WhiteBlaze Pages 2024
A Complete Appalachian Trail Guidebook.
AVAILABLE NOW. $4 for interactive PDF(smartphone version)
Read more here WhiteBlaze Pages Store

Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 4 LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 74

Thread: Hiking Humor

  1. #1

    Join Date
    08-07-2003
    Location
    Nashville, Tennessee
    Age
    72
    Posts
    6,119
    Images
    620

    Default Hiking Humor

    One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so.

    The first man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river."

    Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours after almost drowning a couple of times.

    Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools to cross this river."

    Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs and a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.

    The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools ... and the intelligence to cross this river."

    And God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge.

  2. #2
    Registered User Streamweaver's Avatar
    Join Date
    10-17-2002
    Location
    Central Maryland/Bawlmer County
    Age
    57
    Posts
    550
    Images
    1

    Default

    Who the heel are you Alan Alda??? sheesh!!!!!!!! Streamweaver
    "Theres is no real hope of traveling perfectly light in the mountains.It is good to try,as long as you realize that,like proving a unified field theory,mastering Kanji,or routinely brewing the perfect cup of coffee,the game can never be won." Smoke Blanchard

  3. #3
    Registered User
    Join Date
    04-28-2003
    Location
    Mountains of North Georgia
    Posts
    391

    Default

    Rain Man: I liked the joke. Strange how some get so worked up over such small things.
    "Just trying to keep life simple."

  4. #4

    Join Date
    08-07-2003
    Location
    Nashville, Tennessee
    Age
    72
    Posts
    6,119
    Images
    620

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Chappy
    Rain Man: I liked the joke. Strange how some get so worked up over such small things.
    Well, so far I'm a bent-fer-hell, sexist, mean-spirited, Alan Alda impersonator! LOL

    I have a thick skin, but thanks all the same fer balancing the load being dumped on me.

    Anyway... apologies to the rest.

    Rain Man

  5. #5
    GAME 2000
    Join Date
    09-12-2002
    Location
    Doraville, Georgia
    Age
    75
    Posts
    1,479
    Images
    155

    Default

    Rain Man,

    I like the joke.

    Youngblood

  6. #6

    Default

    Thanks Rain Man for the laugh, but we cannot have humor on this site. Everything must be massively serious. That joke sounded very politically correct to me, male bashing, the only target we have left, and pro women. To Will, you know what you can do if you can't take a joke?

  7. #7
    Registered User Uncle Wayne's Avatar
    Join Date
    09-17-2002
    Location
    Moulton, Alabama
    Age
    70
    Posts
    269
    Images
    150

    Thumbs up

    Nothing wrong with the joke. My wife has outsmarted me several times while crossing streams.
    Hang in there Rain Man.
    Uncle Wayne

  8. #8
    Registered Loser c.coyle's Avatar
    Join Date
    07-18-2003
    Location
    PA - Near 501 Shelter
    Posts
    774
    Images
    103

    Default

    Good joke. I've seen several non-hiker variations. Maybe we need a joke forum.

  9. #9
    Registered Troll
    Join Date
    09-17-2002
    Location
    Louisiana
    Posts
    1,128
    Images
    16

    Default

    I can't believe it. How can anyone be so "politically corrected" as to find offense in that little joke? I can only imagine how traceyam would react if she heard my negro jokes.

  10. #10
    Registered User Streamweaver's Avatar
    Join Date
    10-17-2002
    Location
    Central Maryland/Bawlmer County
    Age
    57
    Posts
    550
    Images
    1

    Default

    Well as far as the Alan Alda crack is concerned it was a joke !! Dont have a cow man ! Sheesh. Streamweaver
    "Theres is no real hope of traveling perfectly light in the mountains.It is good to try,as long as you realize that,like proving a unified field theory,mastering Kanji,or routinely brewing the perfect cup of coffee,the game can never be won." Smoke Blanchard

  11. #11
    Registered User squirrel bait's Avatar
    Join Date
    07-16-2003
    Location
    outer banks nc
    Age
    68
    Posts
    406

    Wink

    What does a thru hiker say to scare away wasps?

    Boo Bees
    "you ain't settin your sights to high son, but if you want to follow in my tracks I'll help ya up the trail some."

    Rooster Cogburn.

  12. #12

    Default Louisiana jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by steve hiker
    I can't believe it. How can anyone be so "politically corrected" as to find offense in that little joke? I can only imagine how she would react if she heard my negro jokes.

    Please forgive Steve. After all, he's from Louisiana.

    No Tennessee jokes please.
    Last edited by Alligator; 06-16-2009 at 20:20.

  13. #13
    Registered Loser c.coyle's Avatar
    Join Date
    07-18-2003
    Location
    PA - Near 501 Shelter
    Posts
    774
    Images
    103

    Default PETA members - look away

    This is an oldie, reworked to be "hiking humor":

    Southbounder meets Northbounder. Northbounder is pushing a three-legged pig in a wheelbarrow.

