bitpusher
07-27-2005, 17:06
July 14, 2056 MT. KATAHDIN, MAINE (AP) - The covering of last few miles of the Appalachian Trail was completed today, as the covered escalator to the summit of Mt. Katahdin in Maine was officially opened.
"Now, literally anyone can thru-hike the AT," said Bert Beeterman, official with the US National Park Service. "The entire trail is covered over, and except for a few spots where it was impossible to reduce, there is no more than a 2% grade. And in those places, like here at Katahdin, we have installed these nifty escalators. The best part about it is that you don't even really have to go outside anymore! And if you're in a motorized wheelchair, you need only stop at one of our convenient hostel/resupply/recharge stations which are placed every mile or so along the route, and you can recharge your battery. And with the integral wireless Yottabit Ethernet, there's no reason not to be online the entire time you're on the trail!"
There was a small group of dissenters, however, on hand to protest what they were calling "The Taming of the Appalachian Trail". Smelling strongly of body odor and wearing strange "weatherproof" clothing, they held up signs saying "Keep the AT wild!" and "It's supposed to be a footpath, not a roadway!"
Mr. Beeterman shrugged off their comments, saying that it was merely a group of anti-government agitators interested only in their own agenda. "I also understand that many of them are, well, against disabled persons using the trail at all, at least if I understand their 'footpath only' rhetoric properly," added Mr. Beeterman. "With 34% of the American public officially disabled, it would be unseemly to deny use of an Official National Park to such a large portion of the citizenry of this country."
When asked how the NPS was able to build such a structure in Baxter State Park, where such development was banned by the Baxter's original grant agreement to the State of Maine, Mr. Beeterman just smiled and said, "Two words, Eminent Domain," and added no other comment.
The first hiker to use the escalator to the top of Mt. Katahdin was Casey Moore, a 19-year-old Sophomore from the University of Western Bronx. When asked how he felt about completing the goal of becoming a thru-hiker of the Appalachian Trail, he stated, "Appalachian Trail? Is that what this is? I was touring the zoo at Bear Mountain 3 months ago and I took a wrong turn, got separated from the tour group, and ended up here! It's been a lot of fun though, and I didn't even miss out on any classes because I was doing distance learning anyway." He stopped for a moment, leaned over to take a drink out of one of the many water fountains installed along the route, then spoke again. "I really liked all the hostels too. So comfortable and warm." Any complaints? "No, not really. I got a blister and that hurt, but nothing major." Where, on your foot? "Oh heck no, on my right thumb. I spent a whole day playing Gran Turismo 76 at one of the hostels, on its Playstation Platinum 93, and because the direct brain interface was broken, I had to actually use a handset to play the game. That was hard! It sucked too, for my thumb to hurt like that."
As Mr. Moore stepped onto the escalator to ascend Mt. Katahdin, the group of protestors grew louder and more shrill. Shouts of "Faker!" and "Yellow-blazer!" were heard as he rode the escalator on its slow journey to the top. When he returned, he seemed distressed.
"It was...weird. There's a little place up there, that's actually outside. I was afraid to go at first, but that's where the big sign is, so I went out there. Then I realized I could see really far, not like a few hundred meters, but maybe even for kilometers. It made me feel small, like a bug. Like, maybe I'm not the only reason the world exists after all." Then, Mr. Moore began to cry.
When asked about why there was still a part of the AT outside, Mr. Beeterman sighed loudly and motioned to the protestors. "Well, we had to throw them a bone, so the Katahdin sign and the plaques on Springer Mtn. in Georgia are actually still outside. We had to give them something so we could completely cover the rest of the trail. We wanted to re-route it away from the wilderness and through most of the Eastern urban zone, but they wouldn't let us do that either. Unfortunately, they seem to have Justices Mitchell and Brockman in their back pocket, for some reason."
At this point, Mr. Beeterman had to terminate our conversation so he could wheel over to a maintenance station, for his life-support machinery's daily preventive maintenance. But one could still tell he was proud of what he had done, making the Appalachian Trail accessible, even to a disembodied head like himself.
"Now, literally anyone can thru-hike the AT," said Bert Beeterman, official with the US National Park Service. "The entire trail is covered over, and except for a few spots where it was impossible to reduce, there is no more than a 2% grade. And in those places, like here at Katahdin, we have installed these nifty escalators. The best part about it is that you don't even really have to go outside anymore! And if you're in a motorized wheelchair, you need only stop at one of our convenient hostel/resupply/recharge stations which are placed every mile or so along the route, and you can recharge your battery. And with the integral wireless Yottabit Ethernet, there's no reason not to be online the entire time you're on the trail!"
There was a small group of dissenters, however, on hand to protest what they were calling "The Taming of the Appalachian Trail". Smelling strongly of body odor and wearing strange "weatherproof" clothing, they held up signs saying "Keep the AT wild!" and "It's supposed to be a footpath, not a roadway!"
Mr. Beeterman shrugged off their comments, saying that it was merely a group of anti-government agitators interested only in their own agenda. "I also understand that many of them are, well, against disabled persons using the trail at all, at least if I understand their 'footpath only' rhetoric properly," added Mr. Beeterman. "With 34% of the American public officially disabled, it would be unseemly to deny use of an Official National Park to such a large portion of the citizenry of this country."
When asked how the NPS was able to build such a structure in Baxter State Park, where such development was banned by the Baxter's original grant agreement to the State of Maine, Mr. Beeterman just smiled and said, "Two words, Eminent Domain," and added no other comment.
The first hiker to use the escalator to the top of Mt. Katahdin was Casey Moore, a 19-year-old Sophomore from the University of Western Bronx. When asked how he felt about completing the goal of becoming a thru-hiker of the Appalachian Trail, he stated, "Appalachian Trail? Is that what this is? I was touring the zoo at Bear Mountain 3 months ago and I took a wrong turn, got separated from the tour group, and ended up here! It's been a lot of fun though, and I didn't even miss out on any classes because I was doing distance learning anyway." He stopped for a moment, leaned over to take a drink out of one of the many water fountains installed along the route, then spoke again. "I really liked all the hostels too. So comfortable and warm." Any complaints? "No, not really. I got a blister and that hurt, but nothing major." Where, on your foot? "Oh heck no, on my right thumb. I spent a whole day playing Gran Turismo 76 at one of the hostels, on its Playstation Platinum 93, and because the direct brain interface was broken, I had to actually use a handset to play the game. That was hard! It sucked too, for my thumb to hurt like that."
As Mr. Moore stepped onto the escalator to ascend Mt. Katahdin, the group of protestors grew louder and more shrill. Shouts of "Faker!" and "Yellow-blazer!" were heard as he rode the escalator on its slow journey to the top. When he returned, he seemed distressed.
"It was...weird. There's a little place up there, that's actually outside. I was afraid to go at first, but that's where the big sign is, so I went out there. Then I realized I could see really far, not like a few hundred meters, but maybe even for kilometers. It made me feel small, like a bug. Like, maybe I'm not the only reason the world exists after all." Then, Mr. Moore began to cry.
When asked about why there was still a part of the AT outside, Mr. Beeterman sighed loudly and motioned to the protestors. "Well, we had to throw them a bone, so the Katahdin sign and the plaques on Springer Mtn. in Georgia are actually still outside. We had to give them something so we could completely cover the rest of the trail. We wanted to re-route it away from the wilderness and through most of the Eastern urban zone, but they wouldn't let us do that either. Unfortunately, they seem to have Justices Mitchell and Brockman in their back pocket, for some reason."
At this point, Mr. Beeterman had to terminate our conversation so he could wheel over to a maintenance station, for his life-support machinery's daily preventive maintenance. But one could still tell he was proud of what he had done, making the Appalachian Trail accessible, even to a disembodied head like himself.