Poll: Non-outdoor-type spouses

[blackbishop351]

I know a lot of you are married, even some of you who spend a week or more on the trail every month. How many of you have spouses who don't do the 'outdoors thing' ? If they don't, how do you deal with the issue at home?

This might be prying, but I'm running into the problem myself, and I'm only trying to take one two-night trip a month at this point.

[Just Jeff]

Easy. Get real grumpy for a week. Say you need to go hiking, then leave. Be in a really good mood when you get back. It only takes once or twice - then she'll realize when you need to go for a hike and make you go.

My wife doesn't really like the outdoors, but sometimes she tells me when I need to go hiking.

[ed bell]

Good advice Jeff. My wife loves hiking/backpacking but she can't always go along because of her job. She is VERY quick to pick up on the need to send my butt outdoors for a quick attitude adjustment.

[Shiraz-mataz]

Ah yes, the ol country mouse vs. city mouse... My wife is definitely an "indoor girl." As much as I'd like to take her on some outdoor adventures, even if it was just to tent camp next to a car full of ice-cold drinks and fast food, I know it will never be. After 17 years of marriage she knows that for me, being outdoors is my way of resetting the sanity meter. And though she would not tolerate my disappearing for six months on the trail, a weekend once in awhile is not a problem. Just be honest with your wife and try to convey how important hiking and the outdoors are to you. Heck, if and when that doesn't do it, tell her when there's a sale at the mall and suggest she go buy something nice for herself!

[LIhikers]

I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. My wife loves to backpack as much as I do so we go together. She's also gone by herself when I can't get off from work when she can.

[sparky2000]

Just put up (kindly) with her attitude and go hiking. When you return she'll be as sweet as apple pie.

[gregdog]

My wife is from the Chicago area and does not enjoy any outdoor activities, past sitting at a pool somewhere. I have an easy out because I always take my two boys with me hiking. Sometimes I just tell her, "hey, this would be a good time for you to go visit your parents". Works fine, she doesn't mind and it's one less trip to the inlaws I have to make........18 years of marraige, so far so good.
greg

[MOWGLI]

She does her thing. I do mine. I made it clear that I'm not going to stop doing what I love because she can't or doesn't want to join me. Similarly, I don't give her a hard time about the things that she wants to do.

It's a partnership. Not a dictatorship.

PS: We leave for NY & New England next week. We'll spend a few days in Cape Cod, visit some family, then mosey up to Lake Placid where my wife will drop me & our daughter off. We'll hike for 5 days (50 miles on Northville Placid Trail) and she'll do her thing. Whatever that is - visiting friends & family, etc. She'll pick us up where we come off the trail, and then its back in family mode for another 5-6 days on the trip. Works for everyone.

[dixicritter]

I'm one of those not so outdoorsy type spouses, thought I'd get that in before SGT Rock could... He'd love it if I'd go with him and the boys hiking, but it's really not my thing. I don't mind day hiking, but the whole sleeping outside thing just isn't for me.

I am also one of those wives that knows when to send her husband to the trail to recharge. Especially when he's getting cranky. As a matter of fact he's going on an over-nighter with the boys while he's home on leave from Iraq, I insisted.

Basically what I'd suggest is to just explain to your spouse that it's not that you want to "ditch" them, but that you know that they would not enjoy themselves hiking like you do and you really would like to go. Maybe make some compromise with something they have been wanting to do. If kids are involved, offer to take care of the kids for a weekend so that your spouse can have a weekend to do whatever they want to do alone. This has worked for us. Now he just takes the boys with him and I get my alone time while they are out on the trail.

[Frolicking Dinosaurs]

I was married to a fellow that wasn't the outdoor type for 7 yrs. I satisfied my need for wilderness experience by taking my very young children on nature walks and picnics in the woods.

[Lilred]

I'm the hiker in the family while my husband stays home. He has known from day 1 that him telling me I "can't" do something just won't fly with me. I agree with Mowgli, we have a partnership, not a dictatorship. The idea of one spouse having to ask 'permission' to do something rubs me wrong to say the least. Anyhow, he's very supportive of my hiking and I go out for weeks at a time in the summer. He's a musician and leaves me at home nearly every weekend of the year, so there's no problem with my leaving him alone. Our kids are grown which helps too.
I agree with another poster, put up with her attitude and go anyhow. Maybe bring home a nice gift for her. (a gift, not flowers) If you don't go because she doesn't want you to, it will only lead to resentment.

