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Glory
05-15-2012, 08:55
I enjoy the outdoors. I think its important to get on the trail and out of civilization where you can only hear the sounds of the woods and see the sights of the woods.

I've gone on many hikes in the woods, some with others, some by myself. I've recently come to the conclusion that I couldnt marry someone if I couldnt backpack with them for weeks at a time. I admire the ability to entertain yourself with only the company of another person, the ability to survive without cellphones, tv, the frugality of rationing food & staying clean in inconvienent conditions, to be able to rationalize all the fears and worries of animals attacks/storms/aloneness with peace, and most importantly, to be able to coexist with someone that doesnt grate on your every nerve after being with them for extended periods of time. :)

I went on a multi day hike on the AT with my best friend in the whole world not too long ago. She and I have been through a lot together, but I was amazed at how many disagreements we had on our trip. We are able to still be friends in 'real life' but i will never attempt a trip like that with her again, haha.

Has anyone else had the same experience, where you thought you knew somebody and after hiking with them you realized they're actually more of a dictator/villian/monster from a horror film instead of the sweet, fun loving person you used to know?

WingedMonkey
05-15-2012, 09:10
Has anyone else had the same experience, where you thought you knew somebody and after hiking with them you realized they're actually more of a dictator/villian/monster from a horror film instead of the sweet, fun loving person you used to know?

Lucky for her she found out before she married you.

:p

GoldenBear
05-15-2012, 09:31
If you find that you enjoy being with someone to the point where you would consider marriage, but the two of you have no desire to backpack together (for WHATEVER reason), then make this simple choice: DON'T BACKPACK TOGETHER, even if you get married!

Shuttle and I are about to celebrate our 29th anniversary (and I don't mean that we will NOTE the event, we're going to CELEBRATE it), even though (1) hiking the A.T. has been my one of my biggest passions for years and (2) we wouldn't last an hour together on the Trail. When we finally realized that we would BOTH have a grand time with me on the trail, and her doing anything BUT the trail, we found that being apart was a WONDERFUL way to bond! She drops you off, you do what you love, she does what she loves, you finish your hike, she picks you up, and then you two go back to -- well, you know. This can work for a series of day hikes OR as the book-ends of a multi-week backpack.

You like to backpack, your lover doesn't? Make this the perfect combo!!

Tipi Walter
05-15-2012, 09:31
Most humans (and Americans) want hot showers and on-tap electricity---heck I'm suckling off the power teat as we speak---so it's hard to find loyal companions to live outdoors---either men or women. Get a dog.

I don't know if a person's true nature comes out on a backpacking trip, but if someone doesn't want to be out or if they're salivating over a loved one back home or carrying out a load of worries, well, they'll whine and whimper and complain and puff out their cheeks like a blowfish with pineyes. Best go alone and pull your trips solo. Miss Nature cares only if you're outside, could care less if you drag someone with you.

Gray Blazer
05-15-2012, 10:01
Heck, Tipi, your 1111 images have to be doing something to the power teat (awesome image for us breast fetish guys. Can you say Woody Allen?). I'm very lucky when it comes to my wife. She does make sure I take my dog hiking with me as she worries about me being alone in the woods. As you can see, I also take my camera.

Gray Blazer
05-15-2012, 10:02
Whoops, Photo included ...

http://whiteblaze.net/forum/vbg/files/6/2/1/7/travis_viii_002.jpg (http://www.whiteblaze.net/forum/showimage.php?i=51231&original=1&c=659)

Tipi Walter
05-15-2012, 10:09
Heck, Tipi, your 1111 images have to be doing something to the power teat (awesome image for us breast fetish guys. Can you say Woody Allen?). I'm very lucky when it comes to my wife. She does make sure I take my dog hiking with me as she worries about me being alone in the woods. As you can see, I also take my camera.

I'm partly responsible for mountain top removal. It's called Hypocritical Compromise.

weary
05-15-2012, 10:17
There's no better way to get to know a person than to backpack with them. Choose a difficult trip, if possible. Nothing's better than rain, cold, rocks and steep hills to make pretenses disappear.

oldbear
05-15-2012, 10:53
Glory
I am of the opinion that you're being unfair and unrealistic about your beloved
What you're describing is by no means unique to hiking ; it's the result of two people who are in some kind of commited relationship be it business marriage or family being forced to be with each other 24/7/365
If your beloved is a great as you say she is then take Golden Bear's suggestion and marry her But don't hike w/ her
Btw
I really hope that Finn and Fiona see this thread

Rocket Jones
05-15-2012, 11:17
My parents were together most of the day almost every day. They drove to work together, took breaks and lunch together, drove home together and spent evenings, weekends and vacations together. When my wife mentioned that as her ideal, I told her I'd probably strangle her within a month - if she didn't get me first. :)

We've been married over 30 years now, still as happy as can be together. She has her interests, I have mine.

