Shared vs. Individual experience

[Pi3.14]

I’m a 50 year old family man, and I’ve never participated in any form of social media, unless you consider Whiteblaze a social app. I’d like to offer a lofty rationale for my abstinence, something about the vague discontent bred by Facebook and the like. But to be honest, it’s just because I don’t have an appetite for the predictable flow of carefully crafted vignettes from peripheral acquaintances. Put another way, I don’t have patience for the volume or underlying intention of the messaging.

About 10 years ago, I took a solo trip to the boundary waters, which for those of you not from the upper Midwest, is an area of about 2800 square miles in northeast Minnesota that is densely packed with lakes and has few roads. Many people fly in, and some take a canoe, but I hiked in. I spent most of that journey asking myself why I was doing it. I had a wife and kids at home who I missed from day one, and who I think missed me. But there I was, mucking around in the woods. I decided the reason I was doing it was because most people either can’t or won’t, which wasn’t a very good reason.

To be clear, I'm not saying that's why people hike solo. I'm saying that's why I was hiking solo, and it was a bad reason. When I was honest with myself, I saw that I was just lonely and uncomfortable in my own skin, because I was insecure and prone to obsessing. That was my last solo outing.

Since then my older son has also become an avid backpacker and bikepacker, and we’ve logged thousands of miles together all over the country. If you are on Whiteblaze, then you get it. We’ve all experienced the highs and lows, and looking back, even the lows make us smile.

Now here comes my point. I shared all of those experiences with my son. Any time I experience beauty alone, to me it feels wasted, like it’s just locked in my head and I can’t give it to anyone. I can tell people about it, but many of you know how that goes. Once you’ve been there, about the best you can do is encourage others to go see it for themselves, because words and pictures aren’t enough.

My son left for college far away at an extremely demanding school, where he is going to work hard and have wonderful experiences. We might get a few more good journeys in together, but I’m on borrowed time. And that’s what I always wanted for him. I love him enough to let him go. But it’s hard. And now I'm on my own again.

So here I am on Whiteblaze, which might arguably be called a social app, and which as far as I can tell is just about the only place where I might find other people who understand all of this. I’m hoping to get some feedback on what the journey means to others in this community, particularly with regard to shared vs. individual experience. How can I find meaning in a solo journey? Is it even possible for a 50 year old, happily married, introverted working professional to form a genuinely trusting relationships with another person or people who would rather be on the side of a frozen mountain in southwest Virginia than just about anywhere else?

I could probably have said all of this better. But I have a huge family birthday party to go to, and much of the gigantic family that I love so much is going to be there. So this will just have to be good enough for now.

[egilbe]

I know what you mean. I prefer hiking with my GF than hiking by myself, but hiking by myself is still better than not hiking at all. Fortunately, she loves hiking with me, so it's good.

[Tipi Walter]

Some of us are born loners, some of us aren't. It's easy for loners to go out on long solo backpacking trips---even with a person waiting back home---who in my case also happens to be a loner.

The beauty of unspoiled nature is what attracts me to the outdoors---and it's a place I have grown comfortable living in---despite the fact that wilderness is part of the vanishing American landscape. In other words, you better get out in it before it's gone.

And realistically speaking, what other person will accompany me on my long backpacking trips? Most don't have the time and certainly not the inclination. And anyway I go out to get away from humans and humanity. Plus I'm a full blown misanthrope---I've had a bellyful of human cleverness and our sprawl and monkey howlings.

[Uncle Joe]

I hike alone most of the time. I typically don't end up alone. I meet people on the way and most often end up hiking with them a bit. On my last hike, The first day I met some folks but we didn't really hike a lot together. But we were heading to the same shelter area and ended up hanging out and getting to know other hikers. The next day we hiked together some, spread out some, and ended up hiking a little more. Chatting and talking at each moment. Again, we camped with the same group, and a few new folks. Maybe we hadn't built a deep bond but we had come through the same experience. Each experiencing it a little different. Sometimes that's all you get and that's fine. Don't get me wrong, I'd much rather have a buddy come along but most of my friends simply don't or won't hike. We do other things together like bike, go to dinner, and have even travelled but other than the occasional day hike they don't seem to be getting the bug.

[KCNC]

I think you said it well.

What I've discovered is that many of my extended family (and I have a huge extended family) feel much the same as I do.

I loved camping in my youth - everything from backyard under a tarp to car camping with my uncle and cousins, backpacking at summer camp and in a camper with my grandparents.

