Hiking Moms- What do you do about your kids?

[bettybadass]

I am looking to do section hikes. I have started training and planning and all. I have a 5 year old son, and he does smaller 3 miles hikes with me. He loves the outdoors and camping, but I know he is not ready to do the longer hikes just yet. My hope is that by the time he gets into Highschool that we can do the entire trail in one shot together.

What I am looking for is some helpful things for mom hikers. On these section hikes I am sure I will miss my son.

Any advice?

[Marta]

Hiking is like any other activity you enjoy--it's fine to share it with your child, but if you force it on them, they'll probably grow to hate it. The best way to do that is to make it optional. Offer a hike to the kid, but have a backup plan in case they don't want to go along. "You can go with me this weekend, or you can stay with Grandma."

My "kids" are now adults. Their interest in hiking has come and gone and come back again, depending on their ages and other things going on in their lives. We've done a fair amount of hiking together, including the West Highland Way (with an 11-year-old and a 17-year-old; the 14-year-old was in a teenaged phase and didn't want to join the rest of us), and some of the Nordkalottleden in Finland (middle and eldest kids that time); and many AT sections--this spring Middle Child (now 31) and I hiked Springer to Neels Gap together. We've got vague plans, not nailed down yet, for hiking in New Zealand, Nepal, and Iceland. And Montana, of course. None of them are as mad for hiking as I am, but they enjoy it well enough as a thing to do when we have a chance to get together.

[moytoy]

Hiking is like any other activity you enjoy--it's fine to share it with your child, but if you force it on them, they'll probably grow to hate it. The best way to do that is to make it optional. Offer a hike to the kid, but have a backup plan in case they don't want to go along. "You can go with me this weekend, or you can stay with Grandma."

That sounds like good advice but be sure to check with Grandma and Grandpa before the offer is made.

[OCDave]

I am a Father of a 16 yo and a 9 yo. From the birth of my first born until just a couple years ago, I dramatically altered my outdoors experiences. Long backpacking trips became car-camp outings close to trails. Hiking trended toward meandering from one interesting trail-side spectacle to the next with little regard for mileage (they are especially fond of waterfalls). Tents were large and camp meals were elaborate. My trips where limited to how far, how fast my sons would/could hike or I would/could carry them.

For many years I rarely went to the woods without my boys. Every trip was a measure of how long before they could join me on the trips I really wanted to share with them. For the last few years I have had the opportunity to join my oldest son's Boy Scout troop scout for 2-3 day hikes. Finally, last summer my younger son proved he was up for a week long hike across Isle Royale National Park. They have both grown to be extremely capable hikers and campers.

I may have missed hiking a little bit but, I never missed my sons.

Good Luck

[HooKooDooKu]

Betty,
Don't underestimate your kids. You can't expect much at only age 5, but that really close to the age where their hiking abilities should start to explode.

Both of my boys started doing major day-hikes at age 6 (I'm talking 5 to 8 miles with 2,500' to 4,000' elevation changes). By age 7, they started doing multi-night backpacking trips with me (5 to 9 miles per day). This Spring Break, at the ages of 7 & 11, my boys hiked the Grand Canyon (7 miles down to the river on South Kaibab Trail the 1st day, back to the rim via the 9.5 mile Bright Angle Trail).

We are not a particular athletic family... but to give you an idea of their abilities, I'm currently considering taking my 8yo on a hike where the 1st day is 10 miles long, and consists of a 1,000' climb, followed by a 2,000' decent followed by a 2,500' climb. He's done back-to-back 10 mile days before (just not with those kind of elevation changes). I'm thinking this hike might be right at his limits.

[DLP]

My hope is that by the time he gets into Highschool that we can do the entire trail in one shot together.

My experience is that YOUR dream may very well not be your son's dream.

+1 to what Marta said. The interests of teenagers come and go.

My son is 22. He loves hiking, but not backpacking so much. He will go on yearly overnight trips. He's even taken his girl friend "backpacking" on Angel Island in San Francisco Bay. But I couldn't pay him to go for more than 2 days. My dh literally offered to pay him $100 a day to go 9-14 days with me when my son was 20. He didn't want to go for neither love nor money.

