Thru-Hike and Family Problems

[ridgewalker777]

Thought of this and was wondering if it holds water. It seems a lot of thru-hikers tend to have more problems "back home" than not. It occured to me that perhaps my hike may have been a cop-out and to put "on-hold" issues I didn't want to deal with. If I had been around to help with family issues, continue to run my business, etc. some greater good may have been accomplished than "selfishly" hiking the A/T.

[Brushy Sage]

Many hikers I have have met are on the trail during "transitions" in their lives -- between semesters, or relationships, or marriages, or jobs, or careers. My sense is that a serious hike on the AT or other trails can give a person a new perspective, so that the transition can be navigated with greater clarity and openness.

[Pencil Pusher]

Have you dealt with the issues you put on hold yet? I think you probably already know the answer to whatever question you're asking and will subsequently filter whatever someone else writes accordingly. Don't let someone else's view of 'selfish' drag you down. Unless, of course, your own heart says it was selfish. Can't change the past, only the future, blah blah blah.

[TakeABreak]

As said above a lot of people go hiking to get away and to think, it is not a cop out, to go somewhere and think and to comtemplate the future. The trail changed me and those I hiked with, I say if it works use it.

[walkin' wally]

For me I think Brushy Sage's post says it best. I hope to attempt a thru hike in a few years when I retire. This is a time of transition in my life. I want to put things in perspective and look forward to the years ahead. No problems at home and my family has known for years that this is something I want to do. They have been supportive. I think it is an experience that should not be missed if possible.

[orangebug]

Well, tomorrow I leave the house for a 2 week section hike. I know I have family problems given the efforts to negotiate a settlement for a divorce, sell a house, deal with adult children, manage a carreer, and figure out where I want to be in a year or so.

Hiking has many agendas, including providing an opportunity to clear the head and consider options and priorities. Life changes. Just like on the trail, you just keep plodding along as far as you can each day.

[walkin' wally]

[QUOTE=orangebug]Well, tomorrow I leave the house for a 2 week section hike. I know I have family problems given the efforts to negotiate a settlement for a divorce, sell a house, deal with adult children, and figure out where I want to be in a year or so.

Yes... Been there, done that

[MOWGLI]

Hiking has many agendas, including providing an opportunity to clear the head and consider options and priorities. Life changes. Just like on the trail, you just keep plodding along as far as you can each day.

Have a great hike Bill! Wear something Orange!

[weary]

Thought of this and was wondering if it holds water. It seems a lot of thru-hikers tend to have more problems "back home" than not. It occured to me that perhaps my hike may have been a cop-out and to put "on-hold" issues I didn't want to deal with. If I had been around to help with family issues, continue to run my business, etc. some greater good may have been accomplished than "selfishly" hiking the A/T.

Two quick points:

Most thru hikers are folks in transition as several have mentioned. That helps make the decision easier.

More importantly, there will always be a reason not to thru hike -- or even to do a weekend section for that matter. If you always wait for the "right" time, you'll never do anything.

Weary

[ga>me>ak]

[QUOTE=walkin' wally]

Well, tomorrow I leave the house for a 2 week section hike. I know I have family problems given the efforts to negotiate a settlement for a divorce, sell a house, deal with adult children, and figure out where I want to be in a year or so.

Yes... Been there, done that

Yep, me too. Got the divorce, paid the settlement, got the house up for sale as we speak. Not a cop out, just gonna do some things I've always wanted to do in life. I'll be able to step off the merry go round for about 2 1/2 years and do whatever I want. After that, back to the grind stone. At least I won't die saying...gee, I wish I woulda done.....

[smokymtnsteve]

. Life changes. Just like on the trail, you just keep plodding along as far as you can each day.

no need to go as far as you can ,,,

go as far or as little as you want too.

jist liek my ole bud Kermit pratt used to say

"enuf is a enuf dammit"

[art to linda]

There are times that a walk in the woods is the best place to find your inner self. If choices have already been made, then it's a place to let your mind explore the options now open.... a check-in to see if you are happy going in that direction or a way to put behind you the past and see the paths of the future.

