Afraid of men

[gracebowen]

You assume i have a panic attack.
You assume i cant stand in a line near a man.

My quote about standing too close and touching was in regards to on the trail when it might just be me and a male. Not normal everyday life encounters.
Since i need to be specific i know the difference between an accidental touch and a purposeful. If there is doubt and a glare doesn't stop the behavior i moove. The first touch is always assumed to be an accident regardless of how I feel

[gracebowen]

And yes i lived in fear for many years. I didnt get real help till a few years ago. Im trying to change that now and stop using coping mechanisms that just mask the problem. Ive done it so much its habit and im trying to change it.

But telling me to just get over it already is like telling a soldier with PTSD to just get over it.
You and Rocketsocks seem to have missed the fact that this thread was revived by someone other than me.

You all also seem to have missed the part where i said i got some helpful ideals and advice. Some of which i have already implemented and that i have improved some already.

[rocketsocks]

Great, perfect...have a good hike.

[Secondmouse]

As a visitor to the women's section of this forum, I can tell you firsthand that the red vs green border does nothing to stop guys from commenting. There is no magic force field. Actually, if one searches this forum via "Today's Posts" it would be quite easy to wander in there and comment without realizing one was in the women's forum.

However, I don't think the OP was limiting her audience. I think she was soliciting additional tips and real-life experience from those who might have dealt with the same fears, or have a female in their life who may have had similar issues. For her to have the courage to post about her fears, tells me that she has been working to deal with her fears...and has been making progress. Women are outnumbered on the trail, but we are way outnumbered when it comes to outdoor forums.

I agree that if one asks a question, one will definitely receive all sorts of answers on the internet! Especially on White Blaze. My take is that the OP was not coming here for advice as to what was wrong with her and how to deal with her problems. She was simply asking for additional tips, and tools that might aide in helping her to adjust to life on the trail. A therapist can help diagnose and offer tips as to how to deal with things, but maybe the OP felt that additional tips and ideas from those who have been on the trail (and have had real-world experience with that lifestyle), might also be beneficial? Obviously if her therapist has never backpacked, they will be unable to give the OP a better idea of what life is actually like on the trail, or offer suggestions as to how one might handle themselves in particular trail situations. If the OP asks her therapist "what should I say if a guy wanders up and wants to know how far I am hiking," the therapist might not be able to give her the tool of telling her she has the option to say she is meeting up with her friends/hubby in just a little bit. That is where asking for help from the hiking community can come in handy.

I never got the impression the OP came here for all the answers, or help in place of seeing an actual therapist. My impression is that she came here to gain more insight and get advice as to how she might be able to handle particular situations that may arise. From her initial post, I got the impression that she had a broad idea of what life was like on the trail, but just wanted to feel-out potential situations (like, what should she do about sharing a room) before she found herself stuck in the middle of an unwanted situation. I get the feeling she stopped by this forum more for reassurance that the boogeyman does not lurk behind every tree, rather than advice on how to solve her problem.

Personally, I find it encouraging she felt strong enough to pose her question of everyone on the forum. I also think she received a lot of great suggestions. I think that once she gets out there she will discover there are many awesome people on the trail. It's just a matter of taking that first step.

sorry, this is bogus. psychotherapy is not an amateur sport...

[Water Rat]

sorry, this is bogus. psychotherapy is not an amateur sport...

I call it as I see it, as you are also free to do. I am not a Psychotherapist, nor have I ever played one on tv.

It doesn't matter what the rest of us think. The OP has already stated she has found this thread to be (mostly) helpful. That was the whole point of her posting on this site.

[Engine]

sorry, this is bogus. psychotherapy is not an amateur sport...

Nor is it a science...might as well go to a witch doctor...

[Snowleopard]

gracebowen, I hope you find a way to hike the AT or other trails in a way that is fulfilling and comfortable for you.

In post #30 you said, "My personal thought is its time for a little well the word escapes me. Its time to expose myself to percieved scary situations to learn from new experiences that its not that bad after all."
Perhaps doing this in situations that are easier and quicker to bail out of would be better. For hiking, this might be going on local hikes with a local hiking group. A hiking group would also let you gradually increase your exposure. An analogy might be: short hikes with a group would be like a person afraid of the water learning to swim by starting out in the shallows at their own speed. An AT thruhike might be like being thrown by someone else into the deep end of the pool. An advantage of the AT at popular times is that most people eventually get to know a compatible group traveling at the same speed. It might take hundreds of miles to find those people and become comfortable with them.

As Wolf 23000 said, there are other trails (and other times of year) that have fewer people than the AT at its peak. Do you have backpacking experience? If not, perhaps you can find an experienced female hiking partner to join you on hikes. There are advantages to shorter hikes, and I'm sure that there are places to hike in Texas where you won't see another person on a weekend hike. Even in crowded Massachusetts, I seldom see another person on my day hikes.

--Walter (aka Snowleopard)

[slovakiasteph]

Don't know if this will help, but I've sectioned 400+ miles of the trail and have only met guys who were respectful and seemed decent. No one has scared me. Most will just smile or say hi, and I can choose whether or not to respond-- if I choose not to, they move on. I'm sure there are jerks, but if I were to come across someone like that at a shelter, etc., I could camp in my tent to get away. Most seem like nice guys though.

[MuddyWaters]

sorry, this is bogus. psychotherapy is not an amateur sport...

