View Full Version : Wives????
bailyrosco
07-20-2005, 11:07
This question is directed mainly to Footslogger but I am sure there are more of you in the same boat. I was reading your (Footslogger) 20 questions answers and noticed your replies somewhat depended on or included help from your wife. My question is how you got her motivated to support, help and understand the purpose of the hike. I am struggling on getting mine to understand I want the dream to become a reality and I need her support and help. I have even gone as far to set up monthly trips for her and my daughter to take to see me on the trail. I welcome all feedback from this topic. I hope some advice will come my way that will me help her understand.
Yo Baileyrosco:
GOOD LUCK with (what seems to be) the insurmountable TASK @ hand!
I still am working on my wife to "allow" me to tackle a THRU-HIKE in a few years....
I got "granted" a 3 week "ALLOWANCE" on the trail this year...but, have been told...it'll only be 1 week in 2006.
My wife is a DAY-HIKER @ best...& needs a "real bed & a shower" @ the end of her days hike....
THE BEST o' LUCK to you my trail friend! :D
Footslogger
07-20-2005, 11:27
This question is directed mainly to Footslogger but I am sure there are more of you in the same boat. I was reading your (Footslogger) 20 questions answers and noticed your replies somewhat depended on or included help from your wife. My question is how you got her motivated to support, help and understand the purpose of the hike. I am struggling on getting mine to understand I want the dream to become a reality and I need her support and help. I have even gone as far to set up monthly trips for her and my daughter to take to see me on the trail. I welcome all feedback from this topic. I hope some advice will come my way that will me help her understand.======================================= ========
Well ...if it wasn't my wife it would be someone else. Not impossible, but pretty hard to pull off a thru-hike without some type of support.
But let me answer your questions directly. First off, in my case there is no motivation involved or needed for that matter. My wife is a hiker and almost completed the AT in 2001. She was injured and missed Mass and Vermont. As we speak she is hiking those states with a friend (I have to pay the bills and feed the cats). So ...the roles are reversed and I'm providing support for her (and the other hiker).
I think you're on the right track in terms of getting her involved. She may never share your dream or want to set foot on the trail for any great distance but I think it helps if they can see what guys like you and me find so captivating about the trail and hiking. Pick a gorgeous spot on the trail and a weekend with some nice weather and camp out.
Does she like to write ?? Get her to chronicle your hike(s). That may allow her to find/maintain interest in the overall process without actually doing any hiking.
In the end though ...some people never really do "get it". My wife and I both have friends who totally believe we are certifyably nuts. We get comments like ..."can't you DRIVE there??" and ..."why would anyone want to work that hard just to get from one point to another??". I am among the "lucky ones" who has a wife, partner and soulmate who shares my passion for hiking and just plain being out in the woods. Be patient and understanding.
I wish you all the best in getting your wife to understand why we do it and to take an active interest in supporting your addiction.
'Slogger
The Solemates
07-20-2005, 11:36
===============================================
I am among the "lucky ones" who has a wife, partner and soulmate who shares my passion for hiking and just plain being out in the woods. 'Slogger
dont steal our thunder now :D im in the same fortunate boat...we love hiking and playing together (although my hopes for the PCT are diminishing due to my wife's ever-prominent desire to have a baby.
but i aggree with FS, take her to an awesome place. start out slow. just drive to an awesome place and have an afternoon picnic. next do a 1 mile hike with a picnic. then do 2-3 miles. then do a 5 mile dayhike. eventually, do a 10 mile day hike. THEN, do car camping. then do camping after walking 1 mile. gradually lull her in...
Footslogger
07-20-2005, 11:39
[QUOTE=The Solemates]dont steal our thunder now :D im in the same fortunate boat...we love hiking and playing together (although my hopes for the PCT are diminishing due to my wife's ever-prominent desire to have a baby.
====================================
Gotcha there man ...no babies in the plan for old Footslogger and BadAss Turtle. Been there, done that ...got the T-shirt (and the debt)
'Slogger
Yo Baileyrosco:
GOOD LUCK with (what seems to be) the insurmountable TASK @ hand!
I still am working on my wife to "allow" me to tackle a THRU-HIKE in a few years....
I got "granted" a 3 week "ALLOWANCE" on the trail this year...but, have been told...it'll only be 1 week in 2006. :Dwow
what would happen if you disobeyed and stayed out an extra week next year?
i am glad my wife understands my need to be in the woods,i take her on shorts hikes overnight she loves it,but she knows i need to do the long hikes alone:cool: neo
Footslogger
07-20-2005, 12:18
i am glad my wife understands my need to be in the woods,i take her on shorts hikes overnight she loves it,but she knows i need to do the long hikes alone:cool: neo===========================================
My biggest problem is that when I plan a hike (long or short) my wife always wants to go with me ...and sometimes can't. Works both ways though, as I said earlier, since she and a friend are doing 230 miles (Mass and VT) as we speak and I'm stuck working.