Glory
05-15-2012, 11:40
haha its interesting what I meant to say and what was actually understood by those who read this.

I'm a girl and I went hiking with my old college roommate who is also a girl. She's still my best friend, but the experience we had together on the trail was not a good one. She kept calling her husband and talking about how much she missed him, let her dog harrass other hikers, was extremely neurotic about the dark and melted down several times after hearing twigs snap in the distance. She was just not comfortable in the outdoors, which is fine...different strokes for different folks.

I guess i was just romanticizing/speculating about how one day when i hopefully find someone, I'd have to take them out on the trail for a long time because I think you learn SOOOO much about a person just by being put in the backpacking/hiking situation. I agree its good to have different interests to keep a relationship interesting, but i just know for myself I think i'd require that intimacy of being able to survive a trail together.

beaudetious
05-15-2012, 11:50
I always thought canoeing was a good way to judge the character of your significant other. Get them out on open water, run into a bush full of locusts, paddle against the wind, etc. If you can survive that you can stand the test of time... that is, until one of you starts snoring.

Odd Man Out
05-15-2012, 12:52
Ever watch the show "The Amazing Race", the reality TV show where teams of two people race around the world? I am always amazed at how badly some people behave with their partner whereas other teams always maintain a positive attitude (of course this being "reality TV", I'm sure the produces like the conflict as it generates ratings). My wife suggested that it's only natural that people behave badly when they are tired and stressed out by the rigors of the race. My point was that being tired and stressed doesn't make you mean and nasty, it only reveals your true nature.

JoshAuerbach
05-15-2012, 13:34
I'm super lucky to have a girl that loves to backpack! She even enjoys watching gear videos with me haha

chief
05-15-2012, 13:45
I guess i was just romanticizing/speculating about how one day when i hopefully find someone, I'd have to take them out on the trail for a long time because I think you learn SOOOO much about a person just by being put in the backpacking/hiking situation. I agree its good to have different interests to keep a relationship interesting, but i just know for myself I think i'd require that intimacy of being able to survive a trail together.
Yeah, I agree you can learn a lot about a person while hiking/camping. Unfortunately, you only learn how they deal with those specific circumstances. Put them in other circumstances, like everyday life, and you may learn something different. Just saying, don't romanticize too much about the hiking/camping experience, it's only one aspect of life together.

adamkrz
05-15-2012, 13:48
It's the one place my wife and I do get along.

Llama Legs
05-15-2012, 14:09
My wife is the only person I've hiked with that makes LESS work for me! Check out her AT piece: http://whiteblaze.net/forum/vbg/files/2/7/1/2/5/this-way-to-the-at_thumb.jpg (http://whiteblaze.net/forum/vbg/showimage.php?i=43060)

Miami Joe
05-15-2012, 15:04
There's no better way to get to know a person than to backpack with them. Choose a difficult trip, if possible. Nothing's better than rain, cold, rocks and steep hills to make pretenses disappear.

No thanks. I know my wife and I know she would hate it. I'm happily married and I plan on keeping it that way. To that end, I will never go on an extended backpacking trip with my wife. We have a lot in common. We take day hikes together 3-5 times a week. We take snowboarding trips together. We canoe together. I paddle and she sunbathes. (As it should be.) We both love the outdoors and all is right in the world. But she is not up for roughing it in the woods. Father-son thing in my world.

Tipi Walter
05-15-2012, 15:56
My point was that being tired and stressed doesn't make you mean and nasty, it only reveals your true nature.

The whole point of BUDs training and . . . . marriage.

Nutbrown
05-15-2012, 16:01
My husband and I went on a week hike in Slickrock for our 10th anniversary. I was a bit nervous at the idea, wondering how we would be seeing that we hadn't done a long hike together. We had a blast. Can't wait to do a long AT hike together...hopefully not waiting another 10 years.

When people stop bitching at everything that goes wrong, and just enjoy the moment, anything can be grand.

rocketsocks
05-15-2012, 16:27
My wife loves me,she always tells me to "take a hike"!

gumball
05-15-2012, 17:58
I found out what a great team we really make when we backpack together--we got married on the trail. Different strokes for different folks.

thevagabond79
05-15-2012, 18:21
I love the idea of getting a dog. Same value and understanding are crucial to me. If s/he would let you do what you love to do and show the support, this person has one of the qualities to be in the same marriage. That said, marriage is like a long hike. If dangers appears, I would expect my second half would stay with me rather than running away or adding more pressure to the situation. If s/he lowers the quality of my living, I would not marry this person. To be married, one thing is to advance the quality, rather than becoming a slave or object.

