Getting the guilt trip?

[flatfeet]

A few years ago I did a short section hike- Springer to Franklin. I've always wanted to get back to the trail with
the opportunity to hike longer.

I've got that opportunity now. I'm single, no real bills/mortgage, and the savings to hike as long as like. The thing I got against
me is that I'm 35. When I mention wanting to hike the AT, I find I'm getting the "when are you going to settle down"? speech.

Just curious to hear what resistance other's encountered when mentioning their AT hike dreams.

Thanks.

[HikerMom58]

I don't think you should worry about what others think and just do what you want to do.

Question: Why does it say ur age is 43 on ur profile?

[erieite]

I plan on attempting a thru-hike in 4 years when I retire at 62. Don't listen to the naysayers. When are you going to grow up? Hopefully Never!!

[aficion]

I plan on attempting a thru-hike in 4 years when I retire at 62. Don't listen to the naysayers. When are you going to grow up? Hopefully Never!!

People would ask me what I would do when I grow up. I replied you mean "if". Now its a foregone conclusion it is just not going to happen. Thank God.

[FarmerChef]

Life's too short to worry about what everybody else thinks. The more money I make the less important it seems. What good is all the money in the world if you can't enjoy it? Do something you love and love it. If, someday, you love settling down then do that. Otherwise, enjoy it as you see fit.

[MuddyWaters]

Just do it.

Live your life, the way that makes you happy.

Many people that have "settled down" are really not happy.They just dont say it, or maybe even realize it.

13% of americans, mostly young and middle aged, take anti-depressants. Many more cope with alcohol. Some cope with leisure activities.

The average life is mundane, and saddled with debt is much like being in a prison. The american dream is really more like a nightmare.

[aficion]

The most common shortcoming of people that I have observed, is simply the failure to figure out how to enjoy this life they have been given. Life is an amazing gift. Enjoy it!

[aficion]

"Open your eyes
Realize you're not dead
Take a look at an open book
Do what you like, that's what I said
Do what you like" Blind Faith...The Album


Read more: Blind Faith - Do What You Like Lyrics | MetroLyrics (http://www.metrolyrics.com/do-what-you-like-lyrics-blind-faith.html#ixzz2kD1HkFxE)

[Not Sunshine]

a few years ago i was unhappy with my job/city and i wanted to quit work, pack it up, and hike the AT. my mother begged me to at LEAST start by looking for a job closer to the AT (I was 6 hours away) first. So, I did. And an amazing job in the PERFECT town [for me] fell into my lap. it's been > 3 years now and i'm happier than i ever thought i could be! i can drop everything on off days and drive 15 minutes up to the trail to hike or do magic. unfortunately for mom, i'm still single and she's without grandchildren. i suppose she picked her battles. :-p other people told me i was CRAZY for moving in the first place.

so i dismissed some advice...took other advice with a grain of salt...and listened to what was in MY heart.

it's paid off well. :)
maybe i'll thru hike someday. i hope. perhaps i can retire early.

[Rwood]

Do it baby, do it!

[Likes2travel]

None of us are guaranteed tomorrow. Do it while you knee's, back, feet, etc. are in good enough shape to do it.

[stranger]

Don't listen to them, they are expressing their own failures in life.

I'm with ya brother...I'm 38 right now but have heard this all before. Here's what my life has looked like:
- 1994: hiked the Long Trail
- 1995: hike Springer to Troutville, 715 miles
Then tried to 'settle down' which meant working like 60 hours a week and getting nowhere
- 1997-2000: joined punk rock band and put out 7 records, toured the United States
- 2001: hiked Waynesboro to NJ, 500 miles
- 2002: moved to New Zealand with no job and no plan
- 2008: hiked Springer to Atkins, 540 miles
- 2009: moved to Australia
- 2010: drove 17,000 miles around the United States, hiked the Northville-Placid Trail
- 2012: spent 6 weeks in the US, road tripping and some touring, went to Peru and Boliva for 2 weeks
- 2013: went on tour again, 18 shows
- 2014: going on tour in Feb, 20 shows, then moving to Switzerland in June after 5 weeks hiking in the US or Australia

Settle down? What's that? I think most people look at their lives, they see that they haven't done anything worthwhile, and then they see others 'trying' to get something more out of this world. For some reasons the most common reaction is to discourage others from doing what they want, because it's really not about the other person...it's about them.

"I've done nothing but worked my whole life and did what I was told and what society expected from me, therefore that's what EVERYONE should do"

And despite all my experiences over the years, I still managed to remain debt free until recently when we decided to buy a house.

Settle down, at 35? Here's some news for people, life is not a rehearsal, if you are waiting to you retire to live I feel sorry for you. Start living life at 60? Are you kidding me? The most amusing part of it all is that all the people I know who 'settled down' earlier in life have nothing I don't have, other than perhaps a $100,000 jump on my mortgage.

You could go to the doctor tomorrow and find out you have 6 months to live, anything can happen, get out there and live now. If I can do it anyone can, I have a limited education and have a learning disability...doesn't mean jack, I keep going...why not?

Life is there waiting to be lived, get out there and live it because many, many people don't have that choice.

[Mountain Mike]

Do it! Looking back I have no regrets about my hikes (AT. & PCT) I even quit a great job to finish PCT. A few years ago after my dad retired I was having a heart to heart with him & asked what he thought of my hiking. He said he wished at times he was a little more like me. You are still young enough to get another job without to much trouble if your skills are needed. Make memories. Month of hike will bring you ones that a lifetime. How many of those will you get in the same amount of time working?

[Dogwood]

Either go hike the AT or not. Stop blaming others. Get over your own excuses. Troll.

[Starchild]

What that speech sounds like is someone, usually a parent, trying to force the person into their paradign onto how they care to see your life progress, guilt is a common weapon that is used often to 'enforce' this.

May I recommend that the only emotion used to influence your decision should be love (and it's forms such as kindness and caring, which btw is overly abundant on a AT thru). And I would add many of those who say you should to do the AT it is the kindness that one should be following, as they are encouraging you being you and following your heart, but that you need to evaluate.

Good Luck and Happy Hiking

[kayak karl]

2 1/2 years ago you posted something similar about your girlfriend (http://www.whiteblaze.net/forum/showthread.php?69411-Anyone-else-s-parents-that-don-t-care&p=1113796&highlight=#post1113796). and today you're still worried about what people think. if you are telling us the whole truth about no responsibilities, then go. enjoy your trip :)

[Sarcasm the elf]

................

[MuddyWaters]

"settling down" is about child rearing mostly.

And the push to encourage someone to do it, is because women have biological clocks, and they want to do it while they have time.

Wait too long, and finding a woman near your age becomes more difficult.

If thats not in someones plans, there is no reason to ever "settle down".

Plenty of people have kids then ditch them, and continue to lead a nomadic lifestyle. They are generally called scum.

[Bronk]

Somebody once told me "The most interesting people I've met had no idea what they wanted to do with their life when they were 20. They had no idea what they wanted to do with their life when they were 30. Or 40, or 50, or 60." I say never settle down.

[MuddyWaters]

Set out to have ONE really great experience every couple of years
And by the time you are 60, you will have had too many to list

Or, you could just play golf on saturdays with coworkers.
Your choice.

[slbirdnerd]

No one can MAKE you feel guilty, you ALLOW yourself to feel guilty because if them. Stop it. Go hiking and let the rest of us schmucks with too much responsibility live vicariously "thru" you!

[jimmyjam]

Man just do it. What are you waiting for?? I first hiked on the AT at 18 and finally started seriously section hiking it at 55. I enjoy every step of it, but I sure wish I had done it 30 years ago. Get out there and enjoy yourself.

[johnnybgood]

Gosh, I must be crazy then for wanting to hit the reset button at my age. Been settled for 25 years , doing what I needed to make memories for the traditional expectations in life. I've got no regrets, no resentment.

[Leanthree]

I don't see how the two (1- settling down 2- hiking the trail) are mutually exclusive. Your mom or whomever is setting up a false choice.

Plenty of people who are settled down hiked the trail, and plenty of people who aren't settled have hiked the trail.

If being settled down is the goal, and I am not saying that has to be the goal but assuming it is, who is to say that hiking the trail won't get you there faster. Hiking, and the outdoors in general, have a way of teaching people what they need to know. It certainly has for me from time to time. Whatever your goals are, there is a good chance you will figure out a way to reach them along the AT.

[aficion]

Hiking may be the most settling thing I've ever done. One can tend to their chosen commitments and responsibilities and hike too. Guilt as a a matter of conscience needs addressing. Guilt imposed by others is not really possible without your buying in to it. Do what you think is right. There is no other good way to approach anything.

[Zipper]

Yeah. What people said. Live your life, not someone else's version of what your life should be. Best wishes, whatever age you are! :)

[michaelosborne]

Being 21 and announcing that I wanted to thru hike, I got the typical you need to get a real job first, why would you waste all that money on a hike?, and my favorite one "when are you going to GROW UP?"

[Another Kevin]

Being 21 and announcing that I wanted to thru hike, I got the typical you need to get a real job first, why would you waste all that money on a hike?, and my favorite one "when are you going to GROW UP?"

