Is it selfish for married person to do thur-hike?

[mountainman]

My wife thinks it is selfish for a married person to want to do a thur-hike. I have done 1930 mi. so for hiking no more than a week at a time. This has to be the hardest way to do the AT. Anyone else been told this is selfish?

[Lone Wolf]

well it is selfish. it's all about you and nobody else

[Fur Queue]

Wouldn't it be selfish to deny someone their dream?

[Hosaphone]

Wouldn't it be selfish to deny someone their dream?

I was about to say that. Technically, I think you're both being selfish.

[Rasty]

Unanswerable question.

[Stir Fry]

My wife tells me all the time that its selfish. Ther is nothing that would make her leave me for 6 mo. She tried to hike but does not like it. She has gotten used to the week and two week hikes, but hates the idea of a thru-hike.
I have an out though. I told her before I asked her to marry me that I was going to do a thru-hike in 2014. She said she thought I would give up on the idea before 2014 actualy got here. I ask hows that working for you? She give me a dirty look. In the end its going to be harder on me then her, but I cant let her know that. I have planned for her to visit about every 4-5 weeks and that should help. Good cel phone to call on each night will help too.

[Datto]

I was told a thru-hike of the Appalachian Trail was selfish, crazy, nuts, dumb, irreverent, scary and downright expensive.

I went ahead and thru-hiked the Appalachian Trail anyhow.

One of the best things I've ever done in my short life.

If you ask a person who has thru-hiked the Appalachian Trail, they'll tell you they can't imagine having spent the time doing anything else.

What other challenge can you undertake where someone who has succeeded would say they wouldn't have have chosen to do anything else?


Datto

[SCRUB HIKER]

Doing anything for six months that you and only you are deriving enjoyment from is selfishness. But it's the type of selfishness that's worth indulging in if you're going to be a happy person. I encourage it in myself and others. My girlfriend, whom I live with, encourages it too, because she knows it makes me very happy; I'm glad to have her.

[Lone Wolf]

Wouldn't it be selfish to deny someone their dream?

shoulda taken a six month vacation before gettin' married

[rocketsocks]

Ezra Johnson is right....it's a wee bit selfish, surely you see this.

[Fur Queue]

shoulda taken a six month vacation before gettin' married

You think that being married stops new dreams and visions....or that being married means you should stop having new dreams and visions?

[WingedMonkey]

What are you gonna do? Tell your wife that a bunch of people on the internet said it wasn't?

[Lone Wolf]

You think that being married stops new dreams and visions....or that being married means you should stop having new dreams and visions?

never mind you don't get it....

[johnnybgood]

Only each married couple can define this answer. Good marriages respect each others goals in life and can work together to accomplish them.

[Sly]

Wouldn't it be selfish to deny someone their dream?

That's my opinion.


I was about to say that. Technically, I think you're both being selfish.

Not if you're both OK with the idea.

[Hot Flash]

If she thinks it's selfish, then for her, it is. Personally, if I couldn't go with my man on a long through hike for whatever reason, I would absolutely be the cheering team from the sidelines and support him in whatever manner I could. He would do the same for me, and neither of us would think there was anything selfish about it. But that's me, and that's my relationship. Your mileage may vary.

[rocketsocks]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3NaQxUEfxt0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3NaQxUEfxt0

just as ridiculous as this thread has the potential to be.....but I'll subscribe.

[Colter]

never mind you don't get it....

Perhaps he gets it and just doesn't agree with you.

There are times when it's good to look out for your own happiness. Often people who accept martyrdom ultimately make themselves and everyone around them unhappy.

On the other hand sometimes there's the way things should be and the way things are. I'm sure there are some otherwise good relationships that would be destroyed by one half of it leaving for a thru-hike, regardless of "what's right."

[BFI]

Yup it’s selfish and it’s a wonderful adventure into the woods and yourself. It will probably change you for the better, in my opinion. I was told by my father that there are two kinds of people; Those that stay at home and Those that don't. You only have one life to live, make the most of it whatever your decision is.

[colorado_rob]

Yup it’s selfish and it’s a wonderful adventure into the woods and yourself. It will probably change you for the better, in my opinion. I was told by my father that there are two kinds of people; Those that stay at home and Those that don't. You only have one life to live, make the most of it whatever your decision is. Yeah, +1, well said.

My own answer to the OP: Yes, it's selfish. Is this a good thing? YES. Check out what Ayn Rand has to say about it sometime:

http://www.aynrand.org/site/PageServer?pagename=objectivism_nonfiction_the_vir tue_of_selfishness

[mountainman]

What are you gonna do? Tell your wife that a bunch of people on the internet said it wasn't?

No, she doesn't know I posted this. I love my wife and want her to be happly, and yes I think I would feel a little quilty. But Oh how I wish it didn't have to be this way.

[Fur Queue]

No, she doesn't know I posted this. I love my wife and want her to be happly, and yes I think I would feel a little quilty. But Oh how I wish it didn't have to be this way.

It's quite simple...put yourself in her shoes...and answer honestly what your response would be to her if she suggested something of equal measure....that is the answer....

[Nutbrown]

Yep, it's selfish. Also, think about the person you will be on the other end of the thru. You are going to change, and so will she, and probably not in the same way. Hope you guys can figure it out.

[SoCalled]

(english isnt my first language, sorry for mistakes)

Well, you are 66. I assume that you spend most of your life with your wife and kids. You took care. You did your best. Now your kids are in their late 20s, or 30s. They can take care of themselves. And you are still in good shape. And you want to challenge yourself. You still have some gas left in the tank. And its your life.

Selfish ? What is selfish would be a wife holding his life long trusty husband from his goals so she could be "safe". She should be proud of you. As you would be proud of her pursuing her own dreams.

Insecurity is the cause of most of the couples problems.

She is afraid you could get hurt. She is afraid "something could happen", probably, but dont know how to tell you (?). Or, like many older guys, you find excuses to get away from home (?) or thats what she think (?).

You are 66 years old. You can talk and talk and think about it. But soon you wont be able to do it anymore. Its your life. Yes, be selfish. Im a nurse (critical cares). I see sick, old, injurded people everyday telling me all the same thing : you are lucky, you are still young, I wish I did this, I wish I did that.

Your call.

Take care man.

[leaftye]

All I'll say is you better be very appreciative, especially when you don't feel like it.

[hikerboy57]

its simple. if a woman says its selfish, its selfish.
for some reason it doesnt work the other way.

[HikerMom58]

Only each married couple can define this answer. Good marriages respect each others goals in life and can work together to accomplish them.

I like this comment very much & I agree.


It's quite simple...put yourself in her shoes...and answer honestly what your response would be to her if she suggested something of equal measure....that is the answer....

I also like this one! This one requires a lot of thought. :-?

It's always a give and take...... I feel your pain. I like the fact that you care very much about how she feels... you aren't being selfish at all.

[rocketsocks]

its simple. If a woman says its selfish, its selfish.
For some reason it doesnt work the other way..........^ this^..........

[HikerMom58]

My wife tells me all the time that its selfish. Ther is nothing that would make her leave me for 6 mo. She tried to hike but does not like it. She has gotten used to the week and two week hikes, but hates the idea of a thru-hike.
I have an out though. I told her before I asked her to marry me that I was going to do a thru-hike in 2014. She said she thought I would give up on the idea before 2014 actualy got here. I ask hows that working for you? She give me a dirty look. In the end its going to be harder on me then her, but I cant let her know that. I have planned for her to visit about every 4-5 weeks and that should help. Good cel phone to call on each night will help too.

Stir Fry- you better tell her how much harder it will be on you than her. ;0) Sounds like you have a great relationship, tho. :D

[HikerMom58]

its simple. if a woman says its selfish, its selfish.
for some reason it doesnt work the other way.

Yeah HB... you got it! ;)

[shelb]

In my family, I am the one who dreams of Thru-hiking; however, I know it would be very selfish for me to do this. First of all, our family depends on my income. It would not be fair to take that away and make them work around it. Secondly, I have teen-age sons, and both my husband and they depend on my - not terribly - but still - face it, the boys will only be living with us a couple more years, and it would be selfish of me to pull myself out of their lives even though I only have "windows" of involvement. Perhaps, when I am retired, I will do a Thru. Until then it is 2 weeks at a time!

[Pedaling Fool]

You think that being married stops new dreams and visions....or that being married means you should stop having new dreams and visions?Sounds like that's the case of the OP. :eek:;)

[hikerboy57]

Sounds like that's the case of the OP. :eek:;)

wait a minute. wasnt marrying the woman in the first place one of his dreams and visions?everyone who comes here and poses the question already knows the answer, theyre just looking for validation that its okay for them to do something their spouse doesnt approve of because their "dream"is more important?

[Lone Wolf]

sometimes dreams should just stay just that.

[Mountain Mike]

A pic is worth 1000 words.19781

[Almost There]

Anything you do for yourself is selfish, but part of a loving relationship should be supporting each others' dreams. My wife knows I will thru one day..whether the AT or PCT. She's already given me the go ahead if it is financially feasible. We have two young boys under 5, so it will be awhile. She even said that when the boys are old enough and one wants to do it with me, I should. She's a good girl, I knew there was a reason I married her!

[hikerboy57]

Anything you do for yourself is selfish, but part of a loving relationship should be supporting each others' dreams. My wife knows I will thru one day..whether the AT or PCT. She's already given me the go ahead if it is financially feasible. We have two young boys under 5, so it will be awhile. She even said that when the boys are old enough and one wants to do it with me, I should. She's a good girl, I knew there was a reason I married her!
you are very lucky.

[Sly]

In my family, I am the one who dreams of Thru-hiking; however, I know it would be very selfish for me to do this. First of all, our family depends on my income. It would not be fair to take that away and make them work around it. Secondly, I have teen-age sons, and both my husband and they depend on my - not terribly - but still - face it, the boys will only be living with us a couple more years, and it would be selfish of me to pull myself out of their lives even though I only have "windows" of involvement. Perhaps, when I am retired, I will do a Thru. Until then it is 2 weeks at a time!


So, would dying also be selfish?

If the couple can work it out and the bills get paid, the only problem I see is feeling guilty or being made to feel guilty.

The kids can be actively involved in a hike even if they're not hiking themselves.

[hikerboy57]

So, would dying also be selfish?

If the couple can work it out and the bills get paid, the only problem I see is feeling guilty or being made to feel guilty.
dying is,indeed, selfish.
more people should refrain from it

[Son Driven]

I was married for 32 years, my wifes hands where like fetters. Then she told me I needed to get my own address. Now I am unfettered and ready to do my first thru hike. Ecclesiasties 7:26

[Hairbear]

You think that being married stops new dreams and visions....or that being married means you should stop having new dreams and visions?

marriage is the destruction of self for the advancement of the whole ,but if you let that consume you completly ,there will be nothing left of you to offer to the whole. Child raising magnifies the flow ,and will speed up your ultimate demise in spirit.
Grap ahold of something now for fear of being swept away. Your dreams are the only motivation in the end,feed them now for fear they wont be alive when you need them.

[Prime Time]

My wife encouraged me to pursue my dream of thru hiking that I had held for 40 years while I worked hard to provide her and I with a better life. She said I had earned the chance to fulfill a life long dream and that she would be the happier of the 2 of us just to see me go after it. That's more than understanding, that's pure love.

[Blissful]

I waited thirty years for my dream. Through a marriage and child raising. I put them ahead of my dream because they mattered more to me. But the dream was there nonetheless. What I did was involve my family in my dream. Made them a part of it and not a sub part. They grabbed hold of the dream in their own way. My son hiked the whole trail with me. My hubby has been in every state. They each also nurse their own dreams as well. And I was able to fulfill mine...twice.

[JAK]

As selfish dream is still selfish, not that there is anything wrong with that.

Why do people have such a problem with people being selfish now and then?

[JAK]

Being selfish isn't necessarily the same as being harmful. It's more neutral, or indifferent.
Just say your not being selfish, your just being neutral for 6 months. Try that one. lol

[illabelle]

Neat quote: "There are 10 kinds of people, those who understand binary, and those who don't."

[Almost There]

So, would dying also be selfish?

If the couple can work it out and the bills get paid, the only problem I see is feeling guilty or being made to feel guilty.

The kids can be actively involved in a hike even if they're not hiking themselves.

Well said, Sly. That's our current deal. I made a committment to my wife, and have responsibilities. Our agreement is that I can go thru when these things can be handled while I'm gone. Waiting till one of the boys is old enough and having one go along means that it becomes a bonding experience with my child that we'll never forget. That, she is all for, and I would hope any mother would be!

[MuddyWaters]

Yes its selfish.
It is also selfish when she "has a headache"

[prain4u]

There is not a right or wrong answer here (i.e. "thru hike" or "don't thru hike" are both O.K. answers). However, I see some bigger issues....

1) You have a wife in this relationship who would "deny" the husband his dream--and cause him to experience sadness/pain/disappointment.

2) You have a husband in this relationship who is contemplating whether he should pursue his dream--even though his going on the hike will cause the wife to experience difficulty/pain/disappointment.