Ive got a minor degree in psychology.

My favorite professor used to say, "Psychology is common sense....made difficult", and he was right.

Coping is like treading water.
You dont want to cope, you want to swim.
The only way that will happen, is enough neutral or positive exposure until your mind no longer interprets it as a threat.
Thats just the way things work.

[Secondmouse]

Ive got a minor degree in psychology.

My favorite professor used to say, "Psychology is common sense....made difficult", and he was right.

Coping is like treading water.
You dont want to cope, you want to swim.
The only way that will happen, is enough neutral or positive exposure until your mind no longer interprets it as a threat.
Thats just the way things work.

meaning what?..

[AlpineKevin]

I don't think being concerned about men is an "irrational fear" or requires therapy as some suggest. I'm a 250lb ex-military dude and I do not like men either. Men can be dangerous. I treat all men with suspicion and it's ok if you do too. Safety is more important than political correctness. And as a man I am not offended if women treat me with suspicion either. A man who is offended doesn't know enough about life to understand.

[Secondmouse]

I don't think being concerned about men is an "irrational fear" or requires therapy as some suggest. I'm a 250lb ex-military dude and I do not like men either. Men can be dangerous. I treat all men with suspicion and it's ok if you do too. Safety is more important than political correctness. And as a man I am not offended if women treat me with suspicion either. A man who is offended doesn't know enough about life to understand.

hmmmm, not sure if serious...

[Old_Man]

There will be men on the trail and some of them may stand close to you. However--as a man with social anxiety--I go hiking to get away from people, not to socialize. I'm weary of people, male or female, who want to encroach on my solitude. Maybe OP would do well to embrace the solitude of the trail. Do some solo overnighters. Try to be self-sufficient so you can minimize contact with strangers.

[Uncle Joe]

And yes i lived in fear for many years. I didnt get real help till a few years ago. Im trying to change that now and stop using coping mechanisms that just mask the problem. Ive done it so much its habit and im trying to change it.

But telling me to just get over it already is like telling a soldier with PTSD to just get over it.
You and Rocketsocks seem to have missed the fact that this thread was revived by someone other than me.

You all also seem to have missed the part where i said i got some helpful ideals and advice. Some of which i have already implemented and that i have improved some already.

That's good! You're going to get a lot of responses on here and some are going to be crass or abrupt and others perhaps helpful. Normal forum rules apply in that you're going to have to parse them. There's always going to be a "just get over it" comment. You could post a thread about rocks and you're going to get curmudgeons. Ignore and move on. Only you know the extent to which this is a problem.

[AlpineKevin]

I don't think being concerned about men is an "irrational fear" or requires therapy as some suggest. I'm a 250lb ex-military dude and I do not like men either. Men can be dangerous. I treat all men with suspicion and it's ok if you do too. Safety is more important than political correctness. And as a man I am not offended if women treat me with suspicion either. A man who is offended doesn't know enough about life to understand.

I'm not joking. I'm serious. Now I am not afraid of men as op is, but I am highly suspicious of most of them and their motivations. I have lived a rough and tumble kind of life though and I live in Las Vegas so that may play a part, but men's motivations (more so than women's) is something that is always at the forefront of my mind. Let's be honest, men were originally made for f-kcing and fighting. And in thousands of years I don't think a lot of men have strayed too far from those impulses. Not all men, but a lot, enough to make me cautious of their motivations.

[Praha4]

Ladies and gentlemen of White Blaze.

I'm just a caveman hiker.

your Appalachian Trail world frightens and confuses me

[rickb]

I think there are more ways to avoid uncomfortable situations than you may realize.

Saring a hotel room with a man? Just no need to -- ever.

Hitching make you cringe? Then don't. There are ways to avoid them -- albeit with some inconvenience.

Men at or around shelters? You can time your hike to virtually guarantee MANY people around at the start, and then camp away from them by yourself (in many sections).

You can adapt to the Trail (as many have suggested) but you can also design your hike in a way that it wil adapt to you. To a large extent, anyway.

People always think that one needs to hike like most everyone else -- I would challenge that assumption.

[blazercoach]

Aside from the numerous suggestions of getting help, I'd also add that if you hike "in the bubble" when and where the thru-hikers are bunched.......you will rarely be alone. And usually if you make yourself amiable, you will find many good people with which to enjoy the experience. Best of luck.

[Secondmouse]

I'm not joking. I'm serious. Now I am not afraid of men as op is, but I am highly suspicious of most of them and their motivations. I have lived a rough and tumble kind of life though and I live in Las Vegas so that may play a part, but men's motivations (more so than women's) is something that is always at the forefront of my mind. Let's be honest, men were originally made for f-kcing and fighting. And in thousands of years I don't think a lot of men have strayed too far from those impulses. Not all men, but a lot, enough to make me cautious of their motivations.

I think YOU need therapy...

[Secondmouse]

Ladies and gentlemen of White Blaze.

I'm just a caveman hiker.

your Appalachian Trail world frightens and confuses me

lol, right?

I love that our world now is so full of crippling fear of common things and folks are encouraged to not only express their fear (or feelings or simple annoyance, etc.) but wear them as a badge of honor, and expect others to become obsequious to them.

personal weakness has now become power over others. it makes me feel so odd that even though I have circumstances where I am not completely comfortable, that I just try to understand and overcome them. you see, in my day it was called 'growing up' and I can't shake that...