    SOBO: Uhh, why are you pushing that pig in a wheelbarrow?

    NOBO: Because he's earned it! This is the most amazing, loyal animal I have ever known. In the Smokies, I was attacked by a pack of wild boars. This pig singlehandedly fought them off and saved my life!

    SOBO: Wow!

    NOBO: That's not all. I was trying to cross a rain-swollen river after a thunderstorm and got swept off my feet. Just when I was about to go under for good, the pig jumps in and pulls me to shore, nearly drowning himself!

    SOBO: Damn!

    NOBO: And, if I get to a shelter in a rainstorm and it's full, he squeals up a storm and snorts at the other hikers, and in a minute or two, there's plenty of room. Never fails.

    The SOBO is nearly moved to tears.

    SOBO: What an animal! But why does it only have three legs?

    NOBO: Well, you can't eat a good pig all at once.

  14. #14

    Default Let's Be REEEAAALYY Offensive

    WO and XY - New chemical elements have recently been discovered.

    Here, for the first time, is a description of their properties:

    Element Name: WOMAN
    Symbol: WO
    Atomic Weight: Don't even go there!
    Physical Properties:Generally round in form. Boils at nothing
    and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly.
    Very bitter if not used well.
    Chemical Properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Bright pink when discovered in the narural state. Turns green when placed next to a better specimen.
    Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
    Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.


    Element Name: MAN
    Symbol: XY
    Atomic Weight: 180 +/- 50
    Physical Properties:Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young
    samples.
    Chemical Properties:Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd
    (Element: Child) for prolonged periods of time. Neutralize by saturating
    with alcohol.
    Usage: None known. Possible good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.
    Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.
    In training for the Chappaquiddick Triathlon "Drink - Drive - Swim"

  15. #15
    Registered User Doctari's Avatar
    Join Date
    06-26-2003
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    2,253
    Images
    2

    Default

    ROTFLMAO

    Ithought it funny, my wife did too.
    Got any more?

    Doctari.

  16. #16
    Registered User
    Join Date
    09-26-2002
    Location
    Springboro, Ohio
    Posts
    1,890
    Images
    51

    Default

    My last time out I ran into a fidgety guy wearing a bracelet. He said that it had helped him more than anything yet. I asked him what the letters on it stood for and he said "What Would Jack Do".

  17. #17

    Default humor

    How to you tell what kind of hiker is behind you on the trail?

    Put an M&M in the middle of the trail.

    Day hiker will walk right over it.
    Section hiker wll pick it up and eat it.
    Thruhiker pickes it up and eats it - then digs for more.

    Jim

  18. #18
    Registered User
    Join Date
    09-04-2002
    Location
    Oriental, NC
    Age
    76
    Posts
    6,690
    Images
    31

    Default

    [QUOTE=steve hiker]How to be politically corrected with women--

    And just what does this have to do with the Appalachian Trail?

    The Weasel
    "Thank God! there is always a Land of Beyond, For us who are true to the trail..." --- Robert Service

  19. #19
    Registered Troll
    Join Date
    09-17-2002
    Location
    Louisiana
    Posts
    1,128
    Images
    16

    Default

    With the joke mill running slow, my funny bone's been working in different directions to meet my daily quota of humor. This came to me tonight while re-reading "Then the Hail Came," George Steffano's online book about his 1983 thru-hike. ( http://www.skwc.com/exile/Hail-nf.html )

    While hiking through northern Virginia past Shenandoa he went by lots of ritzy estates with No Tresspassing signs everywhere. Then he went by this federal installation that was rumored to be a "safe house" for political bigwigs in the event of a nuclear war. Had tons of razor wire around the grounds, armed federal guards, and of course No Trespassing signs everywhere. My imagination kicked in and added this scene:

    Hiker walks up to one of the federal armed guards and asks if he can use the Coke machine inside. Guard says no. Hiker then walks off about 50 feet, hollers something at the guard and shoots him the moon, then takes off running. Guard leaves his post and chases after the thru-hiker for mooning him. Wouldn't taht be a riot?

    (Well, what d'you expect with no good lynchin's on the trail lately?)

  20. #20
    Springer-->Stony Brook Road VT MedicineMan's Avatar
    Join Date
    09-30-2002
    Location
    Roan Mountain,TN
    Age
    65
    Posts
    2,286
    Images
    522

    Default hmmmmmm

    'You can determine the size of the man by the size of the things that bother him' -James Madison Love '92

    just substitute woman in this case.

    RainMan, I too loved the joke and have been outhiked, outpaddled, outbiked many a time by a woman-honestly I dont mind looking at a woman hiking in front of me!

Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 4 LastLast
++ New Posts ++

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •