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Mountain Hippie
03-31-2005, 20:41
I was cleaning up my computer and ran across something that I had written a few years ago. It is based on actual events that took place in my life in December of 2001 or 2002. I have a habit of recording events and adding humor to alleviate the pain or disgust I may be feeling at the time. Because of the rising interest in Hammocks I thought I would share this little story with you.



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My Hennessy Hammock cost $3189.32 and it is a dog

First let me ask that you reserve judgment until you have read this article in full. I can assure you that the title is most appropriate and true to the point. I promise that you will not find it to be as offensive as it may sound.

MEET SHARON

Lets start with a little information about my dog. She is an 8-month-old Pomeranian pup named Sharon. There is a short story behind her getting that name. Some time ago I had a Shiatsu pup that I had to name. His long hair and attitude (he would sometimes snap at you for no apparent reason) led me to name him Ozzy. Of course that was meant to be in reference to Ozzy Osborne the much celebrated, or at the very least debated, rock star who snapped at things a time or two during his career. Poor Ozzy was not with us long (the dog, not the star) before he simply vanished. A few months later we were offered the Pomeranian pup and we accepted. This pup was a lot more relaxed and calm than Ozzy had been. I first considered calling her Ozzy but for obvious reasons the name simply did not fit. After thinking about it for a while I thought what would an Ozzy be without a Sharon? (Of course Sharon Osborne is Rock Star Ozzy's wife). So it was settled, her name would be Sharon. Now that you know whom Sharon the dog is lets move along with the story.

HOW NOT TO ENTER THE HENNESSY HAMMOCK

I had been doing research and thinking about hammock camping for sometime. I think there are some solid advantages to using a hammock, instead of a tent, in the back-country. After months of researching the many different brands and types available on the market I decided that I wanted a Hennessy A-Sym. On new years day I happened to visit the Hennessy site and notice that they were running a holiday special on the hammock that I wanted. It just so happened that I had received some money for Christmas and now I knew what I wanted to use it for. To my disappointment the hammock could not be ordered via Internet, it had to be phone ordered so I would have to wait until they opened the next morning to place my order. I spent the rest of the night with vision's of hammocks dancing through my head. I had dreams about the upcoming adventures I would take my new hammock on. Already I was consumed by the opportunities that would be cast down before me when I became Ruler of the world.

WHO LET THE DOG OUT?

The next morning before I opened my eyes I had already plotted out my first task of the day, ordering my hammock. I launched out of the bed like a mad man on a mission. My morning cup of coffee would not be necessary for I was already wide awake with the anticipation of making the call that would make my vision's a reality. I entered my office area and was looking for the phone number when I noticed that Sharon was whimpering. I called her and she looked at me but did not get up. As I leaned down to touch her she managed to get up and stumble a few steps. I noticed that she was not using her right front leg and if I touched it she would whimper. I had an idea about what was wrong with her but I was not ready to accept it as a diagnosis. There was no noticeable swelling but after consulting my wife we decided that Sharon needed to go to the vet. The visit to the vet confirmed what I had suspected from the beginning. Sharon had some how broken her leg and she was going to need a cast put on it.

HOW MUCH DOES IT COST TO BUILD A DOG FROM SCRATCH?

After the diagnosis the vet sat us down to discuss the minor issue of his fee. Please note that my wife works in the health care industry so I am familiar with the costs of health care. What I was not aware of is that human health care is only entry level when compared to the lucrative perks and fees that are to be had in animal health care. The vet looked me square in the eyes and I could swear that I saw the glint of dollar signs when he announced that the bill would be between 2000 and 3000 dollars. The only thing that I could think to say was, "3000 dollars!?.... for what!?" He explained the treatment process that would be required to get Sharon back on her feet. My thoughts wandered back to when my friend had broken his leg. To splint and treat a human leg is 300 to 400 dollars. To splint and treat a dogs leg is 2000 to 3000 dollars. I could not accept that treatment for an animal was more expensive than treatment of a human and I told the Vet so. His only reply was that he would give us a few minutes to think about it and he left the room. I cannot post most of what I said after his exit. Let's just say that I questioned his heritage and made a few anatomically impossible references pertaining to what the good Vet could do with his practice. I won't bore you with futher details of my "kaniption" fit. Since I cannot stand to see anything suffer with pain I gave the Vet the okay to fix Sharon up and made arrangements for payment of the bill. I knew this event was going to have an impact on my immediate future and dreams of being the ruler of my own hammock.

MS. HENNESSY I PRESUME?

The following day I went to pick up Sharon. While I was waiting I chatted with the assistant at the desk. She was finishing up the paperwork on Sharon and wanted to make sure she had the correct info. As I read over the forms I realized that there needed to be one slight addition to Sharons name. She needed a last name and there was only one name that seemed to suit her. Since she had consumed the meager savings I had put aside for my hammock she would be known from that day forward as Sharon Hennessy, the 3000 dollar hammock/dog. This would be a reminder to me that life is what happens while I'm making other plans.

Well that is my hammock story. The sad part is that it is mostly true. My budget for hiking gear had literally gone to the dog(s). I will someday own a hammock and join the elite few that are reaping the benefits of hammock camping. But for now, if you will excuse me, it is time for Ms. Hennessy's medication.
Update- The dogs leg healed and she is fine. I did finally order and receive my hammock. Life is good and alas I am finally ruler of the world(hammock). Hey it's my fantasy and I will live it as I see fit.

Mountain "Did I Pay To Much?" Hippie
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That is my hammock story. I still have the dog and hammock. It seems that often weird things like this happen to me, I am glad that I took the time to write down the details so I could look back on it and laugh.
I also found a old journal I had kept for a couple years. There was one true bear story that I wrote about a after dark encounter with a black bear. It was a true account of the encounter but reading it years later it seems funnier now. I had titled it " Excuse me, waiter? Why is there a bear in my noodles?" If you want another laugh, at my expense, let me know and I will post it. :)

lumpy
03-31-2005, 20:51
I think you should have got a second opinion.................on the hammock!

Wastrel
03-31-2005, 21:39
Ill go out on a limb here:
Yeah, a good friend on mine took out a $6,000.00 loan to fix a congenital hip problem that his mixed breed puppy had. If it had been my dog: I'd sure miss him.