'Slogger
While it would be nice, you can't expect your wife (or kids, or in-laws, or co-workers, etc..) to understand - ever. Unless of course she signed up for this when she married you. :D
Best of luck! This is a tough one.
This is one of the most frequent reasons hikers do not finish. Yet, it is often unspoken. Spouses may reluctantly, even appearing to be supportive, "allow" you to go. But as the months go on, it is more and more difficult for them to be alone. Resentment builds. I have a friend who chose the hike over her husband and now they are divorced. In my case, I don't think it would have come to divorce, but I chose my husband over the hike. He knows how much I love the trail, but he needed to know that I love him more. Several friends had similar experiences. Meeting frequently can make a big difference, but that was not an option for me. I had to make up my mind that sections are okay. Unfortunately, often Whiteblaze and TJ and other forums lead you to think that sectioners are somehow less worthy of credit. Bonds between hiking friends may be stronger due to the amount of time spent together, but the hike is still what matters. So do it however you can. But think about what is more important to you.
Footslogger
07-20-2005, 12:58
Unfortunately, often Whiteblaze and TJ and other forums lead you to think that sectioners are somehow less worthy of credit. Bonds between hiking friends may be stronger due to the amount of time spent together, but the hike is still what matters. So do it however you can. But think about what is more important to you.
=====================================
Well ...I feel fortunate to have had 6+ months to devote to my hike in 2003. And a lot of that is due to my wife and the great relationship/understanding that we have.
That said, I have a great deal of respect for those who hang in there year after year and knock it out a section at at time. I only had to get ready for my hike once. Section hikers have to get ready over and over again, not to mention getting in shape each time they hit the trail for another section.
In my opinion, section hikers deserve no less credit than thru-hikers. What's most important is the dream and seeing it through to the finish, regardless of how you get there.
'Slogger
Big Dawg
07-20-2005, 15:06
Well said Footslogger... :clap
Hey, this works both ways as OldKathy stated. I'm planning a thru-hike in 2006 and my husband is lending reluctant support. He just doesn't like to hike. He does, however like to use the computer so he will be roped in as my support crew. I do respect his concern for me being on the trail alone, but, wish he were as excited. The main concern voiced is not as much the absence, but, the inablility to talk daily. He says it is one thing to be gone, but entirely another not to know where I would be and what was happening.
Section hikers are great! They deserve as much if not more kudos than thru-hikers as they employ much more patience and persistance than folks like me who want to do it all NOW.
The General
07-20-2005, 16:52
I was Lucky enough to be to be allowed out to play in the woods for six months last year to hike the AT leaving my wife and children at home in England I shouldered my pack and headed for Georgia, not only was I allowed to travel to another country to wander in the woods but I also was travelling with a female friend who was also attempting a Thru Hike. Understanding Wife I hear you say!! not at all, better to let me wander than be a bear in a cage. Many people asked me what I would do if on returning home my wife asked for a divorce. Simple was my reply "THE PCT". Presently working on the good lady to be allowed across the pond again next year, It's going to work out more expensive than my last hike as she wants a new extension on the house??? Small price to pay to be back on the trail.
See You all in 2006 wife or DIVORCE willing.
I thru hiked the AT, got married and had kids, and now am section hiking the CDT. Although my wife is understanding, she doesn't like to see me go. One thing I do is give her lots of advance notice. I let her know four years in advance of my first CDT section hike.
Unfortunately, on day 19 of that hike, I ended up in the hospital (for dehydration), went home three days later, then got seriously ill with a tick ailment (the tick organism took about a week to incubate before symptoms kicked in). Initially, my illness was misdiagnosed, finally a doc up on rickettsia got me on the right antibiotic. Come to find out later that a bunch of tick diseases can be fatal in a small percentage of cases (especially older individuals - me!!).
Now my wife is understandably even more reluctant to see me off.
smokymtnsteve
07-20-2005, 17:04
wives..
multiples?? more than one>just like the patriarches in the old testament??
myself I prefer a nyphpomaniac girlfriend :jump
LIhikers
07-21-2005, 08:35
Like Footslogger, I'm one of the lucky ones whos wife likes to hike as much as I do. Well be leaving for our section hike the end of July. First we have to get the northern 65 to 70 miles of PA. Then we'll drive up to Salisburry, CT and hike toward MA for as many days we have left to our vacation. As section hikers we're working on a 15 year plan because that's how long I have until I can retire. We expect to have from Harper's Ferry north thru ME finished by then. Then once I retire we'll start in GA and only have to make it to Harper's Ferry to be able to say we've done the whole trail. Of course if the trip is going well and we're feeling good we'll just keep going in an attempt for a thru hike.
HikerHobo
07-21-2005, 08:45
Hiker Hobo came home from a long-distance hike
to find his son riding a new 21 speed mountain
bike. "Where did you get the money for the bike?
It must have cost $300," he asked. "Easy, Dad,"
little Johnny replied. "I earned it hiking." "Come
on Johnny," Hiker Hobo said. "Tell me the truth."
"That is the truth!" Johnny replied. "Every night
you were gone, Mom's boss, Mr. Reynolds, would
come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $20 bill
and tell me to take a hike!"
Spirit Walker
07-21-2005, 09:35
Before you start your thruhike, it will really help if she is on board to support you. Otherwise you risk being emotionally split while you are on the trail between what is happening at home and what is happening on the trail. It makes it much harder to hike when your heart is divided that way. This hike is going to be really important to you - the center of your life for a long time, before, during and afterwards. It may change you in ways you can't predict. If she doesn't understand why you want to go, or support you while you are gone, she really won't understand what you become in the long run. Have you read the "Thruhiking Papers"? Reading those may give her a better idea of the whole thruhiking culture and some of the issues for those left behind. Have you watched some trail videos together? Can you bring her to the Gathering or a Ruck to meet some thruhikers and their partners? Does she have long term dreams you can support her on - going to school, or Italy, or starting a business? Will your going on the trail mean serious complications for her - financially, emotionally, etc.? I know it can be very hard when one person ends up as having to deal with family issues alone while the other is off "having fun". Can you adjust your timing to make it as easy on her as possible?
Having the assistance of a spouse is helpful, but not essential to a thruhike. You can do your own maildrops, buying on the trail as much as possible and sending boxes from large towns to smaller ones along the way. If she dislikes the idea of all the work involved in sending out 26 maildrops - then don't do it. More important really is what you are coming home to afterwards. If you ignore her resistence to your hike, you may not have a marriage to come home to. It is in your best interest to think of the long term - not just what you want for a six month hike, but what you want/need for the long term. If the hike is really important to you, something you have long dreamed of doing, then you need to do whatever you can to show her why it matters to you. It would be nice if she went with you - she would have a much greater understanding of it - but if that just isn't going to happen, then the next step is to show her why you want it - through videos, books, meeting hikers, etc.
Blue Jay
07-22-2005, 10:08
This question is directed mainly to Footslogger but I am sure there are more of you in the same boat. I was reading your (Footslogger) 20 questions answers and noticed your replies somewhat depended on or included help from your wife. My question is how you got her motivated to support, help and understand the purpose of the hike. I am struggling on getting mine to understand I want the dream to become a reality and I need her support and help. I have even gone as far to set up monthly trips for her and my daughter to take to see me on the trail. I welcome all feedback from this topic. I hope some advice will come my way that will me help her understand.
Bottom line is Footslogger is simply the luckiest SOB on the trail. If you ever get the chance to meet his wife you will agree with me. He never had to get her motivated to support, help or understand anything, she already does. I am completely and totally envious.
Footslogger
07-22-2005, 11:18
Bottom line is Footslogger is simply the luckiest SOB on the trail. If you ever get the chance to meet his wife you will agree with me. He never had to get her motivated to support, help or understand anything, she already does. I am completely and totally envious.===================================
I resemble that statement !! ...and I appreciate the kind words.
By the way Blue Jay ...she's headed your way. She started hiking northbound at S Egremont on 7/20. I gave her your number. She'll be in touch.
'Slogger
I am reading this (as a wife, but also as a hiker) and trying to figure out something to say that would help you. This is so much less about hiking and so much more about mutual respect of ideals and dreams. If my husband were to come and tell me he was going off to live in with another woman for 6 months, I would ...ummm..."disapprove"...if he wanted to do his thru hike when we had mutually made an insurmountable amount of debt and he just wanted to walk off and leave me with it--I might be a little mad. But if the situation is such that someone wants to fulfill a goal like this, I could not object. Of course, I'd miss him--I'd want to be with him hiking! But I don't view it as my "right" to approve or disapprove of where he goes or what he does, provided it doesn't break our commitment to one another as a couple (meaning infidelity and the like).
