Originally Posted by
The Only Wanderer
A Rucking I will go,
A Rucking I will go,
Hi ho a cheerio,
A Rucking I will go......................
That's what I was a singing until I awoke at 4 am Friday morning on the 12th of January 2007. That's when I did not want to get out of bed and pack my pack. After all I didn't know that many people that were going to be there, what else but hiking the Appalachian Trail did we have in common?
By 5:30 am I manage to roll onto the floor off of my thermarest and onto my feet and off into the bathroom to let go of some pounds. Then into the kitchen and brewed a pot of coffee. I began to get motivated and by the time 8 am rolls up I'm packed and waiting for Lone Wolf. I mean like "Let's go dude! Now!"
By 9 am we are rolling down 91 heading to Nantahala Gorge, NC for the 2007 Southern Ruck! A ruck is a gathering.
Lone Wolf and I have known each other since meeting back in '01 in Damascus at Trail Days. I met him, Wee Willy Prince of Whales, Pirate, Sawman, Legs and Rat Patrol, and some of the original cast of Hobocentral.
MRC had driven down from New York and was following us. Lone Wolf and I talked about everything related to what was being talked about on Whiteblaze and some of the cats that were members of who we would hope to see, then looking forward to seeing so and so and him enlightening as to who was who and so forth.
We had been traveling for a couple of hours and we had gotten onto a conversation about Alcoholics Anonymous, a program that I have been in and out of for almost thirty years. Mostly out.
Wolf was saying it was a crutch for those who want to get sober and he added, "It's not the fact that the person has a drinking problem, the fact is they have a thinking problem!"
I says to myself, "Wolfy hit the nail on the head, maybe he wants to be my sponsor?" Anyway we carried this conversation on for awhile longer and then we were talking about bumper stickers on cars when he says, "I should have put my Bush/Cheney sticker on before I left, this here being liberal country down here in Ashville, NC. Just to stir the pot." We had a good laugh but I was thinking had he done that then I probably would not be here typing this story because him and I would have been kidnapped and strung up on the end of a rope after they had tarred and feathered us!
We arrived at Nantahala Outdoor Center around 1 pm. Our fearless leader "Sly" had not arrived yet. So we just wiled away the minutes as our brothers and sisters of the trail began to arrive. Minutes turned into hours and hours turned into days and finally Sly has been there and gone and so had I. That's why they call him Sly..........
As we are introducing ourselves to each other, the beer pops out along with the "Shine!" If you have ever seen that movie "The Shining" with Jack Nicholson then you'll remember that was what Jack was on when he was having them hallucinations. Of course I don't drink myself but that shine sure did smell good. If I ever return to drinking then shine will be my drink of choice. To me there is nothing better to drink if your going to drink. You'll never have to worry about a hangover with shine because you'll be too durn drunk to worry about one and you'll swear you are as sober as sober can be the next day after sipping on some. It's best to doctor this stuff up a bit with some cinnamon or peach just to bear the first few sips, then after that you could add sewer water since you won't be able to taste anything anyway.
Then all at once that goddess Starlyte shows up and all of us hiker dudes sobered up a bit as she jumped out of her jeep in her black leathers and spiked heals a snapping that whip of hers! Got our full attention I tell ya! Nah, I'm just a joshing ya. Starlyte is one of the coolest "Trail Angel" women of the trail in my opinion.
Out of the past came Legs a stumbling like I had left him at Trail Days in 2001! Man, what a bro! I'll never forget the good time we had together a rocking to Rat Patrols band "Ten Feet Thick!" Man, what a concert. This was the first time I had seen him since and he hadn't changed a bit! Still the lovable feller that he was back then.
I met Hog On Ice and felt secure as I met another who did not need the drink nor the weed to have a good time. And you know that's important when you are on the wagon, to have someone else around that is with you to let you know that you are not alone.
I start hearing clicking sounds and turn to see Big Cranky snapping pictures. So I go to posing for the camera and all because I figure he wants pictures of what a real fat hiker dude looks like because I am real fat hiker dude. This reminds me of the time back when I first started hiking when I had absconded from probation in Bryson City, NC after reading the book "A Walk In The Woods" by Bill Bryson. I had hiked into Gatlinburg, Tn and was at the Smoky Mountain National Park visitors center and got to talking to this chap that had just retired as a Major from the US Army. I had told him that I was a Super Duper Hiker Dude that was hiking the great Appalachian Trail when all at once he just ups and burst my big bubble!
He says, "You ain't no damn hiker hiking the AT! Your fat! Hikers who hike the trail ain't fat!"
I says, "Well, I can tell you don't know a thing your talking about! I have met very few hikers who are athletes pal!" That was probably because most athletes had better sense than I did at the time.
He just kind of pulled back and rubbed his chin while thinking about what I had just told him. I walked away from him thinking that he needed to go back into the Army so that he could get that big trap of his slapped around by a General.
Then I get to meet Chocolate Bandito. I about had heart failure just a standing in her presence, what a cutie! Made me want to lose some weight right there and swoop her into my arms and hike off into the sunset. But that dude that she was with didn't look like anything that I would want to have to tangle with when he caught up with us, so I just gave him my best impression of the ole evil eye and started transmitting to him in ESP that I had.......
Anyway, never mind....................
Lo and behold I meet Bfitz, Matthewski and Wonderfoot. Talk about good lookers of the trail, that ole Matt.......whoops I mean Wonderfoot is a very wholesome young lass and a good juggler that has a good jiggle to her as she is wiggling as she is juggling. Man I sure wish I had seen that, sure heard about it.
Lone Wolf had asked me if I had ever met Ron Haven from the Budget Inn in Franklin, NC on the way down? I said I had not. I was talking to somebone when he approached and said in the voice of Mr. Haney from that old television show Green Acres, "Hello, I'm Ron Haven from Franklin." Haven, Franklin? Wow, what a concept. We fell right into conversation like we had known each other our entire lives. That's how it is down here in hillbilly country, we just wave at each other and go to talking about everything whether we know what is being talked about or not. And dare not a Yankee should step into our way of speaking 'less they can put on like we can. I think Lone Wolf has almost got it down to a science. I mean this guy changed his dialect several times at the Ruck. He would talk Yankee when he was around MRC and Sly, them two being Yankees ya know, and then he'd almost talk hillbilly when he was around the rest of us hillbilly's. He's gonna get tongue tied one of these days and I hope I am around to witness it.
Ron Haven goes to telling me about himself and how he was a pro wrestler back in the late 1800's. Or was that the late 1900's?
As we all are milling around putting faces to names and getting to know each other, Gadog, another hotty of the trail and her crew of merry men and women are putting together a slew of chitlins for us all too hungry souls. Reminds me of the song by Willie Wannabe of "Mommas don't let your baby's grow up to be hikers at a hiker gathering, they'll eat you out of house and home......" Know that one?
I walked into the kitchen as this was going on and met Peanuts. I was naturally drawn to her. It was her garlic man and I go nuts when there is garlic in the house. Garlic is like an aphrodisiac to me and with Peanuts handling her garlic the way she was I about passed out. Her wholesomeness along with the garlic about knocked me right off of my feet. Guys, that's a good lady right there! I like the way she talks. Italiano with a bit of Chicago mobster intertwined in her voice so that you will get the message that you had better listen and heed what she is about to say to ya or you'll be wondering how that piece of garlic bread ended up beside your head as your picking yourself up off the floor.
The food was great! Hikers know how to bring food and cook food. I mean we had ramen noodles and then we had canned tuna and packaged cheese! Yep, we know how to eat!
Just joshing ya a bit. The dinner and those who prepared it was awesome! We had smoked salmon, smoked pork, deviled eggs, Irish meatballs, spaghetti, home made french bread with roasted garlic spread, salad, veggie soup, veggie stew, red beans and rice, split pea soup, taters-that's potato for you slow ones, rolls, pasta salad, apple pie, chocolate cookies, hog jowls, chitlins, pig brains and a partridge in a pear tree loaded with pears too! Man, I plucked chitlins from between my teeth for better part of the night. Wholesome hillbilly delights!
Then it was movie time! Or slide presentation to be more exact. Spur and Ready had the best slide presentation I have ever seen anyone present. They had hiked the CDT last year and took a whole slew of pictures on their digital cameras, then they made slides out of some of them and threw some music in for effect and then presto! Man it was like I was right there with them at the moment! I really enjoyed their work!
After that, Warren Doyle had a slide presentation too. Now you remember back when we were all in grade school or high school and our teachers would show us a slide presentation on some mundane subject like the birds and the bees and how it is that storks deliver babies don't ya? Well Warren's slide presentation reminded me of those yester-years.
At first I just couldn't get into what he was presenting. I sure did like the talk that he gave to us in the beginning and one thing still stands out from that talk. He asked a question about why do we hike? He answered it by saying simply that we love the outdoors and everything that goes with the outdoors in the hiking aspect. He said some people enjoy the outdoors in other countless ways but it is we hikers who like to get out there and really get our hands and knees dirty and walk to where it is we have to go.
As his presentation progressed I began to remember back when I use to dream of hiking the great trails of the world as a young man. I remembered the old National Geographic magazines that I read and all those pictures of back packers hiking some trail while camping and living in the wild for a short time. And I remembered those memories as being good. It's a trip how something you see like this presentation would conjure up old fond memories. You know how it is, you smell something, or you hear an old song, someone says something and then there you are! Back to when you were just a young thing and hanging out with so and so while doing this or that. Those were the days! Thank you Warren for bringing out my inner child. Not that I have grown up yet, but that's another long winded tale to tall to tell...............
Saturday morning was more hog jowls and chitlins to feed the crowd that were going hiking with Lone Wolf. I ate just to be fat and sassy. Like I'm not already fat and sassy. After breakfast Ron Haven showed up with his custom made hiker bus. About thirty of us hikers loaded up and into the thing along with Lone Wolf to make the trip to Tellico Gap. Along the way Ron got our attention by pointing out at some particular crossing and said "If you went down that road you would come across some hollow and then go over this here mountain and then through someones backyard and end up either back in Franklin or some far away land."
That's a hillbilly for ya!
I decided not to hike with them. This rat poisoning I'm on to thin my blood out had given me a big blood blister right on top of my right kneecap and I wasn't about to risk it popping and me bleeding to death, so I decided to just ride back with Ron. I'm glad I did. Ron talked and I listened.
Ron Haven loves Appalachian Trail hikers. He has since he was knee high to his poppa's knees, or was that the other way around? Anyway him and his buddy use to take some fatback and canned goods and go feed the hikers and just hang out with them up there on Tellico Gap. One time they met a young hiker lass who invited them to hike. They hiked all the way to Fontana Dam with her before they decided to go home They just couldn't say no to this beautiful siren of a hiker. If their tummy's hadn't began to grumble for more of moms cooking they probably would have followed her all the way to Kathadin. When they finally got home they almost received the red carpet treatment because their folks were worried to death that some bear or hog had gotten to them, perhaps a spaceship had landed and took them to outer space and onto another planet? But anyway the thing is, Ron and that other lad had a grand time. I really bet that after Ron got home and his family made sure he was okay, they probably wore a hickory switch out on his little tough hide. Even though he isn't telling that side of the story, I bet that's what happened.
About twenty or so years ago he became a professional wrestler. He loved that job, he got to travel and make good money along the way entertaining people with all of his wrestling ways. But Franklin, North Carolina is home and there is no place like home. In fact there is no place like Franklin at all. And after the wrestling thing Ron began driving trucks and coming home on his time off. He began to buy property, before he knew it he owned a couple of motels that are advertised as being American Owned! That's important to us Americans! Because America is getting closer to not being America at all!
Ron says he has four or five shuttle drivers that shuttle hikers to and from the trail. Along with that he has this bus that he just acquired. It's not a requirement that you stay at one of his places if he gives you a ride to town, but if you do you will get a room at a price that regular travelers don't normally receive. With all that said, Ron says that there are hikers who still thinks he charges too much and they come across as if they expect him just to give them what they want for nothing. Knowing him for the short time that I hung out with him I'm sure that he has given of himself and his business quite a few times. But a man has got to make a living you know and that type of behavior has gotten real old along the trail. Ron Haven is not the only proprietor that cater to the hiking community or who gets to meet these type of folks. My advice, if your going to hike the trail, is to be prepared to reach into your pocket when you want a nice hot shower and a roof over your head for the night. Or just keep on hiking. If you don't have money, someone will put you to work doing something but don't expect someone else to pick up your tab. After all you came to the trail to make some changes in your life, so do it!
We came across the Tellico family farm of which Tellico Gap is named after. Ron showed me the rock walls that some slaves had built before the civil war. Just looking at those walls broke out a sweat on me. Last time I had come across some rock walls that slaves had built was on Block Island, Rhode Island back in the summer of 2002. It was no doubt some back breaking work.
I really enjoyed my ride back to NOC with Ron Haven. I look forward to meeting this guy again someday.
Much of the rest of the weekend was spent with me just hanging out with the many wholesome hikers that showed up. I say wholesome because that was just what they were. Hikers are a unique breed of people........................
Lone Wolf had asked me if I had met Circuit Breaker, whoops I mean Circuit Rider and Sherlock? I replied I had not and he had told me about them. He said he doesn't like to listen to too much preaching but when it came to Circuit Rider then he could probably listen to him all day. The moment I met the man I had no doubt that this man and his side kick Sherlock were true brothers of the Lord.
On Sunday morning they both presented Sunday school to the few of us that showed up. I do not recall what Sherlock had spoke to us about, but the story that Circuit Rider told us about going to Princeton to see some old friends of the trail is still fresh in my mind. It was hilarious! Him and Sherlock had went to see these people and end up in the wrong house in the same neighborhood. If you ever get a chance to meet him, ask him about this story.
I could go on a bit more, I truly enjoyed myself. Lone Wolf and I hung out for another night instead of returning home on Sunday. After two games of Scrabble, one with Just Austin who happens to be Just Mary's child and another somebody of whose name I have forgotten, I hiked to Rufus Morgan Shelter and stayed for the night. I beat those two hands down by the way. I love Scrabble as long as I am winning. Don't expect me to like it if you happen to kick my fanny though. I will always return for some more punishment until I can lay you down like the dog you are! Yeah, I said that!
After breakfast in the restaurant at NOC, Lone Wolf and I returned home. As we began to get near Damascus, Virginia I truly felt like I was coming home. I haven't lived here very long, since May of 2005, but this is home now. I am called "The Only Wanderer" on the trail but I think I am up for a new trail name. My wandering days are over. I have wandered all over the world. I have seen some beautiful scenery, but there is no place at all like this small village along the Appalachian Mountain Chain where the AT goes right across my front door so to speak. At least not for me anyway.
I am one who has never had a home, until now.
Larry Riddle copyrite 1-22-07
Southern Ruck 2007 copyrite 1-22-07
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