3) They can't seem to work out a solution to this dilemma.

In the OP's comments, I see hints which would perhaps suggest that there are bigger issues for the two of them to be talking about other than the thru hike. The fact that BOTH of them seem to be possibly willing to cause the other person sorrow/disappointment/pain is probably worthy of further exploration by both the husband and wife. Perhaps the six months would be better spent addressing those bigger issues. After that, maybe the answer regarding a thru hike will be much clearer for both of them.

"I'd rather live in his (her) world....Than live without him (her) in mine." Midnight Train to Georgia, Gladys Knight and the Pips

[OzJacko]

It's very selfish. But not supporting your partner is worse.
My biggest problem is wondering how much of the support I am getting is because of "duty" to support me.

perhaps a bit too much of this in your marriage.
http://www.whiteblaze.net/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=19083&d=1358470033

[JAK]

I've decided I've been selfish doing my morning papers all by myself, so now I bring my dear wife along. :D
Still working on the little 13 year old. It is supposed to be her route. Good of her to share it though.

[Red Hat]

yes it is selfish, especially if she doesn't get it.... I was lucky to have a husband who did understand so I attempted thrus in 05 and 08... both times I ended up coming home with mixed emotions (feeling guilty about hiking and feeling guilty about quitting). As it turned out he was ill and he passed away in 09. (how selfish of him ;>) Anyway, I ended up hiking from GA to ME in 2010.

[T.S.Kobzol]

Yes it is selfish. You will be leaving her alone and she won't like it. Be prepared to face the results of this. It could be positive or negative. You won't know. 6 months is a long time. If you love each other she will wait for your company. Depending on your area and the overall relationship - she might leave you for another. 6 months is a long time. But going on a thru hike could improve your physical and mental health and prolong your life. It would be selfish of the spouse to deny you that.

There should be other options that would include her in this endeavor. You should explore those fully. It might even be that she will see that you really want to work her into this - a validation of love and devotion - and she might just let you go.

Are you both retired? If she likes to go on short trips but doesn't want to through then why not same a little extra money for her and have her be the support van on this expedition? She could choose to slackpack some sections with you. She might enjoy exploring the towns where along the route and the freedom to have you or to leave to attend other needs until she returns again. Either way, you could keep on hiking.

[MDSection12]

Doing anything for six months that you and only you are deriving enjoyment from is selfishness. But it's the type of selfishness that's worth indulging in if you're going to be a happy person. I encourage it in myself and others. My girlfriend, whom I live with, encourages it too, because she knows it makes me very happy; I'm glad to have her.
+1

My wife is in full support, not because she wants me to do it or thinks she will gain from it, but because she knows it's something that will make me happy in the long term sense... That's what we signed up for; to support each other in our dreams.

[Hot Flash]

I guess my man is the most selfish man on the planet then, what with 20+ years in the military and on his seventh combat tour this year, the bastard. How dare he leave me alone for so long since I'm a poor, helpless female who can't manage to take care of herself and needs a man around to open jars and take out the trash...:rolleyes:

[JAK]

I guess my man is the most selfish man on the planet then, what with 20+ years in the military and on his seventh combat tour this year, the bastard. How dare he leave me alone for so long since I'm a poor, helpless female who can't manage to take care of herself and needs a man around to open jars and take out the trash...:rolleyes:we got ourselves another keeper

[T.S.Kobzol]

This might sound morbid but I think it also counts in this discussion: You know the odds are overwhelming that your wife will survive your death. Willing or not, she is at times contemplating and planning what to do after she burries you. She would do a thru hike then. You won't be able to.

[BirdBrain]

Wow!! So much to say. So much good input. Here is my take:

1) Of course it is selfish. What? Are you doing it for God, country, a cure for cancer, to stop homelessness, etc? You are doing it for self. But that is not the problem (if there is one). A healthy marriage has joint adventures and freedom to do some things alone. Each marriage needs to find the balance that works well for them.

2) A spouse is allowed to have an opinion too. I detect a lot of bad marriages out there. A good wife is not defined by how much she allows the man to do. My goodness, are you guys married to your mothers. I do not seek my wife's permission and she does not seek mine. We do seek each others opinion and do everything we can to not have vetoes or unilateral action. So far, I have seen little that we can't compromise on. I certainly would respect her opinion more than some stranger on Whiteblaze.

3) Women don't have a monopoly on being the Johnny Raincloud of relationships. Just my experience. Who knows? Maybe I am lucky. Maybe I am the only man that has an ability to be a jerk in a relationship, but I seriously doubt it. I am not a woman, so I will just speak as a man. Men can be the most thoughtless insensitive pigs. Not saying the OP is that type. I don't know him. It is entirely possible that he is trying to find the balance between an unmovable object (the AT) and an irresistible force (his wife).

Short short version: Yes it is selfish and you guys are going to have to decide what is more important.

Personally, I would pick the marriage. I don't face that problem though. My wife would give me a permission slip (yes sarcasm intended).

[Grampie]

Only each married couple can define this answer. Good marriages respect each others goals in life and can work together to accomplish them.


Well said...It definately depends on the marriage.

[jbwood5]

I guess my man is the most selfish man on the planet then, what with 20+ years in the military and on his seventh combat tour this year, the bastard. How dare he leave me alone for so long since I'm a poor, helpless female who can't manage to take care of herself and needs a man around to open jars and take out the trash...:rolleyes:


Ha ha. I was just going to mention the military carreer thing, you beat me to it.

My wife supports me in my endeavors and I support her. She does take extended trips to pursue her interests and that is fine with me.
When you are raising a young family I feel that you both need to be there. When the kids are teens, spouse and kids can help with mail ahead boxes and make an occasional trip to meet you on the AT.... follow along and enjoy the updates.

A healthy relationship should include independence, not 100% dependence on each other, unless there is some physical or survival reason (there are always exceptions).

When it is over, you really find that you appreciate each other more. :)

[Odd Man Out]

I for one am trying to get my wife to be more independent. I would love it if she would plan a vacation trip with her girl friends. Of course, I would then have more leverage to justify hiking trips I take on my own (Is that selfish?).

My situation is awkward because my wife loves the outdoors and would love to go backpacking, but for a variety of health reasons is no longer able to do so. So if I were to go away for a weekend to hang out with friends, she would be OK with that. But when I go for a weekend of backpacking, she feels I am being insensitive for doing something that she would like to do but can't. Is it selfish of her to have that double standard or is it selfish of me to go hiking if it makes her feel bad?

[Hot Flash]

I for one am trying to get my wife to be more independent. I would love it if she would plan a vacation trip with her girl friends. Of course, I would then have more leverage to justify hiking trips I take on my own (Is that selfish?).

My situation is awkward because my wife loves the outdoors and would love to go backpacking, but for a variety of health reasons is no longer able to do so. So if I were to go away for a weekend to hang out with friends, she would be OK with that. But when I go for a weekend of backpacking, she feels I am being insensitive for doing something that she would like to do but can't. Is it selfish of her to have that double standard or is it selfish of me to go hiking if it makes her feel bad?

What about planning trips where you can drive to a nice campsite, set up a comfortable camp where your wife can enjoy the outdoors and the feeling of camping, and from there you can take some good day hikes while she has a nice hammock and a book back in camp? No, it's not like backpacking, but you'd both get to be outdoors together.

[Slo-go'en]

I've meet more than a few married men and woman doing either a thru or long section hike without thier spouce. Typcially the one who stays home provides the support, such as mail drops, keeping up the journal and such. I seem to meet a lot of married woman doing long hikes. At least they tell me thier married...

Anyway, it all depends on the situation and relationship. Some spouces are going to be supportive and others will feel abandoned. I'm going to guess the OP's wife is high matainance and will feel abandoned.

[kyhipo]

no way your older you deserve it! besides if your miserable than hit it.selfish is not letting go?

[fredmugs]

Wouldn't it be selfish to deny someone their dream?

What if his dream is to bang hookers? Still selfish?

[kyhipo]

What if his dream is to bang hookers? Still selfish?
come on man!ky

[Nutbrown]

If she is already pissed at the idea, she's won't be there when you get back.

[capehiker]

In the event I meet the right girl before my 2014 hike, I'm going to make it very clear about fullfilling a thru hike. Of the few people I know that attempted thru hikes while being married, their number one reason they got off the trail was because they missed their wife.

[88BlueGT]

If she is already pissed at the idea, she's won't be there when you get back.

This is a possibility.... unfortunately.

[jbwood5]

In the event I meet the right girl before my 2014 hike, I'm going to make it very clear about fullfilling a thru hike. Of the few people I know that attempted thru hikes while being married, their number one reason they got off the trail was because they missed their wife.

Good point! It is not like you don't discuss these sort of things before getting married..... unless it is a Vegas marriage. Lol
We had the independence thing pretty much covered early in our relationship before we got married. It would have been great to do a hike together, but that is just one of those things that we did not have 100% in common.
...and by the way, I also think it is healthy to have a mate that has a few things that are not in common with you..... otherwise it can get pretty boring....

[T.S.Kobzol]

Not necessarily. She could put out intimidation wall but if she learns that you are really going to do it and you make her feel that you're not doing it to get away from her :-) then she will adjust.


If she is already pissed at the idea, she's won't be there when you get back.

[88BlueGT]

Women do not like adjustment when it includes their spouse being away for 6 months....

I can tell you with confidence... if I told my GF (not wife) I was going hiking for 6 months she would not be too happy about it and it would be a SERIOUS damper on our relationship. That is just MY relationship, obviously cannot speak for everyone.

[BirdBrain]

My wife thinks it is selfish for a married person to want to do a thur-hike. I have done 1930 mi. so for hiking no more than a week at a time. This has to be the hardest way to do the AT. Anyone else been told this is selfish?

This should be in the category of rhetorical statements. It is strange how we want to redefine a word, rather than deal with reality. World English Dictionary: Selfish adj. Chiefly concerned with one's own interest, advantage, etc, esp to the total exclusion of the interests of others. This is the exactly what the OP is facing. If the wife objects, then the wife is correct in her word usage. She is stating a fact. This should not have been aired. It should have been worked out in private. A compromise may yet be found. It won't be found by bringing our opinion into your marriage. That approach will just build a thicker wall.

[Astro]

So, would dying also be selfish?

Yes, suicide is the most selfish act known to mankind.

[Hot Flash]

It amuses me how many of the statements in this thread are massively sweeping generalizations about women. Yay for misogyny. :rolleyes:

FYI we're not all bitches, we're not all incapable of taking care of ourselves, we're not all selfish, we're not all incapable of "adjustment" while you're away, and we don't all get pissed off if you want time with the boys or alone time...

[hikerboy57]

It amuses me how many of the statements in this thread are massively sweeping generalizations about women. Yay for misogyny. :rolleyes:

FYI we're not all bitches, we're not all incapable of taking care of ourselves, we're not all selfish, we're not all incapable of "adjustment" while you're away, and we don't all get pissed off if you want time with the boys or alone time... will you marry me?

[Fur Queue]

What if his dream is to bang hookers? Still selfish?

if someone's dream is to bang hookers then the relationship is pretty much already down the ****ter...

[Mountaintop]

My wife thinks it is selfish for a married person to want to do a thur-hike. I have done 1930 mi. so for hiking no more than a week at a time. This has to be the hardest way to do the AT. Anyone else been told this is selfish?
It probably is selfish to some degree, but I would argue that it has more to do with your reasoning for hiking the trail. If you just want to escape your wife,then yea, that's pretty selfish. However, if it so you can work on yourself to make you a better person then that,while still selfish, is a little more noble and will actually help your relationships in the long run.

[rocketsocks]

will you marry me?and can I have first refusal?

with one caveat...Hotflash...."What ever you say dear" :)

[Wuff]

My now ex-wife was completely supportive of my thru-attempt (wife was laid off during the hike and I went back to work when I reached Harpers Ferry), and it was awesome.

Of course, you may have noticed that I used the phrase "now ex-wife". Haha.

The trail wasn't really the reason our marriage ended but the trail gave us both the confidence to know that we can't control everything in life, go with the flow, life is about the journey not the destination, and all kinds of other annoying cliches that are often very true.

I think its awesome you've been willing to do 1,000s of miles her way instead of insisting on doing a thru hike YOUR way. Cheers,

Frizzle

[Rasty]

Unanswerable question.

I think I finally got one right! The answer is there is no right answer that fits every relationship. It's not a question to ask others, as their answer doesn't fit your relationship. I don't know much about relationships as my wife and I started dating each other when we were 16.

[rocketsocks]

I think I finally got one right! The answer is there is no right answer that fits every relationship. It's not a question to ask others, as their answer doesn't fit your relationship. I don't know much about relationships as my wife and I started dating each other when we were 16.No, I think you got it right the first time...Unanswerable, but again my experiences are limited, as we've only been together for 31 years.....come to think of it I'll just go ask her what she thinks of a thru-hike...oh honey....

[rocketsocks]

Well selfish wasn't the word she used, and the TOS prohibit further clarification, but she did say..."See that list on the frig" :D


So, not in my future..but for those that have to go...God Speed!

[BCPete]

I haven't read through everyone's responses, so I'm free wheeling my answer from my own perspective. I see that you are 66 - this does change things.

It's not like you're leaving her with the kids, right? Also, you're not making her keep up a full time job - while doing the house chores that you are usually responsible for? Additionally, you would plan on visiting home a few times during the trip right? She's also free to visit the towns you are passing through to meet up, and have mini-vacations right? If you answers to these things is all positive, then I really have to fall on the side that it is your wife who is being selfish.

It's not like you can wait another ten years to see how things go - you really need to start soon to have a reasonable chance to complete a thru-hike. Thankfully (and probably luckily) my wife is into backpacking & hiking just as much as I am, so she gets the concept of life long dreams & thru-hikes (that men might be more prone to). We're planning to celebrate turning 50 in 2015 by quitting our careers, and doing an AT thru-hike. Hopefully your wife chances her mind - good luck!

[kayak karl]

It probably is selfish to some degree, but I would argue that it has more to do with your reasoning for hiking the trail. If you just want to escape your wife,then yea, that's pretty selfish. However, if it so you can work on yourself to make you a better person then that,while still selfish, is a little more noble and will actually help your relationships in the long run.
i guess in some ways a thru hike could be considered a noble jester to deepen your relationship.....i can't think of any ways at the moment, but there are probably 100's.
i wonder how many men have come home from a hike a better, more productive and loving husband? or even realizing how much their wife had to do to keep up with chores and things while they were gone?
or do they just start planning the PCT:D

[Sara]

I think she is selfish if doesn't let you go and pursue your dreams.
Ultimately, you'll end up resenting her.

She may not agree with your decision but she should respect it.

Good luck! :sun

[hikerboy57]

when you return she wont have to iron your clothes, as the only wrinkles you care about are the laugh lines around your eyes that developed during your hike. she wont need to cook anything fancy for you, as long as it contains bacon, she wont haveto wear makeup as you'll prefer her without, wont have to shave her armpits or legs, wont even have to bathe more than once a week. she should push you out the door, wish you luck, and wait patiently for your return.she will also learn from your experience how happy she can be living simply when you throw away the tv and all the appliances.
does she enjoy sleeping in a bed, or could she get used to a neoair in the living room?

[Lone Wolf]

I think she is selfish if doesn't let you go and pursue your dreams.
Ultimately, you'll end up resenting her.

She may not agree with your decision but she should respect it.

Good luck! :sundude is 66 years old. he's walked most of the trail. he shoulda thru-hiked before he got married. walkin' the AT is way low on the list of reasons to end a marriage

[Lone Wolf]

when you return she wont have to iron your clothes, as the only wrinkles you care about are the laugh lines around your eyes that developed during your hike. she wont need to cook anything fancy for you, as long as it contains bacon, she wont haveto wear makeup as you'll prefer her without, wont have to shave her armpits or legs, wont even have to bathe more than once a week. she should push you out the door, wish you luck, and wait patiently for your return.she will also learn from your experience how happy she can be living simply when you throw away the tv and all the appliances.
does she enjoy sleeping in a bed, or could she get used to a neoair in the living room?
real hikers don't us a "neo air"

[hikerboy57]

real hikers don't us a "neo air"
figured the little lady might need a touch of luxury. might be a shock to go from feather down mattress to hardwood floor.
ccf?

[johnnybgood]

My neo air is blue and comes from Wallyworld.

[Lone Wolf]

ensolite......

[hikerboy57]

47%thread drift

[rocketsocks]

i guess in some ways a thru hike could be considered a noble jester to deepen your relationship.....i can't think of any ways at the moment, but there are probably 100's.
i wonder how many men have come home from a hike a better, more productive and loving husband? or even realizing how much their wife had to do to keep up with chores and things while they were gone?
or do they just start planning the PCT:DThanks Karl, just woke the wife up I was laughing so hard......yes deer, I'm getting off the computer now....sheesh....:D

[BirdBrain]

I think she is selfish if doesn't let you go and pursue your dreams.
Ultimately, you'll end up resenting her.

She may not agree with your decision but she should respect it.

Good luck! :sun

I am so glad you said this. I was not going to go there, but was hoping someone would so I could balance my previous remarks. I fully agree that she is being selfish too. The man is 66 years old and can't pursue this dream. When will he be able too? It is extremely selfish on her part.

Maybe I am in a perfect marriage, but we don't do selfish things. We do independent things and don't have to get permission. But if my wife felt strongly about me not doing something, I would not do it, period, end of discussion and issue, and vice versa. If my wife felt strongly about doing some independent thing, I would not stand in her may and vise versa. We seek each others happiness at our own expense. It is what people who love each other do. They don't do the opposite and seek happiness for self at the other persons expense. I feel sorry for those that don't know this peace.

The sad reality is that the OP has broadcasted to the world what kind of marriage he has. He has a much greater problem than not being able to hike the AT. He is seeking his happiness at her expense. She is seeking her happiness at his expense. He is asking complete strangers for advice on something that is very personal. I can only imagine her reaction if she saw these posts.

[BirdBrain]

dude is 66 years old. he's walked most of the trail. he shoulda thru-hiked before he got married. walkin' the AT is way low on the list of reasons to end a marriage

I have to admit that this thread is giving me peace in another area. I agree with every word that LW has posted on this thread (except for the neoair thing) and that is refreshing (for me anyways).

[KingGator and Sons]

I am a married man and I look at it this way. Just because we got married does not mean that we should just give up ALL dreams for this marriage. I am lucky enough to have a wife that understands slightly. Then again, I have never been hiking before. She is ok with this Thru Hike in 2013 for now. Maybe she just wants rid of me for a while...lol.

I dont see what is so selfish about it. Do I think that its something for YOU? Yes. However, just because you do something for you does not mean that you are being selfish.

Does this hurt her? Does this effect her life negatively? How long have you been married? The only way a wife should have a problem with this is if we are going to there to lay with the mountain women...lol...Since most of us are not, what is so selfish about it?

[BirdBrain]

Coming up on 27 years. Getting better every day.

It is not relevant if you fully understand why your spouse has a problem with something. If you have a problem with something your spouse does, do you want it resolved entirely contingent on her understanding of your issue with it? Think about that last line for a bit. If you understand it, your answer would be an emphatic no. It is completely irrelevant if you totally grasp her reasoning or not. If you love her, you will consider it, not dismiss it. If you summarily dismiss a spouses objection based totally on your own reasoning, you suck as a spouse.

[KingGator and Sons]

yes its selfish.
It is also selfish when she "has a headache"

brilliant!

[KingGator and Sons]

This should not have been aired. It should have been worked out in private.

Why exactly is that? I still do not understand why SOME people have such an issue with people being honest on the internet. I see nothing wrong with airing this to be honest. It lets me know that your an open book without too many skeletons. My wife thinks that I air too much online, but the truth is that she just CENSORS herself because she wants everyone to fall for her MASK. I personally dont care about a mask. I got a sayin "Dont like it? Try to whip my ass then!"

But then again, thats just me. No time for secrets. In fact, other than my CC #, I dont have any secrets from ANYONE.

[OzJacko]

i guess in some ways a thru hike could be considered a noble jester to deepen your relationship.....i can't think of any ways at the moment, but there are probably 100's.
i wonder how many men have come home from a hike a better, more productive and loving husband? or even realizing how much their wife had to do to keep up with chores and things while they were gone?
or do they just start planning the PCT:D
SSSSSSHHHHHH Karl.
Don't mention doing the PCT after an AT thruhike!
My wife might hear you.........

[OzJacko]

real hikers don't us a "neo air"
Real hikers snore lots.
Us wimps who sleep on our sides on neoairs snore less.:D

[KingGator and Sons]

The sad reality is that the OP has broadcasted to the world what kind of marriage he has. He has a much greater problem than not being able to hike the AT. He is seeking his happiness at her expense. She is seeking her happiness at his expense. He is asking complete strangers for advice on something that is very personal. I can only imagine her reaction if she saw these posts.

For some reason, you have annoyed the hell out of me with your two comments in reference to him broadcasting this to the world. Why does that bother you so bad and why do you think it's so sad? Did you ever think that the dude is just looking for advice from other hikers? Most of us do not even know ONE other hiker and the best place to get this advice is on this board. Do you think his marriage will really suffer because some dude named BirdBrain up in Maine knows about this little debate between him and his wife? Are you kiddin me?

This is NOT as personal as you are making it what-so-ever. This is simply a VERY SMALL thing that he is asking about. I assume he is on the fence and tryna figure out what he should do. Some of us do that with people sometimes bro. I find it hilarious when some people think that people have to keep EVERYTHING "in house"...This is simple stuff. He is not telling us his penis size or her bra size. Lets keep it real here. He is asking a very normal, small question. You have now posted TWICE how sad you think this is....lol

You and I definitely have two different opinions of "sad".

[KingGator and Sons]

Coming up on 27 years. Getting better every day.

It is not relevant if you fully understand why your spouse has a problem with something. If you have a problem with something your spouse does, do you want it resolved entirely contingent on her understanding of your issue with it? Think about that last line for a bit. If you understand it, your answer would be an emphatic no. It is completely irrelevant if you totally grasp her reasoning or not. If you love her, you will consider it, not dismiss it. If you summarily dismiss a spouses objection based totally on your own reasoning, you suck as a spouse.

Oh, I would consider it....no doubt....However, after YEARS of sacrifice, something has to give. My opinion is this, if she would leave you or cheat on you just because you are hiking (not in a bar, not cheating, not in jail), then she isnt worth having anyway. What sucks for REAL is that if he stayed home, he would just get yelled out for something else (like sitting on the computer). You did see his other post, right?

SOME women think they become our mothers. SOME men think we become their fathers. A marriage is a partnership to enhance life, not take over it.

I have been married for three years, sacrificed EVERYTHING and take care of her kids. (In fact, I am bringing her two sons with me). My view is this...If that sacrifice isn't enough for a woman, than she can kick rocks because there are PLENTY of women that would be AMAZED if I took their sons on a hiking adventure for that long.

Some of us sacrifice too much to give EVERYTHING. If he wants to hike, he should hike. That lady should be proud and honored that he is even asking her. It's not the women that is the problem here. Its some of you men. I gave up ALL OTHER vagina to be with my wife. She better appreciate that. Sacrifices have been made on my end and now she will sacrifice too. If she cheats or leaves, she wasn't real to begin with. Sorry that I am so harsh, but this aggravates me. I am not shovenist, but neither spouse should be telling the other what to do. If she is giving him an ultimatum, choose the trail. You being on the trail wont hurt her one bit, but it will CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

[prain4u]

I would say that I am VERY much agreeing with Birdbrain's recent comments on this subject (even Brdbrain's praise of Lone Wolf). However, I can't even begin to wrap my head around King Gator and Sons' perspective regarding marriage and communication within a marriage. (That doesn't mean that I am saying Gator is "wrong'--I simply can't ever envision myself even remotely sharing Gator's perspectives. If it works for Gator--GREAT! It would probably blow my marriage apart in less than one week).

For what it is worth: I have been married for nearly 23 years. I have worked as a pastor for roughly 30 years. During those 30 years I have also served as an Army Chaplain and a substance abuse counselor (and a short stint working as a marriage and family therapist). So, I have worked with a great many individuals and couples in premarital counseling an couples who were experiencing relationship troubles. From MY perspective (HYOH and Your Mileage May Vary), BirdBrain's approach would seem to help heal or fix marital problems in many of the couples that I have worked with. Gator's approach seems like it would tend throw gasoline on an already shaky (and potentially explosive) situation. Again, if it works for Gator--GREAT. I just haven't personally dealt with many (or any) relationships where Gator's approach would work.

[KingGator and Sons]

I would say that I am VERY much agreeing with Birdbrain's recent comments on this subject (even Brdbrain's praise of Lone Wolf). However, I can't even begin to wrap my head around King Gator and Sons' perspective regarding marriage and communication within a marriage. (That doesn't mean that I am saying Gator is "wrong'--I simply can't ever envision myself even remotely sharing Gator's perspectives. If it works for Gator--GREAT! It would probably blow my marriage apart in less than one week).

For what it is worth: I have been married for nearly 23 years. I have worked as a pastor for roughly 30 years. During those 30 years I have also served as an Army Chaplain and a substance abuse counselor (and a short stint working as a marriage and family therapist). So, I have worked with a great many individuals and couples in premarital counseling an couples who were experiencing relationship troubles. From MY perspective (HYOH and Your Mileage May Vary), BirdBrain's approach would seem to help heal or fix marital problems in many of the couples that I have worked with. Gator's approach seems like it would tend throw gasoline on an already shaky (and potentially explosive) situation. Again, if it works for Gator--GREAT. I just haven't personally dealt with many (or any) relationships where Gator's approach would work.