I guess that doesn't help--if it were me, and I was certain that things were okay financially at home while I was gone, I guess I would just try to reassure her and invite her to participate in whatever ways she can and would like to--journaling, sending drop boxes, visiting you in trail towns--whatever. And then follow your own dream.
No where does it say: "For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, and don't you dare consider hiking the AT."
Good luck.
Spirit Walker & Gumball give great advice. I am in a similar position as you - my wife is the antithesis of outdoorsy and has zero interest in hiking the trail. Now, my hike is still a few years out but here's what seems to be working for me. When I first told my wife I wanted to hike the trail, she didn't like it one bit for all the usual reasons - thought I'd get hurt or killed, didn't want me gone for that long, etc. This was about 2 years ago. Since then, as I've continued to talk about it she has slowly started warming up to it. I've bought books on the AT, I read WhiteBlaze when we're both in the computer room, I take day hikes locally (a couple of times she actually came along), I tell her stories from the journals that I read. Lots of little stuff that shows her that I'm serious about this and really want to do this. And use common sense, don't constantly talk about it to the point it irritates her. Catch her when she's in a good mood. I am also planning my hike for a period when I won't be working and we won't need the income. My wife still isn't thrilled with the idea, but she's definitely more supportive than when I first brought it up and by the time I actually do hike, I think she'll be 100% behind me. The point I'm trying to make is that it takes a while for people to get used to the idea - if I had come in December and told my wife I was hiking in March, I would never have gotten her support. Find out what she doesn't like about your hike, be sympathetic and then do what you can to allay those concerns. Good luck.
Okay....well here's my two cents worth....
My husband and I planned this hike together for 4 years (!!)....we started together on March 12 of this year....after a few weeks and some constant nagging guilt laid on my by my mother....I came off the trail.
(a side note - I am American, live in the UK, but my mother is in Florida and at the time we started the trail she was still in the midst of cleaning up after Ivan)
So I went off the trail.....only to go back to the trail 2 weeks later and then have to come back to England because I had already booked a flight back.
Well this turned out to be a great opportunity for me to bring my husband's boys BACK to the trail at the end of May (my step kids). Which we did.
My husband in the meantime is still hiking! I completely support what he is doing and only WISH I had his strength to continue.
BUT - as a woman I will tell you one thing that REALLY bothered me. When I came back to the trail the first time - one young female thru hiker had latched herself onto my husband. And I mean blatantly in front of me. Know I know that things are different on the trail, but that doesn't mean that common decency should go out the window. She KNOWS me and insisted on flirting openly with him and batting her eyelashes in his direction - IN FRONT OF ME! She even went so far as to say "When she goes back to England - I'm going to hook up with her husband" (she said this to another hiker - who proceeded to tell her that was not a good idea, etc)
Now I trust my husband....BUT after I came back with the boys - she still kept popping up all over the place....and she also insisted on calling him by his Christian name in front of me, instead of his trail name. She was WAY too cosy for my liking.
WELL, she is now off the trail (no I didn't kill her ;) ) - she got an injury. Now she held my husband back for 5 days on his hike to help her. My husband would go out of his way to help ANYONE - it's his nature.
BUT - all of this is going on while I am 4,000 miles away! I think I can relate to the wife's perspective of "not knowing what's going on"....I hate to say this but there are needy female hikers out there that will latch on to any man that will help them.
BTW my husband was the THIRD man she latched onto.
Obviously there are predators everywhere - but since a lot of this happened right in front of me I am still miffed!
These types of situations DO OCCUR on the trail, so they need to be adressed to your wife BEFORE you go. You need to have her full support and trust!
I am off the trail - and yes I have regrets (and not just because of this girl)...I wish I could have finished it - but there you go - it's not for me. I completely support my husband in what he is doing and I have made some great friends from the trail.
I may turn into a section hiker - but I am okay with that.
At this point though - I am putting it behind me and making plans to be in Maine for when my husband summits Katahdin at the end of September.
Anyway...that's probably more than 2 cents....
SGT Rock
07-23-2005, 13:40
I think I met your husband in the Smokies. He goes by Snowman doesn't he?
Yep that's him. I had gone off the trail before the Smokies and joined him again in Hot Springs.
Buckingham
07-23-2005, 14:40
My wife knew when we first met that I was a hiking freak. A year later, in 2002, she made her first ever section hike with me at Delaware Water Gap. Even though there were times when I know she was struggling, she never once bitched. By the end, she not only understood my obbsession, but found she liked hiking as well. Now that we have our daughter, both of us going is damn near impossible, but in another 5 years or so when our little angel is a bit older, we plan a full family hike. I can't wait. In the interim, my wife fully supports me when I go section hiking with my buddies. She knows it is like therapy for me, and I will come back a much happier man.
SGT Rock
07-23-2005, 14:42
I tried to respond to your PM, but you blocked receiving them...
I remember Snowman as a guy that ALWAYS seemed to be having fun. He even built a little snowman at the shelter we were at. If he ever mentioned a feed at Mt Collins Shelter, I was one of they guys helping with that. He seemed like a great guy that was very friendly. I wouldn't worry about him, probably so friendly that she has taken a liking to him, but he seemed too smart to let that mess him up.
Good luck!
Sorry, I had just noticed that my email address was wrong after I sent that PM, so had to wait for the activation email...I didn't mean to block your PM! :)
Thanks for the reply....I will have to go through his journal and see if he mentions that "FEED"....it seems anything to do with FOOD he mentions in detail! ;)
The hardest thing I think for wives is the time apart.
In my case I had to come and get a place to live, get a job, stayed with inlaws for 3 weeks and then a friend for 1 week....all on my own. I am pleased at getting everything together (especially the wireless networking in the flat!!), but I do miss my husband and I miss the daily contact with him. I think that will be true for any spouse not doing the hike. Compounded of course with doing all of this in a country that is foreign to me!!! When I first moved over here - he had taken care of all of these kinds of things.
So it's a growth period too. For wives that are "left behind" it's time for personal growth and testing just how strong you can be on your own. I welcomed the challenge - but on idle days, I do get a bit lonely.
The main thing though is that he's having the time of his life and I am getting prepared for the changes in him for when he comes back. My transition from trail to "real life" was NOT easy and I only did 300 miles and a couple of weeks at a time!! What's it going to be like for him?! Time will tell.
I am going to surround our apartment with framed photos of the trail and little mementos. I won't make it a shrine - just subtle things to show him how much his thru hike means to me.
I hope that makes sense....sorry to ramble on... :rolleyes:
SGT Rock
07-23-2005, 15:28
Army wives (well spouses) and hiker spouses have things in common. My wife is VERY practiced at it.
Army wives (well spouses) and hiker spouses have things in common. My wife is VERY practiced at it.
Maybe I should be chatting to her for advice!! ;)
bailyrosco
07-25-2005, 05:52
I want to thank everyone for the great advice and the words of encouragement. My biggest snag is that since I have turned 40 I have been consumed by wanting to plan this hike with in the next 5 years (3 now) She knew I was an outdoorsman but had no idea I wanted to do something this big when she married me. She has started reading WB and I hope she will find some interest or understanding on what you get out of being on the trail or just being outside and away from the city lights. I will keep you posted and thanks again.
justusryans
07-25-2005, 08:10
I got a good one, she not only supports me she is going with me!
bailyrosco
07-25-2005, 08:25
Well that punch to the gut did not hurt all that bad!!!!:datz
I underestimated and under prepared for the emotional stain my wife's concern about me being on the AT would have on me. It was the principle reason that I left the Trail. Things that I thought would hlep draw her in my dream backfired. I'm on some daily meds, so I asked her to send them to me once a month. Wrong plan. She was nervous about me getting them on time and afraid she might send them to the wrong place, etc, etc. Refilling the Rx and breaking down the next three months batch -- similar problem. How about coming to visit me? Seemed great to me. Only increased the tension. She would have to fly in an unfamililar airport. Rent a car. Drive over unfamiliar roads to some unfamiliar place. What if I didn't show up? Oh. And she was really worried about me not having a cell phone to call for help when I had the heart attack. Didn't do any good to tell her a cell phone is not all that reliable on the AT. What to do? In 2006 I'll carry a cell phone. (Lets not get that thread started again, please). I'll try to contact her daily. I'll fly home every 3-4 weeks. That will cut in my time, but hey, I'm a sectioner anyway. Will it cost? I'm working three part time jobs. Gotta get the priorities straight though. It doesn't do me any good on the AT worrying about my wife at home. Oh, if you didn't get it, Beverly doesn't hike. Bob
In 2006 I'll carry a cell phone. (Lets not get that thread started again, please).
Not going to start up a cell phone debate - but...I carried one and it got us out of a few jams. Like getting a shuttle into Franklin. When I got a signal there were 10 very happy hikers!
One thing I will say - is if you can - get an international cell phone. I brought mine over from the UK and I could *borrow* any network. The cost of calls was quite high - but I wasn't retricted to one network. So when some people couldn't get a signal - I had 2-3 networks to choose from.
Just an idea....
How many of your wives think you hike too much and how do you handle it?
All of my wives think I hike too much. :rolleyes: