View Full Version : Problems With Hiking Partner
BostonBlue
05-18-2013, 03:49
Planning on hiking with a buddy on AT thru 2014. Any suggestions as to potential pitfalls? Anything that you would do differently if you were hiking the trail again with a partner? Mainly we are hoping to avoid common problems that split up hiking partners other than pace and injury.
Double Wide
05-18-2013, 08:00
I'm kind of interested in the responses to this question too. I'll be hiking with my brother, so I've been putting up with his nonsense for years :D , so my only concern there is pace--he's a couple inches taller, has a longer stride, and is a *much* faster hiker than I am. I'm guessing we won't be walking together too much during the day and just meeting up at camp at night.
Meg Wilson Author
05-18-2013, 08:36
http://megwilsonauthor.com/?p=966 describes the talk that Jennifer Pharr Davis gave at Trail Days Friday night. "How to Escape a Pink-Blazer" was just one of her many sub-topics. Wander Women everywhere - and the pink-blazers who love them - can appreciate Jen's candor!
WingedMonkey
05-18-2013, 08:42
What does pink blazing have to do with hiking with a partner?
Unless your partnership is of the variety where you will never be very far apart, you shouldn't share critical gear. You can save weight if one of you carries the stove and the other the tent, but complications ensue if you ever lose sight of each other. That level of togetherness is more than what most friends enjoy.
Budget. Come to terms about how much funds are available and will be spent beforehand. How many motels/hostels and town stops. The person with 6,000 will have to adjust to the person with 4,000. Must everything else will be easy to adjust to.
+ 1 on what Marta said. Keep you independence. Even good friends will end up separated on occasion, even if just for a night or two.
Starting a thru-hike with a partner can lead to many difficulties along the way. Most of all the difficulties you will encounter are delt with differently by different folks. This would include the town stops you make, the amount of time, ie. miles, you hike each day, the way you face weather conditions and most of all injuries. The way that two indivigules handle these circumstances will effect your hike. This should be discussed before you depart as to how they will be handled. If one partner failes, should the other continue or remain with the failed partner?
With all the different personalities, hiking a thru, it's sometimes better to join into a partnership with someone you get to meet on the trail. By doing that you can better judge that person beforehand.
I started my thru alone and was prepaired to hike the whole trail that way. I did meet a hiker with I did form a partnership and hiked with for 900 miles. When he left the trail I continued on. Most folks that decide to attempt a thru haven't any notion about how frendships form while hiking. You will never be alone, unless you choose to be.
Sometimes it works, sometimes the person you think you know ends up being so needy that you begin to feel put upon and like a caretaker rather than a partner.
Decide at the beginning what you'll do if one person gets sick or injured. Will you be expected to stop your hike to take care of the injured or sick partner? What happens if the partner is needed at home? Will you be expected to leave the trail and wait until the partner can get back? What happens if you need a Zero/Nero day and the partner wants to push on? Will you feel intimidated?
What happens if YOU are the injured or ill partner -- what would you want to happen?
If you hike with a partner, remember that the 'weakest' partner will decide how far you go, when you take a Zero/Nero, when to get off the Trail for injury or illness ... make a commitment to the partner or make a commitment to the Trail. Sometimes you can do both. Sometimes you can't.
Coosa
One person trying to dictate to another the hiking pace can be a problem, when to start in the a.m., etc. "Hey! Slow down!" Solution: hike at your own pace, but perhaps establish a finishing point each day? Even then, I like to hike +20 mile days, some partners prefer sub-15 mile days, so it's difficult. Good luck.
You will never be alone, unless you choose to be.
Well put. However, there are those among us who believe you will never be alone, even if you choose to be.
BostonBlue
05-18-2013, 10:13
All good suggestions. We actually have discussed many of them so upfront we kind of know what to expect from each other. Now I am glad we have had these discussions. Any other suggestions would be appreciated.
Just wanted to point out a fact that some folks don't realize, especially slower hikers. It is almost as difficult and strenuous for a faster hiker to slow down to match pace as it is for the slower hiker to attempt to speed up. Defies logic, until you try it.