Those comments sound as if they could mean many things.

"I'm strapped by having to support you. You're welcome to do this - on money you've earned yourself." You're old enough not to need anyone's permission to embark on this, but by the same token, you're old enough to pay for it. (If you are paying for it, then you're also much less likely, I think, to fall into the "entitled thru-hiker" mentaility.) Wanting to do this is fine. Saddling parents with the burden of paying for it is .... immature. You're essentially asking them to defer their own retirement - and whatever adventures they might be able to have in it - to support your wandering. That's a bit selfish. It's OK for children to be selfish - dependency is part of being a child. But you can't have it both ways: dependent children are not responsible for their own decisions.

"I'm afraid that if you do this, you're going to damage your ability to support yourself later." The reasoned answer is, "This is probably the one time in my life where taking six months off for a personal project won't look horrible on a job interview." This is especially true if you're going back to school and have a place assured at the end of it. "When else in my life am I going to be able to take a break like this? Certainly once I have a wife and kids and a mortgage, I'll be forced to be settled for decades. This may be my only chance to try, and I'll regret it for a lifetime if I don't at least make the attempt."

"What you're doing is simply far outside my experience, and I'm afraid for you - afraid of the unknown." "At some point, you're going to have to let me make my own mistakes."

"I didn't take advantage of any opportunities to adventure, and I don't think others should be permitted to do anything so frivolous." "Well, I'm sorry that my horizons are broader than yours." Seriously, if you're facing the kind of control freaks that believe that 100% conformity is the only approach to life, you need to establish your boundaries. If you want to return a passive-agressive answer, try, "Well, I know that I've been such a heartbreak for you that I'm not eager to rush into repeating your mistake."

Well, with all of that said, I think I'm coming from a different perspective. If my daughter (who's about your age) were to come to me and announce a project like a thru-hike... I might try to negotiate a "self-funded sabbatical" so that I could join her. :)

[Major Bawls]

have a spot for me?

[Theosus]

A few years ago I did a short section hike- Springer to Franklin. I've always wanted to get back to the trail with
the opportunity to hike longer.

I've got that opportunity now. I'm single, no real bills/mortgage, and the savings to hike as long as like. The thing I got against
me is that I'm 35. When I mention wanting to hike the AT, I find I'm getting the "when are you going to settle down"? speech.

Just curious to hear what resistance other's encountered when mentioning their AT hike dreams.

Thanks.

I'm betting the people saying that are 1. Married 2. Have Kids 3. Own a home 4. Have jobs they are stuck in to afford 1-3
No one likes someone being freer than they are. "When are you going to settle down?" is code for "I wish I could have the freedom to do something like that."

Someone posted this on Facebook recently: "Get Born, Go to school, Go to work, Get Married, Have Kids, Work for years, Die. Now repeat after me: I am Free."
Sums it up. Tell those people to screw off and go hike it if you want to. Or don't hike. Go fishing, learn to parasail, sit at home and eat cheetos. But don't let someone's disappointment about how their life is going influence how you live yours.

[Dogwood]

No one can MAKE you feel guilty, you ALLOW yourself to feel guilty...

+1 THIS! This and This.

[Bronk]

I'm betting the people saying that are 1. Married 2. Have Kids 3. Own a home 4. Have jobs they are stuck in to afford 1-3
No one likes someone being freer than they are. Many people deeply resent it when other people decide to live their lives differently than they do. They are jealous of people who pursue their dreams, mainly because they've never done anything in their own lives and feel stuck. They want you to feel stuck too. Seeing people like you just makes their own situation seem more miserable.

[Another Kevin]

I'm betting the people saying that are 1. Married 2. Have Kids 3. Own a home 4. Have jobs they are stuck in to afford 1-3
No one likes someone being freer than they are. "When are you going to settle down?" is code for "I wish I could have the freedom to do something like that."

Someone posted this on Facebook recently: "Get Born, Go to school, Go to work, Get Married, Have Kids, Work for years, Die. Now repeat after me: I am Free."
Sums it up. Tell those people to screw off and go hike it if you want to. Or don't hike. Go fishing, learn to parasail, sit at home and eat cheetos. But don't let someone's disappointment about how their life is going influence how you live yours.

But do not under any circumstances follow the progression: 1. Married (maybe). 2. Have kids. 3. Walk out, leaving the kids with the other parent. Only a first-class sleazeball does that.

It is also unfair to go out and hike, go fishing, learn to parasail, or stay at home and eat junk food while someone else is supporting you. So if it's your long-suffering family telling you to grow up because you're not contributing, sorry, I have no sympathy.

But if you're supporting yourself and meeting your obligations - yeah, you should be free. Envious busybodies have no business directing how you conduct your life.

