In defense of the OP:
One very nice thing that the folks at Hammock Forum do is have regular get together and meet-ups. From informal weekends to group hangs. It is incredibly helpful for the exact reasons and good intentions he has regarding getting out to see cottage gear in person and check it out. They even have a full forum to do this:
https://www.hammockforums.net/forum/...-Trip-Planning
About the closest thing we have is trail days, kick offs, etc. where vendors are out. Barring that... not many options to see the gear.
Keep in mind: the whole reason you are getting cottage gear at a reasonable price is that there is (rarely) a distributor, a brick and mortar store, or a vendor (retail) who is rightfully taking their markup.
On the flipside- it is what it is- and as mentioned cottage vendors generally have nearly ridiculous levels of customer service to offset the lack of face to face interaction.
REI once had a similarly insane return policy; which was abused and shut down.
"I'll be purchasing the items out of pocket, and returning them after."
That does rub some folks the wrong way. For my part... getting started on this sorta thing.
Paypal is about the best known, and merchant fees are roughly 3% per transaction... which is another 3% to process the return.
Plus handling(boxup) shipping (if it wasn't free) and then having to inspect the return for any defects... and any repair, cleaning or discounts to stick it in the bargain bin.
And if the gear is sold again then all these costs (less the return merchant fees) occur when it finally finds a home.
So point being- a little test and return can burn up roughly 10%-15% of the cost on goods that don't generally run on very high margins.
To be blunt... somebody like EE or Zpacks has enough good reputation and hardwork in that they have more customers than they can handle.
On the constructive side:
If you were a member of a local hiking club or similar then a vendor may be willing to send a demo. Just be honest.
Even better- odds are decent if you joined a trail club, the sierra club, or similar you'd probably find local folks who use the gear you might want to.
I am personally considering a version of what some cottage vendors have done- a rental program. That way some of my costs would be covered, but I could reach out to address your concern and get some gear in your hands. On my end I can assign a few units as Demo Units. That sort of system avoids putting a vendor or a customer in the spot of having to create "used" or discount bin gear that costs each of us money.
Dropping big money on gear you've never seen in person is a big deal; cottage guys get that and understand.
But customers here understand (and have seen) when generosity gets abused and that relationship suffers so that's why you're getting some pushback.