Almost always best for each hiker to hike their own pace and just plan to meet up at breaks/turns/lunch/camp, whatever seems to work out for you.
Matthikes
05-18-2013, 12:05
This is what has me concern about hiking with my daughter. but for her I will slow down and stay with her.
Most people quit. That simple fact means that the chances of two people together making it are all that much smaller, even without taking into account differences in hiking pace, philosophy, etc, etc. I saw several partnerships break up on the trail where people that had planned on hiking the whole way together decided to go their separate ways. I think a lot of people set out to do this with a partner because they don't want to do it "alone" when the reality is that you will meet a lot of friends on the trail and do so very quickly. You might hike with some people for a week or two and then take a zero day and end up meeting a whole new group of people, then cross paths with your old group again as they take a day off or one of you speeds up or slows down. In any case, being "alone" is pretty rare on the AT.
What does pink blazing have to do with hiking with a partner?
WM, I think it might have been an opportunity for a book plug.
fiddlehead
05-19-2013, 03:27
It is very rare for a person to have the same hiking traits as someone else.
I can think of 3 or 4 hikers who have many of the same as I do. This after 20,000 miles of experience.
I'm talking about break-length, town stay length, where you prefer to camp, (I prefer a view over nearby water anynight), when to call it a day, how many miles you hope to accomplish on a day/week/trip, etc, as well as getting along.
If you don't have these same tendencies, one or both of you better be very forgiving and flexible.
Cause it's gonna rub you the wrong way sooner or later.
Put the slow person in front. Agree to hike together and then stick too it. That is what married hikers do.
1) the chances that the person you are planning to hike with having similiar style is low.
2) in many cases of pairs deciding to hike the trail, one is gung go and the other not as excited.
3) in addition to carrying all your own gear I would also not combine resupplies. If you decide to split then what.
4) agree with fiddlehead about the stress it causes with dissimilar styles. Two of the four people I hiked with caused tension after a few days or weeks. And these were great guys. Some amount of flexibility is needed but after a while you are HTH, hiking their hike.
5) you will likely find that even if you are hiking with someone that most of the time you are hiking alone. Someone stops and does some business and the other is a half mile ahead. You meet up at breaks and at the days end and this does help to allow you tolerate being together with someone for many, many, many hours each day.
6) if both of you are inexperienced hikers then you may think you have alignment on zeros, pace etc. that may or may not last after you both gain experience.
Good luck.
WingedMonkey
05-19-2013, 11:31
WM, I think it might have been an opportunity for a book plug.
Now that you mention it, I do notice that the last seven posts the member made was tied into said "book".
max patch
05-19-2013, 11:57
After watching 2 20 something females who had been best friends since kindergarten end up hating each other in Kent CT and dividing up their shared gear on the sidewalk outside the outfitter before they went in to purchase what they needed to continue on solo, I've concluded that all hiking partners need to be self sufficient and carry everything they need.
WalksInDark
05-19-2013, 12:44
Having done a number of hikes with my younger sibling..I would recommend a few section hikes to see what issues crop up.
While your section hike experience won't be definitive...it may give you an "early warning" of issues likely to crop up when you are on your through.
BTW, my Bro and I have major differences between when out hiking day starts. His hiking day starts, apparently right after the sun comes up. :eek: My hiking day starts after I have had my breakfast, enjoyed my coffee, and carefully packed my gear. :clap
Our workaround: the younger Bro (who happens to hike slower than his senior citizen brother....Go Figure?) starts first and usually before lunch I catch up with him. :banana(We actually tried using 2 way radios to keep in contact...but the various hills and valleys pretty much made them almost completely useless.)
MuddyWaters
05-19-2013, 14:08
Short distances with others, that arent a significant other or child, arent a problem.
Very long distances, might be.
Differences that are tolerable for a few days, or a few weeks even, might be intolerable for 6 months.
I think its best to set out alone for a thru hike. A close partner or group you are with that quits, just increases your chances of quitting.
Carry-On
05-19-2013, 14:36
These thoughts are due to some of the issues that came up with me and the group I met and joined on the AT. I think it's good to talk about these things ahead of time, but don't think that you'll really know the answers until you're out there, unless you have already done some long hiking trips before this. Sometimes your ideas about what you think you want change when you actually get out there and get going. Communication is important. If you find yourself chafing at something or resenting something, you need to talk about it, but hopefully you will both be able to enjoy the hike and each of you get most of your needs met, and some of your wants.
If, after everything, you're not enjoying your hike because of your current partner, there are a lot of other potential partners out there on the AT who might be a better match for your hiking style.
I agree with having your own gear so that if you get separated (it can happen easier than you think) that nobody is left in a dangerous situation without needed gear.
Here are just a few thoughts:
Compare morning styles: Early riser or sleep in? Quick or slow to pack up? Cook breakfast or munch on a bar while hiking? Alarm or not?
Compare hiking styles: Slow and steady with small breaks? Fast with longer breaks? Needy hiker who wants constant company and talking? Solitary hiker who needs time alone? Stop to take pictures often? Like to meditate somewhere along the way? Like to talk to everybody who passes? If hiking together, do you stop every time the other person stops for a pee break or to tie a shoe or any other reason?
Compare mileage goals: Does one want to do bigger miles while the other won't/can't (both will feel stress over this)? Do either of you have a time or other deadline to finish the AT? Will anybody be visiting friends/family along the way or leaving for an event (wedding, etc.)?
Compare town/hostel styles: Like to do laundry and shower every chance you get? Have enough money for hostels/hotels/town food? Prefer town stops often or prefer longer between? Resupply in towns or by drop boxes?
Zero/nero days: How often do you plan to take a zero day? What happens if one of you is sick, unmotivated, waiting for a package, tired of the rain or heat, low on money, having a bad day or injured? Will you get talked into more zero days than you want to stay with a group/partner? Or not get the zero days you really want in order to stay with a partner?
Camping styles: Do you both need/want to camp near water or would one of you prefer a view? Love shelters or hate them? Like company at night around a fire, or quiet nights? Privy or dig a hole?
Communication styles: Is one of you a yeller when they're upset? Does somebody bury their concerns and stew and then act passively aggressive or blow up randomly? Does somebody think out loud about every possible action until you are going crazy? How well do your personalities match?
Cookerhiker
05-19-2013, 14:47
In 2004, I joined my friend Northern Harrier for the first 100 miles of his thruhike. We were college friends but hadn't even seen each other for 30+ years, let alone hike together. So it was a crapshoot albeit a less-risky one since by design, we would only be together 10 days. We were lucky - things went almost perfectly. Our paces were compatible as were our wake up times (early) and end-of-the-day times. Since then, we've hiked together half a dozen times including the entire 480 mile Colorado Trail where we ended up sharing my stove and Aqua Mira.
I now realize how lucky it was that we're in sync on hiking styles and preferences. My GF (who I met on the Trail) are also hiking-compatible. But for any hikes where neither can go with me, I'm loathe to find a hiking partner which is why this year's hike of the southernmost 50 miles of the JMT will be solo.
These thoughts are due to some of the issues that came up with me and the group I met and joined on the AT. I think it's good to talk about these things ahead of time, but don't think that you'll really know the answers until you're out there, unless you have already done some long hiking trips before this. Sometimes your ideas about what you think you want change when you actually get out there and get going. Communication is important. If you find yourself chafing at something or resenting something, you need to talk about it, but hopefully you will both be able to enjoy the hike and each of you get most of your needs met, and some of your wants.
If, after everything, you're not enjoying your hike because of your current partner, there are a lot of other potential partners out there on the AT who might be a better match for your hiking style.
I agree with having your own gear so that if you get separated (it can happen easier than you think) that nobody is left in a dangerous situation without needed gear.
Here are just a few thoughts:
Compare morning styles: Early riser or sleep in? Quick or slow to pack up? Cook breakfast or munch on a bar while hiking? Alarm or not?
Compare hiking styles: Slow and steady with small breaks? Fast with longer breaks? Needy hiker who wants constant company and talking? Solitary hiker who needs time alone? Stop to take pictures often? Like to meditate somewhere along the way? Like to talk to everybody who passes? If hiking together, do you stop every time the other person stops for a pee break or to tie a shoe or any other reason?
Compare mileage goals: Does one want to do bigger miles while the other won't/can't (both will feel stress over this)? Do either of you have a time or other deadline to finish the AT? Will anybody be visiting friends/family along the way or leaving for an event (wedding, etc.)?
Compare town/hostel styles: Like to do laundry and shower every chance you get? Have enough money for hostels/hotels/town food? Prefer town stops often or prefer longer between? Resupply in towns or by drop boxes?
Zero/nero days: How often do you plan to take a zero day? What happens if one of you is sick, unmotivated, waiting for a package, tired of the rain or heat, low on money, having a bad day or injured? Will you get talked into more zero days than you want to stay with a group/partner? Or not get the zero days you really want in order to stay with a partner?
Camping styles: Do you both need/want to camp near water or would one of you prefer a view? Love shelters or hate them? Like company at night around a fire, or quiet nights? Privy or dig a hole?
Communication styles: Is one of you a yeller when they're upset? Does somebody bury their concerns and stew and then act passively aggressive or blow up randomly? Does somebody think out loud about every possible action until you are going crazy? How well do your personalities match?
This just about says it all - put it in the "Articles" section!
BostonBlue
05-19-2013, 14:47
All excellent considerations!
Planning on hiking with a buddy on AT thru 2014. Any suggestions as to potential pitfalls? Anything that you would do differently if you were hiking the trail again with a partner? Mainly we are hoping to avoid common problems that split up hiking partners other than pace and injury.
I'm in the camp that says each hiking partner, when not in an organized large hiking group with specific leaders, maintain some level of independence. ALL manner of factors play into being able or not being able to hike with other people. Being with the same person doing much the same thing for LONG hrs and days and wks on end can strain even the best of relationships. It can be difficult for one newbie wanna be a a thru-hiker to actually complete a thru-hike. When you throw two people like this together for several months IT CAN, BUT NOT ALWAYS BE, more difficult. AGAIN, this IS NOT always the situation. Individual personalities, levels of adaptability, economics, agendas, hiking philosophies, hiking strategies, physical and mental traits, kit set ups, etc etc etc are SOME of what can cause friction between hiking partners. It's really very similar to getting along with co workers, spouses, etc but with thru-hiking you tend to be around this one other person to an even greater extent. If it's one's strong desire to thru-hike, which is always the situation for me, plan to be able to go on by yourself IF things with the hiking buddy aren't working out.
I often solo but when I do fall in with a group or even just one other hiker I NEVER hike with them all day or all wk or always camp with them. I really can't stand hiking with the same people all the time. Maybe they would soon say that about me if I was with them all the time too. And, some of these hiking friends(male and female) are my life long friends who have been my friends off the trail too. Keep your friends(hiking buddies) close but not too close!
I can't help but apply to my hiking situation what I heard Richard Pryor say about his male/female relationships. Spend some time apart. Then, get back together and **** like rabbits.
All excellent considerations!
I've hiked the PCT with two partners the whole way and I hiked the LT with a partner.
You have to like the person in the woods and find their hiking style similar to yours -ie Speed, zero days, where to camp, etc..
You have to be willing to compromise quite often - so does the other person
Be capable of traveling independent of one another - either for a little while or Permanently.
Don't share gear unless it's like a water filter or something small, but always have the other person carry water tabs or bleach if they are left alone.
After 4 months on the PCT our relationship was seriously strained, but not broken. We had Arguments along the way and I even hiked alone for a day or two over the course of the entire trail, but in the end we started together and finished together.
LT was easier because it was shorter and I decided to allow my hiking partner's ability and comfort level dictate the pace, but we were pretty similar in terms of speed, philosophy on resupply, not staying at shelters, and over all disposition.
make sure you have hike for awhile with this person ahead of time and see how it goes - I'd say at least five days.
You also have to decide what you will do if one of you gets hurt and can't hike anymore or doesn't want to hike anymore.
That's all I can think of for now....