Raising kids in a barrel

[Two Speed]

I know this isn't hiking humor, but a comment one our members* made was something to the effect of raising your kids in a barrel. The concept is you throw your kid in a barrel and feed ‘em through the bung hole until they’re 20.

On reflection, this method has some real advantages.

If you want to give ‘em a bath you just roll the barrel to the top of a hill, fill the barrel half way with water, add soap and kick the barrel down the hill. To rinse you pull the plug at the bottom of the hill, drain, roll the barrel back up the hill, fill half way with rinse water and kick ‘em back down the hill. The spin cycle is intuitively obvious.

On the down side you would have to add an overhead hoist somewhere to load ‘em into the bed of the pick up. If you want ‘em to see where you’re going you leave the plug out of the bung. If not, leave it in.

On the plus side you’ll never have to wonder where they are late at night. Just put the barrel on the lawn where you can see it out of a window and everything’s jim dandy.

On the down side creative photos of your little darling are going to require a little more effort. Of course you could paint a happy face on the barrel, guaranteeing a smile in every photo.

On the plus side you’ll never have to wonder if the new clothes are going to fit. Just pick a sufficiently large barrel to start with and you’re all set.

My hat is off to who ever developed this new method of child rearing. A few down sides, but you are guaranteed that your child will be a well rounded adult.

*I think it was Skids. Of course Skids is free to take credit for this breathtaking improvement, or can deny it if he prefers not to deal with the local DFACS.

[Just Jeff]

Plug the hole and you'll never have to teach him to swim.

[Two Speed]

Well, that would depend if you filled the barrel with water before putting the plug in.

[Frolicking Dinosaurs]

::: former child protective service worker comes to arrest you bad boys :::

[Two Speed]

Well, my supervisor did threaten to turn me in for the way I treat my child.

Among my offenses:

• He bathes once every two weeks, maximum, then frequently in a stream or pond
• I never spend any money on clothing for him
• Sometimes I let him drink out of the toilet, but won't let him use the bathroom in the house
• He sleeps in my bed, without any clothing on
• And to top it off, she doesn't think he'll live to be 20

[Frolicking Dinosaurs]

Two Speed, please tell me your child is canine.

[Two Speed]

Oh, I forgot. Sometimes he hangs out with smelly, unshaven people:

http://www.whiteblaze.net/forum/vbg/...?i=13734&c=531

[Miss Janet]

http://def.con.ca/bonsaikitten

[Two Speed]

Miss Janet, you are a truly sick woman, and that's what I admire the most about you!

[RAT]

I second that !

RAT

[Skidsteer]

*I think it was Skids. Of course Skids is free to take credit for this breathtaking improvement, or can deny it if he prefers not to deal with the local DFACS.

Yeah it probably was me.

But I stole the idea from Mr. Heinlein. I'm pretty sure he stole it from Mr. Twain.

[STEVEM]

Seems like a great way to show them Niagara Falls.

[Two Speed]

Yeah it probably was me. . . .

I ain't skeered of no DFACS.

Now the Frolicking Dinousaur? That could be REAL trouble.

BTW, Steve, I would vote for NOT filling the barrel with water before showing the kids the Niagra Falls, but that's just me, Mr. Nice Guy.

[RAT]

I guess if you are poor and can only afford one barrel but have two kids they have to take turns. Ok kid, it's your night in the barrel, lol.

[Brrrb Oregon]

I guess if you are poor and can only afford one barrel but have two kids they have to take turns. Ok kid, it's your night in the barrel, lol.

If your kid is stupid enough to get in the barrel again...of course, he wouldn't have been in there in the first place if the family wasn't from the shallow end of the gene pool.

[RAT]

lol, it's called conditioning !!

[Just Jeff]

Well, if you put his only GameBoy in the bottom of the barrel, you know he'll end up there eventually...

[Two Speed]

Another thought . . . if one should decide to eat one's own young the barrel should yield just enough firewood to roast them to a rich, golden brown.

The more I think about it the more the genius of this method reveals itself. Skids, my hat is off to you for bringing this to our attention.

[Frolicking Dinosaurs]

Another thought . . . if one should decide to eat one's own young the barrel should yield just enough firewood to roast them to a rich, golden brown.