I did not mean to offend and still do not. HOWEVER, not all of us live by the Dr. Phil type of creed. I 100% agree that this is a decision to be made in agreement with both parties. HOWEVER, the concept of a spouse (man or woman) being able to hold the type of mental power over someone that causes them to get off the computer when they dont want to is something that I CANNOT WRAP MY BRAIN AROUND. I cannot wrap my brain around there being that much power on either side.

Listen, if he wants to hike, he should hike. NOW, I think he should work on CONVINCING her that it is ok in order for this hike to not end his marriage. HOWEVER, if this was vice versa, women would be screaming the independence card and saying that no man is going to control them and are not their daddies. Why is this any different when the situation is a man? I think he should talk his wife into agreement. It is definitely possible and just simply may take some extra time in order to get her to see things his way. Women do it to us all the time.

How do I know? I just ate fish sticks tonight. I HATE FISH STICKS. However, the wife convinced me that it is hypocritical to tell the kids to eat everything on their plate regardless of what it is if I am not willing to do the same. So I ate these horrible little evil fishsticks.

I don't mean to be rude, but I do not consider being a pastor (no offense) as meaning that you have the best policies in a marriage. I can't personally wrap my head around having a relationship with someone that has never been seen (God). I do not mean that as an insult, I mean that to prove a point. We all share different ideas and concepts of what marriage is.

Are you wrong for the God thing? NO, your not....not at all. I am not wrong either. Same thing with marriage and this issue. Would he be wrong for going hiking? No. Would he be wrong for listening to his wife and staying? No. It's all a matter of priority to be honest. At 66 years old though, I would be trying to live it up as long as I personally could though. He has already been married and raised kids (I assume) for a long time. He has NEVER thru-walked the Appalachian Trail.

If you don't mind me asking, what is the part of my post that you couldn't wrap your head around? Maybe I can help explain it a little better than I did.

[Lone Wolf]

over half of all marriages end in divorce. not such a great institution...

[KingGator and Sons]

I say all of this because I am 32 years old and even at this young age feel that time is running out to do some of the more amazing things in life. Would I be ok with my wife going to do something 6 months without me? No...So, you know what? I WOULD GO WITH HER whether I like it or not. Trust me, I see her nosey ass mother all of the time and I hate it with every bone in my body. So, if my wife has an issue with this, she could COME ALONG. She doesn't feel that she could do it. With that being the case, she has made her personal choice. Why should she get to make MY personal choice too? I personally think that control is when you tell people what to do without giving them an option. It sounds to me like you are telling this guy to allow a woman to control him. Most pastors OR counselors would say that is unhealthy. She has been given the opportunity to join me. My wife could wait or she could say we are done if I go. Then, that becomes a whole other issue.

My issue with what was being said is the comment that he shouldn't be saying this on a little forum board that MOST OF HUMANITY has never nor will never go to in their entire life. (no disrespect white blaze, but the hiking community is small) What exactly is WRONG with him seeking out some advice from other hikers? What is so sad about that? Why is that so "not allowed" and why should something so small be kept "in house"?

I just disagree heavily with that. Like I said, I mean no disrespect and if I offended anyone, I apologize. I just saw the OP criticized twice by the same person for the same thing. I am pretty sure that he read the FIRST post and he more than likely didn't respond because he simply may not be confrontational. I am not that same way. I feel that people can post anything they want to post and if they WANT to make things our business, then so be it.

It only should be kept "private" by people that think it should be kept "private", but trying to convince people to feel the same way more than likely isn't gonna work. If he feels it's ok to do so at age 66, who is anyone else to tell him different?

[KingGator and Sons]

over half of all marriages end in divorce. not such a great institution...

That is the most truest and BEST comment on this entire post.

[Aergia]

I am married to a young man half my age since July 2011- I have put off this thru hike for 20 years because of normal life responsibilities. I have had far to many times of my life ending that I felt now is time to get to do something that has meanst the world to me. Yes, It is not a easy separation from someone you care for deeply-yet, I felt that I can trust my husband support to see us to the end with understanding unconditional love of what this trip of sheer will is needed to complete.

[hikerboy57]

I say all of this because I am 32 years old and even at this young age feel that time is running out to do some of the more amazing things in life. Would I be ok with my wife going to do something 6 months without me? No...So, you know what? I WOULD GO WITH HER whether I like it or not. Trust me, I see her nosey ass mother all of the time and I hate it with every bone in my body. So, if my wife has an issue with this, she could COME ALONG. She doesn't feel that she could do it. With that being the case, she has made her personal choice. Why should she get to make MY personal choice too? I personally think that control is when you tell people what to do without giving them an option. It sounds to me like you are telling this guy to allow a woman to control him. Most pastors OR counselors would say that is unhealthy. She has been given the opportunity to join me. My wife could wait or she could say we are done if I go. Then, that becomes a whole other issue.

My issue with what was being said is the comment that he shouldn't be saying this on a little forum board that MOST OF HUMANITY has never nor will never go to in their entire life. (no disrespect white blaze, but the hiking community is small) What exactly is WRONG with him seeking out some advice from other hikers? What is so sad about that? Why is that so "not allowed" and why should something so small be kept "in house"?

I just disagree heavily with that. Like I said, I mean no disrespect and if I offended anyone, I apologize. I just saw the OP criticized twice by the same person for the same thing. I am pretty sure that he read the FIRST post and he more than likely didn't respond because he simply may not be confrontational. I am not that same way. I feel that people can post anything they want to post and if they WANT to make things our business, then so be it.

It only should be kept "private" by people that think it should be kept "private", but trying to convince people to feel the same way more than likely isn't gonna work. If he feels it's ok to do so at age 66, who is anyone else to tell him different?
he comes to hikers looking for validation.
lets say he was a baseball fan. she likes to go to the occasional game, but hes a season ticket holder, goes to as many games as his work will permit. then he retires and tels his wife hes always wanted to spend 6 months following the yankees around the country for the seasson. she says its selfish, so you decide to ask people on baseball forums whether they consider it selfish or not, and what do you think the answer would be?
the op knew the answer before he asked the question

[KingGator and Sons]

I am married to a young man half my age since July 2011- I have put off this thru hike for 20 years because of normal life responsibilities. I have had far to many times of my life ending that I felt now is time to get to do something that has meanst the world to me. Yes, It is not a easy separation from someone you care for deeply-yet, I felt that I can trust my husband support to see us to the end with understanding unconditional love of what this trip of sheer will is needed to complete.

That is a REAL relationship in my eyes. You guys will last forever. This has been my point? Why should you or me or the OP sacrifice our dreams any longer? Any person that would ask us to do so more than likely loves their self more than us. That is a legit problem in my eyes. Some of these people for some reason don't get that or they act like destroying your loved one's dreams are ok. If that is what a relationship or marriage is (the destruction of dreams), I wouldn't want marriage.

[KingGator and Sons]

he comes to hikers looking for validation.
lets say he was a baseball fan. she likes to go to the occasional game, but hes a season ticket holder, goes to as many games as his work will permit. then he retires and tels his wife hes always wanted to spend 6 months following the yankees around the country for the seasson. she says its selfish, so you decide to ask people on baseball forums whether they consider it selfish or not, and what do you think the answer would be?
the op knew the answer before he asked the question

Now THAT makes sense to me. But the thought that he shouldn't ask is what I have an issue with. If people don't like these kind of threads, just don't click on them. It's that easy.

6 months IS a long time, so I personally think he needs to get her involved. Jedi mind trick her into being part of this. Whatever saves BOTH his dream and his marriage. It CAN be done.

[Lone Wolf]

My wife thinks it is selfish for a married person to want to do a thur-hike. I have done 1930 mi. so for hiking no more than a week at a time. This has to be the hardest way to do the AT. Anyone else been told this is selfish?

y'all are ramblin' on like experts in marrige or somethin'. mountainman only has a couple of hundred miles left of the AT. he's not saying he wants to thru-hike or it is a dream of his to do so

[hikerboy57]

y'all are ramblin' on like experts in marrige or somethin'. mountainman only has a couple of hundred miles left of the AT. he's not saying he wants to thru-hike or it is a dream of his to do so
i an an expert on marriage.
ive been divorced 16 years


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0D5htfqSr8k

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0D5htfqSr8k

[KingGator and Sons]

y'all are ramblin' on like experts in marrige or somethin'. mountainman only has a couple of hundred miles left of the AT. he's not saying he wants to thru-hike or it is a dream of his to do so

Touche' on your second point sir. Apparently people (including me) assume that was the case. I will say this however, there is a good chance that married people are more knowledgeable on married than a Lone Wolf....lol....(assuming once again that your not married)

Besides, I think it's safe to say (after 27,387 posts) whom the real rambler on this board is ;)

[10-K]

If my wife wanted to do a thru hike I'd help her plan it if she wanted me to.

[KingGator and Sons]

i an an expert on marriage.
ive been divorced 16 years


+1 on this one.

That usually gets the job done in terms of knowledge.

[Lone Wolf]

i'm 54, never been married, no kids. i'm wise....

[KingGator and Sons]

If my wife wanted to do a thru hike I'd help her plan it if she wanted me to.

Seems to me what most spouses should do in my opinion. However, apparently that is not necessarily the consensus. I actually am surprised by some that are ok with the control. I bet they haven't watched a playoff game in YEARS!

[KingGator and Sons]

i'm 54, never been married, no kids. i'm wise....

Maybe, but to me it sounds like loneliness with no legacy to leave behind. My personal opinion is that our kids are our legacy. How many people are gonna remember YOUR accomplishments (thru-walk, whatever you do) if no one knows you or cares about you to tell them? Granted, you may not care about that, but I personally do.

I have to admit, your the perfect hiker due to no connections.

[Lone Wolf]

Maybe, but to me it sounds like loneliness with no legacy to leave behind. My personal opinion is that our kids are our legacy. How many people are gonna remember YOUR accomplishments (thru-walk, whatever you do) if no one knows you or cares about you to tell them? Granted, you may not care about that, but I personally do.

I have to admit, your the perfect hiker due to no connections.
i've been with the same gal goin' on 13 years now. met on the trail. nobody really cares about your thru-hike. 2 weeks after you're home, folks forget. like dyin'. the secret to a happy ending is to know when to roll the credits

[KingGator and Sons]

i've been with the same gal goin' on 13 years now. met on the trail. nobody really cares about your thru-hike. 2 weeks after you're home, folks forget. like dyin'. the secret to a happy ending is to know when to roll the credits

Your right...no one does care about your thru-hike, so if that is your claim to fame, then that's ALL you got and your the only one that will care. Typically having wives and kids are what your legacy is. We share different opinions on this one. I wouldn't be going on this hike at all if I wasn't taking my kids and that is the truth. This is about THEM, not me. Most things I do in life is about THEM. So my personal decision is making the kids a memory that they will remember forever OR making my wife happy (if that's the case). It's all about priority.

You said it yourself all through this thread that he should have done it before he got married. That basically is saying in my opinion that once you GET married, every decision you make has to be OK with your wife.

If that was the case, the PLAYOFFS would never be on my TV...If that was the case, Id never drink a beer. If that was the case, Id never curse. If that was the case, Id be in a doctors office EVERY TIME I didn't feel well. The truth is that sometimes the women or men just gotta DEAL WITH IT. You can't have EVERYTHING you want. What is more important, a person doing something that they dream of that hurts NO ONE or giving it up, which helps no one.

Yes, you may say that it helps "her" because she is getting what she wants, but at what cost? How much exactly do people have to sacrifice because their loved one doesn't like it. Forget that. I'm watching the playoffs. I am going hiking if I want. If she doesn't like it, there are plenty more fish in the sea....period.

[KingGator and Sons]

And if she cheats/leaves for that choice being made, it's her loss. She will just end up with someone else that wont listen to her demands EITHER.

[HikerMom58]

i've been with the same gal goin' on 13 years now. met on the trail. nobody really cares about your thru-hike. 2 weeks after you're home, folks forget. like dyin'. the secret to a happy ending is to know when to roll the credits

Interesting comment LW... like dyin' - happy ending- roll the credits.. hum... Would you say you are happy now?

[kayak karl]

That is a REAL relationship in my eyes. You guys will last forever. This has been my point? Why should you or me or the OP sacrifice our dreams any longer? Any person that would ask us to do so more than likely loves their self more than us. That is a legit problem in my eyes. Some of these people for some reason don't get that or they act like destroying your loved one's dreams are ok. If that is what a relationship or marriage is (the destruction of dreams), I wouldn't want marriage.

you mean if you ask your wife to double her responsibilities in the relationship (not talking money) for 4-6 months and she balks at this, SHE is destroying YOUR dreams???

[Lone Wolf]

Interesting comment LW... like dyin' - happy ending- roll the credits.. hum... Would you say you are happy now?

huh? i've never been unhappy in the real sense of the word. i live in America. we got life dicked

[10-K]

There's a reason we have the the wives, partners, and significant others that we do.

I doubt it would work very well if we all put our loved ones names in a hat and drew our partners at random.

[rocketsocks]

There's a reason we have the the wives, partners, and significant others that we do.

I doubt it would work very well if we all put our loved ones names in a hat and drew our partners at random.there's a name for that....."Swingers"

[rocketsocks]

huh? i've never been unhappy in the real sense of the word. i live in America. we got life dickedBrother ain't that the truth! even when were down...were livin!