Then life happened and time spent in the woods was largely limited to scout trips with my sons. I've done a fair amount of RV camping the last 10-12 years (lots of that associated with horse shows) and now I'm circling back to an emphasis on car camping and backpacking. Talking to other family members I've discovered that we share a love of backpacking that we've never discussed before. My wife is waiting on a kidney transplant but in the interim has been researching plans for future joint expeditions (and even talking about doing something quite ambitious on her own to honor her donor and mark her "new beginning.")

All this is to say I think there are lots of us with similar narratives. Get out there with family and friends when possible, but just getting out there is pretty motivating for me.

[cmoulder]

Is it even possible for a 50 year old, happily married, introverted working professional to form a genuinely trusting relationships with another person or people who would rather be on the side of a frozen mountain in southwest Virginia than just about anywhere else?

Hopefully you don't find this too flippant, but the best place to find such people is on the side of a frozen mountain in southwest Virginia.

There are many people in love with the idea of doing something; you want to meet people who are actually doing it.

[PGH1NC]

My adult sons asked be to summit Katahdin 45 years after I climbed it alone since they were too small to use the hand holds at the Gatway. Then this past summer they invited me to do SNP on the AT. With the examples you wrote about, I would expect that you will have similar experiences with your son. At age 50 you have lots of time left to share.

[DownEaster]

I'm a few years older than most of my friends, who won't have the luxury of enjoying their retirement for some time yet, and that makes me a better match to the necessary logistics of a through-hike. Also I'm the only one I know who doesn't have any medical prescriptions, and thus am physically better suited to long hiking trips. (It seems everyone is taking beta blockers for high blood pressure. Beta blockers reduce heart rate to keep blood pressure down, which means they impose an upper limit on physical exertion. That means if the slope plus total weight requires a certain amount of heart pumping to overcome, and that's more than the beta blocker allows, the person simply can't accomplish the hike.)

It would be nice if some of the people in my life now could also accompany me on the AT, but that's just not in the cards. I don't mind being alone, so I can certainly handle a solo adventure. However, the AT is well know as a social trail, and I'm guaranteed to make some new acquaintances and likely to meet some new friends.

While your situation is somewhat different, I think things will work out similarly for you if you hike on the AT: it'll mostly turn out to be a shared experience.

[Greenlight]

If you're hiking a popular trail, you're going to run into a lot of people. If you are hiking in the same direction, you may make friends. I'm comfortable in my own skin, and hiking alone is fine for me. I love being outdoors - I love being in the woods. I've hiked some with my oldest son. My other three kids don't want anything to do with it. But the oldest isn't available much. I think that is one reason a lot of people hike solo. Because it is hard to get a group together, or even one other person. I like documenting my hikes and creating short videos, so others can see a slice of what I saw on social media. At the end of the day, why you hike will dictate when and with whom you hike. And that is perfectly okay for you.

[JJ505]

This is an interesting topic for discussion. I do a lot of solo hiking, unless you count the dog. I don't usually see too many people. I really enjoy it, and don't feel lonely. However, I have a partner I hike with once in awhile, and I enjoy this too. If I had one more often it would be good, but it would have to be someone who is not interested in filling up a lot of quiet time with chatter. I had one of those once, and didn't enjoy it at all. That said, I take most of my trips or vacations (but since I'm retired...) alone. Some people think it bothers me but it doesn't though if it's quite a long trip I start missing being with people after awhile.

[blw2]

yes, very interesting topic.
You are not alone in your thinking.

I'm a similar age but my son is younger. Gearing up to do a bit of backpacking & I'm hoping that he'll join me, maybe my daughter too...or maybe even both daughters although my youngest is probably a bit too young for much.

I had a love of camping and doing stuff like that since I was young. Did a little backpacking and primitive type camping back in college and just after. SInce have done lots of other things such as kayaking, day hiking, scuba.... I'm an introvert and in many ways a loner of sorts, but I find my love of enjoying nature in beautiful places really wants to be shared. I did a lot of things when I was single and I always felt something missing.
More lately, with my family, we have done a lot of what I call tailgate camping and more recently RVing. But it never really has satisfied me. Some scout camping with my son, which comes closer in some ways, but still not it.