Me, personally? I'm in the 'work for years' category of your sequence. But:

I've walked out on my life a couple of times in my younger days. Walking out after two years in a good job - because I caught my boss with his hand in the cookie jar, and I wanted to go back to school anyway. A decade later, walking out after seven years in what by all reasonable standards was a great job - because it still wasn't the job I wanted, and I wanted to go back to grad school and prepare for the one I did want. (My friends thought I was killing myself by degrees...) No, I never blew off everything and did a thru-hike, or a world tour. I didn't want to. No regrets. I was also sensible enough not to marry until I'd landed the position I wanted. (I've changed jobs exactly once in the 23.5 years since, and I'm still on wife #1.) Each time I made a big transition, I had a lot of people asking, "When are you going to settle down?"

Now being mostly settled,, I've found having a wife and kid to be unbelievably rewarding. I've now been getting back into hiking after a very long time away, simply because I can. I live within a couple of hours' drive of some of the best hiking on the planet. The kid is now mostly grown and out of the house. And my wife is glad not to have me underfoot sometimes, But having her to come home to ... is why I intend to remain a clueless weekender for the foreseeable future. And when she really needs me, I stay home, which is why I missed half a summer's hiking this year. I also can't afford to blow off my job on a whim, but I still like what I do, so I don't want to. And I can count the years to retirement without taking my boots off, so I'm not really feeling trapped in any case.

[Miner]

I hiked the PCT when I was 39. I did a big chunk of the AT when I was 42 (tried to do it on a smaller budget than I did the PCT with and ran out) and am currently planning a trip to thru-hike the CDT when I am 45.You will look back more on a thru-hike then hanging out at the golf course with co-workers or your past 3 girlfriends. I don't tell people I'm planning a hike until I am ready to go with the exception of the people I'm planning on dumping my dog on. As long as they are willing to take care of her, I could care less how much they lecture me.

You are the person who has to live with any regret, not your friends and family. So do what feels right for you, not them. It would suck to turn 65, find that your knees are blown out, and regret not hiking when you were longer.

[Carbo]

On your death bed are you more likely to say, "I wish I spent more time at work" or "I wish I did that thru hike"?

[Traffic Jam]

Being 21 and announcing that I wanted to thru hike, I got the typical you need to get a real job first, why would you waste all that money on a hike?, and my favorite one "when are you going to GROW UP?"

I don't know you or your relationship with your parents, but 2 years ago if my unemployed-flunked-out-of-two semesters-of-college-weed-smoking-son said that I'd have had a stroke. Fast forward two years. If the same employed-college-student-making-good-grades-marathon-runner-helpful-around-the-house-son wanted to hike the AT, I'd do everything in my power to make it happen.

[MuddyWaters]

On your death bed are you more likely to say, "I wish I spent more time at work" or "I wish I did that thru hike"?

+1 this

Life is about people and experiences

It is not about what you own, where you live, or even what you do for a living.

Most people get 2wks per year to go actually LIVE, and they squander it at Disney world, etc.

[T.S.Kobzol]

Do you want to spend your life with the people that tell you these things?

Discard

Sent from my vivid imagination and delusions of grandeur

[Chaco Taco]

A few years ago I did a short section hike- Springer to Franklin. I've always wanted to get back to the trail with
the opportunity to hike longer.

I've got that opportunity now. I'm single, no real bills/mortgage, and the savings to hike as long as like. The thing I got against
me is that I'm 35. When I mention wanting to hike the AT, I find I'm getting the "when are you going to settle down"? speech.

Just curious to hear what resistance other's encountered when mentioning their AT hike dreams.

Thanks.
A thru hikers dream, no debt, savings.......screw what anyone else thinks. So many people think we have to "settle down" and I just dont get that. Do what you want to do and dont worry about other people. Most people that dont hike, just dont get it anyway. Hell, most people that DO hike dont get it either.

[mudsocks]

A few years ago I did a short section hike- Springer to Franklin. I've always wanted to get back to the trail with
the opportunity to hike longer.

I've got that opportunity now. I'm single, no real bills/mortgage, and the savings to hike as long as like. The thing I got against
me is that I'm 35. When I mention wanting to hike the AT, I find I'm getting the "when are you going to settle down"? speech.

Just curious to hear what resistance other's encountered when mentioning their AT hike dreams.

Thanks.

How is being age 35 a detriment? If you can afford it and want it why let somebody else dash your dream? Sounds like the only thing you have to loose by going is listening to someone guilt you out of it.

[Bearhawk]

In life, "You will regret more the things that you didn't do, than the things that you did do". (Author unknown)