[10-K]

Swinging hikers... now there's a demographic.

[Gray Blazer]

over half of all marriages end in divorce. not such a great institution...

Marriage is the leading cause of divorce.

[rocketsocks]

And if she cheats/leaves for that choice being made, it's her loss. She will just end up with someone else that wont listen to her demands EITHER.So, when you leavin?

[rocketsocks]

Swinging hikers... now there's a demographic.Ooh yeah, according to many the trail is nothin but a free orgy, all the way to Maine. who'd a thunk.

[coach lou]

over half of all marriages end in divorce. not such a great institution...


Marriage is a wonderful Institution........if you like being institutionalized:sun

[hikerboy57]

Brother ain't that the truth! even when were down...were livin!
i have been single since my divorce 16 yrs ago and ive never ever felt lonely.im very social(hey im in sales), but when im alone, im very comfortable in my own skin. never lonely.
never truly alone.

[Squeaky 2]

if she is anything like mine do a friggin yoyo!!! :)

[q-tip]

Every relationship is different. In many cases success is not getting what you want, but getting what you need and finding compromises that work. I HAD to do my walk from Springer to Harpers Ferry. Three months worked, and by the time I got there I couldn't have walked another mile anyway. If you partner just cannot be away fro you for any period of time, you have much bigger problems than the AT.

[Fur Queue]

I'm looking forward to dinner tonight....I am going to try king gators line about forsaking all other vagina for thee on my wife...should make her feel very special I think...

[wornoutboots]

It's selfish on both accounts, Your & Hers. It's called a relationship, work through it, talk through it (I don't know your situation but since you posted this, you may need more face to face un-distracted time w/ your wife to work through this?). If you have all your affairs in order, plenty of $$ in the bank before, during & after the hike & cover all of her other insecurities if there are any, then you should be ready go. You've stated that she can meet up with you several times through your hike, if she still isn't happy with it, then she's being the more selfish one, my 3centsworth.

[rocketsocks]

i have been single since my divorce 16 yrs ago and ive never ever felt lonely.im very social(hey im in sales), but when im alone, im very comfortable in my own skin. never lonely.
never truly alone.Man I hear ya, I have never felt alone and never been bored...ever, but for those that do..it's a shame!

[rocketsocks]

Selfish, is not necessarily a bad thing, but lets call it what it is. By it's own definition it's Self and ish, if your going...there's the self, and if your a lone....there's the ish.

or somethin like that, pretty close tho, eh!

[BirdBrain]

I am sure this is an interesting read for the OP. It doesn't take Doctor Phil to see where people's hearts and goals are at. I would suggest this: If you want to know how to do a thru hike, pick the brains of someone who has done it, not people who have read books on it only. If you want to know how to have a successful marriage, talk to people who are happy in their marriage after decades of marriage, not people who have been married for a few years. It is just a matter of what you want. You want to be the tough guy and tell her what is what and find someone new if she doesn't like it, you will get your wish. You want to be alone, that is fine too. This is a free country. I, personally, think a happy lasting marriage is the best thing a man can ever hope to acquire. I have one. It takes work. I takes selflessness. I can understand people that don't have one. I can understand the bitterness, frustration, and denial. You don't have to go my way. I am not saying my way is the only way. That would be ridiculous. I am saying that I have a happy and successful and lasting marriage. I have done it and am doing it. You want what I have? Talk to someone like me. You don't want what I have? Well keep hanging out with the tough guys. You will feel good about yourself... for a few years.

I have said enough on this thread though. For what it is worth mountainman, you are on my prayer list. I believe you deserve this hike. I believe you can find and will find that compromise, if you love your wife and she loves you.

[bfayer]

Marriage is team sport. How many teams win in the long run when the individual players call their own plays?

[HikerMom58]

I am sure this is an interesting read for the OP. It doesn't take Doctor Phil to see where people's hearts and goals are at. I would suggest this: If you want to know how to do a thru hike, pick the brains of someone who has done it, not people who have read books on it only. If you want to know how to have a successful marriage, talk to people who are happy in their marriage after decades of marriage, not people who have been married for a few years. It is just a matter of what you want. You want to be the tough guy and tell her what is what and find someone new if she doesn't like it, you will get your wish. You want to be alone, that is fine too. This is a free country. I, personally, think a happy lasting marriage is the best thing a man can ever hope to acquire. I have one. It takes work. I takes selflessness. I can understand people that don't have one. I can understand the bitterness, frustration, and denial. You don't have to go my way. I am not saying my way is the only way. That would be ridiculous. I am saying that I have a happy and successful and lasting marriage. I have done it and am doing it. You want what I have? Talk to someone like me. You don't want what I have? Well keep hanging out with the tough guys. You will feel good about yourself... for a few years.

I have said enough on this thread though. For what it is worth mountainman, you are on my prayer list. I believe you deserve this hike. I believe you can find and will find that compromise, if you love your wife and she loves you.

BB- he does love his wife.. the OP said it earlier. He's only got a few more miles till he finishes the entire trail. He just was saying he wishes he could have done the miles differently, that's all.
I'm the Doctor Phil wanna be on this site ;) My mind is constantly reading peeps and trying to understand where they are coming from. ;P You share from your heart and that's why we love ya, BB.


Marriage is team sport. How many teams win in the long run when the individual players call their own plays?

Love it bfayer...it's a team sport for sure.

[BirdBrain]

Marriage is team sport. How many teams win in the long run when the individual players call their own plays?

+ 1 million on that one.

[Trance]

Isnt marriage about helping each other? What about helping and supporting each others goals, maybe even if you dont agree with them or want to be a part of them?

Instead of your wife giving you a guilt trip, perhaps she should trying being alittle more supportive imo.

[BirdBrain]

Marriage is team sport. How many teams win in the long run when the individual players call their own plays?

+ 1 million on that one.

[BirdBrain]

BB- he does love his wife.. the OP said it earlier. He's only got a few more miles till he finishes the entire trail. He just was saying he wishes he could have done the miles differently, that's all.
I'm the Doctor Phil wanna be on this site ;) My mind is constantly reading peeps and trying to understand where they are coming from. ;P You share from your heart and that's why we love ya, BB.

I agree. He loves his wife. He was also getting bad advice. My pointed remarks were directed at them not him. He deserves this hike. If he does it against her will, he is selfish. If she does not let him go, she is selfish. It is what it is. Just hoping for a non-selfish result.

[rocketsocks]

Marriage is team sport. How many teams win in the long run when the individual players call their own plays?That's gooooood

[rocketsocks]

I agree. He loves his wife. He was also getting bad advice. My pointed remarks were directed at them not him. He deserves this hike. If he does it against her will, he is selfish. If she does not let him go, she is selfish. It is what it is. Just hoping for a non-selfish result.Hammer, meet Mr. nail head.....

Yep My comments here are not really directed at Mountainman...more to the question really...cause personally, I don't care what anyone does, people do what they do, and so do I...the world keeps spinning!

[kayak karl]

should of gotten a "Thru Hike Prenup" :)

[rocketsocks]

should of gotten a "Thru Hike Prenup" :)I just spotted:D

[HikerMom58]

I agree. He loves his wife. He was also getting bad advice. My pointed remarks were directed at them not him. He deserves this hike. If he does it against her will, he is selfish. If she does not let him go, she is selfish. It is what it is. Just hoping for a non-selfish result.

I agree with ya, BB. :) It's called hitting a brick wall. It's the point in the marriage when you have to dig deep. I think we've all been there after this many years of marriage. (32 yrs. for me) It's rewarding when you work it all out & find peace. There's no reason why you can't find peace, but it's hard work, at some points. You have to be with someone that's committed & willing to get in the trenches with you. Then, other times it's a walk in the park. I like those times the BEST! :D

[Lone Wolf]

He loves his wife. He deserves this hike.

what hike? he never said he wants to thru-hike. he's almost done with the trail

[BirdBrain]

My wife thinks it is selfish for a married person to want to do a thur-hike. I have done 1930 mi. so for hiking no more than a week at a time. This has to be the hardest way to do the AT. Anyone else been told this is selfish?

Sounds like a desire to thru-hike to me. What am I missing?

[BirdBrain]

what hike? he never said he wants to thru-hike. he's almost done with the trail

I see your point. I may have misread his intent. So busy debating "I'm the man and she better" types, I missed that nuance.

[BirdBrain]

And once again, I agree with LW. Sorry LW, but I may be developing a bad reputation for you. Guilty by association.

[BFI]

What was the question ????

[kyhipo]

Your right...no one does care about your thru-hike, so if that is your claim to fame, then that's ALL you got and your the only one that will care. Typically having wives and kids are what your legacy is. We share different opinions on this one. I wouldn't be going on this hike at all if I wasn't taking my kids and that is the truth. This is about THEM, not me. Most things I do in life is about THEM. So my personal decision is making the kids a memory that they will remember forever OR making my wife happy (if that's the case). It's all about priority.

You said it yourself all through this thread that he should have done it before he got married. That basically is saying in my opinion that once you GET married, every decision you make has to be OK with your wife.

If that was the case, the PLAYOFFS would never be on my TV...If that was the case, Id never drink a beer. If that was the case, Id never curse. If that was the case, Id be in a doctors office EVERY TIME I didn't feel well. The truth is that sometimes the women or men just gotta DEAL WITH IT. You can't have EVERYTHING you want. What is more important, a person doing something that they dream of that hurts NO ONE or giving it up, which helps no one.

Yes, you may say that it helps "her" because she is getting what she wants, but at what cost? How much exactly do people have to sacrifice because their loved one doesn't like it. Forget that. I'm watching the playoffs. I am going hiking if I want. If she doesn't like it, there are plenty more fish in the sea....period.
well I have personally quit my hike because I felt needed at home,when I was younger who cared!Its a bad feeling gator when things are not right!hiking is a blessing...ky,I get to watch any thing I want.

[Seatbelt]

if she is anything like mine do a friggin yoyo!!! :)

LOL too funny!! Seriously, mountain man, if you are planning a continuous thru-hike, why not try to convince her of how much better you will be for her when you return, and maybe throw in a little--"you can live out your dream(s) too" with no resistance from me.

I feel your pain--I am (hopefully)planning a thru-hike when I retire in a few years and my wife is already complaining--she doesn't mind a week or two twice a year but 4-6 months is a different story. Have to keep the peace!

[hikerboy57]

what dream?.someone i know is fond of saying"its just walking"

[Prime Time]

I've been happily married for 34 years. If my wife wants something, I want her to have it. If I want something, she wants me to have it. Here's where it gets trickey. If she doesn't want me to have something, I know it's only because she thinks it might in some way do me harm so I learn to let go of it so as to not upset her, and vice versa. We NEVER would deny the other something they want out of jealousy or envy.

[Seatbelt]

I've been happily married for 34 years. If my wife wants something, I want her to have it. If I want something, she wants me to have it. Here's where it gets trickey. If she doesn't want me to have something, I know it's only because she thinks it might in some way do me harm so I learn to let go of it so as to not upset her, and vice versa. We NEVER would deny the other something they want out of jealousy or envy.

Good thoughts and I am glad it works for you, but if I dropped every project that in some way upsets my wife, i would probly not do very much. Maybe I am too active????

[10-K]

This would be more fun if the OP had 4 kids at home and was wondering if he should quit his job to do a thru hike this May.

Oh... and he could retire with a pension and full benefits if he waited till next year.

Somebody asked this about a year or so ago and I was amazed at the number of serious responses he got saying he should go now instead of waiting til next year - because he might die before next year was one of the more zany reasons given for why he should go.

But I digress... :)

[hikerboy57]

I think she should let him go. I suspect he will miss his wife after 2 months on the trail and return home

[rocketsocks]

Marriage is team sport. How many teams win in the long run when the individual players call their own plays?ooh, you got a double post from One double Seven...not bad....I too like your saying.:)

[rocketsocks]

What was the question ????CSR is a B**** Dude, I got it too.

[bfayer]

This would be more fun if the OP had 4 kids at home and was wondering if he should quit his job to do a thru hike this May.

Oh... and he could retire with a pension and full benefits if he waited till next year.

Somebody asked this about a year or so ago and I was amazed at the number of serious responses he got saying he should go now instead of waiting til next year - because he might die before next year was one of the more zany reasons given for why he should go.

But I digress... :)

Wasn't there one of these last year that had a new born at home too?

Sometime this place is like the corner bar, where the guy next to you is telling you that you're not to drunk for another beer, just so they have an excuse for another one them self :)

[hikerboy57]

Wasn't there one of these last year that had a new born at home too?

Sometime this place is like the corner bar, where the guy next to you is telling you that you're not to drunk for another beer, just so they have an excuse for another one them self :)
we go through this once or twice evry year, and it never ceases to amae me how much importance is attached to a 6 month walk in the woods.i dont mean to diminish the achievement of those whove successfully completed a thru hike, but youre not curing cancer, your not joining the peace corps, youre hiking. just hiking. every relationship is different, and many spouses are supportive of helping their loved one achieve his/her goals, but my take on marriage is the individual goals are subjugated to the goals of the couple which continue to evolve over the course of the relationship.
like LW says, "its just walking", so there is a need for proper perspective.
in the ops case, i suspect hes been married for 40+ yrs, and would miss his wife terribly after just a short time on the trail, realize its not that important to finish and return home..

[KingGator and Sons]

you mean if you ask your wife to double her responsibilities in the relationship (not talking money) for 4-6 months and she balks at this, SHE is destroying YOUR dreams???

My wife can handle doubling her responsibilities. Actually, it will be easier for her because I will have TWO of the THREE kids with me, so she actually gets a break from three of the five family members. Most wives that are decent wives can hold the fort down for a time period as short as 4-6 months to be honest. I am pretty sure that MOST of the ladies on this forum will agree with me. To think otherwise is to truly say that they cannot handle life without us. That is insane.

[KingGator and Sons]

So, when you leavin?

LOL....Trust me, my wife wouldn't WANT to be with the type of man that answers her every demand. Some of you may think women want that, but they do not. They want to be with men, not mice. If you are the type of dude that does everything your wife says like she is your mother, she will probably end up cheating on you with someone like me for excitement in the end.

To answer your question...mid march or the 1st of April....depends on gear and the kids school tests.

[KingGator and Sons]

I'm looking forward to dinner tonight....I am going to try king gators line about forsaking all other vagina for thee on my wife...should make her feel very special I think...

LOL, yes it should....I think people seem to overlook how big of a sacrifice that truly is. Most people wont admit that because they are secretly cheating on their spouse. Forgoing all physical satisfaction and dedicating yourself to one person's body FOREVER is a huge commitment and sacrifice.

[KingGator and Sons]

I am sure this is an interesting read for the OP. It doesn't take Doctor Phil to see where people's hearts and goals are at. I would suggest this: If you want to know how to do a thru hike, pick the brains of someone who has done it, not people who have read books on it only. If you want to know how to have a successful marriage, talk to people who are happy in their marriage after decades of marriage, not people who have been married for a few years. It is just a matter of what you want. You want to be the tough guy and tell her what is what and find someone new if she doesn't like it, you will get your wish. You want to be alone, that is fine too. This is a free country. I, personally, think a happy lasting marriage is the best thing a man can ever hope to acquire. I have one. It takes work. I takes selflessness. I can understand people that don't have one. I can understand the bitterness, frustration, and denial. You don't have to go my way. I am not saying my way is the only way. That would be ridiculous. I am saying that I have a happy and successful and lasting marriage. I have done it and am doing it. You want what I have? Talk to someone like me. You don't want what I have? Well keep hanging out with the tough guys. You will feel good about yourself... for a few years.

I have said enough on this thread though. For what it is worth mountainman, you are on my prayer list. I believe you deserve this hike. I believe you can find and will find that compromise, if you love your wife and she loves you.

Not letting someone run your life is not being a tough guy...its called NOT being p-whipped. The bottom line is that people should ALWAYS be able to do what they want to do if it is THAT important. However, in life, we must make choices. If my wife MADE me make that choice with the trail, she would more than likely make me make that choice with something else. This is BIGGER than the trail. The trail is worthless to most people on this earth including me until a week or so ago.

[KingGator and Sons]

Marriage is team sport. How many teams win in the long run when the individual players call their own plays?

Plenty....they are called QB's or PG's.

[KingGator and Sons]

Isnt marriage about helping each other? What about helping and supporting each others goals, maybe even if you dont agree with them or want to be a part of them?

Instead of your wife giving you a guilt trip, perhaps she should trying being alittle more supportive imo.

Now this deserves a million +1's. This is the point that I am trying to make. If she doesn't support you with this, what ELSE is she gonna fail to support you on?

[KingGator and Sons]

I agree. He loves his wife. He was also getting bad advice. My pointed remarks were directed at them not him. He deserves this hike. If he does it against her will, he is selfish. If she does not let him go, she is selfish. It is what it is. Just hoping for a non-selfish result.

To some of us, telling someone to let their wife RUN them is bad advice. You need to realize that. I know your trying to help and I do not mean to offend, but just because you are able to "hold on" to your wife for years doesnt mean that you did marriage right. It may just mean that you CAVED IN on all the important matters. Someone has to be the head coach. Someone has to make the decisions. Hey, if it's your wife...fine.

[KingGator and Sons]

I see your point. I may have misread his intent. So busy debating "I'm the man and she better" types, I missed that nuance.

Really bro? C'mon with that. No one said that, not once. I simply said that she isn't going to control me. I made it VERY CLEAR that no one, not man nor woman should have that kind of power. I sacrifice and compromise for my wife EACH AND EVERY DAY! (See my post about fishsticks and her loud nosey ass mother)

[KingGator and Sons]

well I have personally quit my hike because I felt needed at home,when I was younger who cared!Its a bad feeling gator when things are not right!hiking is a blessing...ky,I get to watch any thing I want.

Being needed is different. I would quit my hike in a SECOND if she was failing and I was needed. NO QUESTION!

[KingGator and Sons]

I've been happily married for 34 years. If my wife wants something, I want her to have it. If I want something, she wants me to have it. Here's where it gets trickey. If she doesn't want me to have something, I know it's only because she thinks it might in some way do me harm so I learn to let go of it so as to not upset her, and vice versa. We NEVER would deny the other something they want out of jealousy or envy.

You sound like a perfectly happy couple and I hope to model my own marriage after lessons by people like yourself. I do think that sometimes wives can think something is harmful when it's not however and need to be talked out of that lack of logic.

[KingGator and Sons]

Good thoughts and I am glad it works for you, but if I dropped every project that in some way upsets my wife, i would probly not do very much. Maybe I am too active????

Like I said, if we did that we would never get to watch one SINGLE playoff game...lol

[HikerMom58]

Is it selfish for married person to do thur-hike?


My wife thinks it is selfish for a married person to want to do a thur-hike. I have done 1930 mi. so for hiking no more than a week at a time. This has to be the hardest way to do the AT. Anyone else been told this is selfish?


Here the original post..... ^^^^^^^



No, she doesn't know I posted this. I love my wife and want her to be happly, and yes I think I would feel a little quilty. But Oh how I wish it didn't have to be this way.


This is the only other thing that I saw that he has said............^^^^^^^^

[hikerboy57]

To some of us, telling someone to let their wife RUN them is bad advice. You need to realize that. I know your trying to help and I do not mean to offend, but just because you are able to "hold on" to your wife for years doesnt mean that you did marriage right. It may just mean that you CAVED IN on all the important matters. Someone has to be the head coach. Someone has to make the decisions. Hey, if it's your wife...fine.

matriarch or patriarch? which is better for the family unit?

[KingGator and Sons]

I think she should let him go. I suspect he will miss his wife after 2 months on the trail and return home

More than likely you are 100% right. I don't like the idea of "letting him go", but regardless, you are right. At home, sometimes I hate spending time with my wife, but in the end, I even think I have a 90% chance of missing her, my couch, my shower, my dog, and might return home.

[KingGator and Sons]

Is it selfish for married person to do thur-hike?

My wife thinks it is selfish for a married person to want to do a thur-hike. I have done 1930 mi. so for hiking no more than a week at a time. This has to be the hardest way to do the AT. Anyone else been told this is selfish?


Here the original post..... ^^^^^^^



No, she doesn't know I posted this. I love my wife and want her to be happly, and yes I think I would feel a little quilty. But Oh how I wish it didn't have to be this way.


This is the only other thing that I saw that he has said............^^^^^^^^

Back to his original post....yes, it is selfish.....in terms of the actual definition. However, I think bad selfishness must hurt another person. I do not believe this truly hurts or harms his wife. If it does, she may need to look into that issue.

[KingGator and Sons]

matriarch or patriarch? which is better for the family unit?

Honestly, I think it depends on the personalities. With my grandparents, my grandmother was the harder worker and better leader. But my grandfather was better with finances. You have to play on each person's strengths in my opinion. If the wife is the better leader, she should lead. If the husband is, he should lead.

Truth is, I think that if you have to ASK other people for advice with this, your probably not a leader.

[hikerboy57]

Honestly, I think it depends on the personalities. With my grandparents, my grandmother was the harder worker and better leader. But my grandfather was better with finances. You have to play on each person's strengths in my opinion. If the wife is the better leader, she should lead. If the husband is, he should lead.

Truth is, I think that if you have to ASK other people for advice with this, your probably not a leader.
the question was for you, not for me.

anyone who knows me knows i am no follower

[HikerMom58]

Back to his original post....yes, it is selfish.....in terms of the actual definition. However, I think bad selfishness must hurt another person. I do not believe this truly hurts or harms his wife. If it does, she may need to look into that issue.

We don't know why his wife has an issue with him hiking the trail for more than 1 week at a time. It may be b/c she has a fear of him getting hurt or something worse. I do not think that we should even go there.. it's pointless.

When you get married, IMHO, you give up the right to think only of yourself. You've entered into a covenant with someone else, in which you no longer consider only yourself. They've got your back, and you've got the other person's back.
When you don't see eye to eye on things- (conflict will happen) that's when you get down & dirty to work it out. A couple's ability to work out conflict is the stuff a good marriage is made of.....Conflict is NOT the problem, if you are mostly compatible to begin with... Working through conflict is the bomb!! :)

[bfayer]

...When you get married, IMHO, you give up the right to think only of yourself. You've entered into a covenant with someone else, in which you no longer consider only yourself. They've got your back, and you've got the other person's back...

Well said HMKD.

[Malto]

I guess I'm lucky.....My wife asks me when I'm hiking next! And she was more than willing to mail out my resupplies. Do you think she has a boyfriend? :O

[FatHead64]

Well said HMKD.

Yup - cleaving. Well said.

[Rasty]

I guess I'm lucky.....My wife asks me when I'm hiking next! And she was more than willing to mail out my resupplies. Do you think she has a boyfriend? :O

Do you snore? Or hoard the remote?

[Seatbelt]

We don't know why his wife has an issue with him hiking the trail for more than 1 week at a time. It may be b/c she has a fear of him getting hurt or something worse. I do not think that we should even go there.. it's pointless.

When you get married, IMHO, you give up the right to think only of yourself. You've entered into a covenant with someone else, in which you no longer consider only yourself. They've got your back, and you've got the other person's back.
When you don't see eye to eye on things- (conflict will happen) that's when you get down & dirty to work it out. A couple's ability to work out conflict is the stuff a good marriage is made of.....Conflict is NOT the problem, if you are mostly compatible to begin with... Working through conflict is the bomb!! :)

Good post IMO and when I said that my wife gets upset a lot, I merely meant in a light forgiving way--she almost always supports me (eventually) in my endeavors. She knows that grass rarely grows under my feet--except when I'm on the PC.....

[coach lou]

I guess I'm lucky.....My wife asks me when I'm hiking next! And she was more than willing to mail out my resupplies. Do you think she has a boyfriend? :O

Come spring, my X used to ask me if she should call my scheduler for more games....:-?...it wasn't for the money!:(

[Prime Time]

You sound like a perfectly happy couple and I hope to model my own marriage after lessons by people like yourself. I do think that sometimes wives can think something is harmful when it's not however and need to be talked out of that lack of logic.
That's happened once or twice;) Actually she's the one who asked me if I still wanted to thru hike now that I'm retired and after me not talking about it for the last 10 years. I said "Yes I would but what about you?" She said "Go for it while you still can. We'll figure the rest out." So I'm starting my thru hike March27, we'll meet up twice along the way (trail days in Damascus and Harpers Ferry) and she'll slack pack for 6 days thru NH up to Grafton notch ME all of which is within an hour of our house. Then she will summit Katahdin with me. She's a real keeper!

[KingGator and Sons]

the question was for you, not for me.

anyone who knows me knows i am no follower

I thought I was answering your question. I am not 100% sure based on gender. I am 100% based on personality and leadership qualities. That could be men or women.

[KingGator and Sons]

We don't know why his wife has an issue with him hiking the trail for more than 1 week at a time. It may be b/c she has a fear of him getting hurt or something worse. I do not think that we should even go there.. it's pointless.

When you get married, IMHO, you give up the right to think only of yourself. You've entered into a covenant with someone else, in which you no longer consider only yourself. They've got your back, and you've got the other person's back.
When you don't see eye to eye on things- (conflict will happen) that's when you get down & dirty to work it out. A couple's ability to work out conflict is the stuff a good marriage is made of.....Conflict is NOT the problem, if you are mostly compatible to begin with... Working through conflict is the bomb!! :)

I 100% agree that resolution is the key. I guess I just look at things different because of my particular situation. I am taking my two boys, so I feel that my trip is for THREE people. Three people's happiness or LESSONS or health should not be hindered by ONE person's ignorant fear. Just my opinion.

[hikerboy57]

I thought I was answering your question. I am not 100% sure based on gender. I am 100% based on personality and leadership qualities. That could be men or women.

good answer.

[KingGator and Sons]

I guess I'm lucky.....My wife asks me when I'm hiking next! And she was more than willing to mail out my resupplies. Do you think she has a boyfriend? :O

I kinda thought the same thing when my wife was perfectly ok with my decision to do this...lol

[KingGator and Sons]

Do you snore? Or hoard the remote?

Well, thats the answer to my question on my end.....I do both. lol

[KingGator and Sons]

That's happened once or twice;) Actually she's the one who asked me if I still wanted to thru hike now that I'm retired and after me not talking about it for the last 10 years. I said "Yes I would but what about you?" She said "Go for it while you still can. We'll figure the rest out." So I'm starting my thru hike March27, we'll meet up twice along the way (trail days in Damascus and Harpers Ferry) and she'll slack pack for 6 days thru NH up to Grafton notch ME all of which is within an hour of our house. Then she will summit Katahdin with me. She's a real keeper!

HELL YES SHE IS! You caught yourself a good one!

[prain4u]

I see a common theme in many WB threads: "I should be able to do what I want (when I want and where I want). No one has a right to question, challenge, infringe upon or halt my behavior or my decisions".

Some examples:

--"If I want to thru hike--and my wife/partner doesn't want me to hike--I should just go and hike. No one should block my dream".

--"If I feel like peeing off the edge of a shelter--it doesn't matter who is there--even little kids. If feel like relieving myself--I should be able to do so whenever and wherever I wish. What right does anyone else have to tell me I can't pee wherever I want!?!?! If they have a problem with my peeing here--THEY should camp and hike elsewhere".

--"If I feel like dropping my trash into a bear box I am going to do exactly that. Who are you to tell me that I can't?"

--"If I feel like bathing with soap in a stream--that's my right. I personally don't care if the person downstream is going to drink that water. I already filled my water bottles."

--"Who are the law enforcement authorities to tell me....I can't have a fire here....my dog needs to be on a leash.......I can't camp here-----I can't drink alcohol here.....I can't drive an ATV or Truck on Max Patch etc. etc. etc. This is America and I have my rights!"

We sure hear a lot about my "RIGHTS", my "PREFERENCES", my "WISHES" and my "NEEDS". However, we don't hear very much about my RESPONSIBILITIES, my OBLIGATIONS, my COMMITMENTS (or about me showing basic consideration for the thoughts, wishes, needs or feelings of others).

[hikerboy57]

I see a common theme in many WB threads: "I should be able to do what I want (when I want and where I want). No one has a right to question, challenge, infringe upon or halt my behavior or my decisions".

Some examples:

--"If I want to thru hike--and my wife/partner doesn't want me to hike--I should just go and hike. No one should block my dream".

--"If I feel like peeing off the edge of a shelter--it doesn't matter who is there--even little kids. If feel like relieving myself--I should be able to do so whenever and wherever I wish. What right does anyone else have to tell me I can't pee wherever I want!?!?! If they have a problem with my peeing here--THEY should camp and hike elsewhere".

--"If I feel like dropping my trash into a bear box I am going to do exactly that. Who are you to tell me that I can't?"

--"If I feel like bathing with soap in a stream--that's my right. I personally don't care if the person downstream is going to drink that water. I already filled my water bottles."

--"Who are the law enforcement authorities to tell me....I can't have a fire here....my dog needs to be on a leash.......I can't camp here-----I can't drink alcohol here.....I can't drive an ATV or Truck on Max Patch etc. etc. etc. This is America and I have my rights!"

We sure hear a lot about my "RIGHTS", my "PREFERENCES", my "WISHES" and my "NEEDS". However, we don't hear very much about my RESPONSIBILITIES, my OBLIGATIONS, my COMMITMENTS (or about me showing basic consideration for the thoughts, wishes, needs or feelings of others).
why are you confusing the issue? i thought we had it nailed down that a 6 month walk in the woods should trump everything else in life , if thats what one wants to do.
why do you have to be so darn rational?

[KingGator and Sons]

I see a common theme in many WB threads: "I should be able to do what I want (when I want and where I want). No one has a right to question, challenge, infringe upon or halt my behavior or my decisions".

Some examples:

--"If I want to thru hike--and my wife/partner doesn't want me to hike--I should just go and hike. No one should block my dream".

--"If I feel like peeing off the edge of a shelter--it doesn't matter who is there--even little kids. If feel like relieving myself--I should be able to do so whenever and wherever I wish. What right does anyone else have to tell me I can't pee wherever I want!?!?! If they have a problem with my peeing here--THEY should camp and hike elsewhere".

--"If I feel like dropping my trash into a bear box I am going to do exactly that. Who are you to tell me that I can't?"

--"If I feel like bathing with soap in a stream--that's my right. I personally don't care if the person downstream is going to drink that water. I already filled my water bottles."

--"Who are the law enforcement authorities to tell me....I can't have a fire here....my dog needs to be on a leash.......I can't camp here-----I can't drink alcohol here.....I can't drive an ATV or Truck on Max Patch etc. etc. etc. This is America and I have my rights!"

We sure hear a lot about my "RIGHTS", my "PREFERENCES", my "WISHES" and my "NEEDS". However, we don't hear very much about my RESPONSIBILITIES, my OBLIGATIONS, my COMMITMENTS (or about me showing basic consideration for the thoughts, wishes, needs or feelings of others).

Very good post bro. I feel that most of the things that you mention can be handled by having a tad bit of class, respect for others, and common sense. Peeing off a shelter in front of kids is CRIMINAL. In fact, almost everything you mentioned was criminal. However, I do think that we should be able to live our lives the way we want. At 66 years old, there is only so much time left.

I think that if someone takes care of said responsibilities, obligations, and commitments, then they can do this. Look, what most people are not understanding is this....What if this guy has been showing basic considerations for others needs or feelings and sacrificing his own for the last 40 years? Doesn't he deserve to put himself first at some point? I perfectly understand what you are saying bro, but the truth is that this is a situation that could and should be worked out.

If the wife can FIND A WAY to survive without him, she should truly consider it. It is maybe HER turn to be considerate and sacrifice a little. Hell, maybe she has always sacrificed. I am just as ignorant of their particular situation as everyone. I am speaking in general.

[Lone Wolf]

folks don't have big dreams it seems. walkin' the AT ain't a very lofty goal.

[KingGator and Sons]

why are you confusing the issue? i thought we had it nailed down that a 6 month walk in the woods should trump everything else in life , if thats what one wants to do.
why do you have to be so darn rational?

LOL..definitely a funny post. To some of these hikers, I do believe that trumps everything. It shouldn't have to. A six month absence from home should not have this big of an impact. Not at that age. If they were young, I would be worried due to today's society that seems to be full of cheaters, liars, and thieves. People that are older seem less jealous and do not seem to have that issue to worry about.

If someone in this situation was 20-40 years old, I would be worried due to today's culture where everyone seems to think its ok to sleep around. Now, lets move past the cheating thing...The other issues are just simply loneliness. However, I think that if the hiker INVOLVES the non-hiker, that will be taken care of.

[hikerboy57]

folks don't have big dreams it seems. walkin' the AT ain't a very lofty goal.

you dont need to have big dreams. maturity comes when you realize you are not the center of the universe. its what you have to offer the world, not what the world has to offer you.

i know you know this,wolf

[KingGator and Sons]

folks don't have big dreams it seems. walkin' the AT ain't a very lofty goal.

I've done a lot of amazing things that are dreams come true to me in 32 years. I admit that the AT didn't become an interest until a week ago. I don't see anything wrong with it as a goal. Only 14,000 in the history of our planet have done this. To me, to have the strength to do it is amazing. What is a bigger goal to you?

Hiking this trail will help me quit smoking, lose a lot of weight, travel to 13 states, teach my kids strength and conditioning, teach my kids survival, teach me all of those same things, and a few other things. To me, that is a pretty lofty goal. Maybe I will not feel the same way AFTER I do it.

[Spirit Walker]

If your partner will be working to provide the money for you to follow your dream, then it might be a selfish decision.
If your partner will be taking care of children or other family members, alone, while you play in the woods, then you are probably being very selfish.
If your partner is going to be seriously unhappy, for whatever reason, at being abandoned for six months, then you are probably being selfish.

That said, there may be reasons to go anyway. If you have a family history of early deaths - then now may be your only time to hike. We met a man who was hiking with a brain tumor - his wife urged him to go before it was too late. If you don't really care about whether your marriage endures, then hiking will give you both a chance to figure it out. If you have enough money so you can hike without it causing hardship to your partner, then now may be the time. If you are willing to help your partner to achieve their goals and dreams, at some cost to yourself, then perhaps you aren't being too selfish.

Thruhiking can be a terrific experience, but it has costs, and not all of them are monetary. If you are the one paying the price, that's one thing. If the people you love are primarily paying the price, then you might need to find alternatives.

[Seatbelt]

folks don't have big dreams it seems. walkin' the AT ain't a very lofty goal.

That would be completely dependant on the individual wouldn't it? I mean for someone confined to a wheel chair--crossing a busy street safely is a big goal.

[KingGator and Sons]

you dont need to have big dreams. maturity comes when you realize you are not the center of the universe. its what you have to offer the world, not what the world has to offer you.

i know you know this,wolf

VERY TRUE in many different ways. However, I do think that we should get as much as we should as well while we are here. We only have one life to live. We can't go around sacrificing EVERYTHING that may seem selfish just for the "world". I love giving...I think I am more of a giver than a taker. However, once in a while, we just need to take some stuff for ourselves.

[hikerboy57]

LOL..definitely a funny post. To some of these hikers, I do believe that trumps everything. It shouldn't have to. A six month absence from home should not have this big of an impact. Not at that age. If they were young, I would be worried due to today's society that seems to be full of cheaters, liars, and thieves. People that are older seem less jealous and do not seem to have that issue to worry about.

If someone in this situation was 20-40 years old, I would be worried due to today's culture where everyone seems to think its ok to sleep around. Now, lets move past the cheating thing...The other issues are just simply loneliness. However, I think that if the hiker INVOLVES the non-hiker, that will be taken care of.
todays culture?believe it or not abstinence is big these days with kids, and boy oh boy you missed the 60s and 70s if you want to discuss promiscuity.the world, your world is what you make of it. the biggest challenge kids face today is to put down all the gadgetry and learn that you can be happy without having to have 5g technology.kids have used computers text and the internet to hide behind (yes weve got some big kids here on wb too)instead of good ol face to face contact. nobodys got pimples when they are on line, and if someone says something they dont care for they can just log off. many are losing the art of social behaviour and it shows in the entitlement issues many of our younger hikers bring to the trail.

[KingGator and Sons]

If your partner will be working to provide the money for you to follow your dream, then it might be a selfish decision.
If your partner will be taking care of children or other family members, alone, while you play in the woods, then you are probably being very selfish.
If your partner is going to be seriously unhappy, for whatever reason, at being abandoned for six months, then you are probably being selfish.

That said, there may be reasons to go anyway. If you have a family history of early deaths - then now may be your only time to hike. We met a man who was hiking with a brain tumor - his wife urged him to go before it was too late. If you don't really care about whether your marriage endures, then hiking will give you both a chance to figure it out. If you have enough money so you can hike without it causing hardship to your partner, then now may be the time. If you are willing to help your partner to achieve their goals and dreams, at some cost to yourself, then perhaps you aren't being too selfish.

Thruhiking can be a terrific experience, but it has costs, and not all of them are monetary. If you are the one paying the price, that's one thing. If the people you love are primarily paying the price, then you might need to find alternatives.

Great post here....I do agree that it is selfish, but I do not know if it is harmful. That depends on each couple I guess. I personally am taking the kids. I personally feel as if I am giving her more of a vacation from ME (lol) than abandoning her. Part of me thinks she agrees. However, part of me thinks that she doesn't think I will finish and that is why she isn't trippin on it. I do agree that she will be paying some money, but so will I. We will both be paying for this JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE. Ive spent thousands on her desires that were unneccesary purchases. (like going to see her mother)

I do agree that time is of the essence. We only have so much time. She would be coming too (maybe) if she wasn't so unhealthy. She has 5 diseases at age 35. I do agree this trip has it's cost, but many of those costs will be worth it 5 years from now. It is an investment in the fulfillment of life. When you are married, I think you BOTH pay the price.

I do think people should look at it vice versa however.

[KingGator and Sons]

todays culture?believe it or not abstinence is big these days with kids, and boy oh boy you missed the 60s and 70s if you want to discuss promiscuity.the world, your world is what you make of it. the biggest challenge kids face today is to put down all the gadgetry and learn that you can be happy without having to have 5g technology.kids have used computers text and the internet to hide behind (yes weve got some big kids here on wb too)instead of good ol face to face contact. nobodys got pimples when they are on line, and if someone says something they dont care for they can just log off. many are losing the art of social behaviour and it shows in the entitlement issues many of our younger hikers bring to the trail.

