“Happiness [is] only real when shared”
― Jon Krakauer,Into the Wild
I've found out if I can just let my thoughts go and get into the 'zone' while hiking or backpacking, it's perfectly enjoyable while solo. If I'm thinking too much, I often spend a lot of time wishing I had my wife or a friend to share the experience with. I remember having an incident with wildlife where I thought I was done for, and just thinking "Do I really love this enough to die cold and alone doing it while everyone I love is at home and safe"? I think I found the balance by realizing the importance of being able to do something just for yourself, and taking it all in.
I had come to the exact same conclusion right around the time I first read that quote from Jon Krakauer: "Happiness is only real when shared", which surprised me enough that I still remember it. If beauty isn't shared, then it's a thing, like a projection that is observed. If it's not observed, then it's (literally) not there. But the moment it's SHARED, then the interaction makes it blossom into something at least more complex, and perhaps better.
Maybe that is what's really at the heart of this thing, for me anyway. I'm not sure that it's the quantity of personal interaction that matters to me nearly as much as the quality, though no surprise that's also a classic introvert personality trait. Nothing pleases me more than to see mostly gray space in my Outlook calendar when I get in. But at the same time, I treasure the openness that occurs on the trail when you are with someone you trust. You know you are with the right person when you can sing like an idiot out of the blue, or speak without fear about controversial ideas.
What I'm not entirely sure about at this point is whether it's possible for a middle aged man to achieve that level of trust outside of immediate family. Maybe, but I have yet to see it. If it's not, then hiking with friends might be fun in the same way a party is, but perhaps without the easy willingness to metaphorically fall flat on your face and laugh.
The years have made me far less trusting. Oddly, I've found that sometimes those who are the most guarded initially are the ones who I eventually come to trust and like.
Backpacking with someone you trust lets you swim upstream, if only for a short time. If you can just put one foot in front of the other in silence for an hour, and then just blurt out a thought or a whole chain of thoughts without pride or fear, then I think you're with the right person.
Remember, there are those that no longer have a significant other, perhaps they never had kids, are they less apt to find piece...I think not.
Absolutely true, rocketsocks. Someone earlier said it's a lot about how we're wired. Some find genuine and lasting peace in the individualism you speak of, and I respect that. And I think we can all agree that sort of individualism is in many ways admirable.
I don't know, I find my peace by seeking the guidance of the higher authorities. That's been true for me in my life. There's no witchcraft involved at all, I have no magic formula. Sometimes you look to the truth in life but only find more lies. I've found that true even with the people I look up to the most. In the loftiest of places! Thankfully I have good friends here on the ground. I have real children at home and don't have a great deal of time for introverted wanderings in the woods. They should matter more. And I'd do anything for my children. Although I don't begrudge Blw2 and Pi3.13, whichever "introvert" is which there, both I guess, if they want to get lost, of course.
In that case you may be on the wrong website---I.e. backpacking and hiking. . . uh . . . in the woods. Then again, even extroverts can pull months in the woods if desired. So how about having a great deal of time for extroverted wanderings (instead of introverted) in the woods???? Maybe even take the kids.
Last edited by Tipi Walter; 11-13-2017 at 20:23.
The distinction I think you're making is peace as in a sense of tranquility, as opposed to the religious meaning of being in a right relationship. The two are in some ways related, but are not exactly the same thing. Getting back to the trust thing, some people have very deeply held convictions on this topic, so I prefer to tread lightly in a forum like this one.
That said, the origin of the thread was in part about what happens when children leave home, and consequently, what people think about hiking solo vs. with others.
Tranquility also comes by being in a right relationship with Miss Nature. In my case---by sleeping with her as much as possible.
Yes, we do everything together! Many people don't realize I have children, but I do. Their father, Kodiak, is quite an outdoorsman himself, and although he has left us to our own devices for the last while, we are here together, and all share his love of the outdoors and, as a family unit, plan to thru-hike next year. We keep it real but don't over-think it. I think we are in the right place. We learn so very much from you all!
For me, I can find meaning in a solo journey. Some journeys are short and others are long. I like most to single hand sail at night. There are no people, no trees, no birds...just the water and me (and of course the boat). I find hiking alone a similar experience. During the unbroken silence I can pay more attention to my surroundings, admire the beauty of nature, and contemplate my place in it. To me, it has meaning. I also find great significance in shared experience - which drives me to blog, take pictures, make videos, and interact with others (significant and not) along the way. Everyone is different and so are their journeys.
Plaid is fast! Ticks suck, literally... It’s ok, bologna hoses off…
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I have never backpacked with anyone. I do many things along, so I am used to it. I have nature loving friends from trail running, but haven't been able to convince them to join me, although they are interested. I got pretty lonely in the dark around 7 pm at Grayson Highlands last year. Early darkness at camp is my only lonely times. I do feel sad that others don't experience beautiful places that I do.
For most of my life I was doing things alone, mostly due to the fact that it was impossible to find somebody to join me in the unusual itinerary of the journey.
During the journeys I usually travelled alone, but met people every now and then, and when after many years it happened that we (some old friends) had a serious discussion about being alone - and doing the math I had to admit that until then I had never been alone without seeing another human for a minimum of 24hrs. There are always people you meet, or at least see in the distance.
So finally I had to rethink the concept of being alone by meaning not exactly physically being the only one around for a given time, but being mentally alone (in a good way), being able to have all the thoughts and moods for myself and not get drowned in lonelyness.
This worked - somehow, sometimes. Other times it didn't work.
I learned that when going out for a journey your mind (heart?) has to be clean, otherwise it wouldn't work.
Everything changed when at age 35 my first daughter was born. I setteled down to being a family man, put more effort into earning money, provided room to live in.
The relation finally broke, but the love to the family (what was left of it) held on.
At age 40 I married and by this gained a huge family of 6 kids. Most of them are outdoor lovers, especially rock climbing. They are way better than me in these things now.
My wife had been hiking and climbing a lot in her earlier years, and now we try to do this things together as many times as possible.
We love to share the outdoor experience. I find it very rewarding to adapt to her pace rather than to speed off as I would do when alone.
When doing hikes together, I find much more time and pleasure to sit and look and feel and enjoy.
I'm still doing trips alone, out of practical reasons, as I can get free time more easy than my wife with all the family chores.
I truely enjoy the solo hikes, but honestly have to admit that the feeling is different than to the solo trips in my earlier life.
In the old days, I understood the trips as part of my ongoing and ever changing life, like an adventure with open end. I had not much to lose back home, and was ready to stay and live wherever it suited and with whomever I loved (and I did).
Nowadays, I solo hike and live outdoors for a week or two and feel in a way as if my wife was at my side. I text her my adventures and feelings every, or every other day.
I don't feel lonely because she is with me, in my heart. She, back home, pretty much has the same feelings.
I can't tell if the old, solo, adventurous way, or the recent, dual, loving way is better.
I had the frist one for several decades and it was great, and I have the new one for more than 20 years now and I love it.
Don't know what the future might bring. I belive, if it happened that I had to fall back to being solo, after working through the sorrow, I might be able to go back to the old solo life, and enjoy it.
Hello fellow Illinoisan. I have felt much of what you felt. So much that I have said and felt many of the exact things that you have, even about the ticks (which I still obsess about)! I was also surprised to hear how your mind is constantly going and going, I have the same problem, even in my dreams. I am always very fearful that when I take my kids out camping with me that I will expose them to some debilitating tick-bourne illness and it frightens me. Anyway, you are not alone in your thoughts, I am tormented by the same issues as you are.
"Sleepy alligator in the noonday sun
Sleepin by the river just like he usually done
Call for his whisky
He can call for his tea
Call all he wanta but he can't call me..."
Robert Hunter & Ron McKernan
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Hey TSWisla, hope you get this reply. Ditto regarding worry about the kids. Man, about ten years ago I took the kids camping up at Governor Dodge for a few days. This was just before my mom got lyme, so it wasn't on my mind. It was hotter than an oven in mid July, so we were in shorts, and I kid you not walking around in waist deep grass around a lake. I have no idea how many ticks we ended up with, but thank goodness we got a hotel that night because it was about 120 in the tent, and I got the kids cleaned up. I think about that probably once a week and wince, because I know that I put my kids at risk, albeit unwittingly.
Since then I've taken them camping and hiking all over. I probably worry most when we're up in the boundary waters in the summer. I am about as careful as I can be without making them phobic too, so it's just tick checks at night and them complaining about it. And then me worrying when we get home. I guess I ultimately have decided that it's a calculated risk, which I'm more prone to taking now that the kids are old enough to understand the risk. But when they were too little to understand, I was quite conflicted about whether it was fair to expose them to the risk. In retrospect I'm glad I did, but then again no one got sick.
The obsessing is probably part of the reason it's tough to hike alone. Sounds like you probably understand. Having someone with me allows me to get out of my own head. In fact, having kids in general has helped a lot with that, because it's hard to worry about yourself when you are constantly taking care of others. In a way it's a blessing, because I have learned to channel all that energy into constructive pursuits.
I still worry that perhaps I am doing the wrong thing by taking my kids out in the woods, esp in WI. It troubles me greatly.
I struggle with my mind a lot. I can never really "let go" enough to enjoy myself. Something, usually many things, are always bouncing around up there. I suppose that I was destined to be a tormented soul...
Consider what Tipi Walter mentioned earlier...a yoga mantra. I understand what you mean about stuff bouncing around. A mantra lets you focus on the mantra so that the rest falls away. It helps to still the mind and be in the moment. It's not always easy to get there.
Another method I find helpful is that when all those thoughts are bouncing around inside my head on the trail and I am aware of it (and not enveloped in it) is that I will look to the beams of sunshine coming through the trees. I focus on that, stop, take a deep breath, lift my head up, and open my ears to the sounds of the woods.
"Sleepy alligator in the noonday sun
Sleepin by the river just like he usually done
Call for his whisky
He can call for his tea
Call all he wanta but he can't call me..."
Robert Hunter & Ron McKernan
Whiteblaze.net User Agreement.