Funniest Trail Stories

[Kerosene]

My brother and I were day-hiking through Harriman State Park in southern New York on a warm June day. We were motoring along, enjoying the pleasant forest, when we passed a young female section hiker going north. My brother was a minute or two ahead of me (I was just strollin' that day), so he got the low-down on where she was coming from (somewhere in NJ), how long she had been out (about 2 weeks), where was she going (Bear Mountain Bridge), and why the hell was she lugging a big, yellow steel Tonka dump truck in one hand??!?

Turns out she had stopped by a flea market a few days back and found this big honkin' Tonka truck that reminded her of one she used to have when she was a kid. She wanted to give it to her 3-year old nephew and was bound and determined to get it home. The thing looked like it could have weighed 10 pounds. She had tried to lash it to her pack (I would have loved to see that!) but it bounced around too much and threw her off balance. Since she would reach her destination that afternoon, I didn't have the heart to suggest that she stash it in the woods by a road crossing and come back to pick it up on the way home. Talk about dedicated!

[Hammock Hanger]

I was hiking just north of Damascus back in 97 and totally unaware of the Creeper Trail. I was up early around 6:30/6:45 am. I walked out into the woods to do my morning business. I heard a noise behind me, I thought it was a deer. I slowly waddled around, it was an elderly lady out picking wildflowers. She looked over and said not to worry that she hadn't seen anything. I smiled and figured she would walk away. SHe came closer and began having quite a conversation with me. All the while I was down on my HUNCHES!! Finally I figured I HAD to take care of business. I wiped, pulled up my drawers... as she continued to talk. WEIRD! HH

"It is good to have an end to journey towards, however, in the end it is the journey that matters." -- UK Leguin

[Hikehead]

Have you ever bought some new gear and just couldn't wait to try it out? Well I bought a Precip rain jacket back in the spring just in time for the drought. And then the other day I bought a Marmot light-weight summer sleeping bag. It was raining all day and thnderstorms were expected later on. So after work I grabbed my pack with all my gear plus my new toys, stopped by the store and bought some frozen veggies and headed for the mtns. I have a Clark Jungle Hammock so I set that up and proceeded to cook supper. It was dark by now and I guess I should have been paying more attention. But while holding my hot veggies with both hands, I squatted to sit down and proceeded to flip right over the other side of the hammock landing on my back with both legs straight up in the air, plus my supper was now on my chest and face.

[SGT Rock]

I thought the Clark was advertised as a true "No Tip" Hammock?

[Hammock Hanger]

You silly boy... -- But like the good hiker I know you to be, I'll bet you picked up all that "dirty - spilled" food and ate it. -- Can't wait till our hike HH

[Hikehead]

To Sgt Rock-Once you get in, I see absolutely no way that you could tip over in this.

I learned a few leasons on this day.

1) Before squatting down, especially at night, be sure you know where you're squatting. I was out near the end where it's the narrowest. I should have been in the middle of course.

2) It's best to have one hand free while sitting down. After i got everthing off of me, got my feet free of the fly, I went back and tried it again with what I had left over. This time I laid the bowl down on the ground before I sat down, I knew I was in the middle of the hammock and it worked out fine.

To HH-Do you know that I tried to pick up every carrot, green bean and pieces of corn that I could find and I carried it out in a empty water bottle. You thought I just left it there didn't ya..I do try to pratice LNT as best I can, I promise I did.

[Hammock Hanger]

I know you practice LNT. I also know you are a hungry coot, so I really did figure you ate it all... (LOL) HH

[Hikehead]

HH

A hungry coot....I never heard that before, I'm still laughing.

If I was out there with you I probably would had, you know how to make someone hungry when you pull out that bag of spices and start mixing things up in your little kettle like your that guy on TV from New Orleans. All the time I'm trying to gag down some hiker stuff that I added semi hot water too. You're the best!!

[Hikerhead]

.....with as many miles on the trail that have, you must have a zillion good stories.

Do us a favor and brighten this place up a little and tell us one.

Thanks!!!!!

