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Triple A
04-07-2005, 11:26
I will be retired and ready for a thru-hike in 2007. Hubby won't be retired until 2008, at which time we will both be 60 years old. He wants me to wait for him to do the hike, NOT because he wants to hike, but because he is afraid of what could happen to me if I go by myself -- broken bones, etc.

We have done a tiny bit of backpacking together and I have found that he likes to set the agenda for the day. For me this means that I may have a shorter break than I might like, or I have to continue on past the point where I would like to stop for the day. (Of course the upside is that I immediately fall into an exhausted sleep at 6 PM, while he tosses and turns for a few hours -- hee hee.)

I also have a feeling (and I've seen this exhibited in the journals of some couples) that when things aren't going well, I will be more likely to take it out on him, even though he may be completely blameless. Unfortunately, I've been known to do such things when under stress.

I should make it clear that hiking is my dream, not his. But he is a good guy and willing to go along. My question is -- is this a good idea?

chknfngrs
04-07-2005, 11:35
HYOH

Best left to your own judgement when it comes to this. Typically hikers have no problem finding help in a pinch, and it sounds as if your husband is nervous you would not. Explain to him the network of hikers and help out there and I bet he'd be OK with it.

neo
04-07-2005, 11:36
i cant really give you advice on going with or without your hubby,i can relate about your dream to hike the AT,i hike alone because i set my agenda,i am getting married in less than 3 weeks,my future wife loves hiking, i take her on hikes,but the long distance thing is for me,i hike 20 to 25 miles a day every day i go early and i hike late,i love doing the long miles,i am to energetic to set around in camp,so for me,i have to do the trail alone,all i can say is follow your dream,happy trails to ya:cool: neo

"ME & U"
04-07-2005, 12:01
My honey goes where i go and visa-versa! She never hiked a stitch till she met me and now she's a thru and stupid stoked about it! I will say this... if your lifelong lovers or even just met, go together! Being away from each other for any legnth of time down right sucks and it will for sure play a big part in your hiking (less of course you're itchen to get away from him). Also, we're a team "ME & U". When "ME" was down "U" was there, when "U" was hurt, "ME" saved me! ahh... nevermind, just this stupid thing we do.
Our hike wouldn't have been the same without each other! We did come to terms with our differences. I slowed down for her, we took more Zero's than planned, for her, and she pushed on for me. It was great!!

We plan to hike again soon and are in the same spot. Her kids are about gone and I have the youngest (14), so she has to wait for me and will. I hope!
Time is of the essence and every day it slips on by but wait if you can. On the other side of the coin... if his intentions are "for your saftey" then he might need to think about the piece of beef jerky he's about to chew on. It's no easy hike and definately takes some determination on all parts so, my advise would be plan it out. Consider each others needs and skip the saftey part. You'll protect each other!

oohhh! makes me want to go take a hike with "ME"!:clap
Oh, I forgot to mention, at the end of our hike... we we're different people! It would have been pretty bad if I went and she stayed. Talking about a totaly different plane than when we left. I still sleep on the floor and she's right next to me!

Ender
04-07-2005, 12:05
The AT is a pretty populated place, and if you do end up hurting yourself, someone will be along shortly usually. If he came along, and was hiking in front of you out of earshot, it wouldn't matter if he was there or not. Not saying that he shouldn't go, but just that safety isn't a huge concern out there, and if something happens you're usually covered.

As for the hiking part... you have to decide for yourself if you want to hike your own schedule without your husband, or hike someone else's schedule, which is harder on the body, but have your husband with you. To be fair though, after a few weeks out there, you'll both probably work out a system where you each hike your own pace and meet up at certain points in the day (lunch, dinner, sleep). Another nice thing about hiking with someone else is that if you're not feeling well because of illness, he can carry some of your xtra gear for that day, and vice versa. But, I'm also a big fan of going solo, and following your daily whims, which is hard to do with a hiking partner.

Can't give you advice on the actual decision, but either way you decide, you'll probably have a great time. :sun

"ME & U"
04-07-2005, 12:08
I will be retired and ready for a thru-hike in 2007. Hubby won't be retired until 2008, at which time we will both be 60 years old. He wants me to wait for him to do the hike, NOT because he wants to hike, but because he is afraid of what could happen to me if I go by myself -- broken bones, etc.

We have done a tiny bit of backpacking together and I have found that he likes to set the agenda for the day. For me this means that I may have a shorter break than I might like, or I have to continue on past the point where I would like to stop for the day. (Of course the upside is that I immediately fall into an exhausted sleep at 6 PM, while he tosses and turns for a few hours -- hee hee.)

I also have a feeling (and I've seen this exhibited in the journals of some couples) that when things aren't going well, I will be more likely to take it out on him, even though he may be completely blameless. Unfortunately, I've been known to do such things when under stress.

I should make it clear that hiking is my dream, not his. But he is a good guy and willing to go along. My question is -- is this a good idea?One time in the Whites, "ME" flipped out, whiped out, and went off! She hucked her leki pole at me like a spear and about staved me with the thing. It was hillarious! We joke about the moment still. Point is you've lived together this long, why break the mold? I say go for it! Besides, you can always play the innocent and convince him to lug the load:D

erichlf
04-07-2005, 12:15
I would wait. Eventhough my wife and I have a similar situation. I love to hike she is there, because she loves me. I hike a bit too fast for her, so I am waiting for her and never really make it as far as I was. Even though we have those differences, I don't think I would want to leave her. But, then there is being on the trail by yourself... It all really boils down to what you feel is more important to you.

TJ aka Teej
04-07-2005, 12:32
May I suggest you both come to the ALDHA Gathering this October in Hanover NH? Talks and demos on preparing for a LD hike, many hikers your own age and gender to meet, a seminar for dreamers, many of this year's finishers, tons of gear, slide shows and films to ohh and ahh over, an A.T.C. booth with free info, and everything from ground control/ home support to bear bagging demos to mail drop insights to photography clinics. www.aldha.org (http://www.aldha.org)

SGT Rock
04-07-2005, 12:34
Go both years.

"ME & U"
04-07-2005, 12:37
Go both years.Good Answer!

Doctari
04-07-2005, 13:13
Assuming that: A) you wait for him B) he retires early.

HYOH can apply here. My work partner was going to go on a section hike with me, our plan was to Solo hike, together.

She was to leave approximately ˝ hour before me. We (she, my wife, her “rents”, me) were somewhat worried about her safety (Her mostly LOL) so felt this was the best way. Mostly we were to agree on a stop for the day, then solo hike to that point. If tired, injured, etc. she could either wait for me or backtrack. I am a much faster walker than her on trail, so my keeping up with her wasn’t a problem. We figured I would eventually start “stalking” her. Keeping her just barely in sight.

However, she decided to get married. And new hubby (for some reason) had a problem with her hiking with me. Go figure ;/

Perhaps you & your hubby could adopt a similar plan. Perhaps without the “stalking” :-)

Doctari.


BTW: the plan is now for her to go for some of my thru hike. Her daughter will be 17 by then. Husband is now OK with that plan, perhaps because by then I’ll be 65 so will be “safe”.

"ME & U"
04-07-2005, 17:40
One time in the Whites, "ME" flipped out, whiped out, and went off! She hucked her leki pole at me like a spear and about staved me with the thing. It was hillarious! We joke about the moment still. Point is you've lived together this long, why break the mold? I say go for it! Besides, you can always play the innocent and convince him to lug the load:D
Yes, I admit "ME" flipped out.:o Im sorry about the Leki baby, it will never happen again! Thank for pushing me to the limit. And as for "hubby or no hubby", DON"T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT HIM.

hikerjohnd
04-07-2005, 17:59
If it isn't his dream, or even his cup of tea, then how much will he really enjoy it... There is something to be said for having a body on the homefront to take care of things (mowing the lawn, sending goodies in the mail, etc)

My wife has similar issues with me going alone - but quite frankly, I don't want her along. I know this isn't her thing - she can go to the spa for a few weeks and derive just as much pleasure.

