A joke

[MOWGLI]

This joke was sent to me by my 72 year-old mother-in-law who is a devout catholic. Hope it doesn't offend any of y'all.



Two Nuns

There were two nuns...
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),
and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from ! the convent.

SM:Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight
and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL:It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most?
What can we do?

SL:The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM:It's not working.

SL:Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing.
He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL:The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and
I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried
about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM:Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened.
The man couldn't follow us both,so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened.
I started to run as fast as I could and
he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do.
I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do.
He pulled down his pants.


SM:Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?

A nun with her dress up can run faster
than man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,
say two Hail_ Marys!

[minnesotasmith]

Here's a HILARIOUS one. It's just a picture of a dirty car...

Don't open it when the kidlets (or anyone highly religious or repressed) are watching.

http://chicago.craigslist.org/about/.../40691636.html

[smokymtnsteve]

Off-topic..take it to the non-appalchian trail forum

[Rain Man]

Off-topic..take it to the non-appalchian trail forum

Right you are, Steve.

[minnesotasmith]

I didn't start it, just chimed in.

BTW, isn't that pic I posted a link to hilarious? (Don't have the kids, boss, or grannie see it!)

[smokymtnsteve]

I didn't start it, just chimed in.

BTW, isn't that pic I posted a link to hilarious? (Don't have the kids, boss, or grannie see it!)

I like craiglist...I get a lot of gigs from craiglist. even meet some hiker chicks from craiglist,

[minnesotasmith]

IMO are www.joecartoon.com and www.strangecosmos.com. www.darwinawards.com is pretty good, too.

[minnesotasmith]

Lipstick At School

http://www.extremefunnypictures.com/funnypic47.htm


Lipstick At School
2003-05-30

"According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers, and then there are educators..."

[minnesotasmith]

All Aboard
2000 Honorable Mention
Confirmed by Darwin(17 September 2000, Queensland, Australia) Six young men and women with no sailing experience were rescued from an stolen luxury yacht after drifting into a pier only 400 metres from its mooring. They had intended to sail around the world, and had packed all the essentials; 60 cans of baked beans, 1000 condoms, some liquor and cola and a library book on navigating by the stars. Lucky for them they were caught, as police report that "they had no fresh water and no food other than baked beans." The would-be sailors have been charged with unlawful use of a vessel. We can all be glad that at least with 1000 condoms, they weren't planning to breed.

[Haiku]

A nun with her dress up can run faster
than man with his pants down.

What about a man with a kilt?

Haiku.

[Tha Wookie]

Santa, Enemy Combatant

By Anthony Wade

www.OpEdNews.com

Apparently wishing to go out with one significant arrest during his tenure at The Department of Homeland Security,

[Tha Wookie]

Santa, Enemy Combatant

By Anthony Wade

www.OpEdNews.com

Apparently wishing to go out with one significant arrest during his tenure at The Department of Homeland Security,

[Tha Wookie]

-
Santa, Enemy Combatant
By Anthony Wade

www.OpEdNews.com

Apparently wishing to go out with one significant arrest during his tenure at The Department of Homeland Security,

[Tha Wookie]

I guess it was too long.


click this link http://opednews.com/wade_121004_santa.htm

scroll down to the story. Pretty funny and timely.

[Pencil Pusher]

You're on a roll, four posts saying the same thing, three of them exact duplicates...

[Tha Wookie]

somebody stop me.

is it getting hot in here? (pulling on collar)

just read it.

[minnesotasmith]

"A letter to the Tide Company"

Dear Tide:

I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have!
I've used it since the beginning of my married life,
when my Mom told me it was the best.

Now that I am older and going through menopause,
I find it even better! Infact, about a month ago, I spilled
some red wine on my new white blouse. My unfeeling
and uncaring husband started to berate me about how
clumsy I was and generally started becoming a pain in
the neck. One thing led to another and I ended up with
a lot of his blood on my white blouse.

I tried to get the stain out by using a bargain detergent,
but it just wouldn't come out. After a quick trip to the
supermarket, I purchased a bottle of liquid Tide with
bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction,
all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out
so well, that when the detectives came by yesterday,
they told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative
and then my attorney called and said that I would no longer
be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my
husband. What a relief!

I thank you, once again, for having such a great product.
Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people...

(Signed)
A Relieved Menopausal Wife

===========================================
"Gold Boy Scout Knife"

Lisa, a strikingly beautiful young Brunette, sat across
the table from William, in a fancy restaurant. She
smiled as William finished proposing to her. "I'm not
sure, let me think about it." she answered.

William was crushed but kept his composure. After
dinner they went to her place. The mood was romantic
and William was eager to make love to Lisa. She
stopped him and said "Before we get married or even
make love, I want you to buy me something"

"Sure my love, you name it. A car, a pearl necklace,
diamond earrings, you name it."

"I want a solid gold Boy Scout knife."

Stunned William asked, "But why? I can buy you
anything you want. Why must it be a solid gold Boy
Scout knife?"

"I can't tell you, but I won't make love to you until I get one."
William searched high and low but couldn't find the knife.
Desperate, he had a jeweler make one for him.

The next time they met at her place for a romantic evening,
he again suggested they make love. Again she said she
couldn't without first receiving the solid gold Boy Scout knife.
With a smile he handed her a small gift wrapped box. She
carefully opened it and saw the knife.

They went off to the bedroom where she opened a large
hope chest at the foot of her bed. She placed the knife
inside, but not before William saw the contents of the hope
chest. It was filled with solid gold Boy Scout knifes.

"What's this? The whole thing is filled with gold knifes?"

"I can't tell you" she replied.

After several minutes of badgering she finally relented and
said, "Someday I will be older. My hair will turn gray, my
face will start to get wrinkles and my beauty will fade. Who
will want me then? But, can you imagine what a Boy Scout
would do for one of these knives?"
================================================== ==

[Bolo]

Minnesotadude has resorted to bashing the Boy Scouts.

Shame on you, MS. You're not going to have a friend left on this site.

Bolo

[Puck]

Minnesotadude has resorted to bashing the Boy Scouts.
Bolo

It actually sounds like a joke I heard when I was in scouts....jeesh lighten up

[minnesotasmith]

It's just a joke. Relax and enjoy it.

Say, how about telling us a bit of humor you know, that you think is funny?