like work where you don't have a choice.

BlakeGrice
03-12-2012, 23:24
As a parent of a 6 & 8 year old I have to agree. Not fair at all. They need you home, as mine do. Section hike now. A week is fair. You can cover some good miles in a week, as you know. Wait til they go to college and then thru hike

DaSchwartz
03-12-2012, 23:34
You are asking this on a biased forum trying to get a YES answer. Ask this question on ANY PARENTING forum, and the answer will be NO, 100 percent NO. Your job is to parent your kids right now. Blunt. End of Story.

AjR
03-12-2012, 23:45
There are a lot of good points here. Is it fair to them? No. Is it fair to you? No. What you need to do is assess how important to you a thru-hike is. I know when I told my mom that I'm going as soon as I'm out of the Army, she was very supportive saying that if I didn't, then I might hate myself. The same goes for you. Do like they say, involve your children, do weekly reports for them to do at school, that was a great idea. Give them something to brag about with their friends. "My dad works here..." "Yeah, well my dad walked from Georgia to Maine..." Again, as it was said, you don't know what might happen in life if you wait. If you're going to be going in 2015, then I hope to see you there when I start my hike!!

Spirit Walker
03-13-2012, 12:57
How does your wife feel about having sole physical, emotional and financial responsibility for the kids while you go off and play for six months? If she is not 100% behind you, going for a hike may end your marriage. Or you may end up failing to complete your hike, once again, because the pull of home is so strong. I've seen hikers torn emotionally after talking to the family back home. Many of them left the trail. How important is your family to you?

Frankly, I would wait to thruhike until your children are older and can understand better why daddy is gone for so long. In the meantime, you can teach them your love of the outdoors by taking them hiking and camping. You can go on shorter trips, either alone or with your wife. There is a lot of world to explore besides the AT - go out and enjoy it.

Violent Green
03-13-2012, 13:15
How about a compromise? Train hard & do the trail in 3-4 mos instead of 6-7. Either way, if your wife is cool with it, I think you go. She is the one who will have the hardest time by far. Kids are kids. They are so resilient that they won't even miss you in like two weeks.


Ryan

lemon b
03-13-2012, 13:38
Thats between you and your family. None of our business.

Datto
03-13-2012, 13:45
What if the question was to start a business rather than to thru-hike the Appalachian Trail? Or change jobs to another part of the country? Or to decide to trade stocks for a living? Or to return to college for a another college degree?

I suspect those decisions would be as harsh on a family relationship as a thru-hike but would likely be found to be a more acceptable societal choice for a parent.

One of the faults with society is that calculated risk for parents is frowned upon. Society will always guide you toward the decision that will be good for society -- but not necessarily good for you.

Datto

Datto
03-13-2012, 14:09
My view and what I consider the keys to lifelong happiness:

1) Have fun
2) Live fully
3) Peace

I can tell you this -- I don't know of a single person who has thru-hiked the Appalachian Trail who would give up the time of their thru-hike to have gone and done anything else.

Not many other activities you can do in your life where you can say that. Plus, thru-hiking the Appalachian Trail sticks with you. It's not like the pleasure of buying a new car where the pleasure is fleeting. The experience says with you and you will find that most people who have thru-hiked the Appalachian Trail think of that experience every day for the rest of their life, even years and decades later.

Datto

flemdawg1
03-13-2012, 14:22
Serving military are away for far more than that and most of their kids are in hero worship and pride...... How cool for the kids to be at school giving class reports on their hero Dad out hiking the AT. get them involved and do it for charities and fund raise for the school itself. Who knows what unfortunate might befall you leaving you unable to do the hike ever. Have a family sit down and all talk in depth about it. There is nothing to stop them meeting up with Dad along the way.
Family time is important and you can make this a family enterprise. Strike while the iron is hot and you are able enough to meet the challenge. Kids are not dumb. Explain it all to them. They will love the idea

Going on a 6-month vacation doesn't make you a hero. Doing something heroic, like risking your life, does.

I'm a Dad of 3. My future thru-hike can wait.