A while back, i decided to gear up to get back out off grid a bit. I really want to get out there. Again, I'm an introvert and sometimes a loner, but I really hope to share this. My wife has no interest.... and I'm still not too sure about my kids. I'm really curious how much I will enjoy it if I end up going alone. I know for sure I will miss my family deeply even on short trips....

I just hope that I can share some moments with my kids, like you have with your son. You are blessed I think, for having those memories.....

[One Half]

I hear what you are saying. I had 30 days this spring to hike as much of the AT as I could. No worries. No kid at home any more. Husband was all set for food (I cook all our meals and had cooked and frozen enough for him for nearly 40 days). He was very supportive of me going and everything. I had a BLAST! But every time I got to a great view or the top of a hard climb, I wanted him there next to me soaking in the moment. I knew I couldn't explain to him the experiences I was having well enough. I also knew I wanted all the BEST of experiences to be had WITH him. After all, he's been there for all the experiences the last 25+ years - good and bad. I just couldn't enjoy it without him. I left after 5 days of hiking. I can't wait to get back. But it won't be alone.

[Pi3.14]

Wow, thank you everyone for the support and hope and insights. It good to know you all are out there like brooks in an alpine meadow.

I have mostly hiked the AT off season because I prefer cool or even cold weather, which means I've never seen first hand the social scene that you are describing. There's really nothing comparable in the upper Midwest, or even on the PCT. While I might see a half dozen small groups a day on a trail like Pictured Rocks (in Michigan), people mostly keep to themselves. That's not necessarily a bad thing, as many are looking for solitude. But maybe I need to start thinking about hitting the AT at the front end of thru hiker season when it's not packed, but at least more populated.

I also probably need to learn to be more in the moment. I hear you all talking about the intense beauty that's out there, and sometimes I think I'm so busy thinking that I miss the incredible palette of sensations that are right in front of me.

Maybe this idea of documenting the experience is one I should dabble with. I'm not ready to run out an drop a ton of money on equipment, but it does seem like this might be a way of sharing. I guess my take on this life is that there are only a handful of things that are real, and the rest is an impossibly wonderful and complex illusion. One of the things that seems real is the people, the choices we make, and how we interact with one another. For me personally, I think the art of walking would feel more purposeful (not that a purpose is necessarily a requirement) if I could find a way to share it through a medium like photography.

So here's my next question, if anyone is still listening. What do you all think about when you are out there hiking alone in the woods? Are you reflecting on ideas? Or just absorbing your surroundings? Like I said, my mind is always going, going, going, though I have noticed that my mind slows down and becomes more deliberate the more time I spend on the trail. Seems like 3 days is when my brain starts to relax, and a week is about when I just start to put one foot in front of the other. That simplicity is amazing.

[Dan Roper]

This year my 20-year-old son and I bailed out at the Scales in Grayson Highlands, after a very bad lightning and hail storm. Over 10 years, me and my sons hiked every step from Springer to the Scales (except the oldest, who missed those last 30 or so miles this year). My sons are moving on now - jobs and college and stuff. I'm pretty sure they won't be able to join me next summer....and that it'll be sporadic or best for the next 20 years. I have a vision of standing at the Scales next summer, by myself, looking back on 10 years of backpacking with my sons, and feeling an immense melancholy and loneliness. Then I'll put on my pack and start walking. And I'm betting that after a few steps or few miles or few days, I'll discover that backpacking the AT solo is different but just as much fun. (And I should say that I do a heckuva lot of long day hikes solo, and love doing it that way.)

[Pi3.14]

I have had that exact same vision many times since my son left for college. I haven't done an overnight since, in part for that reason, even though Fall is my favorite season for hiking.

Right around the time that classes started, he got sick. Nothing serious, but it reminded me that his well being is far more important to me than whether I'm bummed that he's away at college. That motivated me to at least get out for a ride on one of the many long loops we favor, and you're right that it was fine. But when I think about hitting one of our favorite trails solo, I see that same vision you are talking about.

It's getting better with time. I've been out for a few long day hikes, and found it enjoyable. I spent twenty bucks on a blue tooth headset so I can listen to books, and that is fun, though it moves the hike back into my mind, if that makes sense. But your point about finding it's still fun is well made.

You mention the Grayson Highlands, and that's the place I love most on the AT, at least so far. There's a lot of the northern half I haven't seen yet. Rocky mountain spotted nearly took out my father when he was young, and lyme left my mom with little cartilage in her knee and ankle, so I'm a little leary of ticks I guess. Maybe that's my next thread!

