Life, post-thru hike.

[julia123xyz]

I've read several (mostly humorous) accounts of life after a thru-hike: the insanity of owning sixteen belts, not able to sleep off the floor and the miracle that is the modern kitchen spigot.

But what about your relationship with your family? Your spouse who supported your thru hike from home? Post-trail depression? Priority changes?

Researching gear, mail drops and itineraries is easy. Anticipating the kind of person I'll be when I get home is much more difficult.

I want this adventure, but not at the risk of my great life with my loving husband...

[Blue Jay]

As I'm sure you've heard, absence makes the heart grow fonder. The problem is if you become addicted to long distance and need to go back out.

[julia123xyz]

As I'm sure you've heard, absence makes the heart grow fonder. The problem is if you become addicted to long distance and need to go back out.

I recently came back from two weeks out there. A thru-hike will either feed my addiction or cure me of it, yes?

...Absence and a fond heart: I'm definitely a believer in that.

[sbhikes]

I'm sure I drove my boyfriend crazy upon return. First there were the short-term changes. "Uh honey, how would you like to take a nice hot shower?" Oops, sorry. Then there were the medium-term changes. "Uh honey, when are you going to get a job?" But there is no cure for the long term changes, the stories I tell, the memories I share, the slide-shows I've given that stoke the dream in other people.

Then one day I hear, "Uh honey, I'm going to take a leave of absence and hike 700 miles of the trail!" And now I hear, "I'm going to retire in two years and then we can hike the whole trail together."

[Blissful]

My hubby missed me a great deal, and I missed him. When I got back, we did have a few issues. But I tried to do things he wanted to do - like we joined the theater group, and spent more time together. If your hubby is supportive of your hike, it makes it easier

[julia123xyz]

My hubby missed me a great deal, and I missed him. When I got back, we did have a few issues. But I tried to do things he wanted to do - like we joined the theater group, and spent more time together. If your hubby is supportive of your hike, it makes it easier

He's supportive and loving ... and also worried. If he weren't worried, then I'D be worried. I know there would be a readjustment period for the both of us, individually AND as a team. I guess I'm sort of trolling for validation from those who have been there, that with understanding and trust, our fears and concerns are surmountable.

What kind of issues, if you don't mind my asking..?

[BrianLe]

When I did the PCT I was home for a week twice along the way (once due to foot problems, once when I got to Canada and before I went back to pick up some fire closure miles I had had to skip).

I'm presently wrapping up over a week at home (about 11 days when I fly back tomorrow) off trail from doing the AT this year (got off trail due to Giardia).

My point with this background is that I've now had a few times to integrate back and forth from thru-hiker life to home life. I find that I'm getting a little "better" at it --- my expectations are better tuned now going both directions, and neither seems as big a deal now. FWIW, it's been good in a way for me to be home to catch up on stuff, get my wife's computer working again, stuff like that.

My wife's expectations are also pretty well dialed in. It helps a lot that she's a backpacker too, just a bit too sane to want to thru-hike. She did three goodly chunks of the PCT with me in 2008 and she jumped on trail and did 20 mile days from the get-go in the Shenandoah's this year, and she'll likely join me for a stretch of the CDT next year. So she understands trail life, including to some degree the "thru-hiker lifestyle" pretty well --- she's hitch-hiked with me, stayed in hostels, etc.

So for us it hasn't been bad. It certainly does make us appreciate one another more for having been apart for months at a time. She's a very strong, capable person, so no issues there --- i.e., she can function all too well without me! :-)

To the O.P., I wouldn't anticipate being a fundamentally different person at the end of a long hike; in fact, I find it way too easy to slip back into my normal (lazy) lifestyle and get fat after a long trip. Assuming the relationship is solid to begin with, I think this is very manageable thru a combination of tuning expectations and each striving to understand the experience background and feelings/needs of the other.

[sbhikes]

My boyfriend wasn't really worried and I didn't take that as a sign of trouble. I guess he was worried about me quitting my job, but not of other things. What is your partner worried about? The danger of the wilderness? You getting hurt? You meeting someone else?