If this is your dream and your trip - have him get involved in other ways.

That's my 2 cents!

erichlf
04-07-2005, 18:06
You definately don't want a situation where one of you wants to give up and the other doesn't.

Doctari
04-07-2005, 18:25
You definately don't want a situation where one of you wants to give up and the other doesn't.

Amen to that. Hard enough keeping yourelf interested.

IF he really wants to go, great. If only going because: you want to, to keep you safe, etc. It may be best if he was "ground control". A job my wife really enjoys. She sends me little treats, love letters, encoragement. It is easier to be encoraging if you are not: cold, wet, tired, miserable, hungry, homesick, coldwettiredmiserablehungryhomesick. My wife has saved a few of my section hikes by being objective, and at home :)

Doctari.

SavageLlama
04-07-2005, 21:49
eh, leave the bioch home.


;)

Triple A
04-07-2005, 21:54
After being married for 38 years, it would be strange to go so long without having him around. Plus, if he truly has concerns I can't in good conscience ignore his feelings. (But on the other hand, there is something to be said for having someone on the home front to pay the bills, mow the lawn, care for the dogs and send mail drops.)

U and Me, I hope I won't chuck my hiking pole at him -- but now that I have that picture in my mind, it might be awfully tempting.

I'll share all your thoughts with him and we will talk about it some more. Another possibility would be for me to do a shorter hike in 2007 by myself -- maybe the Long Trail.

Thanks for your insights. I appreciate it.

Triple A

Footslogger
04-07-2005, 22:08
Can't speak to the whole 60 thing ...since I'm only 55 myself. However, I am married to a hiker and we were faced with a similar decision back in 2001. My wife (BadAss Turtle) was getting ready to start her dissertation and had decided to hike the AT as a means to gather her data. I, on the other hand, had been dreaming/planning my thru-hike for years.

We talked it over and decided that she had the better opportunity at that time ...that is to combine her thru-hike and her PhD. So off she went, with the understanding that as soon as she finished grad school and got a job it would be my turn. We stayed faithful to our committment to each other and in 2003 I got my chance ...as she was beginning her first year of teaching at the university.

Long story short ...you gotta do what you gotta do. Just make it a win-win for both of you. Nice thing about our situation is that we both now want to re-hike the AT again ...but this time together. Don't have a year all picked out quite yet but it'll be sooner than later.

Best of luck with your decsion !!

'Slogger
AT 2003

Brushy Sage
04-07-2005, 22:34
I like First Sergeant Rock's response, that you go both years. Here is what I envision: the first year, the year of your retirement, you go with a plan to hike half the AT, with him in logistical support, maybe meeting you along the way when possible for weekends together or something like that. By the half way mark, you will be in a better position to decide whether to go all the way or not. Then, the year of his retirement, he will be in a better position to know whether he wants to hike with you or not, and you will each have more options. If you didn't go all the way the first year, you can complete the AT without him or with him, and he can decide whether to hike with you or alone. If you completed the trail the year you retire, then he will be hard pressed to make the decisions for you when you are hiking together.

In the final analysis, advice isn't worth very much, other than just raising some possibilities. Good luck!!

"ME & U"
04-07-2005, 22:37
U and Me, I hope I won't chuck my hiking pole at him -- but now that I have that picture in my mind, it might be awfully tempting.

Sheesh! Attempted murder man... good thing for my cat like, ninja senses aye!

bearbag hanger
04-07-2005, 22:39
The answer to your question is very hard for us, who don't know you well, to answer. How long have you been married and what is, up to now, the most difficult time you've gone through? Two people trying to do a thru hike when one of you isn't fully committed is likely to end, not only the hike, but maybe the marriage. Is that a risk you're willing to take?

I have a friend who did the ECT about three or four years ago. His wife didn't hike. So she supported him for the whole hike. She would drop him off in the morning and pick him each night. You don't have to be supported quite that closely - would he be happy seeing you once every three to five days? That's about how often you'll come to a town or hostel. Sure beats having to hitch into town all the time.

If you decide to go alone and without the close support, go as soon as you can. Too much can happen in a year to wait.

MedicineMan
04-07-2005, 23:06
:) good luck on your hike!

baseballswthrt
04-08-2005, 07:51
This question depends on the couple. I can't speak to your situation, but I can tell you what works for us.

My husband and I only hike together. When a couple hikes together, it requires a lot of patience and teamwork. My husband had been hiking for several years when he met me, and my idea of a hike was a walk around the city park. He introduced me to backpacking. Needless to say, our styles are completely different. We made a committment from the beginning that we would hike as a TEAM. He hikes faster and is better on the uphills. I hike slower and love the downhills although a nice ridge walk is my favorite. We have a rule that says that either one of us can call for a break at any time. If he is tired, he can, if I am, I can and we both stop together. When we stop to make camp, we each have certain jobs that we do. We set up the tent together, we go and get water together, and he starts dinner while I unroll the sleeping bags and sleeping pads and get our home ready for the night. He wakes earlier than I do, so he makes breakfast while I sleep and then I break down camp for us. We never really discussed it, it is just the way it works out.

If Kevin gets ahead of me, he stops when he is still in sight and waits for me. Sometimes it is fairly far, but he waits. I can't imagine hiking without him. Sure, fatigue makes us testy at times, but at home we don't take things out on each other so we don't on the trail either. Usually if one of us is upset about something, the other one stays quiet until it passes or makes the mad one laugh at the situation. One of the best things about hiking together is that you always have built in moral support and someone who loves you and is looking out for both of your best interests. We tend to coach each other over the difficult parts. Sometimes its me, sometimes it's he!

As for your husband worrying about you being alone on the trail, I don't believe you are ever really alone. The AT is heavily travelled. If you get to a shelter and you have a bad vibe about someone there, move on. I have never felt unsafe or worried about the other hikers. If the shelter seems particularly rowdie, we tent. I think you are probably safer on the trail, than in your home town most of the time.

Chip
04-08-2005, 08:18
Advice ? :-? The best advice I can give you is go with what you feel is right.
What are the possibilities? A great hike by yourself or a great hike together
sharing the experience!! Granted in a marriage both partners don't always do things together. There are times when you want time for yourself, alone. There are also times to share. At times I have found myself alone and have seen or been a part of something only to wish that my wife had been there too. Sometimes words don't quite convey an experience you have. My wife and I are section hikers on the AT and weekend warriors in the Nat. Parks and forest. There is alot of give and take on our treks outdoors but then again there is alot of give and take at home too. Follow your heart, only you know what to do.
Have fun no matter what your choice is.

Happy Trails,
Chip ;)

anneandbenhike
04-08-2005, 08:49
Gosh, are you sure that you are not married to MY husband?!!! :) We do many of the same things, though occasionally he hikes for a weekend with his cousin if I get involved in one of my Volunteer things and have to stay home on a Saturday...otherwise, we hike together, too. After 31 years, we know each other's hiking patterns well. As section hikers, I have a few sections to do that he has done and I would like to do them solo, just to know that I could. Don't know that we would ever THRU, because of work, but section hiking is also very satisfying. We plan a 215 mile section later this summer. I also cannot imagine a 6 month absence from my hubby...take him with you and plan in the morning where you will meet up. Some days you will hike together and some will be solo. Best of both worlds. Get R Done!!!

anneandbenhike
04-08-2005, 08:50
Oops, my reply was to Baseball!!!

Jewels
04-08-2005, 09:13
Are you sure it is only your safetly that your hubby is worried about, or is that just a front. He might really want to do this with you but doesn't know how to just come out with saying it. My other half was laid off from his job teaching last year and instead of us hiking in 2006 he thought it be best that he thru-hike this year before jumping into another job. We have been together for over 3 years, and because we have two households, financially I was on track for next year and couldn't swing it this year (mortgage, credit card bills, daughter in college and business all played a big part.) I was very supportive of his decision but deep down it was killing me inside and I wished so bad that he could have taken on a gravy job and waited for me. I held it all in as best I could as to not make him feel bad about him going, but I had a breakdown when the reality of it all set in about a week before I was to take him to the train station. I do realize this was a hard decision on his part also as I'm sure it is for you. I have good days and bad days, I enjoy keeping active, but my heart is elsewhere, it's just not the same without my honey by my side to share the special moments and memories with. So I will do what I have to do to be as much a part of his hike as I possibly can. I will continue to be supportive, get his maildrops sent when needed and hold down the homefronts. I am meeting him already this month and will meet up with him when he gets further north and hike weekends with him. I am also arranging my vacation time to hike one week in the summer with him through VT and finish off in ME with him. I have come to terms that this was his time and not ours, but it still hurts to sit home, read his journals, post his photos and want so badly to be there sharing what he is sharing with so many others. I think any couple that wants and has the opportunity to thru-hike or do any long distant hike together should grab it. Everyone always talks about the great friendships and memories you make, well just think of the added memories you will have to share with your hubby for the rest of your life and just think of how much closer it will make you as a couple in the long run. Good luck in the choice that you do make, but just remember it's hard on the person back home who really wants to be out there with you.

Jewels

Frosty
04-08-2005, 10:01
We have done a tiny bit of backpacking together and I have found that he likes to set the agenda for the day. For me this means that I may have a shorter break than I might like, or I have to continue on past the point where I would like to stop for the day.Well, of course, it is still your decision to hike the extra. He can like to set the pace, but you don't have to do it.

That said, I understand spousal pressure. Perhaps a compromise could be reached, wherein you say, "Okay you can come, but it is my hike, so I will hike at my pace, and I choose where the rest stops are and nightly stops."

In any event a solid agreement beforehand is probably necessary, covering such contingencies as quitting. He may have a horrible time by Virginia and want to stop. Ought to agree that he can, but you will continue alone. If hiking the trail isn't a dream of his, he may get tired of it.

Also agree on who carries what, and who does what camp chores, or the rotation of such. Do you want to hike the trail yourself? Carry your own stuff? Then each carry enogh to be self-sufficient. If sharing, does he carry extra while you fetch water and cook? Are you okay with this?

Much easier to do this before you start, IMO.

Good luck!

Triple A
04-08-2005, 14:49
I'm printing off all your responses for Hubby and I to digest.

Bearag Hanger -- I'm not too worried about splitting up over this decision. We have gone through worse than this -- starting with being married teenagers with a baby, Hubby getting drafted and sent off to a foreign land (luckily for us it was Germany), both finishing our educations. If we can get through THAT, this AT decision will be a cakewalk. Not to be too mushy here, but we have a happy and solid commitment to each other.

On one hand, I would like to have my own adventure. But then, as Baseballswthrt pointed out, its nice to bring your own moral support person with you. I'm sure there will be many times when I will need that support. And as Jewels points out, it would be wonderful to have SHARED memories of such as awesome experience.

Thanks,

Ann (Triple A)

"ME & U"
04-09-2005, 00:11
Triple A, since your printing this, please, please... let me warn Hubby... Be careful man! These wonderful hiker ladies we hike with have a crazy side to em... some sort of timing thing, an event we know nothing about... this could be dangerous for you...at least, for your sake... practice your ninja skills... :jumpBetter yet...have Triple A hike with one of those foam wiffleball bats!