You know a benefit to doing it in sections- you can better choose the weather and conditions you hike in! There's always an up side brother, keep the dream alive!
How about a compromise? Talk to the wife and set a time for 3 years from now. This will give you time to save money, slowly collect gear, and plan for the next phase after the trail. I know I'm out of the norm, but I don't think it's selfish per se. I mean, if you left this year, yes it's selfish. But there's nothing wrong with "self care" that allows you to be a better person, husband, and father. Your child will survive the equivalent of 1 "deployment" when you're gone.
The Kallin family hiked the trail together. Why can't your family hike with you?
https://kallinfamily.com/
I met them. Those kids hike fast!
There is some truth to that, and really depends on circumstance. I guess a question is: would you also not mind if your wife took 6 months off work to go somewhere and spend thousands while making no attempt at earning income or raising your child? Financial loss is certainly magnified by the lost employment, which is half of what makes hiking a luxuryOriginally Posted by capehiker
when I was 28, my answer to my wife would have been "heck yes, please leave for 6 years instead of 6 months". But that's why I got divorced...
I have to disagree with almost all of this.
First, when you say there is nothing wrong with "self-care" to make you a better father, that just is all smoke that a narcissist blows to obfuscate his true motive....which is to do what HE wants and get HIS way. This isn't a long-term alcohol or drug rehab we are talking about here. Its the freaking trail. If OP is so fooked up that he needs 5 or 6 months to get right, and in doing so essentially abandons his familial responsibilities, then OP needs more than the AT. A lot more...that type of "self-help" should be reserved for those who need it, like addicts and the mentally ill, when it causes you to just take a powder on your responsibilities.
Second, comparing the voluntary decision to abandon your family and hike the AT with the equivalent of a military deployment overseas and saying the child will survive does great disservice to the men and women in the service. Not a single one of them would say:
"Yep, that deployment did my 5 year old a world of good. She didn't get to see me for 5 months, finished her first year of school without me, started another year of school without me, lost teeth without me, and had a birthday without me. When I returned it took more than a month to reconnect and catch up. Yep, my 5 year old benefited from not having me around for 5 months..."
Here is the deal. Nobody forced OP to put a ring on that gal's finger and promise he wouldn't leave her. Nobody forced OP to make a baby with her. Nobody is forcing OP to stay with them.
But even the thought of abandoning them should be so repulsive to you that the fact you are on here trying to justify OP's choice shows me that you think it's fine to be selfish as long as YOU get to grow. That, my friend, is the textbook definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
It's not the end of the world, damaging, nor in any respect irresponsible or abandoment for being gone for a few months as long as his family understands the motivation and has the resources to accomodate it. They can even do planned visits along the way and he can be in contact as he goes, plan some zeros together, etc. What if he won a $1m lottery and could easily bankroll it? It's a bit heavy handed to diagnose a disorder from a forum thread. ...Just sayin
I'm usually of the mindset that it's wrong to leave a young family to take a 6 month vacation. But some folks have done it successfully so it's possible. An advantage is that it is a positive example to kids on how great relationships and family teamwork can achieve great things. Children can play an active part in the planning and progress of the hike (although my opinion is that a 5 yr old is too young to fully understand and learn from this experience.)
Ask yourself these questions...
*Do I have a healthy marriage?
*Does my family work as a team with mutually-beneficial goals?
*Am I supportive of my spouse's personal goals and growth and do I assist her/him with achieving those goals?
(Do you even know what your spouse's goals are?)
*Do you take an active role in child rearing and maintaining the home?
*Are you financially stable?
If 'no', you've got some work to do. If 'yes', you might have the characteristics necessary to thru hike and come home to an intact, happy family.
Last edited by Traffic Jam; 01-31-2017 at 11:27.
First of all, no five year old is going to "understand the motivation". None. All the five year old knows is that daddy is gone. And, it's not like Mom can say "Sweetie, your Dad is a brave soldier. There is a war on. He must go and serve his nation in a far far away land. Be proud of your Dad. Tell everyone you are proud of your soldier Dad." Instead, Mom is left saying"Well, your Dad felt he had to do this right now in your life. I'm sorry he's missed your loss of baby tooth/start of school/end of school/birthday/Easter/Memorial Day/Father's Day/Mother's Day/Fourth of July/Labor Day....because he is a selfish git who only thinks of himself"
Here's a good read-down of what a narcissist is...I can't take credit, that belongs to BPD Central c2014...
"Narcissists lack empathy, feel entitled and above the rules, and see other people as appendages whose sole purpose is to fill them with narcissistic supply."
If a wife and five year old daughter are so easily left behind to pursue a solely selfish goal(I don't want to hear about how personal growth on the trail makes you a better parent. What if you wind up like the dude who is hating his thru hike five months after? What if you get halfway and quit? Better parent for it? Not.) then they are mere appendages whose sole purpose is to exist for your pleasure. You have no empathy for them or you wouldn't even think about it.
"Honey, I've been obsessed with the AT and if I don't do it now, I'm going to _____________." "But honey, what about our little girl?" "You deal with her. She won't even know I'm gone." Is that about how the conversation goes?
Honestly, who but a selfish soul gives serious consideration to doing this to their wife and small child? Who?
I raised two daughters, there's no way I can imagine missing 6 months in their short times growing up. They are now grown and I'm wondering where the time went. Either take her and your wife with you or wait. The trail isn't going anywhere.
I offered an alternative. Some of you don't like what I had to say. That's cool, but seriously, trying to diagnose me or what I had to say off of one paragraph is a little silly. If you're going to diagnose someone taking 6 months to hike the AT while they have a family at home, you are casting a wide net and making a lot of assumptions. Perhaps you should set up camp on Springer Mountain/Katahdin and make sure nobody is leaving kids at home?