[Tipi Walter]

So here's my next question, if anyone is still listening. What do you all think about when you are out there hiking alone in the woods? Are you reflecting on ideas? Or just absorbing your surroundings? Like I said, my mind is always going, going, going, though I have noticed that my mind slows down and becomes more deliberate the more time I spend on the trail. Seems like 3 days is when my brain starts to relax, and a week is about when I just start to put one foot in front of the other. That simplicity is amazing.

You hit on some important points. When I'm actually backpacking I do many things at once: Keeping my eyes focused on the trail for proper boot placement to avoid falling. Looking out for rattlesnakes/copperheads. And doing a constant yoga mantra linked into my hiking cadence---Doing all these things while enjoying the forest and trails around me.

Any ideas I have during the day I pen into my trail journal while in camp. And as far as 3 days needing to go by before your brain starts to relax---I wrote this in a recent trip report during a 20 day trip (w/o resupply)---My opinion only !!!---

SAY GOODBYE TO DAY 15
A backpacking trip doesn't become interesting until Day 15 and beyond, or at least 2 weeks out without interruption. No towns, no commerce, no resupplies. By Day 15 you enter a new world of wilderness refinements where the old society/house/work/spouse/civilization You is transformed into a slower paced outdoors You. It takes 15 days for this to happen. You get salty and thusly express your strong opinions with this salty attitude. Most all of my rants and screeds come from this outdoor place, a sort of reckless healthy abandon to say what I feel, with a sort of "viking's countenance". This new you is homeless in the best sense and could be called Hiker Trash except this term denotes a certain urban tone as a loner living outdoors but in towns.

LONG TRIPS
"Without interruption" was my qualifier therefore it means living outdoors in whatever pristine landscape is left, the vanishing American landscape. For one thing after 15 days your pack is much lighter and more manageable and so route choices get more adventurous. Second, you develop a carefree jaunt fueled by 2 previous weeks of tough hiking and rugged challenges so what comes next is calmly accepted with a cool gleam in your eye---the 15 days become therefore a real confidence booster. The real joy then starts on the following days and beyond. Plus, your tent and bedding become highly valued and desired and great joy is felt using this gear, especially on Day 15 as the temps get cold. After 15 you realize you can stay out for however long you want---30 days, 45 days, food being the only consideration.

[egilbe]

I sometimes have a mindless tune that runs through my head, probably similar to TW’s yoga mantra. I can spend hours doing that, only talking to my gf when we reach a natural stopping point due to hunger, thirst, amazing view, wildlife or whatever. Its like daydreaming where your eyes lose focus and the human contact brings me back to the here and now. I call it action without thought. When I get into that state, the hills seem flatter, the trail smoother, the temps more moderate.

[JPritch]

I enjoy solo pursuits. Whether its hiking, fishing, or just going to the gym and putting my headphones in and getting to work. I guess it's just how some people are wired. I do enjoy running into people on my outings and chatting them up, maybe even pairing up for a short bit, but eventually I like to return to my solitude. My daughter just turned six and she is the only person in this world whose company I would enjoy 100% of the time, and I do plan on including her in more of my activities as she gets older. You all are making me sad though talking about how your kids are growing up and moving on and you are faced to do things alone. I know this day is coming for me as well, so I want to do my best to enjoy every day I have with her until then.

[rocketsocks]

Some of my most memorable moments came while I was by myself...and then I realized I wasn’t alone at all, you’ll get there, keep going.

[Malto]

I do most of my hiking solo though I have done some of my longer trips with 1-3 others. Generally when I have hiked with others I know going in that our styles are very similiar. I much prefer these trip to solo because I give up nothing (see style point above) and gain a whole lot from being around some very cool people.

What is going through my head? It really depends on the length of trip. Day or weekend hikes are when I process any nagging problems. I have also found that some of my more creative ideas for work have come from these hikes. On longer hikes, I enter is expedition mode where I think about the trip cadence resupplies etc. Longer still, example PCT, slowly the first two subjects fade away and it becomes more of living in the moment. I found myself going back over decisions in my life, over and over as well as sorting out my future. I become more introspective. Conversations with others change as well. I found I get to know people on a whole different level than the normal superficial level. This is one of the big appeals to long distance hiking for me.

Finally, if you are going to hike solo, you better be able to be friends with yourself because you have to have stimiluating conversations with yourself as well as entertain yourself. I have no problem doing this which is probably why I do so much solo hiking.