Mountain Mike
05-15-2012, 19:42
It's a trick question! There is no right answer. On the trail I have seen romances split & form. Met people that can't stand to be apart & those that say Hey honey great, but not my thing, call when you can. Hiked with a couple that the guy that had to drag his wife on hikes out west hated the green tunnel & bailed. He ran support for her rest of the trail. It's life, we are all different. Long distance hikers a little more on the different side. One former roomate summed it up pretty good for me. As I was looking over maps & planning a hike he said he saw a glimmer in my eye. Said it explained it all right there. The mountains were my one true mistress & mrer mortal women had to compete. Thinking about it, he wasn't far from wrong.

HikerMom58
05-15-2012, 19:53
Ha Ha!! I find this thread the MOST interesting thread I have read in quite a while. :cool: It's all about getting to know each other one way or another. :)

Glory
05-15-2012, 21:16
I am loving all of the responses to this. One central theme that I'm seeing in everybody's reply is that the trail has had *some* effect on their significant relationships. Either the trail is an experience so personal it cant be shared with a partner, or being able to survive on the trail together is proof of the strength and level of intimacy in a relationship. Either way is rather profound.

I think what cheif said was interesting...that just because you can coexist on the trail together doesnt mean you could handle the boringness, day to day, jobs and chores, dealing with families, etc of real life. Different circumstances can bring out different sides in people.

I also think that Odd Man Out had a good point. I agree, that people dont have a right to all of a sudden get nasty and rude and selfish and whiney just because a situation is tense. Thats what I'm saying. I think theres a certain type of person that can keep their cool when things get tough, who is patient even when things arent going their way, who can still be pleasant to be around after being around them for days. And some people arent like this. Heres hoping i find a good one, one day. :)

fiddlehead
05-15-2012, 21:30
AFter reading these entries, I feel I have to tell my marriage story.
In '77 I was planning a thru-hike of the AT with a (another guy) friend.
He had to cancel about 3 weeks before our projected start date.
My girlfriend at the time wanted to take his place although she had no hiking experience.
I said I didn't think she'd like it: rain, no showers, bugs, and most importantly: we didn't have enough money between us.

She really wanted to go so, we went and did a few practice hikes and she did OK. (she told me later she was dying but didn't want me to see that)
We did the hike. We made it NOBO from springer to Del. water gap in PA that year (on $750 total)
Needless to say, we didn't have many luxuries, very few hotel rooms (I think 2 ) and yes, times were different and many towns had a plan where you could stay somewhere for free.

Anyway, we spent almost 4 months together 24/7 and roughing it.
We fell in love and got married when the hike was over.
We bought a house together and got steady jobs and............
Guess what, we fell out of love just as quick.
We hardly saw each other, except on weekends and then we'd be arguing over where the money we made should go, where we are going that weekend, etc.
We had different paths all of a sudden.
It didn't work at all.

We separated 3 months later.
Spent more time on the trail getting along as good as anyone ever got along, then we could being "married"

I saw her a few years ago and she told me they were the best months of her life (not the "after hike" months but while we were hiking)
So, it works both ways.
Sometimes the trail brings folks together like no other venue can.

Everyone is different.
My present wife has no desire to go in the woods or jungle. But, she can rough it on a camping trip (as long as there's a shower and toilet nearby) LOL.

Biggie Master
05-15-2012, 21:36
My wife and I only hiked together one time before we were married - that was April 2001. Just 2 months later we were married (June 2001), and about 5 hours after our vows, we were setting up camp on top of Springer. We spent our honeymoon on the AT between Springer and US 76 at Dicks Creek, and we had the time of our lives.

Biggie Master
05-15-2012, 21:45
Oh, I should have added that we are still having the time of our lives. She doesn't hike anymore, but is happy for me when I can get out there.

Mountain Mike
05-15-2012, 21:55
After a marriage I prefer the mountains as my mistress. I can predict her moods better. & when she gets mean & nasty I can run from her & she doesn't chase me or hold it against me :) Seriously my best hiking partners were women. No testosterone to get in the way.

Edie
05-16-2012, 04:43
My last significant relationship: we hiked together well but a cross country road trip to Moab Utah, that was the killer. I only wish I had brought my pack so I could strangle him with my parachute cord. Jk of course, but kinda serious too. He drove me nuts!

Theosus
05-16-2012, 07:08
I'm super lucky to have a girl that loves to backpack! She even enjoys watching gear videos with me haha

THats awesome. I need a girl like that. But my wife would be so pissed...