100% agree with that comment about technology, but I ask you to also consider that you may have a slightly different view because you are 55. Technology is a wonderful thing when used in moderation. My iphone will be able to tell my wife EXACTLY where I am at when I am on the trail. Now, I admit that it makes lazy and fat children that don't know how to even play outside anymore. I get on my sons all the time about that. I use the old timer line of "When I was a kid, all we had was a stick". It's true, but I think a lot of us are jealous that we did not have those things in our youth.

SEX on the other hand, despite how great it is, is a horrible issue with kids. I have a 16 year old daughter. All the music suggest sexual encounters VERY graphically (and I LISTEN TO HIP HOP). Teenage parents and STD's are everywhere. Kids are NOT abstinent in the bigger cities. These kids think they must sample the product before they commit.

10 years ago, I would have agreed. Hell, if I didnt have a daughter or was single, I would agree.

However, I would rather my daughter be addicted to her DVD player than a **** any day of the week.

[hikerboy57]

VERY TRUE in many different ways. However, I do think that we should get as much as we should as well while we are here. We only have one life to live. We can't go around sacrificing EVERYTHING that may seem selfish just for the "world". I love giving...I think I am more of a giver than a taker. However, once in a while, we just need to take some stuff for ourselves.
its just a matter of changing perspective a bit. you are not sacrificing, you are choosing.and its amazing how things come back to you when you stop worrying about getting your share and begin to focus on what you're contributing.there is a story by thich naht hanh in his book, miracle of mindfulness, about a father who felt it difficult to spend time with his son joey, help his wife with chores, and still have left any time for himself. he changed his perspective and looked at the tme he spent with his son now to be his own time as well,to be there fully with his son, helping with his homework, etc, same with the chores, and ultimately he found plenty of his own time

[KingGator and Sons]

its just a matter of changing perspective a bit. you are not sacrificing, you are choosing.and its amazing how things come back to you when you stop worrying about getting your share and begin to focus on what you're contributing.there is a story by thich naht hanh in his book, miracle of mindfulness, about a father who felt it difficult to spend time with his son joey, help his wife with chores, and still have left any time for himself. he changed his perspective and looked at the tme he spent with his son now to be his own time as well,to be there fully with his son, helping with his homework, etc, same with the chores, and ultimately he found plenty of his own time

Sounds to me that he just compromised on what he actually wanted. However, as a father, I can understand. My kids are coming with me. I look at it this way, most people spend 24/7 with their families each and every year. Taking one six month journey wont hurt. Now, if he does this EVERY YEAR and immediately is planning other trails, there may be an issue. It also depends on reasoning. My reason for doing this IS MY KIDS, not me, so that makes a difference.

[hikerboy57]

Sounds to me that he just compromised on what he actually wanted. However, as a father, I can understand. My kids are coming with me. I look at it this way, most people spend 24/7 with their families each and every year. Taking one six month journey wont hurt. Now, if he does this EVERY YEAR and immediately is planning other trails, there may be an issue. It also depends on reasoning. My reason for doing this IS MY KIDS, not me, so that makes a difference.
no he did not compromise.
miracle of mindfulness by thich naht hanh is available in pdf format(i cant post the link to the pdf, but if you just google it youll find it). to understand fully what ive tried to explain in a few sentences,read the first few chapters.
i teach goal setting at work, and you can have more than one goal, and achieve them, you just have to define and prioritize those goals, then develop a game plan to achieve them.it doesnt mean sacrificing one goal for another. it means finding the balance.
and yes, you are very lucky to have a wife willing to let you get out of her hair for 6 months.
its all good

[Slo-go'en]

Hiking this trail will help me quit smoking, lose a lot of weight, travel to 13 states, teach my kids strength and conditioning, teach my kids survival...

Good luck on the quiting smoking thing. There are a lot of smokers on the trail. Suprisingly, smokers have as good or better chance of completing the trail than non-smokers. I attribute that to the fact smokers tend to take more breaks and don't push themselfs as hard as non-smokers. It took a 2 week stay in a hospital bed for me to finally quit (with a problem not related to smoking). The only time I really miss it is out on the trail, ironically enough.

Sorry for the thread drift...

[KingGator and Sons]

Good luck on the quiting smoking thing. There are a lot of smokers on the trail. Suprisingly, smokers have as good or better chance of completing the trail than non-smokers. I attribute that to the fact smokers tend to take more breaks and don't push themselfs as hard as non-smokers. It took a 2 week stay in a hospital bed for me to finally quit (with a problem not related to smoking). The only time I really miss it is out on the trail, ironically enough.

Sorry for the thread drift...

To me, quitting smoking will be the hardest thing I have ever done. It makes walking the trail sound easy.

[hikerboy57]

To me, quitting smoking will be the hardest thing I have ever done. It makes walking the trail sound easy.


im just not a quitter

[KingGator and Sons]

no he did not compromise.
miracle of mindfulness by thich naht hanh is available in pdf format(i cant post the link to the pdf, but if you just google it youll find it). to understand fully what ive tried to explain in a few sentences,read the first few chapters.
i teach goal setting at work, and you can have more than one goal, and achieve them, you just have to define and prioritize those goals, then develop a game plan to achieve them.it doesnt mean sacrificing one goal for another. it means finding the balance.
and yes, you are very lucky to have a wife willing to let you get out of her hair for 6 months.
its all good

I feel you. You make sense, I just can't seem to get over the "letting you get out" part. I guess it's just my personality and youth that causes me to think this way. It took her 32 years to find a man like me and I find it hard to believe that she would be willing to throw it away just because she doesn't want me to walk in the park. I just don't get it I guess. I know there are plenty of men out there, but that doesn't mean that ANY OF THEM would be worth throwing away all of this because of her disagreement. In essence, if she left the relationship, it would be her choice. If she made that choice, it would be HER loss. I am not choosing to end our relationship, Im choosing to hike in the park. If that is a deal breaker for her, good luck with your new set of cards. Something tells me she would crap out.

[hikerboy57]

I feel you. You make sense, I just can't seem to get over the "letting you get out" part. I guess it's just my personality and youth that causes me to think this way. It took her 32 years to find a man like me and I find it hard to believe that she would be willing to throw it away just because she doesn't want me to walk in the park. I just don't get it I guess. I know there are plenty of men out there, but that doesn't mean that ANY OF THEM would be worth throwing away all of this because of her disagreement. In essence, if she left the relationship, it would be her choice. If she made that choice, it would be HER loss. I am not choosing to end our relationship, Im choosing to hike in the park. If that is a deal breaker for her, good luck with your new set of cards. Something tells me she would crap out.


enough about you.
why did you choose HER?

[KingGator and Sons]

enough about you.
why did you choose HER?

Because she will let me thru-hike if I choose to ;)

[rocketsocks]

Because she will let me thru-hike if I choose to ;)



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCcuF4H6TIY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCcuF4H6TIY

what makes a muskrat gard his musk...Courage!
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCcuF4H6TIY)

[hikerboy57]

Because she will let me thru-hike if I choose to ;)
good answer

[hikerboy57]

Because she will let me thru-hike if I choose to ;)

wait-did you say "let you"?

[OzJacko]

Because she will let me thru-hike if I choose to ;)
If I recall your comments in your videos and blogs correctly, it took some time for that to be the case.

[KingGator and Sons]

wait-did you say "let you"?

LOL!! It was a joke......lol...

[KingGator and Sons]

If I recall your comments in your videos and blogs correctly, it took some time for that to be the case.

Took some time for me to choose to hike, yes, but not some time for me to get her to "let me"....It took time to truly use the JEDI to convince her that the kids would be safe.

[KingGator and Sons]

It simply took educating her and letting her know that I will have plenty with me to protect them.

[perdidochas]

We don't know why his wife has an issue with him hiking the trail for more than 1 week at a time. It may be b/c she has a fear of him getting hurt or something worse. I do not think that we should even go there.. it's pointless.

When you get married, IMHO, you give up the right to think only of yourself. You've entered into a covenant with someone else, in which you no longer consider only yourself. They've got your back, and you've got the other person's back.
When you don't see eye to eye on things- (conflict will happen) that's when you get down & dirty to work it out. A couple's ability to work out conflict is the stuff a good marriage is made of.....Conflict is NOT the problem, if you are mostly compatible to begin with... Working through conflict is the bomb!! :)

Exactly...........

[Dogwood]

Is it selfish for married person to do a thru-hike?Only you are in the position to effectively respond to that question. It is after all YOUR RELATIONSHIP. Another endless loop question with NO DEFINITIVE general right for all answer.

[Dogwood]

"Conflict is NOT the problem, if you are mostly compatible to begin with... Working through conflict is the bomb!" :)

Hiker Mom is really Dr Phil. Good stuff. :banana

[stranger]

No it's not

[Bronk]

Just turn the tables on your wife. Tell her it is completely altruistic because you are hiking to raise money for a children's charity and tell her she is just being selfish and if she doesn't let you go then she hates children. You can probably even get a lot of sponsors so you will be able to hike for free. If you have any money left after the hike just find some charity to give it to.

Seriously though, it is totally selfish...but what is wrong with that? No more selfish than her wanting you to stay home with her...if you do end up going keep in mind that someday she's going to call in the debt and ask for something HUGE because something like this is a huge undertaking of both time and money...not just the money on equipment and what you will spend on the trail, but also of lost income...especially if you leave her holding the bag to pay the bills and handle everything while you are gone.

Ask yourself how you'd react if the roles were reversed...what if she suddenly decided she wanted to go on a missionary trip to Africa for 6 months without you?

[litefoot2000]

My wife thinks it is selfish for a married person to want to do a thur-hike. I have done 1930 mi. so for hiking no more than a week at a time. This has to be the hardest way to do the AT. Anyone else been told this is selfish?
Well, I guess I am lucky. My wife was actually the one who re-kindled the old dream of my thru hiking. She was very supportive.

[BostonBlue]

I believe that if you follow your dreams, you actually become a better person and are able to give more of yourself. Do you really want to come to the end of your life without realizing your dream? Because few hikers in their 70s are able to physically finish a thru.

Marriage is about compromise and about the dreams of both parties. WHAT DOES YOUR WIFE DESIRE? Would a new car or a vacation with her sister while you are gone do the trick? Ask her. Let her know how important this is to you and then ask her to think of anything that you could give her that would fulfill a dream of HERS - which would allow you to accomplish your dream. And then make it happen.

[MuddyWaters]

Yes its selfish
So what
People are selfish
All of them
Some just have more backbone than others

[SassyWindsor]

Just lie to your wife that you're going down to Argentina to visit an old friend.

[Capt Nat]

My wife thinks it's selfish to stay home and aggrivate her everyday...

[Dogwood]

Is it selfish to be constantly occupied with the thought of whether or not you're selfish?

[hikerboy57]

Is it selfish to be constantly occupied with the thought of whether or not you're selfish?
these are the types of questions the poster already knows before he/she posts

[Dogwood]

these are the types of questions the poster already knows before he/she posts

LOL. Ditto!

[litefoot2000]

Just lie to your wife that you're going down to Argentina to visit an old friend.

The famous, former governor has just been re-elected to his old state senate seat. Go figure.:confused:

[litefoot2000]

The famous, former governor has just been re-elected to his old state senate seat. Go figure.:confused:
My mistake!! His former U.S. Congressional seat.

[tawa]

How about just telling her she is correct. Therefore, I'm just going to divorce you and when I get back we will see what happens! lol Let me know how that works out for you!

[Dogwood]

i am an expert on marriage.
I've been divorced 16 years. - Hiker Boy

LOL.

Hey, John Gray who is the author of Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus and about twenty other relationship/marriage books and who is a sought after relationship counselor on the public speaking circuit raking in upwards of $50K per lecture has been married twice.

AND

his first wife, Barbara De Angelis, also a relationship consultant, who has authored fourteen best selling book on relationships, has been married five times.

So, between these two "relationship experts/therapists" we have seven (7) marriages. HMMM? Seems they are best at writing books and handing out marriage advice to others that they have a hard time applying to themselves.

Even Dr. Ruth(Dr Ruth Westheimer) the noted relationship and "sex doctor" is on her third marriage. I think she's finally gotten it right though since she's been married several decades.

Glad I'm single. I'm like John Muir. When the wilderness and mountains are calling I must go.

[Dogwood]

If she thinks it's selfish, then for her, it is. Personally, if I couldn't go with my man on a long through hike for whatever reason, I would absolutely be the cheering team from the sidelines and support him in whatever manner I could. He would do the same for me, and neither of us would think there was anything selfish about it. But that's me, and that's my relationship. Your mileage may vary.

Caught that last sentence. You got that from Tyler Tervooren's Advanced Riskology. I like much of his stuff too.

[Dogwood]

My wife thinks it is selfish for a married person to want to do a thur-hike. I have done 1930 mi. so for hiking no more than a week at a time. This has to be the hardest way to do the AT. Anyone else been told this is selfish?

A lot of us have been going off on mistaken assumptions. Look back at the OP's first comment. LW has tried bringing you around to what was asked by the OP but most aren't on that page.

[Dogwood]

The thread was started because a section hiker who said nothing about wanting to thru-hike experienced a comment from his wife and is simply opining and seeking others thoughts on his wife's comment.