View Full Version : how does your family handle your time on the trail?
Following up on another thread about if you would quit your job, I would love to hear from women who had spent more than a few weeks on the trail without their husband or significant other.
I am having a hard time trying to figure out how to be able of getting more time off at work to do some significant hiking. But, even if I won a lottery tomorrow that would give me the economical independence to do it.....I can't imagine how my husband and my 2 middle school kids would survive those months:rolleyes:. So it will have to wait a few years.
At the end of the day is a matter of priorities and mine is clear right now but....I would love to hear about your experience.
GoldenBear
01-14-2013, 21:51
> I can't imagine how my husband and my 2 middle school kids would survive those months
Assuming your family knows about your love of hiking, you can always ASK THEM how they would feel about you going off for a couple weeks. I can't imagine that your husband would WANT to be away from you (indeed, if his response is, "You want me to be completely out of your sight for two weeks? Great! I'd love it!! As they say: "When the cat's away..." ", then you have a BIGGER problem on your hands!), but he may be more supportive than you would think. If you can work out the nuts and bolts ("Don't forget to take Jr to soccer practice on Tuesdays") as well as the emotional issues ("I promise to text you once a day, just to reassure you everything's fine"), he may be quite willing to see you happy. As I've said many times, MY spouse LOVES to see me happy on The Trail.
http://www.whiteblaze.net/forum/showthread.php?58217-wish-my-girlfriend-was-into-hiking!!!&p=961344&highlight=#post961344
If you can get your husband to share your happiness on The Trail (even if only indirectly), then your kids will MOST LIKELY go along as well. They may even be impressed that such an "old" person (all parents are "old" to their kids) is doing such a task, and take pride that their mom is such a trooper. If that happens, they too may be as supportive as Shuttle has been for me.
The key is to talk to them all about why you will be happy doing this. From then on, it's just a matter of working out the details of how to handle your being away.
If your husband is dead set against this, then I can offer no advice.
I waited until my youngest was in college before I spent six months hiking.
The disruption to the normal order of things is upsetting to everyone, including the hiker. Many hikers quit because they can't stand the separation from their beloveds.
I think it was Wingfoot who said, "If hiking the trail isn't the most important thing in your life, go do what is." When your life has revolved around service to others, spending six months indulging yourself on a solo hike turns your life completely upside down.
My husband I had been married for more than thirty years when I hiked. The separation was difficult for both of us, but it was also a time for us to remake our relationship as we entered the empty-nest phase of our lives. We both spent a lot of time thinking, and talking, about where being part of a couple stops and being an individual starts.
It's also important that there be some quid pro quo involved. If your husband makes this hike possible for you, you need to do some significant payback to him. For us, it was my husband giving himself permission to spend a bunch of money on cycling, and me doing whatever I can to help him realize his dreams there.
Sandy of PA
01-15-2013, 11:08
My Mom took me and 2 of my sisters hiking with her for a couple weeks in summer. Daddy provided transport, and enjoyed some peace and quiet. I was 11 the first time I hiked the rocks of PA, still walking!
..working the nuts and bolts is the key! I totally agree. He loves to see me happy but he is "homey" guy and I am the one managing the big and the small details of the house.
Sandy, usually my daughter comes hiking with me, she is 12, and so far she loves it. I'll probably will have to keep working on "the training" of the whole family:p.
GoldenBear
01-15-2013, 22:53
I have a feeling Shuttle drew the same conclusions about me that you have drawn about your spouse -- namely, that you handle so much of the "nuts and bolts" of the house that the place would fall apart without you. Before she left to go overseas to be a Fulbright Scholar for an ENTIRE SCHOOL YEAR, she handled all our finances and family correspondence (birthdays, anniversaries). So she took a few hours and wrote out EVERYTHING I needed to do EACH MONTH: every family member to send a birthday card to, every once-a-year payment, every annual home maintenance, even what deductions to take on our income tax. She feared I would be insulted that she wrote all this out; it turns out I was THRILLED. And it all had a happy ending: it turned out I was able to handle the home finances -- including income taxes -- BETTER than she could, so now that's MY task.
So, IF your spouse is aware that he might have trouble doing these things without you, then discuss if it would help if you wrote out everything to do, day by day. For an initial two-week trip (what I recommend), it may be necessary to do that; for longer trips, weekly instructions might suffice. I can't guarantee things will turn out as they did for us, but it wouldn't hurt to discuss it.
Other things to note:
1) You can put a lot of bills on auto-pay.
2) You can pay just about any bill online, scheduling the payment months in advance. Once again, it'll require a degree of planning, but it'll be nice not to worry, "Did my spouse pay the credit card that came due today?"
3) A twelve-year-old with enough maturity to handle back-packing most likely could do a lot of small stuff in the home, if you ask her. At the very least, remind your spouse of the big stuff that needs to be done!
4) Don't sweat the small stuff. I mean, if the kitchen is a mess when your come home, don't pick a fight. Just require that he do the cleaning he agreed to do, after you're away instead of during that time.
I honestly think that, if your spouse is happy at your joy while on The Trail, then 90% of your problems are over. If he WANTS to make this work in order for you to be happy, the two of you will almost certainly find a way.
..I can't imagine how my husband and my 2 middle school kids would survive ...will have to wait a few years.
--- is a matter of priorities and mine is clear ---.
I waited until my youngest was in college before I spent six months hiking.
The disruption to the normal order of things is upsetting to everyone, including the hiker. M...
....
My husband and I are on the same page: Wait until the kids graduate and then I am free to hike! It is a matter of priorities - kids first!
For an initial two-week trip (what I recommend), it may be necessary to do that; for longer trips, weekly instructions might suffice. I can't guarantee things will turn out as they did for us, but it wouldn't hurt to discuss it.
Other things to note:
1) You can put a lot of bills on auto-pay.
2) You can pay just about any bill online, scheduling the payment months in advance. Once again, it'll require a degree of planning, but it'll be nice not to worry, "Did my spouse pay the credit card that came due today?"
3) A twelve-year-old with enough maturity to handle back-packing most likely could do a lot of small stuff in the home, if you ask her. At the very least, remind your spouse of the big stuff that needs to be done!
4) Don't sweat the small stuff. I mean, if the kitchen is a mess when your come home, don't pick a fight. Just require that he do the cleaning he agreed to do, after you're away instead of during that time.
I honestly think that, if your spouse is happy at your joy while on The Trail, then 90% of your problems are over. If he WANTS to make this work in order for you to be happy, the two of you will almost certainly find a way.
I think this could be a good starting point...and definitely could work if I reduce the amount of duties to complete (first goal for the year):sun
Thank you, thank you , thank you
My husband and I are on the same page: Wait until the kids graduate and then I am free to hike! It is a matter of priorities - kids first!
Of course but....when I get really "itchy" I need to go out for a few days.
foreversuperawesome
01-31-2013, 23:39
I always leave my travel plans with my family and if your family is still concerned, you could purchase a gps that lets you "check-in" and your family can see where you are and how far along you are. That also let them know you are okay. Good luck!