ScareBear- I don't need a lesson on deployments, especially after 23 years of doing them. Get over yourself.
Last edited by capehiker; 01-31-2017 at 19:02.
Dang.... Someone needs a chill pill lol
My advice. Irnore everything you've read and talk to your wife. Do what you BOTH feel is the right thing to do. At the end of the day it's upto you and your family.
HYOH
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"My advice. Irnore everything you've read and talk to your wife. Do what you BOTH feel is the right thing to do. At the end of the day it's upto you and your family.
HYOH"
^^^This. It is between you and your family. You better get a thick skin too, if you ask for advice on this forum! Good luck!
After just one deployment, you would know the issues with separation from family. It boggles my mind that you would even dare to compare the hardships of a military family with a forced deployment with that of a hedonist seeking some inner fulfillment at the cost of a voluntary separation from family. The former is to be commended, respected and even admired. The latter....not so much. As to your repeated deployments, as my father would say "Where the heck was this guy deployed to? Bangkok? Worst day is leaving, best day is boots on the porch." I don't know any soldier or sailor who looks forward to the deployment when compared to the pain inflicted upon his family by deployment. I'm guessing you were single those 23 years or you would have some empathy for this cat's wife. Or, if not, perhaps you are, in fact, a narcissist. There's nothing wrong with it, if you are. Because, you didn't cause it. It's a personality disorder. Likely something with your childhood. Just sayin...
So, the 5 year old doesn't get a say? Counting on Mom to look out for her best interests? Because, daddy sure aint...just sayin...
Kinda what I'm doing. This all got blown way out of context. I didn't give enough detai, such as I am not saying it like I'm trying to make the thru hike this year. but yet again leave an internet forum to blow it up lol. But its cool. We do all things as a family as it is. I didn't think it was even an option for a younger child to make the journey. I had never heard of that family who all hike it thru together. That for me would be the most rewarding part. And as a few have stated if it did come down to doing it alone, it would only be if I found and amazing chunk of change and could have my family meet me in towns or on zeros or treat it as multiple vacations in a year.
Most of what I meant by having a wife daughter house etc as I stated in the first post was from the financial stand point. I would never up and just hit the hippy life and dip on my wife and def not my daughter. It would be a thought out process and hopefully be able to make it a fun experience for us all maybe when she was 8 or so. I mean really I don't even think I COuld come up with the funding to afford a thru hike in any less than a couple of years.
But its fine though. I like reading others opinions and seeing all the feedback (positive or negative). And you def cant diagnose someone with something via an internet forum. but I will not get into that argument
As a side note after reading some of the comments in this and chatting with a new found friend who happens to have section hiked the AT here and there. The planning has begun to figure out what sections I can get started on as well as time frames etc. So I'm definitely thankful to some folks on here to help point in the right direction.
Go sit and spin... For Pete's sake! The OP is just trying to figure out if it's something doable or not. He is obviously thinking of his family because he has already stated he doesn't plan on just up and abandoning them so he can hike the trail.....
You are looking down from an awful high horse
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My family is planning to follow me along the trail in an RV. My son will hike/camp with me at times. I expect to spend lots of nights with them and lots of days hiking. This only works (we hope) because they are both interested in doing this and we already have experience with many multi-month long trips in an RV. It will require that I am away from them during the early part of the trip when my son will still be in school.
Our solution won't work for most people for a number of reasons. It's expensive. It consumes the entire family for months. It requires that your spouse and children enjoy RV adventures. It has some logistical complexities. But it fits us.
Wow! What size brush are you painting with? I'll just say that your attempt to poke me, insult me, and pretend to know anything about my life, shows more about your character (and narcissistic behavior) than what I offered to the OP. He has a choice to listen to what I said or not. I will NOT be replying to you in this thread. The final word is yours. After all, narcissists HAVE be right. It shows in almost every post you make towards other members.
Nah. I just don't go for BS. I call it when I see it. Probably not a popularity-gainer, but at least I call it honestly, as I see it.
I don't promote leaving familial responsibilities to hike the AT on a thru. You think it's ok. You think it's ok to compare the decision to thru hike with a forced military deployment. I think that is absurd to do so and disrespectful. You play the "I've been deployed for 23 years card" to try and shut me up. I reply that forced separation from family SUCKS big time for BOTH the soldier AND the family and no one I know, including my family, has ever looked forward to the separation and CERTAINLY nobody would dare to say that the kids were better off for it. I point out that your beliefs clearly fall into the definition of a narcissist-somebody that cannot empathize with another and always puts their own desires paramount. I point out that if you did have empathy, it would NOT be for the AT hiker but for his wife and child. But, since I see absolutely NO empathy from you, just attempts at defense and deflection, I think I will just get out the 6 inch horsehair long-handle and have a go at that painting, mmmmm?
If you have a problem with my opinion, you have your own. You know what I think of yours. I know what you think of mine. I don't need to be right and you don't need to be wrong. We just need to agree to disagree. And, that is a given on this topic. I don't know who raised you or how you were raised, but from where I come from, its 1. Kids, 2. Spouse, 3. Family, 4. Self. In that order. Of course, I am fairly well convinced that personally, YMMV....
BTW, just for reference, I think that any parent that chooses their personal needs/wants above, and to exclusion of, those of their child is a damn poor excuse of a parent. Damn poor.
That does sound like a whole lot of fun though. I wish my parents would have kept the rv because I would love to have one to take the family out in. Ive been looking for a tow behind camper to get the family out. Throw in a few nights in a tent and a few nights in the rv. I think that would keep the wife and daughter from completely hatiing it all.
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