I think I'm getting too into hiking. We were on a road trip recently. My wife said she had to crap. I pulled over and handed her the trowel bag.

Gray Blazer
05-16-2012, 07:50
My wife is the only person I've hiked with that makes LESS work for me! Check out her AT piece: http://whiteblaze.net/forum/vbg/files/2/7/1/2/5/this-way-to-the-at_thumb.jpg (http://whiteblaze.net/forum/vbg/showimage.php?i=43060)

Sweet!!.....

coach lou
05-16-2012, 08:41
I've been thinking this thread thru before jumping in. There are 2 Mrs. Coach Lous, 'The former' and Sherrie. Both, I took backpacking right off the bat in both relationships. Both were new to it, one loved it, one liked it. The former has done everything with me...backpacked, cycled, canoed, rafted, fly-fished, snorkled... but I was the guide, had to do everything but wipe her cooley! We raised a semi-outdoorsy son. After her first trip to Montana, she said she was not pooping in the woods anymore! 2 yrs later she left.
Sherrie, the Girlscout leader, has 2 backpacks, 2 bicycles, had to get her fly-fishing and snorkle gear. She is taking her troop to camporee this weekend, while I do a few days on the AT, next week we take her children on their first backpacking walk. {WARNING TO ALL IN THE HOUSATONIC RIVER VALLEY, in CONNECTICUT!!!!!!!!!} We have been on only week long vacations together, I can't see us being able to take longer than a week long hike, but I know she would give it a go and absolutely pull her own weight.
What is my point..........The Former did all that stuff to be with me and make me happy. Sherrie does all this stuff because it makes her happy. The Former and I were happy for a long while and raised a son, she wanted something else after he grew up and moved on. Sherrie and I are now older and have seen alot of life, we have similar likes, but we have some opposite likes.
So...after being married 27 of my 54 yrs I can say that having similar interests are very important to a relationship to work. I do not feel that being able to enjoy everything together is essential, that would get boring. When I was 27 I met my sons 19 year old mother....if she didn't want to go again after that first time, would I still have married her. Yes, I would have.......I, like to backpack, I can hang if it rains for a few days, I, like to dance with beautiful women.

PapaGarrettP
05-16-2012, 08:59
My wife likes to hike, but camping. Well, her trail name is Marriott! So we don't go on extended trips together. Instead I take my son or best friend from childhood. I love going to the woods and I love returning home to my wife. She enjoys a week or two on her own, with our other kids and her friends. Absence, it turns out, does make the heart grow fonder. Do I wish my wife shared my love of camping? Sure, but she doesn't. So we enjoy other trips and activities together. Life is long and deep!

turtle fast
05-16-2012, 11:43
My wife is awesome. She did not have much backpacking experience apart from day hikes....she said one day "lets quit our jobs and see the world"...we did and she was my partner on the AT. She was an example of when the tough gets tougher you get stronger. Going from a shower everyday, perfume wearing type person to hiker funk and not being overly crazed about it was huge. I did notice something though, if you are hiking with your spouse it is important to hike at the slower of the twos paces as it makes for a better hike.

ATSeamstress
05-16-2012, 13:56
haha its interesting what I meant to say and what was actually understood by those who read this.

I'm a girl and I went hiking with my old college roommate who is also a girl. She's still my best friend, but the experience we had together on the trail was not a good one. She kept calling her husband and talking about how much she missed him, let her dog harrass other hikers, was extremely neurotic about the dark and melted down several times after hearing twigs snap in the distance. She was just not comfortable in the outdoors, which is fine...different strokes for different folks.

I guess i was just romanticizing/speculating about how one day when i hopefully find someone, I'd have to take them out on the trail for a long time because I think you learn SOOOO much about a person just by being put in the backpacking/hiking situation. I agree its good to have different interests to keep a relationship interesting, but i just know for myself I think i'd require that intimacy of being able to survive a trail together.

That's what I thought you meant. I always thought I'd have to find a man who liked to backpack as much as I do. What I found was a wonderful man who is very supportive of my backpacking, so I married him. He did go with me once on a short trip and we got along great. However, his vacation time is limited and he'd prefer to go to the beach or Patriots training camp! I'm retired. So, we have vacations together, but I have my hikes and he either takes me to the trail or the bus station, sends me maildrops, and tells me to enjoy! It works for us.

Lemni Skate
05-16-2012, 19:02
My wife and I plan to do the Pennine Way when we retire. She's in great shape and likes to hike but she needs a shower every night so she refuses long distance hikes on the AT. The Pennine Way provides a town pretty much ever evening. My son and I will do the AT together.