He really just wanted me to be happy and even though he didn't think it was a good idea to quit my job, he wanted me to be happy so he was supportive.

While I was out there he grew to be even more supportive. He told me, at a low point when I wanted to go home, that I should stay out there because my adventure was giving him hope that there was more to life than his job. He needed me to hike to give him a reason to get up every morning!

I struggled during both halves of my hike with feeling selfish for going without him. But then when he decided to try it himself, I learned what it was like to be on the other side. It was fun talking about his plans. It was fun helping with the packages. It was fun hearing about his updates from the trail and reading his journal. I was probably more disappointed than he was when he fell and sprained his ankle and had to end his hike early.

I have to admit I also enjoyed having the house to myself and I had all kinds of plans for fun things to do on weekends without him, such as places on the trail I could go hike by myself or trying to surprise him on the trail. Far from being a totally selfish thing, the hike can be really fun for both sides.

Then after the hike, there are more plans to be made, more fun things to do. It opens a whole new bunch of things for both of you to do. We have been going back to visit the trail as trail angels. I've been on a few overnighters on the trail (without him because of his ankle). We keep joking that whenever we feel like a party, we know where to find one--out on the trail! And then there are the plans to someday hike together. I suppose if your partner doesn't like hiking, you won't have this kind of thing to share, but you never know what can happen. If you stay open to the positive things, there are positive things you can't even think of that might happen.

[Spokes]

I've been through 2 "post long distance adventure" re-entries. Once after bicycling solo across the country and the other after an AT thru.

The post thru-hike has definitely been the most intense. I guess it's because the hike was so much more physically demanding and wisps of euphoria still lingers on. Sort of like trying to swim your way out of jellyfish tentacles.

I never had any "relationship" issues afterward but then again I'm very particular who else sits on my cloud.

[julia123xyz]

Priceless feedback, thank you! Again: the love and support is there (from both of us to each other), we have shared and seperate interests we engage in, and yes, we'd miss each other very much ...

I do perceive this as a joint adventure because I have an inkling of what he'll be doing as my "ground crew" and ever-vigilent partner, however he may be perceiving this as MY solo trip, leaving him to wonder what the he** is going on out there in the wilds for months at a time. Shoot, with constant computer access and updates from me, he'll know more about what's going on out there than I will!

But his concerns are legit and important and I don't want to minimize them, y'know?

Okay, back to the topic. I want to go, my husband wants to want me to go and the fact that we are discussing it together is huge in and of itself. All y'all's feedback and insight is greatly appreciated, keep 'em coming. Thanks again and again!

[Nean]

Maybe I'm just lucky but I've never suffered post hike blues or boredom while hiking. The biggest surprise was that suddenly I was a safer (slower, more patient) driver than before.

The trail gave me a new perspective and an appreciation for my life and all the wonderful people who are and have been- a part of it.

It's a great gift.

It is also possible that I'm... Addicted to Freedom!!!

[julia123xyz]

...It's a great gift....

It is also possible that I'm... Addicted to Freedom!!!

Well, with the right lover/partner, freedom shared is even BETTER!!!

(The trail is a gift, you're absolutely right!)

[on_the_GOEZ]

Coming off of the trail and readjusting to "everyday life's" challenges was initially hard for me, especially because I had no money and needed to find work. I am starkly independent and when I finished, I felt great inner-satisfaction by the type of living I had done on the trail. Being back, sometimes my family and girlfriend didnt quite understand why I wanted to do somethings alone or didnt want to involve them. THis was the hardest part for me - having to reincorporate other people back into my daily life.

[julia123xyz]

Coming off of the trail and readjusting to "everyday life's" challenges was initially hard for me, especially because I had no money and needed to find work. I am starkly independent and when I finished, I felt great inner-satisfaction by the type of living I had done on the trail. Being back, sometimes my family and girlfriend didnt quite understand why I wanted to do somethings alone or didnt want to involve them. THis was the hardest part for me - having to reincorporate other people back into my daily life.

"Starkly independant": a great way to phrase it. I spent the majority of my adulthood in stark independance, actually sabotaging relationships in order to hold on to it ... Most people don't understand that a preference for solitude and self-reliance is not a rejection or judgement. I've been called "selfish" by many over the years which stung like hell because I had such difficulty seeing it from their side. Just as they couldn't see my side.