Ktaadn
03-13-2012, 15:50
Serving military are away for far more than that and most of their kids are in hero worship and pride...... How cool for the kids to be at school giving class reports on their hero Dad out hiking the AT. get them involved and do it for charities and fund raise for the school itself. Who knows what unfortunate might befall you leaving you unable to do the hike ever. Have a family sit down and all talk in depth about it. There is nothing to stop them meeting up with Dad along the way.
Family time is important and you can make this a family enterprise. Strike while the iron is hot and you are able enough to meet the challenge. Kids are not dumb. Explain it all to them. They will love the idea

Did you really compare having a job in the military with going on a 6 month hike? I've never been in the military or even started a through hike, but I have no doubt that you are severely misguided in your comparison. You are not a hero for leaving your family to go on vacation.

Maren
03-13-2012, 16:04
This is just silly. My father was gone for 9 months - year several times when I was a kid. He was in the military, but he wasn't off risking his life, he was just going where he was told. Yes, we missed him while he was gone, but we all turned out fine. A few months away from kids one time will not result in them hating you for life, turning into serial killers, or otherwise ceasing to develop. As for going hiking being heroic, I don't think the poster meant that it was comparable to whatever your idea of military service is, but that it can be something a kid can be proud of. And I agree. I haven't even left yet and I've seen my son showing his friends how far I'll be walking on a map. My kids think it's the neatest, craziest thing. Your kids might not. Get over it.

And Datto, right on.

Rasty
03-13-2012, 16:11
Ten years ago I had a failed run at the AT. Not making it is my biggest regret in life.
So I plan to do it in 2015 the year I turn 40. I have a wife, a Son who will be 5 and a Daughter who will be 7 that year.
Is it fair to them for me to take six months out of life to do it?

Would just like to know what other hikers think.

I would love to go on a thru hike but I will be waiting until my kids are out of school. You have to decide which is more important and which is the right thing for your kids. They should be first. Then you can leave you sons 18th birthday party a little early to start your hike. Early as in after cake but before dishes!

StealthHikerBoy
03-13-2012, 16:18
What if the question was to start a business rather than to thru-hike the Appalachian Trail? Or change jobs to another part of the country? Or to decide to trade stocks for a living? Or to return to college for a another college degree?

I suspect those decisions would be as harsh on a family relationship as a thru-hike but would likely be found to be a more acceptable societal choice for a parent.

One of the faults with society is that calculated risk for parents is frowned upon. Society will always guide you toward the decision that will be good for society -- but not necessarily good for you.

Datto

Big difference. Starting a business or changing jobs or returning to college are all potential risks and stresses to the family. But these also involve great potential rewards to the family as well. I can't see how going for the hike benefits the family in any way.

I am strongly on one side of this issue, as I have two teenagers and have been putting off a thru hike for years while I wait for them to get to college. At that point, I can retreat back to achieving my own self-actualization. I don't think I'll ever regret postponing it to be a father to them.

Spokes
03-13-2012, 16:28
...Is it fair to them ...?

Is it fair to you?

trucker2015
03-13-2012, 21:04
Thank you everyone for your input,

My wife and I have read all the post here and talked it over. Yes I will be hiking in 2015 but not leaving my family at home.After the kids get out of school for the summer they will drive up the East cost visiting family and meeting up with me at every chance.

dink
03-13-2012, 21:10
Thank you everyone for your input,

My wife and I have read all the post here and talked it over. Yes I will be hiking in 2015 but not leaving my family at home.After the kids get out of school for the summer they will drive up the East cost visiting family and meeting up with me at every chance.

now that sounds like a great plan for everybody!!!

trucker2015
03-13-2012, 21:16
You are asking this on a biased forum trying to get a YES answer. Ask this question on ANY PARENTING forum, and the answer will be NO, 100 percent NO. Your job is to parent your kids right now. Blunt. End of Story.

I ask on this forum not looking for a YES or NO but to get exactly what I got point of view from different people.
And hikers after all only a hiker knows why someone hikes.

ChinMusic
03-13-2012, 21:19
Ten years ago I had a failed run at the AT. Not making it is my biggest regret in life.


My input is that your life has been pretty good...............

trucker2015
03-13-2012, 21:28
My input is that your life has been pretty good...............



yes it has!! and will be!

Papa D
03-14-2012, 00:10
How about thru-hiking a shorter trail first -- you could do the Long Trail in Vermont in 3-4 weeks or the John Muir Trail in about the same time - - that would give you the Thru-hiker experience without being gone so long. 3-4 weeks would be acceptable for a Dad who plans well