[chief]

there was a rather infamous hiker in 2000 who had a unique story about how he came to be on the trail. it seems he was walking alongside a back road of nothern GA when a cop stopped him and asked, "son, why are you walking"? "because i like to walk", he replied. the cop asked him to get in the car and they drove for awhile, eventually arriving at amacalola state park. the cop told him, "son, since you like to walk, follow those little white marks on the trees and they'll take you all the way to maine". he did and the last time i saw him was in ny (hope he made it to maine). if you knew the guy, you'd have no trouble in believing his story.

[Hikerhead]

Good story, I bet his name was Rambo.

[Hikerhead]

Here's one I overheard at the Gathering.

This guy had his mom sending him his food drops and money and stuff.

He arrived in Damascus with no food or money so he made a beeline to the PO.

Well, nothing was there so he called mom and no one answered.

This went on for about 4 or 5 days. Don't ask me why he didn't call someone else. Anyway finally his mom answere the phone and he lit into her for about 5 minutes about him being without food and money and how he was dependeing on her to do his maildrops and so forth. He said he was really mad and screaming and the whole time a line of people were standing behind him waiting to use the phone.

Then someone patted him on the shoulder and whispered...dude..it's Mother's Day.

He thought for a second on what an a**hole he must have sounded like...then he said "Oh mom, I apologize.... hey, Happy Mothers Day!!! and hung up.

[chief]

nope, not rambo, although he was a real charactor in his own right. i was referring to "screamer". which brings me to another funny "screamer" story.

one day, a gang and i were sitting in front of a little store (in ny i believe) when a very excited "screamer" comes walking up the road. he said, "man i saw stevie ray vaughan in town. he was driving a cadillac and he smiled at me". i guess we were all too stunned to inform him that stevie ray was dead and why rain on his parade anyway.

lest anyone think i'm picking on "screamer", i happen to think he was one of the coolest hikers i met in 2000 and he was a purest in every sense of the word, though probably not by choice. when i first met him, he was in ratty sneakers and he was carrying a bucket for a pack. he had no money and lived by dumpster diving in towns and recycling cans and bottles along the trail and roads. his aim was to get to maine and them head for iowa to pick corn.

sometimes i think it was just an act.

[Hikerhead]

He sounds like a real character, he should had stopped at Rainbow Springs and worked for Jensine for awhile, to help offset his hiking exspenses.

[Lugnut]

Chief, this sounds a lot like Ward "Chip" Leonard; sometimes called Screamer. I've always wanted to meet him ( I think) but never have.

[chief]

i never knew screamer's real name, so he could be the same guy. i have a picture or 2 of him. a very memorable guy!

[chief]

just posted a photo of screamer in:

galleries - faces - thru-hikers

[Uncle Wayne]

Our last night of our October section hike in the Smokies was spent at Mollies Ridge Shelter. There were 9 of us spending the night and we, my wife and I, were the last ones to arrive. All the bottom places were taken so we had to sleep on the top level. This shelter had no ladder or any way to climb up to the top except by stepping up on the bottom level (which was about 3 feet high) and then do the best you could to crawl / pull your self on up. Standing on the ground I could not see over the edge of the top level, (I'm 5'10") so for my 5' 4" wife it was a challenge for her to climb up. As we all went to bed that night a couple of the guys on the bottom level chuckled at our lack of prowness as we climbed to the top. I had to actually push my wife up. After I climbed up, one of the guys was still laughing at our problem especially after my wife asked out loud, "how in the world am I going to get down tonight to go pee? You know I'll have to go." He was trying his best not to belly laugh and as he quieted down I replied to my wife, "don't worry about it, just hang over the side and let 'er go, that's what I'm going to do." (Of course I was just kidding.) His laughing abruptly stopped and the silence that immediately spread throughout the shelter was just as funny to us. In a few minutes his wife came in the shelter, ready to bed down and he said," honey, get the ponchos." She asked, "Why do we need our ponchos?" He replied," They're gonna piss all over us tonight!" This may be one of those times when you had to be there to get the full impact but it was something that I still laugh about until I get tears in my eyes when I think of it. Luckily, we held our fluids until morning and our friends below stayed dry.

[Hammock Hanger]

HH

[Hikerhead]

Great story UW.