I'll refrain from bestowing upon you my aged, sage wisdom, but your loved ones will come around and unless you become the next Unibomber, will grow to be very proud and defend your independance and strength.

For me, my husband is one of those people, thus my desire to make sure this fiercely independant and truthfully selfish adventure doesn't eff things up. I enjoy sharing my solitude with him, it's been a long time coming.

Oh wait, this isn't the Dear Abby column, what the~???

[Blue Jay]

Priceless feedback, thank you! Again: the love and support is there (from both of us to each other), we have shared and seperate interests we engage in, and yes, we'd miss each other very much ...

I do perceive this as a joint adventure because I have an inkling of what he'll be doing as my "ground crew" and ever-vigilent partner, however he may be perceiving this as MY solo trip, leaving him to wonder what the he** is going on out there in the wilds for months at a time. Shoot, with constant computer access and updates from me, he'll know more about what's going on out there than I will!

But his concerns are legit and important and I don't want to minimize them, y'know?

Okay, back to the topic. I want to go, my husband wants to want me to go and the fact that we are discussing it together is huge in and of itself. All y'all's feedback and insight is greatly appreciated, keep 'em coming. Thanks again and again!

With this post you answered your own question. Your relationship will be fine and most likely improved.

[hellomolly]

My long-time boyfriend is hiking the AT right now so I can't really speak to the readjustment period. I can echo what others have said and confirm that as long as you are stable going in, an experience like a significant other hiking the AT will most likely make you stronger in your relationship in the long run. My feelings about him hiking the AT have evolved and continue to evolve. I went from being absolutely incredulous about it (worry, doubt, fear, etc) and secretly thinking it would never happen, to slowly realizing it would... I was pissy about it at times (probably a lot ), but usually that just masked sadness - sadness that he was leaving and sadness that he was going to have an experience that I couldn't even dream of.

When it became clear he was going to do it, I became more and more supportive - organizing mail drops, watching the dog, coordinating visits, helping him pack up his life, shuttling him all over the east coast in preparation, etc etc. When he left I was extremely sad and extremely proud.

Now that he is, as of this morning, about 500 miles to the finish... I am missing him a LOT, am absolutely, ridiculously proud of him and am ultimately very glad he decided to do it. The missing him part of it really SUCKED, and continues to suck... but I'm SO proud of what he has done. Not seeing or talking to him for weeks or days at a time is hard, but it truly does make the time you DO talk all the more valuable and enjoyable. We've been dating for four years and a year ago this month, we had broken up for a week because of problems in our relationship. In one year, three months of which have been long-distance as he's on the trail, we went from the lowest point in our relationship to probably the strongest and best part, ever - now, that is, haha.

My two cents!

[berkshirebirder]

The trail gave me a new perspective and an appreciation for my life and all the wonderful people who are and have been a part of it. --Nean

Many people go through life and never achieve this perspective. It takes reflection, something that might help fill the gap hikers experience after returning from a long hike.

[Dogwood]

The trail gave me a new perspective and an appreciation for my life and all the wonderful people who are and have been- a part of it. Nean

Interesting post. This was especially nice!!!

[on_the_GOEZ]

Maybe I'm just lucky but I've never suffered post hike blues or boredom while hiking. The biggest surprise was that suddenly I was a safer (slower, more patient) driver than before.

The trail gave me a new perspective and an appreciation for my life and all the wonderful people who are and have been- a part of it.

It's a great gift.

It is also possible that I'm... Addicted to Freedom!!!

This is a really great point, Nean. By being away from special people in our lives, we learn to cherish their company even more when it's around. THis can only be discovered by doing such things as hiking, or just taking long absences in general. It can also be applied to many areas of life, I believe... (work, school, etc...)

[sbhikes]

I enjoy sharing my solitude with him

Often times I would come to an amazing view or have some otherwise wonderful thing happen and the first thought I would have was, "I wish you could be here alone to share this with me." I wanted my partner to experience the same things as me, including experiencing them in solitude.