Also... just because you are family... you may not be compatible hiking partners. I went on a day hike with my son on Tuesday. We were out 2 hours and walked about 1/4th of a mile together. He easily and happily hikes twice as fast as I do. He is miserable trying to go at my pace and I'm not physically able to go at his pace.

Yesterday... we went on the same day hike... but I did it at 8am and he did at 5pm. Teenagers (or young adults) have very different body clocks. This might work on a thru hike... like you start hiking at 7am and your son starts at 11am. But it might not work.

My son LOVED snow skiing with me in 3rd, 4th, 5th grade. We used to go 15 days a year. And then didn't want to go with me one single time in HS. Although... he went with friends once a couple of years ago and said, "OMG... I had forgotten how fun it is!".

I think that it would be easier to do a thru hike with a happy 10 year old.

But mostly, I asked my son to try out for state honor band 3 years in a row. Finally, he said, "That is your life and your dream. It isn't mine". I have to respect that he is his own person.

A thru hike with your son in HS will only work if it is also HIS dream.

I didn't start backpacking alone until 2012 and my son was 20, so I can't help you with missing your son or backpacking with young children.

[DLP]

PS... I have no thru hiker experience. Just experience living with a son from age 0-22. He is going to college locally, so he never left home.

[FarmerChef]

Betty,
Don't underestimate your kids. You can't expect much at only age 5, but that really close to the age where their hiking abilities should start to explode.

Both of my boys started doing major day-hikes at age 6 (I'm talking 5 to 8 miles with 2,500' to 4,000' elevation changes). By age 7, they started doing multi-night backpacking trips with me (5 to 9 miles per day). This Spring Break, at the ages of 7 & 11, my boys hiked the Grand Canyon (7 miles down to the river on South Kaibab Trail the 1st day, back to the rim via the 9.5 mile Bright Angle Trail).

We are not a particular athletic family... but to give you an idea of their abilities, I'm currently considering taking my 8yo on a hike where the 1st day is 10 miles long, and consists of a 1,000' climb, followed by a 2,000' decent followed by a 2,500' climb. He's done back-to-back 10 mile days before (just not with those kind of elevation changes). I'm thinking this hike might be right at his limits.

My son did his first 26 mile day and first 500 miles of trail when he was 6. Now, that's my son, not necessarily yours. Each child is different and we tested each child to see what they're limits versus comfort was so we'd know what we had to work with. He loves to hike, btw, as does my oldest daughter. The middle daughter not so much and my 5 year old is begging to come with us on the long hikes (she currently tops out around 15 miles or so but gets poopy toward the end - not quite ready for our 10 day hikes. This brings me back to your main question.

My wife, who hikes with me, misses our youngest daughter the most but really not that much. When we hike, our daughter stays with my parents and has a blast. They live 2 doors down and it's as normal as apple pie to her. So we don't worry about it. We go and have fun and forget about the troubles of life for a few days and come home to a super pumped up kid who gives us a big hug and tells us allllll about her time at Grammy and Grandad's. She can't wait to come hiking with us and we can't wait to have her. When she's ready we'll go. Until then she gets to do day hikes and shorter overnights. All in good time.

[Riocielo]

If your child is interested -- and that is the most important factor -- providing children with REAL challenges that they can overcome, skills they can master, is one of the greatest confidence builders to help them through those difficult teenage years and beyond into adulthood. Being able to look back at some difficult thing you have accomplished changes your perspective regarding the challenges in the future. "If I did THAT, I can do this. "

Just make sure the interest is HIS, too, not just yours.

[FarmerChef]

If your child is interested -- and that is the most important factor -- providing children with REAL challenges that they can overcome, skills they can master, is one of the greatest confidence builders to help them through those difficult teenage years and beyond into adulthood. Being able to look back at some difficult thing you have accomplished changes your perspective regarding the challenges in the future. "If I did THAT, I can do this. "

Just make sure the interest is HIS, too, not just yours.