[lava]

My spouse does great when I can get him to go. His issue isn't so much that he doesn't like the outdoors. His issue is that he can't pry himself away from work, his cell phone, etc .

I get him to go with me on our one big two-week vacation (about half of that is "real" camping,either backpacking or kayak camping, and half is staying with my dad in his RV near the beach) and one or two weekends a year.

Other than that if I want to go, I go on my own - usually with a local outdoor organization. I haven't actually gotten him to the point where he's comfortable with me truly going solo, but that's what I'm working on next. He worries about me .

On the bright side, since we're both cheap - he certainly doesn't object to vacations that cost almost nothing!

[Kerosene]

I ask for a week a year towards finishing my life goal of completing the AT. Sometimes she grudgingly agrees to a second week, mostly due to the fact that she always notices how calm and relaxed I am upon my return. We did the 110 miles from Duncannon to Harpers Ferry just before we were married, but she doesn't remember her hikes as vividly as I do. I'd love to get her out again, but for now we content ourselves with short day hikes together.

[Uncle Wayne]

That my wife enjoys hiking / backpacking as much as I do. My heart goes out to you guys and gals who don't have that luxury. There is no doubt it has helped us become closer as husband and wife. It's a thrill to me when someone asks about a certain hike and she gives her input. I am blessed.
Hopefully in 2 or 3 years we'll be able to attempt a thru hike.

[Just Jeff]

My wife doesn't really like the outdoors, but sometimes she tells me when I need to go hiking.

My wife said I need to reword this. She likes the outdoors - she even suggested we dayhike the coast while the kids are gone this month - but she doesn't willingly do the sleeping outdoors thing. Kinda like dixiecritter, I guess.

She has told me to take a hike in the middle of a disagreement, though - and she was serious. Stopped the argument right there...smart woman.

[headchange4u]

My wife tries, God bless her. She can handle an overnight in a campground fairly well but anything past one day and she starts missing her shower and the comfort of a bed.

I bought her a pack a couple of months ago in hopes that see might want to start backpacking. Our first outing we walked about a mile on fairly level ground and I got nothing but constant complaints about walking, size and weight or pack, and being very hot and sweaty (she only had about 20 -25 lbs. in her pack while mine had an extra 10 lbs., close to 45-50 lbs., of weight because I carried most of her stuff.)


When she goes with me I also take a tent and sleep sleep in the tent with her. No hammock for me and I have become quite fond of my HH.

[maxNcathy]

I mentioned to Cathy that a month of losing me while I am absent hiking could be a great gain for her... My health would be greatly improved and my life span may well increase one year for every month away hiking.

I wonder how long I would live if I was away hiking 6 months per year!

[Frolicking Dinosaurs]

My best friend is a girly-girl. Her idea of really roughing it involves their 26 ft camper with heat / air, hot water, gas stove / fridge, TV, microwave shower and toilet. Her hubby loves to backpack and it used to be a great source of contention between them. I talked with them both about having time when they persued interest the other did not care to do. He now backpacks while she is at religious or scrapbooking conventions / workshops - a win-win situation for them.

[dreamhiker]

I have gotten my wife to go on long day hikes with me and also car camping but I don't think she will ever want to do and backpacking. she has alot of fears when I go she thinks Im going to get killed by wild animals or crazy hikers. Its going to be a hard sell if I want to do a thru-hike. But its my dream so in the end I think that she will come around and let me do it.
DreamHiker

[gsingjane]

My husband is very athletic (long-distance cyclist, runner, weightlifter) but doesn't care for the ups and downs and bumps and thumps of the trail at all. He has many old athletic injuries, including having torn his hamstring twice! and he's of an age (52) where he doesn't feel he can risk an injury that might sideline him for weeks or months.

I don't think I would be participating in backpacking if some of my kids weren't my hiking partners. That way, it is at least something of a family thing, as opposed to a "just me" thing. I don't know what will happen when they're all gone but I have 10 more years at least to find that out.

My husband is pretty decent about us going out, although I know he'd prefer that we not. "You can take the boy out of Brooklyn..." Not being from a nature-oriented background at all, I don't think he has a very accurate view of the "dangers" of the natural world, and he does worry all the time we're gone. OTOH, I also worry all the time that he's gone on a century, because of all the traffic and the chance he'll get hit by a car. I guess this is the price we pay for having a relationship!

Jane in CT