Battling cranky crack

[devoidapop]

Nothing can ruin a weekend of hiking like a butt rash. I have decided to prevent it in the same way I do for my babies. Here's my recipe for wipe solution
6 parts chamomile tea
1 part baby oil or almond oil
1 part J&J baby shampoo

Put it in a travel size spray bottle and apply to paper towel before wiping. Apply Vaseline or coconut oil for good measure.

[ScareBear]

Sorry, but I'm not applying Vaseline or coconut oil to my arse. Nor any tea(the horror!), nut oil(I couldn't resist...)or shampoo for my arse either.

I am sure YMMV, but what compelled you to share the fact that your arse gets chapped?

Have you seen this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Wh6g9v5OL4

or this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5QRwWMz3v8

[devoidapop]

Sorry, but I'm not applying Vaseline or coconut oil to my arse. Nor any tea(the horror!), nut oil(I couldn't resist...)or shampoo for my arse either.

I am sure YMMV, but what compelled you to share the fact that your arse gets chapped?

Have you seen this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Wh6g9v5OL4

or this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5QRwWMz3v8

I can't be the only one. Oh my god... I'm the only one!!! Lol

[CalebJ]

You're absolutely not the only one.

Coconut oil works, but Body Glide, Friction Defense (Gold Bond's body glide knockoff), etc work even better.

[jimmyjam]

try zinc oxide cream. Basically the same stuff you put on a diaper rash and you can also use it as a sunscreen and chapstick.

[renais]

Anti monkey butt powders work wonders. First clean, then sprinkle on. There are several types. I find the stuff in the pink container with calamine works best. http://www.antimonkeybutt.com/

[rocketsocks]

The trick is to not get it in the first place, all "lumpy pffft's" should be immediately inspected. Taking a page from my daddy diaper days, A&D ointment always knocked out even the most severe case of monkey butt.

[MisterQ]

A couple Wet Ones and liberal use of Gold Bond powder just before bed take care of this problem for me.

[hikerhobs]

+1 on the A&D ointment works great.

[ScareBear]

The trick is to not get it in the first place, all "lumpy pffft's" should be immediately inspected. Taking a page from my daddy diaper days, A&D ointment always knocked out even the most severe case of monkey butt.

+1 on the not getting it in the first place!
Remember how/why your kids got it?

If you aren't getting the job done with TP, I guess those folks at Cottenelle marketing had their sights on you...and others it seems...

There is actually a product that you should consider using on the trail instead of TP....Anti-Monkey Butt Wipe. It's just a baby's arse wet wipe, but since it seems like its' purpose is adequately spelled out...and depicted, for the reading-impaired...just sayin...

https://www.amazon.com/Anti-Monkey-B.../dp/B01DMUJE5Q

[StubbleJumper]

+1 on the not getting it in the first place!
Remember how/why your kids got it?

If you aren't getting the job done with TP, I guess those folks at Cottenelle marketing had their sights on you...and others it seems...

There is actually a product that you should consider using on the trail instead of TP....Anti-Monkey Butt Wipe. It's just a baby's arse wet wipe, but since it seems like its' purpose is adequately spelled out...and depicted, for the reading-impaired...just sayin...

https://www.amazon.com/Anti-Monkey-B.../dp/B01DMUJE5Q

Well, it's not always a poor TP job. Those of us who sweat profusely have salty sweat running down our crack all day long when we hike. The dampness and salt cause chafing even without a skid-mark problem. In fact, for me, it's often my balls that get it worse than my arse.

[devoidapop]

If you aren't getting the job done with TP, I guess those folks at Cottenelle marketing had their sights on you...and others it seems...

There is actually a product that you should consider using on the trail instead of TP....Anti-Monkey Butt Wipe. It's just a baby's arse wet wipe, but since it seems like its' purpose is adequately spelled out...and depicted,

This is essentially the same as what I have described. You can just make it at home, spend less, carry less.

[ScareBear]

Well, it's not always a poor TP job. Those of us who sweat profusely have salty sweat running down our crack all day long when we hike. The dampness and salt cause chafing even without a skid-mark problem. In fact, for me, it's often my balls that get it worse than my arse.

Ummmm.....ummmm........yeah....besides TMI.....have you tried....ummmmm.....de-forestation? Clearcutting? Not just topping off, but a full on strip mining operation? Because, well......ummm.....yeah....jock itch...it's a hygiene thing...just like diaper rash...or monkey butt...although the baboon might disagree and YMMV...but...if you deprive bacteria and other microbes of the place to hide out, feed, fook and multiply, you won't get "rashes"...at least that's what they taught us in Health Class. But that was in the '70's and nobody was doing any deforestation...not even in the movies...not even construction of landing strips...it was like the stone ages!!!!

Seriously though, lose the forest and your rolling stones wont gather much moss...just sayin....

[egilbe]

The forests help prevent chafing. Just keep that area clean.

[ScareBear]

Ya know, I get FAR less irritation issues without the forest. Never need it for insulation. Never any chafing issue...YMMV, I guess...

[ScareBear]

Now, all I can think of is the scene from "American Pie-The Wedding"...thanks for THAT!

[devoidapop]

I tried deforestation back in the day. The 5 o'clock shadow and my wife mocking me was way worse than any rash.

[egilbe]

I tried deforestation back in the day. The 5 o'clock shadow and my wife mocking me was way worse than any rash.

I've had a couple girlfriends who told me to never do that again, while they kept their own lawn nice and short.

[Turk6177]

Body glide is all I use. I apply it liberally in the morning to all my creases. I am a bigger guy so chafing is a big issue. I have never chafed with Glide.


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[ScareBear]

Body glide is all I use. I apply it liberally in the morning to all my creases. I am a bigger guy so chafing is a big issue. I have never chafed with Glide.


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Sorry, I know you didn't mean this as humor...but...applying body glide liberally in the morning to all your creases sounds so...well...I'm now trying to divest myself of the visual image before I chafe myself laughing!