With all the distractions in todays life it's difficult to find time when there isn't something/someone demanding our attention. The Trail ( or any trail ) can give that time. The physical challanges let the wheels stop spinning and give the old brain a break.... by the time the body catches up the mind is more relaxed and things look so much simpler.

There is also the time to get reaquainted with yourself. Not an easy thing to do in todays world! A section or a thru doesn't matter, what does is the time YOU need to reconect with yourself. To find the person that you are and that you like and enjoy that persons company.... sort of a family reunion of self.

It may sound selfish stated like this but in the long run it isn't. You have to like yourself before you can care for others, know yourself before trying to understand what makes others tick. It's a life long road as things are always changing. The old adage " What doesn't grow dies " applies to people too.

Thoughts after a hike :

to walk a while....
trees, fields.

a pallet of greens, golds, browns,
sights, sounds.

time.....
not stopped.

rather....
me, suspended within it.

how far I go....
unimportant.

where I end.....
inmaterial.

each step a learning, challange
some more then others.

reconnecting with an old friend,
me.

Growing isn't always easy. At times it's joyfull, other times painfull, but seldom easy. Life is grand, live it awake and in joy. Besides, it beats the alternative hands down

[MOWGLI]

At times it's joyfull, other times painfull, but seldom easy.

You just described my hike.

[walkin' wally]

Art to Linda

Very nice post.

[kentucky]

well I guess I have been fleeing from them for years now!I just need my space every now and them I remember my ma!telling me I wasnt gonna distant hike anymore I just laughed and said watch! Its not only retarted but insane to run someones life I dont tell people what to do and bygolly nobody tell me kentucky

[Spirit Walker]

From observation, not personal experience, it seems that if a marriage/relationship is cracked before the hike begins, a long hike will often break it apart completely. If a marriage/relationship is strong before the hike, it will not be damaged and may become stronger.

I think that when you are apart for months at a time, you both have a chance to reassess where the relationship is going, where it has been and what you want next. Some couples stay together out of fear of being alone, or through inertia -- it's simply too much trouble to leave. During a long hike, you both may realize that a) being alone isn't so bad, I can cope just fine, b) maybe I deserve better in my life than the constant tension/friction/anger etc. that has been the norm up to now. The old Dear Abby question, "Are you better off with or without him/her?" can become much clearer when you are separated for a while. Sometimes the answer is, "I want to save my marriage." Sometimes it's "I'm better off alone." Absence can make the heart grow fonder - or it can set you free to start a new life.

And yes, sometimes people choose the timing of their through hike as an escape from the problems back home. They may not be conscious of the fact that they want or need to reassess their lives, they just know that they want out, at least for a while. That works for career issues too. Although most of the time on a thruhike you don't spend a lot of time pondering deep philosophical existential questions (more like what's for dinner and when can I stop) - a lot goes on internally that may result in answers to questions you didn't even know you were asking.

[weary]

A long distance hiker once told me. "I first knew she was planning to stay with me when she sent her tent home to her husband." The connection lasted for several years. Then she found someone else.

Weary

[Bloodroot]

For the past year I have been living outside having no job dilemas, no family issues and no relationship to constantly attend to. So I figure a few more months on the trail when I get back will help me make the "transition" back to life's so-called priorities/agendas. Or maybe I'll just keep this way of life. Never really liked paying rent, listening to a boss or mending relationships.

[Jaybird]

this works BOTH WAYS...i've heard from several hikers...they hiked the trail to..." get away from their problems..."....so, therefore....time to think about them, figure them out...& possibly come up with solutions.

ALSO, i hear of hikers taking to the trail AFTER divorces, seperations, etc.,etc.

But, like has been said before...if there's a relationship problem already....walking in the woods for six months..likely...won't help the situation....except to likely expedite the Divorce proceedings!

[TakeABreak]

A guy I hiked with some in 2000, the Mad Professor (who has hike the trail and several places) told me if I ever, go to get married, to do one thing first, Hike the A.T. together. At the end we would either be closer or would be divorced, without going through the ceremony, headaches, settlements and the lawyers.

You know, I think he might have something there.