View Full Version : An old farmers advice, with a tinge of humor.....
An Old Farmers Advice
Your fences need to be horse-high, pig tight and bull-strong.
Life ain't about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.
Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
Words that are soaked into your ears are whispered...not yelled.
Meanness don't jes happen overnight.
Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
You cannot unsay a cruel word.
Every path has a few puddles.
When you wallow with the pigs, expect to get dirty.
The best sermons sre lived, not preached.
Most stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
Don't judge folks by their relatives.
Remember that silence sometimes is the best answer.
Live a good, honorable life.Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
The easiest way to eat crow is while it is still warm, 'cause the colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Good judgement comes from experience, and a lotta of that comes from bad judgement.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
And if you think your a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
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I had this sent to me and thought you guys would enjoy.....
Pencil Pusher
06-02-2005, 23:14
"Never wrestle a pig, you both get dirty and the pig likes it."
TakeABreak
06-02-2005, 23:45
Watch what you ask for, because you just might get it.
bulldog49
06-03-2005, 13:11
"Better to remain silent and let folks think you are ignorant than open it and remove all doubt."
digger51
06-04-2005, 00:34
Just goes to show how wrong all those folks were who said I would be a good farmer since I have a strong back and a weak mind. I wish I could apply half those farmers bits of wisdom to my life.
Never judge a day by the weather
Tell the truth, there is less to remember
When you are over the hill you pick up speed
No rain, no rainbows
generoll
06-04-2005, 15:10
and on that note, here's a bit of wisdom forwarded to be via email.
what you can learn from little boys.
The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin.
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq.
ft. house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades they can ignite.
3. A 3-yr. old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a ! long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh-oh", it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a
4-year old boy.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject "PBJ" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably DO NOT wan! t to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!
b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
Just Jeff
06-04-2005, 17:40
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until they open their mouths.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_20.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZUxdm020YYUS) this is real good, keep it coming http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_11_6.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZUxdm020YYUS)
LETTER FROM A FARM KID,
Dear Ma and Pa,
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc. but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you til noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route marches", which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice but awful flat The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none. This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter,
Gail
TakeABreak
06-05-2005, 07:15
That last one was a hoot, although I was considered somewhat a city boy, when I went in (being from the suburbs of detroit), I did a lot hunting, fishing and just goofing around out in the woods as a kid and teeneage, and worked at sod farm for a couple of year before going into the army. I can tell you, it was somewhat like that, guys raised like I was, military basic was not that bad, but those guys that did not know one end of a rifle from another or was not use to walking a lot, military basic was a total nightmare for them.
I actually gained 12 lbs in basic training.