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neo
06-02-2005, 17:30
any body know any good attorney jokes:cool: neo

MOWGLI
06-02-2005, 17:38
any body know any good attorney jokes:cool: neo

Did you hear about the attorney who took Viagra? He got taller. :D

(with my apologies to Rain Man)

neo
06-02-2005, 17:46
Did you hear about the attorney who took Viagra? He got taller. :D

(with my apologies to Rain Man)
funny:D
hey rain man is ok,i have only liked 2 attorney,s in my whole life:cool: neo


most attorney,s dont have a sense of humor or a conscience either.

also all law is wrote by attorney,s for attorney,s:cool: neo

Pencil Pusher
06-02-2005, 18:52
It's the same for a lot of professions, neo. Only the people within have a true understanding... that's what they went to school for. Take your linear transformer-whatever... I haven't the foggiest. I'd be the Homer Simpson equivalent in a nuclear power station.

c.coyle
06-02-2005, 19:16
funny:D
hey rain man is ok,i have only liked 2 attorney,s in my whole life:cool: neo


most attorney,s dont have a sense of humor or a conscience either.

also all law is wrote by attorney,s for attorney,s:cool: neo


Jeepers. I thought I was among friends here. As a barrister, I'm offended. I have a sense of humor. I think Bill Bryson is funny. I'll be at the Port Clinton Hotel this weekend, working on a case.

What do you call an attorney with an IQ of 50? (Scroll down for answer)
















































Your Honor

Just Jeff
06-02-2005, 19:51
Neo - doesn't it make sense that those who understand it best are the ones who create it? What would you say if an attorney tried to design a highway suspension bridge?! :p

Btw...not "all law" is created by attorneys. Laws are enacted by Congress, and being an attorney is not a requirement to be a Congressman. Last I heard, something like 65% of Congressmen were attorneys, however.

Not that I'm a big fan of lawyers...what do you call 10,000 lawyers and the bottom of the sea?




















A good start. :p

Topcat
06-02-2005, 22:08
Ok, here is mine....

What is the difference between a dead lawyer in the middle of the road and a dead skunk in the middle of the road







There are skid marks in front of the skunk

TOW
06-02-2005, 22:36
keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.........

Moon Monster
06-02-2005, 22:54
William O. Douglas, the most generally famous "2,000-miler" in history, was an attorney and judge (Supreme Court Justice, no less). He was also an ardent conservationalist, he has a wilderness area named after him in Washington, and he lead two publicized hikes that saved the C&O Canal towpath and part of the beach in Olympic National Park from development.

Also, two of the most important men in the early days of the construction of the AT were attorneys: Arthur Perkins and Myron Avery. Perkins was also a judge.

I hope you at least like these attorneys.

I also have a law degree, but I left the field to thru-hike. Now, I deal with fourier transforms and other such techie stuff as it relates to molecular biophysics. So, I can see both sides of the attorney critique.

TakeABreak
06-02-2005, 23:59
I have a personal friend who is an attorney and know a couple of other who are also good people and good attorneys, but I also know and have dealt with other attorney's who should be put in the insane asylum, they are so out of it.

Moral of my point, do not categorize, because the good get put in the same category as the bad, just because they look, act or talk the others. And always get a second and third opinion when dealing attorneys.

MedicineMan
06-03-2005, 00:39
on Douglas and Avery! Keep it coming.

neo
06-03-2005, 00:54
not all attorneys are bad,cemetary,s are full of good ones:cool: neo

Pencil Pusher
06-03-2005, 00:58
And now the humor begins [drumroll]. Good one neo, caught me off guard.

stupe
06-03-2005, 01:01
I love my lawyer.

c.coyle
06-03-2005, 06:21
Neo gets married. Shortly thereafter, he's busting on lawyers. Coincidence? Maybe not. :-?

TOW
06-03-2005, 06:50
Neo gets married. Shortly thereafter, he's busting on lawyers. Coincidence? Maybe not. :-?hahahahahaha................

Palmer
06-03-2005, 07:09
C. Coyle,

Lawyer? Near the 501 shelter? Where do you practice?

The Hog
06-03-2005, 07:12
Did you hear the one about the busload of lawyers that went over a cliff? The real tragedy was that there were some empty seats.

Just Jeff
06-03-2005, 08:19
Moral of my point, do not categorize, because the good get put in the same category as the bad, just because they look, act or talk the others. And always get a second and third opinion when dealing attorneys.
Now THAT'S funny.

I know some good lawyers and a judge or two. And they all laugh at lawyer jokes.

c.coyle
06-03-2005, 08:43
C. Coyle,

Lawyer? Near the 501 shelter? Where do you practice?

At the shelter. Appointment only.

SGT Rock
06-03-2005, 08:44
Can we get an AT circut court set up? :datz

c.coyle
06-03-2005, 08:52
What a relief to finally be out. :D

neo
06-03-2005, 09:04
whats better than 1000 attorneys at the bottom of the sea?
1000,000,000,000,000,000,000,attorneys at th bottom of the sea:cool: neo

Stoker53
06-03-2005, 09:32
Q. What is the difference between a cat fish and a lawyer?


scroll down







































A. One is a bottom dwelling $hit eater and the other is a fish.

Jaybird
06-03-2005, 09:55
any body know any good attorney jokes:cool: neo


Man! you talk about OFF TOPIC subjects! :D

neo
06-03-2005, 10:08
Man! you talk about OFF TOPIC subjects! :D
humor dude,anything goes lol:cool: neo

The Cheat
06-03-2005, 10:08
A lawyer was out hiking with a friend when they encountered a mountain lion. The lawyer dropped his pack and got ready to run.
"You'll never outrun a hungry mountain lion!" exlaimed his friend.

"I don't have to outrun him," replied the lawyer. "I just have to outrun you!"

The Cheat
06-03-2005, 10:09
The next day a coyote came upon that same mountain lion licking a pile of dung. "What on earth are you doing?" the coyote asked in amazement. The mountain lion looked up dolefully. "I ate a lawyer yesterday, and I'm still trying to get the taste out of my mouth."

neo
06-03-2005, 10:10
A lawyer was out hiking with a friend when they encountered a mountain lion. The lawyer dropped his pack and got ready to run.
"You'll never outrun a hungry mountain lion!" exlaimed his friend.

"I don't have to outrun him," replied the lawyer. "I just have to outrun you!"
i thought it was a hungry grizzly bear lol:cool: neo

The Cheat
06-03-2005, 10:46
An Associate Justice of the Supreme Court was sitting by a river when a Traveler approached and said:

"I wish to cross. Will it be lawful to use this boat?"

"It will," was the reply; "it is my boat."

The Traveler thanked him, and pushing the boat into the water embarked and rowed away. But the boat sank and he was drowned.

"Heartless man!" said an Indignant Spectator. "Why did you not tell him that your boat had a hole in it?"

"The matter of the boat's condition," said the great jurist, "was not brought before me."


Ambrose Bierce, Fantastic Fables, 1899

The Cheat
06-03-2005, 11:10
Whatever their other contributions to our society, lawyers could be an important source of protein.

Richard Guindon (1935-)

TN_Hiker
06-03-2005, 11:29
I was going to say gifted.:jump





Jeepers. I thought I was among friends here. As a barrister, I'm offended. I have a sense of humor. I think Bill Bryson is funny. I'll be at the Port Clinton Hotel this weekend, working on a case.

What do you call an attorney with an IQ of 50? (Scroll down for answer)
















































Your Honor

lbbrown
06-03-2005, 11:59
Why do lawyers wear neckties? (scroll down)
















To hold back the foreskin!:bse

Frosty
06-03-2005, 12:00
humor dude,anything goes lol:cool: neoActually, the forum is HIKING humor, not anything goes. But there is a section for non-hiking topics, including lawyer jokes and anything goes. Maybe a moderator can move this? ANd while they are at it, the political humor debate.

The Cheat
06-03-2005, 13:32
A lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were thruhiking the AT. Well, they had a splendid time in the country - rising early and living in the great outdoors. Early one morning, the lawyer and his companion went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they went around the berry patch, gathering blueberries and raspberries in tremendous quantities, along came two huge Bears - a male and a female. Well, the lawyer, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed for cover. His friend, though, wasn't so lucky, and one of the bears reached him and swallowed him whole. The lawyer ran back to the trailhead, tore into town as fast has he could, and got the local sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his shotgun and dashed back to the berry patch with the lawyer. Sure enough, the two bears were still there.

"He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, pointing to the male. He just had to save his friend. The sheriff looked at the bears, and without batting an eye, leveled his gun, took careful aim, and SHOT THE FEMALE.

"What did you do that for!" exclaimed the lawyer, "I said he was in the other!"
"Exactly," replied the sheriff, "and would YOU believe a lawyer who told you that the Czech was in the Male?"

Frosty
06-03-2005, 16:01
Well done!! :)


A lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were thruhiking the AT. Well, they had a splendid time in the country - rising early and living in the great outdoors. Early one morning, the lawyer and his companion went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they went around the berry patch, gathering blueberries and raspberries in tremendous quantities, along came two huge Bears - a male and a female. Well, the lawyer, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed for cover. His friend, though, wasn't so lucky, and one of the bears reached him and swallowed him whole. The lawyer ran back to the trailhead, tore into town as fast has he could, and got the local sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his shotgun and dashed back to the berry patch with the lawyer. Sure enough, the two bears were still there.

"He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, pointing to the male. He just had to save his friend. The sheriff looked at the bears, and without batting an eye, leveled his gun, took careful aim, and SHOT THE FEMALE.

"What did you do that for!" exclaimed the lawyer, "I said he was in the other!"
"Exactly," replied the sheriff, "and would YOU believe a lawyer who told you that the Czech was in the Male?"

DMA, 2000
06-05-2005, 15:21
A lawyer dies and finds himself in hell. He argues with Satan, he begs and pleads, he threatens, all to no avail of course. Satan finally says, "Look, you were a lawyer. We made this place for you.", and throws him into his deepest pit.

The lawyer suffers there for an eternity before summoning up the courage to face the devil again. "I'll do anything. Just get me out of here." Satan knows better, of course, and sends the lawyer back into the depths of hell.

After three or four more eternities, the lawyer can't take any more torment, weeping, and gnashing of teeth. He crawls to the devil and begs and pleads for mercy. Satan finally relents and says, "Ok, ok. I'll let you go. But first, I must have the souls of your wife, your mistress, and your daughters. And your dog, too."

The lawyer goes quiet for several minutes. Finally he turns to Satan and asks, "Ok, what's the catch?"

BooBoo
09-13-2005, 00:51
Why are scuba diving lawyers never attacked by sharks? Professional courtesy

snarbles
09-13-2005, 01:49
"Lawyers don't play team sports" :D

Streamweaver
09-13-2005, 10:32
Whats the diference between a Lawyer and a dog??


Well the Lawyer wears a suit- The dog just pants!! Oh ,you wanted a good joke lol nevahmind!!

titanium_hiker
09-13-2005, 15:49
here's one of my fav lawyer joke- hiker spiced.

a hiker catches a hitch into town with a truck driver - wait- first some info on the truckie. He hates lawyers. If he sees one on his route, he speeds up smushes him, and drives off. Ok, so this hiker is riding in this truck, when the pope flags down the truck (yes the POPE! this is fiction, folks) anyway, the pope hops in. they are driving along, each lost in thier own thoughts.
Suddenly, the trucker sees a lawyer. He slams the accelarator to the floor- he's going faster and faster- he can see the lawyer's colgate white teeth- and suddenly he realises he has the pope in his truck.
SWERRRVE!!
"I'm so sorry father, I don't know what came over me!"
"It is allright my son, I got him with the door."