I'm so glad you posted this. I tell my now 14 year old daughter this all the time.

[minda]

My kids are 15 & 20. When the 20 yo was younger, she would hike with us. Now, nope. The 15 yo enjoys hiking as long as there isn't something better available. He would much rather go to the beach for a week than go backpacking. Most recently, I was on the trail for two weeks & hubby joined me for the last week. The 15 yo stayed home with his sister so that he could watch the world cup. He would have gone in a heartbeat if I could have convinced a cute teenaged girl to join us....

[shelb]

Great advice here!

I agree that it depends on the child and where the child's interests lie at that particular time! Both my sons have had periods where they LOVED hiking (beginning with backpacking trips at ages 5/7. Now as older teens, some years they are interested while other years they are not. They both have a case of the "fumes" - locker rooms, cars, girls......

[gsingjane]

I read over your post a couple of times to try and figure out what you were asking. If you were wanting to know how or whether to incorporate your son into your current plans, it seems like you got some good advice. If you were wanting to know how to deal with missing your son while you were on the trail, or his missing you, all assuming he isn't coming along, then that is a different question. I guess it would depend on how long you planned to leave for, and how often.

If you were just going out for say a 2 or 3 night trip, which might be good at first anyhow, then I don't think that your son should be incredibly upset, especially if you bring him a present! If you go for much longer, or weeks at a time, then it seems like it might be a problem. It's one thing (as folks here have discussed a LOT) to leave your son because you "have" to, say for a military deployment or a work assignment to support your family. It's entirely another to go away for purely voluntary, fun or pleasure-related reasons. Much better, IMO at any rate, to figure out a way to incorporate your child in your activities, especially if they're going to extend out past a few days.

I don't have good advice, nor would most of us I suppose, about how not to miss the folks at home. If you start calling and texting and constantly communicating, at some point it probably will feel as if you never left! Certainly a lot of the long-distance hikers I've met on the trail aren't leaving behind young children, although maybe some of them are. But I do think there's a reason that you don't tend to see a lot of young fathers and mothers out for multi-day or week hikes.

Good luck to you whatever you decide!

Jane

[slbirdnerd]

Even if you go without them, you will be a better parent for your experiences. I did 6 days on my own in June, and while I missed my son, I found myself so engulfed in the experience that it wasn't a sad kind of missed. And even though he pretends not to think it's cool that I do such things, deep down I bet he thinks I am a bad-ass too!

I can tell you I took him out on two overnights last year, at 10 years old. He was willing to go and had all kinds of aspirations of hiking big miles, but neither of us had before. We didn't do it right. With kids just starting out, you need to make it less about the hiking and more about the fun. Go fewer miles, stay at the shelters, pack the marshmallows and have a campfire, find neat things to see like waterfalls.

Now, he says he doesn't like hiking and backpacking and I feel like it's mostly my fault. I've apologized to him, and promised him if he would like to try again we'll do it up right. Hopefuly he'll give it another chance!

[Freak on a Leash]

I am looking to do section hikes. I have started training and planning and all. I have a 5 year old son, and he does smaller 3 miles hikes with me. He loves the outdoors and camping, but I know he is not ready to do the longer hikes just yet. My hope is that by the time he gets into Highschool that we can do the entire trail in one shot together.

What I am looking for is some helpful things for mom hikers. On these section hikes I am sure I will miss my son.

Any advice?

Don't push him. While he's young, make it light and fun. Combine hiking with a picnic. When he hits high school all bets are off. You may luck out and have a fellow thru hiker but I'd give it a 3 in 10 chance if you are lucky.

I have a VERY close relationship with my 20 year old daughter. I used to take her 4 wheeling with me regularly when she around 12-16. I had her skiing with me at age 9 and we still ski together. Our annual ski trip is something we both look forward to.

She loves to go camping too. We celebrated her 18th birthday camping on the islands at Lake George. But that was loading all our stuff in a boat and camping on an island. She likes whitewater rafting and will float down a river in a tube on a hot day but I can't get her to go kayaking with me..and I'm a big kayaker.

I tried to get her to go hiking. She has no desire to climb up and down rocks (which is my passion). Nice gravel carriage roads or level trails are fine but I took her on a 6 mile hike and wore her out. And this is a kid who works out and has run 5k races! She just doesn't like to hike hard and when she picked up my fully packed backpack her words were "Better you than me!". I could never get her to go backpacking with me. Ever.

We have a tremendously close relationship. We go on trips together, talk just about every day and makes special trips home from college just to see and hang out with me..but she won't go hiking with me. Nope. She won't go to a heavy metal concert either. Oh well.

Gotta let the kids "hike their own hike" when it comes to living life. I would count on hiking solo or with hiking friends and consider it a pleasant surprise if your son is into what you are into.

I have a 16 year old son whose idea of a "hike" is to go downstairs to open the fridge but we are both into a video game called World of Warcraft and play it regularly together and to watch action/fantasy movies and read fantasy fiction. He might go on a bike ride with me on a really nice day but that's about it for physical activity.

That's what raising kids is all about..turning them into independent adults with minds of their own.

[Freak on a Leash]

BTW, I've been going off and doing my own thing for years. When the kids were younger their father would watch them while I did my thing. It was a condition of having kids that I would get my own time to do my hobbies and activities. I've always been like that. When the kids were very young I raced my car and took road trips and did club events. In later years, when they got older I took my daughter with me wheeling, camping and skiing. My son went once or twice but it wasn't his thing. Now my daughter is at college and my son is fine to stay home alone. He knows that I have to have a few days here and there to go hiking, kayaking or camping or I'll go nuts.

What my kids have seen is a mother who is very independent and goal oriented. Some might say I'm a bad parent or neglectful but I always came home, they were always glad to see me and they are two very independent, self assured and confident kids. I give them their space and respect what they do and they are the same with me. I think it's been good for them to have a parent like me rather than be like some controlling "helicopter parent" who lives through their kids and monitors their every move. They seem to like to be with me and come home, as opposed to many of their friends who leave home for college and never return.

[jenpharr]

I JUST finished up a blog on this very topic! It is HARD being a mom and a section hiker. Here are some on my thoughts as I start this new season of hiking. http://blueridgehikingco.com/section-hiking-hard/

[Freak on a Leash]

I enjoyed that article on your blog. You are suffering from "New Mother Syndrome". You gotta get over that whole "feeling guilty when you take time away from the kids for yourself". Taking time for your yourself, reconnecting with the things that make YOU happy outside of family, work, responsibilities is what keeps you sane and in the end you will be a better parent. Your kids will have a better role model too. Besides, in 10 years or so they will be the ones running off to hang with their friends, living their own lives and "Empty Nest Syndrome" is much easier to deal with when you have a life too.

Both my kids graduate in 2016 and I've put them on notice: Mom is packing up and leaving...heading out West. I'd like to hike the PCT or parts of CDT. We'll see.

[gsingjane]

Not to beat this to death, but I think Jen's blog post was terrific and actually extremely accurate when it comes to the feelings of many new-ish parents. Of course once our children are teens or young adults, it's hard to remember how needy and dependent they were at their younger ages, and how much separation anxiety they experienced. I can completely identify with Jen's feelings of being torn over leaving. To a child of 20 months, 12 days can feel like 12 months! And, I don't think it's at all realistic to expect a child this young to have any sympathy for or understanding of a parent's need for independent pursuits.

It seems to me that the parents of young, or even young-ish, children, seldom go out for extensive backpacking trips. And, I don't think that's necessarily the product of misplaced guilt or the wrong priorities, it can also be a recognition of the fact that when your children are that young, they truly do need your physical presence.

And, yes, while I do understand that parents leave their children "all the time" for such things as a military deployment or a work assignment, these activities just aren't the same as a purely recreational, entirely optional pursuit like long distance hiking. In the military or work context, the parent who leaves is contributing to the family's, and even the nation's, welfare, whereas in the recreational context, this is not true.

Jane