Papa D
05-16-2012, 19:56
My wife loves the outdoors - she's a runner and an athlete and isn't afraid to get dirty - BUT she likes a shower and a bed - - she toughed out a 5 day backpacking trip in Joyce Kilmer forest with me once - I think she had some fun - especially the creek swimming but that was pretty much it for her - - an occasional overnight is all she is really into now. The cool thing is - is that she knows how much I need to get out on long multi day hikes - - she helps me schedule at least 6 or 7 hikes a year that range from 3 days (typical) to about a month - - I typically take the entire month of July to hike where ever in the world I want to go - - when I'm home, I try to give her equal freedom to take trips with friends, weekends away, etc. while I keep house. This works great for us. I feel really lucky because (from speaking with other guys) their wives don't give them as much rope.

rocketsocks
05-16-2012, 20:13
My wife and I love vacationing together,and this we have agreed is when we like each other the most(get along).Soon(several years) my kids will be older and I look forward to going on my own trip,and the wife can take hers,truth is she likes the Beach,and I prefer the Mountains,I'll miss her,though look forward to then coming home,and sharing my adventures with her,it would not be the same if she was not there to share this with.I think taking separate vacations is a good thing at times,but after 23 years of marriage,thats a lot of trips together.And I commend and congratulate any and all who have made a conscious decision to remain together for any length of time,and that that is quite an accomplishment.Cheers

stranger
05-17-2012, 00:06
I enjoy the outdoors. I think its important to get on the trail and out of civilization where you can only hear the sounds of the woods and see the sights of the woods.

I've gone on many hikes in the woods, some with others, some by myself. I've recently come to the conclusion that I couldnt marry someone if I couldnt backpack with them for weeks at a time. I admire the ability to entertain yourself with only the company of another person, the ability to survive without cellphones, tv, the frugality of rationing food & staying clean in inconvienent conditions, to be able to rationalize all the fears and worries of animals attacks/storms/aloneness with peace, and most importantly, to be able to coexist with someone that doesnt grate on your every nerve after being with them for extended periods of time. :)

I went on a multi day hike on the AT with my best friend in the whole world not too long ago. She and I have been through a lot together, but I was amazed at how many disagreements we had on our trip. We are able to still be friends in 'real life' but i will never attempt a trip like that with her again, haha.

Has anyone else had the same experience, where you thought you knew somebody and after hiking with them you realized they're actually more of a dictator/villian/monster from a horror film instead of the sweet, fun loving person you used to know?

First off, why do you have to 'marry' anyone?

Second, long-distance hiking is fairly intense for most people, I don't think it's uncommon for very good friends or partners, husbands and wives, family members, etc...to have issues when hiking for days or weeks on end.

My hikes with my girlfriend are far different than my solo hikes, almost like a completely different experience. My hikes with her are 'recreation' type experiences and my solo hikes are 'hiking'. That's how I look at it.

Also, I hike for me, I don't need to spend time with my partner in life while hiking, it's nice every once in a while, but serious trips...no way. We are just too different. I really like the walking part of hiking, where as she tolerates the walking parts and values the non-walking parts. Also, just little things like when I take a step I cover 30% more ground then when she takes a step, cause our legs are different lengths...over 15 miles that is a huge difference.

I think in any long-distance hiking scenario it's best to be either completely committed to working through things, and putting the hike second, or be fully self-sufficient and put the hike first, the relationship stuff second. I don't think you can do both, hiking with someone you 'love' is much different than hiking with a friend.

I find for me...hiking with someone I love is less rewarding than hiking alone, because everything is a compromise. I compromise enough in real life...I would rather not do it on the trail, it's hard to explain.

rocketsocks
05-17-2012, 00:30
Hey Stranger,I think you explained it,just fine.

Gray Blazer
05-17-2012, 11:47
First off, why do you have to 'marry' anyone?



Marriage is the leading cause of divorce.

Whack-a-mole
05-17-2012, 14:17
I have a great wife. She will do day hikes with me, and will even do 3 day trips if they aren't too long (as long as I'm a pack mule, but I don't mind humping a little extra weight if my baby is along). The best part is when I plan a longer trip--she doesn't go, but supports me fully. She will even give me a ride to the trail head. Some people say she's even GLAD to drop me off, but I know that isn't so. It's like a honeymoon all over again when I get back home..(after a long shower)...

MyName1sMud
05-18-2012, 16:18
I've been on the hunt for a girl that is into backpacking/hiking/camping. She doesn't have to go out with me everytime I go. Just one that would be down for a trip every now and then.

Thanks for all the marriage tips ladies and gents!